Showing posts with label Etiquette for Ladies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Etiquette for Ladies. Show all posts

Friday, June 2, 2017

Regional "Optional" Etiquette

"In New York, which is too cosmopolitan a city to be cited as an example, street car etiquette is decidedly variable, and whether or not it is necessary to vacate a seat in a lady's favor is a much mooted question." — Etti~Katt was from a mid-20th Century, New York Transit Etiquette campaign.

Optional Courtesies? It Depends...

Among "optional" courtesies may be enumerated those which govern the conduct of persons on crowded public conveyances:

South of the Mason and Dixon line, no man would brave public opinion by remaining seated when a woman maintained a standing position, even were she the humblest of her sex. A foreigner would argue in such a case that he had paid for his seat, and that there could be no more reason for his rising in a street car than if he were occupying a seat at the opera or at a hotel table. 

In New York, which is too cosmopolitan a city to be cited as an example, street car etiquette is decidedly variable, and whether or not it is necessary to vacate a seat in a lady's favor is a much mooted question. One thing is certain, and that is, that youth and beauty appeal to both and low, even the most boorish individual being willing to relinquish his rights in favor of a woman with a pair of bright eyes and a stylish figure. 

The poor wage worker, in her faded cotton gown and with fingers showing evidences of toil, is rarely the recipient of such courtesy. The man in broadcloth, who has been seated in his luxurious office most of the day, keeps his seat without a qualm of conscience, and holds his paper before his face to obstruct the view of the appealing eyes and worn figure. 

Women in public vehicles often exhibit a remarkable selfishness and a total disregard for the comfort of others. Many of them accept a seat to which they have no legal right with a saucy toss of the head and without recognizing the courtesy by as much as a bow or a "thank you." An audible expression of thanks is the least a lady should offer in exchange for the sacrifice of a place, and this should be tendered as freely to the threadbare clerk as to the dude in fine raiment. —Jenness-Miller Magazine, 1891


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Ladies' Street Etiquette

In large cities, street etiquette is well understood by ladies.
A Word to the Ladies
In large cities, street etiquette is well understood by ladies. In Santa Rosa there is a lamentable lack of knowledge on that subject. For instance, it is not considered ladylike for two ladies walking abreast to occupy both parallel walks on a street crossing and force a gentleman to take the mud. When by following one after the other, a person coming from the opposite direction has also the privilege of crossing dry shod. For this reason two parallel walks are provided. Keep to the right ladies and go single file over street crossings. — Sonoma Democrat, 1874

 


Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Mid 19th C. Sidewalk Etiquette

The common rule is this: If men and women are walking together, she should always be at his right arm, whether it be toward the inside or outside of the walk ; then the woman will not be shoved against the passers.

Someone of our Chesterfieldian exchange has the following on sidewalk etiquette: 

Only villagers, or persona with rural ideas, any longer contend that ladies should always be given the inside of the pavement in passing. The rule adopted in all cities is to turn to the right, whether the right leads to the wall or to the gutter; and an observance of this common sense rule would obviate much unpleasant "scrouging" by over-gallant gentlemen who persistently crowd for the outside of the walk.

Another common custom, not required by fashionable etiquette, and one which is as nearly as unexplainably absurd, is the practice of men filing out of a church pew, making themselves as ridiculous as an " awkward squad" practicing a catch step, in order to give a woman the wrong end of the pew. Another is that of a man, when at promenade or walk with a lady, to keep himself on the outside of the pavement. A little exercise of judgment will convince any person of the perfect uselessness of this bobbing back and forth at every corner.

The common rule is this: If men and women are walking together, she should always be at his right arm, whether it be toward the inside or outside of the walk ; then the woman will not be shoved against the passers. Those who giggle at persona who follow this rule are themselves the "greeniea" and should read the book of manners before, they indulge in the laugh of fashionable fools. — 
The Daily Alta, 1868



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Retro 1963 Etiquette Advice for Women

How to Sweeten Your Personality
Sugar sweetens the tempers of those around us and makes the most ordinary event or encounter seem very special. Spice is important too, because it keeps sugar from being too bland.

Each of us now and then needs to take stock of her special feminine attributes and make sure she is including enough "sugar and spice and all things nice." Sugar sweetens the tempers of those around us and makes the most ordinary event or encounter seem very special. Spice is important too, because it keeps sugar from being too bland. In my work "sweetening" and "flavoring" the personality receive careful attention.

Do you smooth your way with magic words?



Explore, if you already haven't, the sweet use of pet names. A pet name makes another person feel he or she has a special place in your life and thoughts. A pet name (and this goes for general ones such as "honey" and "darling") should be spoken only with sweetness and good feeling. When you are out of patience with the one you love and can't keep the snap out of your voice, address the person by name.

"Please," "Thank you," "I am sorry," "You have been most helpful," "Please forgive me" -- such magic words sweeten every encounter when spoken with warmth and sincerity. Failure to say such things at the right time results in ruffled tempers and strained relationships. Use these magic words consistently with your family, friends, and everyone you meet.

Intimacy should never be used as an excuse to be careless with little courtesies. And take note that "to turn a pretty phrase" is considered a priceless social asset. It is not, for example, incorrect to say, "You are welcome," when you are thanked, but there are more gracious expressions: "I was delighted to do it," or, "It was my pleasure," if you have done an errand for someone. Or, after being thanked for a present: "I am so glad you were pleased." If a stranger thanks you for something such as information, nod and smile.

Can you compliment others sincerely?
A pet name makes another person feel he or she has a special place in your life and thoughts.

Flattery is defined as "excessive and insincere praise." A compliment is based on the truth, but one may exaggerate to create a light touch. It is unkind and patronizing to give false praise; you would compliment a plain woman upon her charm, not upon her beauty. Your friends' warm personality, consideration, humor, aptitudes, and understanding are all worthy of recognition. You can say: "You are more fun than anyone I know." Or "You walk so gracefully." In complimenting, avoid "left-handed" remarks. Say "Oh, what a becoming hairstyle!" Not: "You've changed your hair." Or: "Your hair looks so much better since you've had it cut." A compliment ceases to be a compliment if it suggests any criticism.

From "Social Awareness ~Your guide to today's manners"
By Luella Cuming for Family Circle Publications, 1963

Friday, April 26, 2013

Gilded Age Toilette Etiquette







Patent for a Ladies’ Toilet Cabinet, November 1869 
















The Toilette of Yesterday 


Madame Rowley’s “Toilet Mask,” or “Face Glove” 

Propriety requires that we should always be clothed in a cleanly and becoming manner, even in private, in leaving our bed, or in the presence of no one. It requires that our clothing be in keeping with our sex, fortune, profession, age, and form, as well as with the season, the different hours of the day and our different occupations. Let us now descend to the particulars of these general rules. 

What the fashionable men are wearing throughout the day. 


The dress for a man on his first rising, is a cap of cotton, or silk and cotton, a morning gown, or a vest with sleeves; for a lady, a small muslin cap, (bonnet de percale,) a camisole or common robe. It is well that a half corset should precede the full corset, which last is used only when one is dressed; for it is bad taste for a lady not to be laced at all. 


Madame C.J. (Sarah) Walker, founded her own business and began selling her own product called “Madam Walker's Wonderful Hair Grower,” a scalp conditioning and healing formula, after suffering from a scalp ailment that caused her to lose some of her hair and experimenting with homemade remedies of another. To promote her products, she embarked on an exhausting sales drive throughout the South and Southeast selling her products door to door, giving demonstrations, and working on sales and marketing strategies. In 1908, she opened a college in Pittsburgh to train her “hair culturists.” Madame Walker became the first known African-American woman to become a self-made millionaire, catering to the toilette needs of African-American women. 

The hair papers, which cannot be removed on rising (because the hair would not keep in curl till evening,) should be concealed under a bandeau of lace or of the hair. They should be removed as soon as may be. In this dress, we can receive only intimate friends or persons, who call upon urgent or indispensable business; even then we ought to offer some apology for it. To neglect to take off this morning dress as soon as possible, is to expose one's self to embarrassments often very painful, and to the appearance of a want of education. 


Laurence Olivier in morning dressing gown, “The Prince and the Showgirl” — “In this dress, we can receive only intimate friends or persons, who call upon urgent or indispensable business; even then we ought to offer some apology for it. To neglect to take off this morning dress as soon as possible, is to expose one's self to embarrassments often very painful...” 


Moreover, it is well to impose upon yourself a rule to be dressed at some particular hour (the earliest possible,) since occupations will present themselves to hinder your being ready for the day; and you will easily acquire the habit of this. Such disorder of the toilet can be excused when it occurs rarely, or for a short time, as in such cases it seems evidently owing to a temporary embarrassment; but if it occur daily, or constantly; if it seems the result of negligence and slovenliness, it is unpardonable, particularly in ladies, whose dress seems less designed for clothing than ornament. To suppose that great heat of weather will authorize this disorder of the toilet, and will permit us to go in slippers, or with our legs and arms bare, or to take nonchalant or improper attitudes, is an error of persons of a low class, or destitute of education. Even the weather of dog-days would not excuse this; and if we would remain thus dressed, we must give directions that we are not at home. On the other hand, to think that cold and rainy weather excuses like liberties, is equally an error. You ought not to be in the habit of wearing large socks (this is addressed particularly to ladies,) as socks of list and similar materials; much less noisy shoes, such as wooden ones, galoshes lined with fur, shoes with wooden soles, socks, etc... this custom is in the worst taste. 


Visiting Toilettes 1897 — “... a lady of good breeding should not go out in a morning dress, neither with an apron nor cap, even if it is made of fine cloth and trimmed with ribbons; nor should a well-bred man show himself in the street in a waistcoat only, a jacket without sleeves, etc...”

When you go to see any one, you cannot dispense with taking off your socks or clogs before you are introduced into the room. For to make a noise in walking is entirely at variance with good manners. However pressed one may be, a lady of good breeding should not go out in a morning dress, neither with an apron nor cap, even if it is made of fine cloth and trimmed with ribbons; nor should a well-bred man show himself in the street in a waistcoat only, a jacket without sleeves, etc... We said before that the dress should be adapted to the different hours of the day. Ladies should make morning calls in an elegant and simple négligé, all the details of which we cannot give, on account of their multiplicity and the numerous modification of fashion. We shall only say that ladies generally should make these calls in the dress which they wear at home. 


I would never be caught dead out of the house in this attire— “Gentlemen may call in an outside coat, in boots and pantaloons, as when they are on their ordinary business.” 


Gentlemen may call in an outside coat, in boots and pantaloons, as when they are on their ordinary business. In short, this dress is proper for gentlemen's visits in the middle of the day. With regard to ladies, it is necessary for them when visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with more care. Ceremonious visits, evening visits, and especially balls, require more attention to the dress of gentlemen, and a more brilliant costume for ladies. There are for the latter, head-dresses particularly designed for such occasions, and for no other, such as rich blond caps, ornamented with flowers, brilliant berets and toques, appropriate to the drawing-room. 

The nicest cloth, new and very fine linen, an elegant but plain waistcoat; a beautiful watch, to which is attached a single costly key, thin and well polished shoes, an entirely new hat, of a superior quality -- this is a dress at once recherché and rigorously exact, for gentlemen of good taste and tone. One's profession requires very little modification of this costume; we should observe, however, that men of science (savans) and literary men and those in the profession of the law, should avoid having a fashionable or military costume, which is generally adopted by students, commercial men, and exquisites, for the sake of tone or for want of something to do. Situation in the world determines among ladies, those differences, which though otherwise well marked, are becoming less so every day. 


Everyone knows that whatever be the fortune of a young lady, her dress ought always, in form as well as ornaments, to exhibit less of a recherché appearance and should be less showy than that of married ladies. Costly cashmeres, very rich furs, and diamonds, as well as many other brilliant ornaments, are to be forbidden a young lady; and those who act in defiance of these rational marks of propriety make us believe that they are possessed of an unrestrained love of luxury, and deprive themselves of the pleasure of receiving these ornaments from the hand of the man of their choice. 

All ladies cannot use indiscriminately the privilege which marriage confers upon them in this respect, and the toilet of those whose fortune is moderate should not pass the bounds of an elegant simplicity. Considerations of a more elevated nature, as of good domestic order, the dignity of a wife, and the duties of a mother, come in support of this law of propriety, for it concerns morality in all its branches. We must beware of a shoal in this case; frequently a young lady of small fortune, desiring to appear decently in any splendid assembly, makes sacrifices in order to embellish her modest attire. But these sacrifices are necessarily inadequate; a new and brilliant article of dress is placed by the side of a mean or old one. The toilet then wants harmony, which is the soul of elegance as well as of beauty. Moreover, whatever be the opulence which you enjoy, luxury encroaches so much upon it, that no riches are able to satisfy its demands; but fortunately propriety, always in accordance with reason, encourages by this maxim social and sensible women. Neither too high, nor too low; it is equally ridiculous either to pretend to be the most showy, or to display the meanest attire in an assembly. The rules suitable to age resemble those which mediocrity of fortune imposes; for instance, old ladies ought to abstain from gaudy colors, recherché designs, too late fashions, and graceful ornaments, as feathers, flowers, and jewels. 



From “The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes” by Elisabeth Celnart 




 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia