Etiquette and a Sincere Form of Flattery

“Bock, hund! Bock, I soy!”

Anglophile noun

An·​glo·​phile | \ ˈaŋ-glə-ˌfī(-ə)l \
variants: or less commonly Anglophil \ ˈaŋ-​glə-​ˌfil

Definition of Anglophile
: a person who greatly admires or favors England and things English
First Known Use of Anglophile

1883, in the meaning defined above

New York Girls... One Wicked Correspondent Thinks They Make Blooming English Idiots

The girls of New York grow more and more English every day. Where the inspiration comes from is a mystery. But they all seem moved by the overwhelming desire to look and act like English girls. Their gowns are made of cloth and cut and fitted by English tailors, whose shops are gaudy with coats of arms of foreign notables and who employ only British assistants. Even the masculine walk, which has caused so much ridicule to be cast upon the English women is mimicked by New York girls, and they stalk about the streets with majestic and grenadier-like aspect. 

Everywhere you go, stalwart young women, with their shoulders thrown back and their chins high in the air, stare at you boldly, calmly, or indifferently, and heavy, tan-colored gloves, tall collars, and heavy hats predominate. Despite the rather bold appearance of all this, the girls have a fine, dashing manner and an easy carriage that is captivating. They are all right as to clothes, but they are still off on the accent. This must of course be so, because the accent is in so many cases copied from grooms, waitresses, butlers and shop girls. It is rather curious that they should adopt the most unpleasant characteristics of the English. 

I was caught in a short shower a day or two ago, and dived under the awning at the ladies’ entrance to the Hotel Brunswick to wait until the shower passed. Two dashing Anglomaniacs sought the same protection from the elements. The elder of them was tall and distinguished in appearance, and very well dressed in a tailor’s suit of dark green cloth. Her companion was a chubby little girl of perhaps seventeen years, who wore a standing collar, a pepper-and-salt waistcoat, a bright red scarf with a diamond horseshoe and a little bob-tailed plaid English jacket and yellow leather boots. In one gloved fist was a whip. 

As she dashed under the awning, somewhat out of breath, two. little bull-terriers scurried after her. She struck them half savagely with the whip, and said with the most absurd accent possible: “Bock, hunds ! Bock, I soy!” Then she stamped her little boot and snapped her whip at the dogs. She seemed ao much pleased at the expression that she repeated it several times, and each time the little bull terriers shrank further out of the way. I presume she had heard some English groom tell the hounds to keep back at one of the Rockaway hunts, and hence the English of it all.— The New York Correspondent, Providence Journal, 1885

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Gilded Age Hired Guests

To be sure, the hired guest is probably allowed his or her dinner or supper without any deduction from the stipulated rental, but the temptation to carry off the spoons or to “prig” a stray bit of jewelry should be guarded against. — This is delicious. None but “parties” of culture and refinement would possibly consent to hire out at the rate of ten dollars a night to make anybody’s “events” pleasant and enjoyable. And none but refined and cultured “parties” we may add, would be willing to call in the aid of an employment bureau to meet and entertain their guests. It would be sad indeed if the hired guests should chance to be more refined and cultured than those who hired them.

Above, a gilded age, 1888, Gotham ‘Versailles’ pattern spoon - Photo source, Etiquipedia private library

Not long since there was printed in one of the New-York newspapers, was an entertaining account of an establishment at which evening costumes for gentlemen and ladies were hired out by the night at a stipulated price. It was said there were several such “magazines” in the City from which young gentlemen and ladies were supplied with elegant attire of faultless fit and warranted to be made in the latest fashion. The only puzzling feature of this novel business was the precise character of the persons who could possibly be the patrons of depots of fashionable clothing kept for rent. 

It seemed incredible that, in even and so crowded and heterogenous a society as that of New-York, there could be found persons— men or women — who would have the audacity to venture into private houses wearing borrowed clothing. Of course, there are persons who walk about in dress coats or in WORTH'S gowns who are incapable of refinement, or feeling any stings of mortification under any propagation short of being ignominiously kicked down the stairs. But how many people are who are willing to go into society with borrowed garments, could possibly get into society was a puzzle. There, however, were the two facts: the clothes were hired out and there were mysterious persons who hired them.


The missing link has been supplied. An alleged newspaper of this City has gone into the business of supplying what may be called a long-felt want—ladies and gentlemen to attend parties, receptions, and other entertainments. It must be very vexatious for a lady, when she has been at the trouble and expense providing a dinner, supper, or music for dancing, to find her table half-filled or rooms empty. There was once a lady who came hither from a western city bent on getting into “first-class society right away.” She had (or her husband had) a great deal of money. So she set out to give a magnificent entertainment. The evening came and with it the supper, wines, flowers, lights, silver, and everything but the guests. The richly decorated lady and her husband received nobody but the hired servants, who stood around and giggled at the sight. This has not been an uncommon experience in New-York, it is said. But it need not occur again. 

The “Employment Bureau” of our society newspaper, addressing itself to families “who are about giving receptions, dinner parties, or other entertainments,” proposes to furnish “persons who will make these events pleasant and enjoyable.” It is further said in the delightful circular published by the Bureau that “these persons will not be professionals, but parties of culture and refinement.” This is delicious. None but “parties” of culture and refinement would possibly consent to hire out at the rate of ten dollars a night to make anybody’s “events” pleasant and enjoyable. And none but refined and cultured “parties” we may add, would be willing to call in the aid of an employment bureau to meet and entertain their guests. It would be sad indeed if the hired guests should chance to be more refined and cultured than those who hired them.


The novice in New-York society, who finds some difficulty in the way of securing the attendance of nice-looking and agreeable people and entertainment, will hail the Employment Bureau as a sweet boon. For it is stipulated that these social supers shall dress elegantly and mingle with the guests, while able and willing to play, sing, and converse fluently, tell a good story, give a recitation, or anything to help to make the evening pass quickly and pleasantly. And all this for ten dollars! From what mine of intellect and refined culture does the Employment Bureau draw its supplies? The late lamented BROWN, it is well known, used to keep lists of eligible young men for evening parties, for which he furnished animated lay figures for dancing and for wall-flower purposes. But the Employment Bureau goes beyond BROWN, and guarantees persons who can sing play and converse well, tell good stories, give recitations, and do anything tolerable and desirable and polite society. 

Moreover, these persons will be furnished to order “young or old, male or female,”  and all for the moderate price of ten dollars per evening each. The compensation is too low. To be sure, the hired guest is probably allowed his or her dinner or supper without any deduction from the stipulated rental, but the temptation to carry off the spoons or to “prig” a stray bit of jewelry should be guarded against. The Employment Bureau, however, guarantees its employed guests to be “strictly honest and desirable persons.” We have sufficiently indicated the class of persons, male and female, for whose benefit the magazines of second-hand fashionable costumes, to be let, are maintained. On the one side is society famishing for entertaining guests; on the other are impecunious persons of culture and refinement. The Employment Bureau and the second-hand clothing depot furnished the connecting link.


Of course, like other beneficent institutions, the scheme of hiring out guests is liable to abuse. Even though they may be persons of culture and refinement, they might possibly take a glass of wine too much, and, in a moment of natural enjoyment, “give the whole thing away.” Then, again, their frequent appearances and reappearances in New-York society, provided the Employment Bureau should be extensively patronized, would eventually arouse suspicion. A very great lady, who never wears less than fifty thousand dollars worth of diamonds when she goes a-visiting, is continually accompanied by two elegant and “stylish” young fellows who appear to be basking in the sunshine of her smiles, but who are only hired detectives guarding her ladyship’s gems. It would be dreadful if the Bureau’s young men and women should eventually be rated as mere detectives. 

The same journal that offers to furnish elegantly dressed, refined, and cultured guests for parties, also invites attention to its facilities for informing patrons of art where art-works “can be purchased at reasonable figures, thus avoiding the extortion and prices charged by dealers.” Surely, talents like these will be able to protect society from the exposure of sham guests, as well as from the possibility of somebody's asking: Are you one of the Employment Bureau's young men? — New York Times, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of a Gilded Age Dinner Ball

“What is the chief end of man? – To get rich. In what way?–dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.” Mark Twain, 1871 

A gilded macaroni server, circa 1880 ~ The Gilded Age unofficially is believed to be the period between 1870-1900. “Gilding” is to cover, or coat, with gold, as many silver items were at the time. The period also got its name from the title of a book. "The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today" was an 1873 novel by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner 

During the “Gilded Age,” every man was a potential Andrew Carnegie, and Americans who achieved wealth celebrated it as never before. In New York, the opera, the theatre, and lavish parties consumed the ruling class’ leisure hours. Sherry’s Restaurant hosted formal horseback dinners for the New York Riding Club. Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish once threw a dinner party to honor her dog, who arrived sporting a $15,000 diamond collar. 

This gilded age ball at the Astors’ 5th Avenue residence, a “double mansion” according to the news’ account, hosted nearly 300 guests. All of whom were “prominent representatives of New York society.” The midnight supper (menu below) required the entirety of Mrs. Astor’s “solid silver table service” as any menu of that size and amount would require, in the Gilded Age. The menu was as follows:

Consommé à la Princesse 

Térapène

Filet de boeuf aux champignons frais et truffes

Canard canvasback rôti

Salade de céleri et laitue

Sandwiches assortis

Glaces de fantaisies

Biscuit glacé biscuit Tortoni

Gâteaux assortis

Gelée macédoine 

Charlotte Parisienne

Fruits 

Bonbons

Café Champagne Claret Cup Lemonade Poland water

The supper was immediately followed by the cotillion. The party favors were “novel and artistic” and were pulled in “by ribbon bands, on an old French Sleigh, mounted on castors, a copy of one formerly used by Louis Quatorze.” The goodies given to guests were quite a haul! The swag for the guests included; “Wands of roses with little bells attached, tartan plaid silk sashes, with the monogram of Mrs. Astor in gold, with the date of the ball; Beardsley poster blotters, and sachets with large bouquets attached.” (Aubrey Beardsley was one of the most controversial artists of the Art Nouveau Era, and he died a year after this ball was held.) For the men, favors included; “Handsome leather tobacco pouches, with silver tops, gold and silver trimmed golf sticks and golf balls, and jeweled orders with gold chains.”

Guests were required to attend a dinner party like the Astor’s in “full dress.” Just what that meant, was a question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allowed gentlemen very little choice. 

A black dress coat and trowsers (sic), a black or white vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving “spirit of the age” has already made its influence felt even in the realms of fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles.

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The “American Gentleman’s Guide” enumerates the essentials of a gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows: 

“A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen, embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the wearer and the prevailing mode; an entirely fresh-looking, fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief.”

A lady’s “full dress” in 1897 was not as easily defined, and fashion allowed her much greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. However, she had to arrive dressed “in the fashion.” 

The following is a list of just some of the notable female guests, and notes on what they wore:

Articles with highlights of what the socialites wore, written about in great detail and featured in the nationwide and international newspapers, were precursors to modern day, award shows and red-carpet, "Best Dressed and Worst Dressed" lists given out in entertaining television shows, magazines and blogs. 

While the rich wore diamonds, many wore rags. In 1890, 11 million of the nation's 12 million families earned less than $1200 per year; of this group, the average annual income was $380, well below the poverty line. Rural Americans and new immigrants crowded into urban areas. Tenements spread across city landscapes, teeming with crime and filth. Americans had sewing machines, phonographs, skyscrapers, and even electric lights, yet most people labored in the shadow of poverty. 

To those who worked in Carnegie's mills and in the nation's factories and sweatshops, the lives of the millionaires seemed immodest indeed. An economist in 1879 noted "a widespread feeling of unrest and brooding revolution." Violent strikes and riots wracked the nation through the turn of the century. The middle class whispered fearfully of "carnivals of revenge."

For immediate relief, the urban poor often turned to political machines. During the first years of the Gilded Age, Boss Tweed's Tammany Hall provided more services to the poor than any city government before it, although far more money went into Tweed's own pocket. Corruption extended to the highest levels of government. During Ulysses S. Grant's presidency, the president and his cabinet were implicated in the Credit Mobilier, the Gold Conspiracy, the Whiskey Ring, and the notorious Salary Grab. 

Europeans were aghast. America may have had money and factories, they felt, but it lacked sophistication. When French prime minister Georges Clemenceau visited, he said the nation had gone from a stage of barbarism to one of decadence -- without achieving any civilization between the two.

Sources for this post: PBS, Maura Graber Etiquette Sleuth, The “American Gentleman's Guide” and 1887's “How to Behave” by Samuel R. Wells

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia