Below Stairs’ Etiquette

Many don’t realize that the pecking order and social hierarchy in the servants’ hall was just as rigid as that of that of the Lords and Ladies of the manor. There was a natural expectation that one’s manners would be commensurate with one’s position in service.

The Case of Muggins, Who Wished She Were Dead

The terrors of etiquette below stairs! There once strayed into employ a housemaid whose career hitherto had been confined to lodging houses. Upstairs she always looked frightened, and her face had a great attraction for “smuts,” but she was very willing and very competent. “It is not for me to ask madam to send Muggins away, but the rest of us will go if Muggins stays. I don't know where she has lived out before, but she drinks out of her saucer and does not even know that we expect her to be down in our sitting room at half past 4:00, dressed in her black and ready to pour out the servants tea.” 

Of course I gave Muggins notice, recognizing that the lodging house was her proper sphere, and in the month that followed, I knew she suffered martyrdom. She used to wipe her eyes stealthily, and as she was not proud, I showed her some sympathy. “They ain't nice to me downstairs like you are, ma’am,” she sobbed, “though I'm doing my best. Cook says she won’t wipe up the dishes for the likes of me.” “Never mind, Muggins. You’ll be going soon, and, after all, you have learned a good deal here.” I consoled her. “I wish,” said Muggins. “I was dead.” —Mrs. John Lane, Harper’s Bazar, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Conduct for Keeping Good Servants

The proper costumes for a Chambermaid and a Lady’s Maid... It is not just a servant whose conduct needs to be superior. It is important for the mistress of the home to model exemplary behavior to those she employs. – “Let your servant observe in your conduct just the qualities and virtues that you would desire they should possess and practice toward you. Be liberal with food. Housework is a very hungry calling, so don’t grudge your servants a share of the various dainties you press upon your family and visitors.”

How to Secure Good Servants 

Just try to remember that servants have feelings as well as yourself. When their work is done, give them a word of praise, so that they see that you appreciate  their efforts, and see to it that they have time to do their mending and to get out a little for a change of scene. Borne mistresses do not realize how dreary the common round of a domestic servant is. Let your servant observe in your conduct just the qualities and virtues that you would desire they should possess and practice toward you. 

Be liberal with food. Housework is a very hungry calling, so don't grudge your servants a share of the various dainties you press upon your family and visitors. Don’t expect your servant to execute half a dozen errands for you when she is out for her own pleasure. She doesn't like it; neither does her sweetheart. Remember when you engage a maid, that you are making a contract. State clearly the duties which you expect her to perform and in this way avoid contention arising afterward from misunderstandings. 

Show every kindness to your servant, but from the first be firm in correcting things you dislike, then she will see that you are mistress and not attempt that undue liberty which later on is so difficult to check. Give your servant a reasonable stated time “out,” and if you will help her to start out, in good time you will find that she will more readily come in on time. If it is your fault that she is late going out, it is hardly fair to blame her for being late in returning.

Never accept notice from a servant in a huff nor give one notice when you are angry with her. A mistress is often unjust when she is angry. Allow yourself sufficient time to think the matter over calmly before deciding whether notice is to be given or not. A few kind words and a bit of good advice from a mistress, will go ten times further toward making a good maid, than all the grumbling in the world. Remember a servant is not a machine, but that she is a human being with varying moods and failings like her mistress. – San Diego Union, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Cuisinier Aristocracy

18th C. Negus Port Punch – “At the commencement of the evening, it appeared to me that a haughty reserve and proud etiquette prevailed throughout the brilliant society; but as the evening advanced, and negus and punch were imbibed by the vigorous dancers, a more familiar language and an easier attitude possessed both ladies and gentlemen.” 

Parisian High Life Below Stairs 

The Paris correspondent of the London Morning Post describes a “magnificent” ball which took place in the Sal Valentino, known as the annual cook’s ball:

The aristocracy of the kitchen, and the more beautiful women of the halle, together with the knights of the cassero e, mustered strongly. It is no exaggeration to say, that the toilettes of the ladies wore worthy of the most aristocratic salons of Paris, and diamonds and precious stones abounded, leading me to conclude that the culinary art in Paris must be very handsomely remunerated. Some of the more beautiful women of the fish market wore jewelry which must have cost thousands of francs. Quadrilles of honor were formed by the kings and princes of high life below stairs, who chose for their partners, the more renowned female aristocracy of the monde-cuisiniere. At the commencement of the evening, it appeared to me that a haughty reserve and proud etiquette prevailed throughout the brilliant society; but as the evening advanced, and negus and punch were imbibed by the vigorous dancers, a more familiar language and an easier attitude possessed both ladies and gentlemen. 

The cavaliers were dressed precisely in the same white cravat, white gloves, and embroidered shirt sublimity which forms the characteristic appearance of other noblemen of another class. It was pleasant to join in the refreshing conversation of the belles of this ball. Instead of the namby-pamby nonsense of other aristocratic circles, it was interesting to hear one’s quadrille partner, after the dance was over, indulging in a vigorous abuse of this or that noble family, the phrases heing sprinkled with epithets singularly expressive. I came to the conclusion that all classes of society are very much alike, in that all indulge in scandal, detraction and abuse when they are natural. It was not until 3 o'clock that the carriages of the company blocked up the Rue St. Honoré and the servants of the guests arrived, and gradually beckoned away the dancing company. The utmost hilarity and good breeding prevailed, and I do not believe the kitchen staff of any other nation of the world could have contributed so well-dressed so well-educated and so polite a society. It only wanted the presence of the Emperor and Empress to make this soirée as brilliant as any given at the Court of the Tullieries. – Daily Alta, 1868

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia