Gilded Age Godparents and Gifts

The most sensible plan for choosing a Christening gift, and, in fact, in all gift making, “is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the-319- giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.”

 

Godfathers and Godmothers

In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given precedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice, as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the church in some other manner.

A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother; a girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to each person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office. This request should never be refused except for good and sufficient reason.

Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally in the form of some suitable silver article. Among the very wealthy, especially if the child bears the godfather's name, very valuable presents are often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large amounts.

Christening Gifts

When the announcement cards of a baby's birth are sent out, very many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making a present to the new arrival. This is not a new social custom, for its origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts of frankincense and myrrh.

The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making, is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the-319- giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.

The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins connected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been favorites.

One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was recently presented to a girl. Each of her father's groomsmen sent a five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman's name. — From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Christening Etiquette

“If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christening is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.” — Above, a Post WWI Christening depicted on “Downton Abbey,” — Image source, Pinterest

The Christening

The baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of whatever church the parents may be members of. If the ceremony is performed in church, personal fancy has very little play, though it is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little ones are brought for dedication.

If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christening is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.

Invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception. They may be written or engraved, and are issued in the name of both parents, thus: Mr. and Mrs. James Gray request the pleasure of your presence at the Christening of their son at half-past four o'clock, Wednesday, May tenth. 12 Madison Avenue.

Or: Mr. and Mrs. John Thurston request the honor of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's presence at the Christening of their daughter on Thursday, May 11th, at three o'clock. Reception from two to five, 150 Delaware Place. Sometimes the words, "No presents expected," are added to the invitation.

Attendance at the Ceremony

These invitations are promptly answered, and those who attend should wear a reception dress. The solemnity of the occasion should be recognized by the appearance, previous to the hour named, of all who expect to be present. Those who cannot be in time to witness the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has elapsed to allow of its completion.

A temporary font is placed in a central position. This is best arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses, smilax and delicate ferns, while the top, outside the rim of the bowl holding the china basin containing the water, is a mass of white flowers.

The drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms, and vocal or instrumental music is usually provided. Hired musicians are sometimes engaged. See that the selections are suitable to the sacred character of the occasion. Friends are sometimes asked to give two or three vocal selections.

At the appointed time the father and mother stand before the clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some friend; the godparents range themselves on either side, and the clergyman proceeds with the service. If the parents are able, the clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions.

Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and the baby, robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which is bountifully spread as for a reception.

A toast in the child's honor is often given at this time by one of the sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these parties. When the christening is held in church, the party is set for some hour of the same day.— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Caudle Party Etiquette

According to Encyclopedia Brittanica, a candle cup was originally a “small, two-handled silver cup, usually with a cover, originally made in England during the second half of the 17th century and possibly used for caudle—warm ale or wine mixed with bread or gruel, eggs, sugar, and spices—which was administered to women after childbirth and to convalescents.” By the gilded age in the late 19th century, “Caudle Parties” were a modern nod to days of old. No “administering” was needed. —The Holyoke Caudle Cup, silver c. 1690, by John Coney, Fogg Art Museum … Exhibit in the Fogg Art Museum, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. This artwork is in the public domain because the artist died more than 70 years ago.

The modern caudle party is given when the child is about six weeks old, and is quite a separate affair from the Christening, the church having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the same time. Caudle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival, are frequently given when the Christening is not observed.

Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the following form: Mr. and Mrs. Brown request your company, Wednesday afternoon, at three. Caudle. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents expected.

The words, “no presents,” need not prevent any who wish from making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared.

The phrase, “Caudle Party,” is somewhat difficult to define, but the name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratulations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel, flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as “caudle.” This was served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed from one to another. These were called “caudle cups,” and are much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony was then observed when the child was three days old; now the “candle party” is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old.

The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests are served with “ caudle” in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madeira or rum added at the last until the beverage is “to the Queen's taste.”— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Breakfasts’ Etiquette

 

Blue and white is a good combination, and is, perhaps, more suitable for the morning meal than anything else. As a certain philosopher says: “The blue and white look so pretty with the eggs!” — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

BREAKFAST or a luncheon is somewhat less formal than a dinner and, hence, so much the more delightful. The breakfast party includes both gentlemen and ladies while, as a rule, the luncheon is an entertainment given to ladies. The invitations to a breakfast may be written, engraved or verbal. If a large number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger, engraved invitations are issued.

Five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient, but if distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured, it is well to give a longer period, since their time, always in demand, should be bespoken well in advance. A reply to the invitation is a necessity, because the hostess wishes time, in case of non-acceptance, to secure another guest.

Where the breakfast is less stately in character, an informal note, written by the hostess, in the first person, is a pleasant method, or simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form: Breakfast, Tuesday, ten o'clock, February fifteenth.

Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apartment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that characterizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the table. Breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social entertainment for those whose limited means will not admit of a more extensive display of hospitality.

Ten o'clock is the usual hour, though it may be as late as twelve, thus differing from the luncheon, which is never earlier than one. Breakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people, who generally take the morning hours for leisure, leaving brain work until later in the day. Sidney Smith said he liked breakfasts, “because no man was conceited before one o'clock in the day.” 

In serving breakfast the bill of fare, unless for special occasions, should never be elaborate, but rather dainty and attractive, as the appetite usually needs tempting at this early hour; fewer courses of a more delicate variety should be served than at other meals. The hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the table; the substantials are set in front of the host, who may help the plates and hand them to the waiter to serve; the vegetables and other dishes may be handed from the side table.— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Cyclers’ Do’s and Don’ts

A proper wheel-woman’s “Cycling Costume” from 1901

A Few Don’ts for Cyclers

• Don't try to raise your hat to the passing “bloomer” until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.
• Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.
• Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself.
• Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while resting. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.
• Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.
• Don't get off the old gag about “that tired feeling” every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell.
• Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.
• Don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.
• Don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is “two miles to the next town.” It may be two, four, six or twelve.
• Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst.
• Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.
• Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.
• Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.
• Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.
• Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.
• Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent.
• Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle. — From Maude C. Cooke, 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Street Etiquette

 

In walking with a lady on the street, give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside is the safer part, in which case she is entitled to it. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety require it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building. A gentleman should accommodate his walk to that of a lady, or an elderly or delicate person.

OUR conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness are improper in public, especially in a lady.

When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be so absent-minded as to fail to recognize your friends. Walk erect and with dignity, and do not go along reading a book or a newspaper.

Should you stop to speak to a friend, withdraw to the side of the walk with him, that you may not interrupt the passing of others. Should your friend have a stranger with him, apologize to the stranger for the interruption. You must never leave your friend with whom you are walking to speak to another without first asking him to excuse you.

In walking with a lady on the street, give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside is the safer part, in which case she is entitled to it. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety require it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building. A gentleman should accommodate his walk to that of a lady, or an elderly or delicate person.

When a lady with whom a gentleman is walking wishes to enter a store, he should open the door, permit her to pass in first, if practicable, follow her, and close the door. He should always ring door bells or rap at a door for her. A gentleman should never pass in front of a lady, unless absolutely necessary, and should then apologize for so doing.

Should a lady ask information of a gentleman on the street, he must raise his hat, bow, and give the desired information. If unable to do so, he must bow and courteously express his regrets.

In crossing the street, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission. It may not be agreeable to her, or convenient that her most intimate friend should join her. She has the right, after granting such permission, to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may see fit; and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such a right. If it is inconvenient for a lady to accept the gentleman's company, she should frankly say so, mentioning some reason, and excusing herself with friendly courtesy. Gentlemen give place to ladies, and to gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the street.

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.

Etiquette of the Street

When you are passing in the street, and see coming toward you a person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall—that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditiously. Wait your turn, and, if any of the persons before mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.

When two gentlemen accompany a lady in a walk, she should place herself between them, and not unduly favor either. A gentleman meeting a lady friend accompanied by another gentleman should not join her unless satisfied that his presence is agreeable to both parties.

A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class. When a lady passes the evening with a friend, she should make arrangements beforehand for some one to come for her at a stated hour. If this cannot be done, or if the escort fails to come, she should courteously ask the host to permit a servant to accompany her home. A married lady may, if circumstances render it necessary, return home alone. An unmarried lady should never do so.

Should your host offer to accompany you himself, decline his offer, politely stating that you do not wish to give him so much trouble; but should he insist upon it, accept his escort. In the case of a married lady, the husband should always come for her. He is an ill-bred fellow who refuses to render his wife such attention. A lady, upon arriving at her home, should always dismiss her escort with thanks. A gentleman should not enter the house, although invited by the lady to do so, unless for some especial reason.— Maude C. Cooke, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bicycling Etiquette of Yesteryear

Don’t try to raise your hat to the passing “bloomer” until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.

Every bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the ammonia gun for dogs blessed. Nothing is more annoying to the rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be a constant reminder of a possible "header." The gun is calculated to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions to investigate the pace of a rider. It is said to be a perfect instrument in every way. The advantages enumerated for it are: Positively will not leak; has no spring to press or caps to remove, and will shoot from five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading.    

Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.

A Few Don’ts for Cyclers:

Don't try to raise your hat to the passing "bloomer" until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.


Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.


Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself.


Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while resting. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.


Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.


Don't get off the old gag about "that tired feeling" every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell.

                                                   

Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.

Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.


Don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.


Don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is "two miles to the next town." It may be two, four, six or twelve.


Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst.


Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.    


Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.


Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.


Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.


Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent.


Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle. —From Maude C. Cooke's "Social Life," 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia