Showing posts with label Etiquette Queries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Etiquette Queries. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Etiquipedia Q and A Correspondence

To satisfy an anxious appetite if the dinner is taking too long. Not for very formal meals, however.

At Etiquipedia, we often get asked questions via Twitter and Instagram. Every so often, we will post one of our favorite questions we have received on social media, along with the answer. The following was a great question from last month:

Question: I teach etiquette to children, adults and corporate. It’s my passion and I feel I am contributing to society. I have had a question for a long time and perhaps you can help:

Is the bread plate ever optional? I have been learning different things and although I grew up with an English grandmother, that part is not clear yet.

I appreciate it very much. You are really the one knowledgeable person on etiquette who I can fully trust.

Answer: The bread plate is always optional. In many countries and cultures, there is no bread plate. And in the United States, if it’s a formal dinner, bread plates should not be part of the place settings at all.

Bread or a “dinner roll” was something that was placed at the table for each guest when early ovens and stoves, which had replaced open fire cooking, were still very unpredictable and unreliable.

You can imagine how difficult it would be to have a large group of people for dinner, if your cook could not manage timing everything properly with a stove or oven, which was unreliable.

A bread or roll would help satisfy the appetite briefly, while the dinner was being finished. It was a very common problem as stoves and ovens were being slowly introduced into people’s homes.
 
A formal dinner served in a grand home, meant that the kitchen was most likely outfitted with the newest and most modern of kitchen “appliances.” Several people would be on hand to assist the chef or cook in creating the meal. The first wood-burning stove in the White House, for example, was installed in 1801 by Thomas Jefferson. It replaced an open fire for cooking.

By the gilded age, a very formal dinner in such a grand home would not require bread plates, though those with old money, probably still did include a roll in the napkin at their formal tables, simply out of tradition. It was included in most Etiquette books as being correct, but there was no bread plate mentioned. Most people with “old money” placed their bread on the tablecloth to the left of the plate, after removing it from the napkin.

A bread, or a roll became common place at place settings in homes and in restaurants. For a brief while, there were matching bread plates and butter plates, or “butter pats,” being manufactured and sold. Those were most often used in restaurants, however, and more middle-class homes. In the more modest homes, bread was still a large part of the meal, as it was inexpensive to make, and again helped stave off an impatient appetite.

Bread plates were a bit of a novelty over in Europe and England, as bread was usually set on the table. Queen Victoria popularized having a loaf of bread at the table with a large knife for cutting. Side plates are commonly used in England, but they are for a variety of foods. Crescent plates are British in origin, though they were not created for bread.

Crescent plates were created for salads originally. And that is how Queen Elizabeth II used hers at her coronation luncheon. The salad was served above her luncheon plate. Smaller versions became popular here in the United States for a time, and people were using crescent plates here for bread, or they were most often using them as “bone” plates; plates for depositing bones, shrimp tails, etc…

As stoves and ovens became much more reliable during the early part of the 20th century, it was determined that bread was no longer a necessity at a formal meal. Thus, there was no real need for a bread plate, especially at the dinner table.

Henceforth a dinner roll was no longer required at a formal dinner, as courses were expected to be served on time. That has made bread plates unwanted at formal place settings, and optional at informal dinners.

I think it’s completely up to the host or hostess, whether or not they wish to have a bread plate at their place settings. At large family dinners, because my Italian side of the family expects bread at the table, I’ll go ahead and place bread plates out.

If I’m giving a nine course formal etiquette dinner seminar, I have the bread plates, too. But those are for instructional purposes only, as I’m giving instructions on how to eat a roll and butter properly. I do give a history of bread at the table, however, and let guests know that this would not be the norm at a formal multi-course dinner.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, February 2, 2024

Confusion Over Finger Bowl Doily Use

By 1934, doilies had possibly fallen out of fashion in some circles, but they were certainly still used in many homes as part of the “finger bowl ballet.” It’s possible that this woman writing to Mrs. Post believed that the doily’s intended use was to wipe the fingers, when it is merely to sit under the finger bowl, whether on the plate or above the place setting, to the upper left of the dessert plate.

Dear Mrs. Post: While dining in the house of a stranger the other night I noticed that her waitress brought in a dessert plate with a fine lace doily on it and on top of that, a finger bowl. The silver for dessert was already at the places. I had never had a finger bowl brought in just this way. My hostess removed it and the doily from the dessert plate and put the bowl down on the doily at the left to the back of the dessert plate. The dessert was a rich fudge cake, which would have soiled the doily miserably. Is it correct to let a doily take the place of a plate which matches the finger bowl and which stands on top of the dessert plate usually without any doily between them?

Answer: I don't think I understand your question. I don't see how the cake could possibly come in contact with the doily. Doilies are not often used, but when they are, you pick yours up with the finger bowl and put both down together on the tablecloth where there is space. Then you whatever the dessert may be is put on the plate. You certainly would not put food on the doily, ever! — By Emily Post, 1934


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, July 31, 2023

Q & A on Passing Food at the Table

This image is from a 20+ year old newspaper article on Etiquipedia Site Editor Maura J. Graber’s etiquette business, The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. The image was posted to Instagram in March of 2023. The question was regarding the advice in the article.


At Etiquipedia, we often get asked questions via Twitter and Instagram. Once a month, we will post one of our favorite questions we have received on social media, along with the answer. The following was a great question from last week:

Q. I know this is an old post, but I'm curious about the instruction to pass to the right? I have always been taught to pass to the left so you can hold the dish in your left hand and serve yourself with your right hand.

A. Food in Western countries is passed to the right (or counter-clockwise) at the table, unless there are extenuating circumstances. For example, if someone at the table has physical challenges, is too elderly or too young to pass a heavy dish or carafe, it is best to assist in any way possible, especially if this can alleviate any embarrassment or spills. Oftentimes, it is a kindness to offer to someone at one’s left, something like a dinner roll, before taking one and passing the basket on to one’s right. This rule is also flexible if a group is dining in a restaurant booth. The best etiquette rules are all flexible, as they reflect good manners and respect, above all.


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, November 26, 2018

Gilded Age San Francisco Etiquette

It is etiquette to acknowledge all invitations to functions. If a lady sends out an invitation to attend a reception, it would be proper to acknowledge the same and advise the hostess whether the party invited will be present. 

Answer to Query by a Call Reader 


For E. P. T., of San Francisco: If people that you are acquainted with meet a loss by death, and you think anything of such people, it would be proper for you to write a letter of condolence. You should confine yourself to a few words of sympathy. If the life of the person just gone has been a beautiful one, some allusion to that will be proper, but do not offer anything that would seem like preaching a sermon or deducting a moral.

And... P. P. C. cards are not sent out when the party leaves the home for a short visit in the country. Such are used only when the person contemplates an absence from home for a long time, such as a tour of continental Europe or a visit to some other State, which may be of six months' duration or even longer. It is the duty of the person intending to absent himself or herself for a prolonged period, to make a call of adieu on friends, and if such are not at home then the visitor leaves a pour prendre congé card. – 1898


For J. H. of San Francisco:  It is etiquette to acknowledge all invitations to functions. If a lady sends out an invitation to attend a reception, it would be proper to acknowledge the same and advise the hostess whether the party invited will be present, so as to give an opportunity to arrange for the number who will attend. – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia