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| Brandon in the special suit he picked out. He was so excited, he was moving too quickly for me to get a perfect shot. But just look at that smile! He was a very happy young man. |
The Ins and Outs of Preparing Your Down Syndrome Child for a Dance, Prom or Social…
and All of the Etiquette it Entails
As an Etiquette Coach and a mother of a Down Syndrome son, if a special event came on to the schedule, I would ask Brandon if he would like to go, whether it be a dance, social or prom. He would always be a resounding, ”Yes!” He loved dancing, music, food, and friends. Many people with Down Syndrome are very social! Going to a party with dressing up and fun involved was something Brandon was very interested in doing.
Little did he know, little did I calculate, what all of this would entail! When he was about four years of age, we started table etiquette and it was quite messy, but funny, challenging, and I was (honestly!) at my wits end a lot of the time. We always practiced table etiquette at home so he was comfortable using proper knife, fork, and napkin, etc...
For this particular Social, students had to learn a box step dance (a dance teacher was there!), wear a suit, a tie, and even introduce themselves. This meant to practice his listening skills, practicing shaking hands at the appropriate times, and asking a girl to dance.
We practiced role playing with a therapist, neighbors, at the grocery store, with friends, and anyone else who was willing. He could remember his name, favorite team, color, etc… He really had to practice asking for a dance, however. Brandon was a very visual learner, so I found books and videos to watch with him. We practiced until he got familiar and comfortable with the idea.
Learning the box step with a twirl was a little difficult for Brandon. Dance practice lessons were helpful, but. we always reinforced his learning at home. A lot of times he wanted to do it differently from the instructor. That’s okay, though. We have to improvise little things like that sometimes! He got the twirling part down nicely… He loved to do that, even though I was a lot taller than he was at the time. I was a little dizzy but he was happy (always a bonus!) and I was impressed that he remembered most of the dance moves.
Shopping for his suit was enjoyable. My son really had a sense of quality and style. He knew what he wanted, and signaled to employees that he wanted help. Much to my surprise there were about three employees helping him with this new experience, from selecting his tie, handkerchief and other necessary items. The appointment with the tailor made it an even more special experience for when he picked out the suit he wanted to wear.
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| They both seemed to have a memorable dance. They conquered an important social rite of passage for teens. |
Finally the big night arrived. He looked so handsome. I was so proud of him! He was beaming from ear to ear as he was proud of himself, as well. When the time came, Brandon asked a girl to dance. She agreed, though she was a little shy too! Watching them with their giggles, laughs, pointing, and then sharing enough words between them, they both seemed to have a memorable dance. They conquered an important social rite of passage for teens.
If I learned anything from this wonderful experience, it’s that you should never say “No” to trying out new things. You know your child’s interest, and even if they want to do something new… Go for it! You will probably be pleasantly surprised. It’s how we all grow.
If an important event is going to occur, plan what is to be implemented, and any assistance or help that may be needed. Other’s are often happy to participate and help smooth out any issues you may encounter.
Practice what is to be expected at the event. The Down Syndrome population is observant. They want to learn! It just takes them a little longer. They learn differently. Use music and photos. Show them what they will be doing. Make up a game which involves what they need to learn. As parents, we should participate in their learning process. They want us there to see them learn and then try new things.
It is never too late to acquire new learning ideas, and it is okay to improvise when a tactic which has worked before has become a habit and no longer works well for you. With every attempt at learning and teaching your DS student something new, we add a little more information, or a more precise action for it to be improved.
We are such a big part of their learning process. Sometimes, admittedly, we all want to give up. It is understandable. Everyone gets frustrated at some point raising children. Parents of DS kids are even more vulnerable to those frustrations. Just remember to take a break now and then. Chat a while, find a diversion, do something fun, then get back to the lesson at hand.
Decide what styles you approve of for your child, then give those choices to him or her. Use photos from movies, magazines or books, etc… and your child can choose according to your family preferences. Most likely, your child probably loves to shop just like everyone else.
When the big event arrives, hopefully you’ve done all you can to prepare your child by that particular time. The reward that we as parents get in return for our hard work, is seeing our child’s joy from accomplishing something that he or she really wanted to do! Grab your camera and give some high-fives. And once you get to the event, relax if you can, because you did this too. Down Syndrome families go the extra mile! – By Carla M. West
Contributor Carla M. West has written a book on Down Syndrome, “It's Me - It's Only Down Syndrome” (in both male and female versions). The book is the etiquette enthusiast (and founder of the Graceful Manners Academy), Carla M. West’s way of paying loving tribute to her wonderful son. He was a boy who was full of joy and curiosity, who loved his husky dog, “Cookie,” and who just also happened to have Down Syndrome. West wanted people to know that her son was just like any other kid who loved to laugh, play and explore the world around him. Like any other kid, his feelings could get hurt as well. Brandon and his mom wanted every kid to know that kids with Down Syndrome are just like you - they just want to be loved! You can reach Carla at gracefulmannersacademy@ gmail.com or by calling (909)552-1553
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
