Etiquette: That was No “Lady,” Sir!

 

When speaking of females one has encountered while out and about, please keep mindful of the fact that the terms “Lady” and “ Woman,” just like the terms “Men” and “Gentlemen”— are not always synonymous.
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“There are many good chances wasted by lack of promptness and businesslike habits, also by the inability to take up new ideas.” from ‘The Lady Magazine,’ on ‘How to Live,’ 1903
—Photo source, Pinterest 

No True “Lady” Would Indulge in Such Bad Manners

Not long ago, a resident of New York went into the post office in that city to procure a money order. As there were half a dozen persons ahead of him he naturally awaited his turn, although he was in a great hurry, as most New Yorkers try to make themselves believe they always are. The other prospective customers of Uncle Sam did not form into line, but herded themselves about the window. When those who were there first had transacted their business, this New Yorker, considering that his turn had arrived, stepped to the window to be served. What happened at this juncture, he relates in these words:

“Just as I was about to enter my application, a lady, who had just come, crowded past several people who had been waiting, as I had, and calmly shoved her application in before mine. I told her as politely as I could that I had been waiting there at least fifteen minutes and thought that, seeing I was in a great hurry, I should have precedence before her, whereupon she told me I was the rudest man she had ever seen, and besides went into a long discourse concerning the manners of modern men. I, nevertheless, held to my point and saw that I was served first.” After having cooled off he asks: “Was I right In doing so?” He thinks he was, but to satisfy himself on the ethics of the case, he has asked, through the New York Times, that others express their opinions regarding his course of action. 

We are genuinely surprised that any man who has long enjoyed the refining social advantages of the peerless town upon the historic Hudson; who has knocked elbows with the descendants of Diedrich Knickerbocker; who has been privileged to gaze upon the sacred person of a descendant of the famous game-leged governor of New Amsterdam; who, perhaps, may have enjoyed the more than a bowing acquaintance with the creator of that justly prized appendage which in a later day wrought the undoing of the distinguished mollycoddle from Indiana; who certainly must have read more or less of the newspaper condensations of the work of the illustrious Ward McAllister, entitled “How to Behave After You Have Succeeded in Breaking In” — we are surprised, aye, we are astounded that there should have arisen any doubt as to the channel into which this anxious inquirer should have diverted his behavior.

Under any and all circumstances this New Yorker, whose appeal for enlightenment indicates his gross ignorance of the commonest laws of etiquette as they relate to social intercourse between ladies and gentlemen, should have.

Avaunt there! The Herald narrowly escaped committing itself! It retreats in time! It seeks further enlightenment, more definite evidence, before it dare to pass judgment.

This New Yorker has not been fair. He has tried to trip us. He is paradoxical, equivocal, deceitful — we may be pardoned, we trust, for suggesting the possibility that he has innocently perpetrated an untruth, lacking the antecedent intention to deceive.

He says: “A lady who had just come crowded past several people who had been waiting.”

Impossible. No “lady” would ever “crowd past several people who had been waiting.” Our friend from New York needs one of two things: A new pair of spectacles or a new lexicon.— Los Angeles Herald, 1907

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners Over Measurements

If an uninhibited friend unexpectedly wants to show you her newly augmented breasts, you may find yourself at a loss for words. It’s an odd scenario more common than you might think. It’s wise to be prepared on handling such cosmetic surgery scenarios with tact. On his blog, Little Rock Cosmetic Surgeon, Dr. Rhys Branman says: Women with newly augmented breasts are often proud of their new look and eager to show their results to a close friend or two. If she’s willing to share her experience and you want to hear more, feel free to ask questions. By making the first move, she has invited you to discuss—she will probably be happy to tell all. Don’t have time to talk about it all right then? She’ll probably be flattered if you suggest a later one-on-one conversation where you can get all the details. You think her actions are inappropriate and feel caught off guard. How do you keep calm and move on without a hitch? Dr. Branman says: It’s natural for you to blush at first glance, but beyond that, keep your cool. Say something that is supportive but neutral, such as, “I’m so happy you like your results,” and then move on to a new subject. Try to understand that your friend probably didn’t mean to make you feel weird—she’s just excited and wants to share what has likely been a positive, life-changing event for her.

Syndicated “Dear Dr. Steincrohn” on

“The Bust Problem” of 1962

I have received scores of letters from women during the past few months who were anxious to have plastic surgery for what they considered a deficiency in their bust measurements. Some were moderately unhappy, others almost hysterical. I included a few of their letters In this column. My purpose was to give readers the viewpoint of others faced with similar problems. Now comes the suggestion by a mere male. I think his views will give most women a mental uplift.

Dear Dr. Steincrohn: May I get into this discussion of breasts and busts? The average woman is conditioned by the success of well-known screen stars with oversized measurements. She quickly concludes that unless a woman has at least a 38-inch measurements she will have difficulty finding her man—or holding him, if she is already married. Every man has dated some women he thought were beautiful only to find that beauty, however adequate in terms of numbers, vanishes in completely vapid, unintelligent conversation, ill manners, and lack of sympathy and understanding. 

I think the average woman forgets that proportion and not numbers is the important consideration; and that being out of proportion is unattractive because it jars the vision. A short, fairly slender girl with a 40-inch bust is out of proportion and looks top-heavy. A tall, fairly rawboned girl with a 34-inch bust would also be out of proportion. To be attractive a woman must be well-proportioned and dress neatly and walk like a woman. In all her actions, which incude walk, talk, dress, manners, she must exude pride in being a woman. If she can do this and neither feel superior or inferior to a man, and be content to be his friend, partner, and lover, softly sympathetic and softly understanding, then measurements aside, she will find love, contentment, and happiness. Tape measures are for the wastebasket!—Mr. P.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia