Editorial Etiquette: Judging Astors and Dingbats

Caroline Webster “Lina” Schermerhorn Astor was a prominent American socialite of the second half of the 19th century who led the Gilded Age 400. Famous for being referred to later in life as “The Mrs. Astor” or just “Mrs. Astor,” she was the wife of businessman, horse breeder and yachtsman William Backhouse Astor Jr.. She was the mother of five children, including Colonel John Jacob Astor IV, who perished on the Titanic.– Portrait of Mrs. William Astor
–Public domain image

I heard a distinguished judge in an uptown club burst into a torrent of abuse because the papers devoted two or three columns to what he called the interminable nonsense about who Mrs. Astor might be. “Nobody cares a rap,” said the judge, throwing the paper across the room, “whether old Bill Astor's wife is called Mrs. Astor, Mrs. William Astor or Mrs. Dingbats. As for her niece, her name is Mrs. William Waldorf Astor, and everybody who knows her calls her Mamie. It's the most transparent nonsense for the papers to devote such valuable space to a family squabble.” Yet a moment's thought would have convinced the judge that the papers were on the right track. 

The question of which of the Mrs. Astors has the right to the distinctive title of the family was of more interest to thousands and thousands of feminine readers than Mr. Blame's letter to Mr. Frye or any Supreme Court decision that has ever been rendered. The subjects which claim the attention of women have a mortgage on publicity today. Women are everywhere. They are cashiers, typewriters, stenographers, clerks, canvassers, doctors, dentists, editors, lecturers, lawyers, deacons and railway presidents, and their influence is patent in every walk of life. Annie Goodwin was a working girl. This is one reason for the great uproar which has been aroused by her fate. —Philadelphia Times, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Mourning

“To go to the opera, or a dinner, or a party, before six months have elapsed, is considered heartless and disrespectful. If one chooses, as some do, to wear no mourning, then he can go, unchallenged, to any place of amusement, but if he put on mourning he must respect its etiquette.” — Above is an antique mourning brooch.

– Photo source Etiquipedia private library

The death of Mrs. August Belmont, Sr. had been so long anticipated, that it did not cause any shock, but brought with it no less a feeling of sadness to the members of New-York society. Mrs. Belmont ruled the New-York society at a time when it was much smaller than at present, with a gentle hand, and all who knew her regret her death. The families of Cornelius Vanderbilt, Astor, and Belmont are now withdrawn from the gates of the season, all being in mourning, and this will of itself somewhat affect the season. — The New York Times, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette and Acceptance

Though incredibly wealthy, the famous Vanderbilt family had not truly been welcomed into New York’s Gilded Age society, and wouldn’t be welcomed unless they were accepted by the ultimate social “judge and jury” of the day, Mrs. Caroline Astor. The Mrs. Astor of the famous list of “400” socially acceptable people... a number based on the limitations of the Astor’s fabulous New York City ballroom, (which was actually a list of merely 319) But, without Astor’s social support, the Vanderbilts were merely the wealthiest “nobodies” in New York society. Soon after the announcement of a forthcoming Vanderbilt ball, but before the formal invitations had been issued, Miss Carrie Astor, took it for granted that, as leaders of society, the Astors would, of course, be invited. Mrs. Vanderbilt heard of this, and told friends that she could not invite Miss Astor to her ball, as her mother “had never called upon her” socially. This reached Mrs. Astor’s ears, and soon after she called upon Mrs. Vanderbilt. She and her daughter were thus invited to the Vanderbilt ball, “making” the Vanderbilts in the process. 

Ball  “Made” Vanderbilts

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Magnificent Entertainment Gained Family Formal Recognition by Recognized New York “Society.”

The Vanderbilts obtained their first secure foothold in New York’s leading society by a great fancy-dress ball given by Mrs. William K. Vanderbilt In her beautiful Fifth Avenue house on the evening of March 26, 1883. It surpassed in splendor, in beauty, in brilliancy, and in luxurious and lavish expense any scene before witnessed in New York. But two or three of the leaders of New York society, notably Mrs. William Astor, had never called upon any of the ladies of the Vanderbilt family. 

According to the generally accepted story, soon after the announcement of the forthcoming ball, but before the formal invitations had been issued, Miss Carrie Astor, the only unmarried daughter of Mrs. William Astor, organized a fancy dress quadrille to be danced at the ball by several young ladies and gentlemen, it being taken for granted by the Astors that, as leaders of society, they would, of course, be invited. Mrs. Vanderbilt heard of this, and stated in the hearing of some friends that she could not invite Miss Astor to her ball, as her mother had never called upon her. 

This reached Mrs. Astor’s ears, and soon after she called upon Mrs. Vanderbilt. She and her daughter were invited to the Vanderbilt ball. Thus did the ball break the last barrier down and the Vanderbilt family was firmly established among New York’s social leaders. –Healdsburg Enterprise, 1923

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette and Eccentricities

Astor Reception in London 

William Waldorf Astor ~ The Astors were one of the wealthiest families of the Gilded Age

Notables Gather at Carlton House Terrace — Grand Duke Michael, Prince Alexander of Teck, Ambassador Hay Among the Guests

William Waldorf Astoria gave his second reception at his home in Carlton House Terrace this evening. It was preceded by a dinner party, at which 40 guests were present, including Prince Alexander of Teck, Ambassador Hay, Mrs. Hay, and Miss Hay. 

The mansion, which even before it became Mr. Astor's residence, was counted  among the most elegant private mansions in England, has been entirely renovated. The rooms have been exquisitely paneled and enriched with fine carving. The grand staircase has been lavishly gilded and adorned with beautiful frescoes. The dining room is a remarkable specimen of the decorator's art and is hung with  magnificent tapestries. 

The refurbished diningroom at Carlton House Terrace in the 1930s.

The table is over 40 feet long, probably the largest in the country. The table decorations this evening were massive silver candelabra, while yellow and white orchids and silver bowls containing fruit and champagne and ice were arranged along its entire length. 

The reception was one of the most brilliant given in London in recent years. Among those present were the Grand Duke and Duchess Michael of Russia, Earl Cadogan, the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, and a host of English dukes, earls, and counts, with their duchesses and countesses, Lord Mayor Faudel Phillips and the Lady Mayoress,  and scores of members of the Diplomatic Corps. 

Among the most striking toilets were those worn by the Countess of Essex, Lady William V. Harcourt, Mrs. Ronalds, Mrs. Bradley-Martin, and Miss Leiter. 

The display of jewels was simply prodigious and the house was a mass of flowers. M. Paderewski, Mme. Melba, M. Plançon, and other famous artists assisted in the musical programme.

~More on William Waldorf Astor ~

William Waldorf Astor's Actions Puzzling Britons—

Officials Are Amused At His
Eccentricities

London Registration Judge Learns That Former American Lives at His Office Instead of at Carlton House Terrace

Special Cable to The Herald

LONDON, Sept. 23,1897

The strange way in which William Waldorf Astor orders his life furnished a puzzle this week to the registration Judge to whom he applied to be placed on the parliamentary voting list for the Holborn division of London. Mr. Astor has 'a palatial house at Carlton House terrace, situated In the Strand division, but he applied to be registered instead for ' the Astor estate office, on the Thames embankment, about a mile away, which Is in the Holborn division. In explanation it was stated that he virtually lived at Cliveden, his Thames-side mansion; that he slept only a couple of times a year at Carlton House terrace, and that when in London he resided at the office of the estate. He has a single bedroom there, with two servants, a chef and an assistant, and spends all his time reading and writing in his study.

When the registration official made inquiries at the estate office all lnformaton was refused, and he was almost hustled out. On going to the office of the Pall Mall Gazette he was informed that they knew nothing about Mr. Astor's movements. The same reply was given at Carlton House Terrace. The judge remarked that If Mr. Astor took the trouble to become a naturalized Englishman he might at least condescend to look after his vote.

The estate office is a beautiful Italian renaissance building, the lower windows of which are covered with massive crossed iron bars. It Is situated close to the Temple station, the most secluded spot on the Thames embankment."


 Originally published in the New York Times, June 10, 1897 and the Herald, September 23, 1897 

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of a Gilded Age Dinner Ball

“What is the chief end of man? – To get rich. In what way?–dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.” Mark Twain, 1871 

A gilded macaroni server, circa 1880 ~ The Gilded Age unofficially is believed to be the period between 1870-1900. “Gilding” is to cover, or coat, with gold, as many silver items were at the time. The period also got its name from the title of a book. "The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today" was an 1873 novel by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner 

During the “Gilded Age,” every man was a potential Andrew Carnegie, and Americans who achieved wealth celebrated it as never before. In New York, the opera, the theatre, and lavish parties consumed the ruling class’ leisure hours. Sherry’s Restaurant hosted formal horseback dinners for the New York Riding Club. Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish once threw a dinner party to honor her dog, who arrived sporting a $15,000 diamond collar. 

This gilded age ball at the Astors’ 5th Avenue residence, a “double mansion” according to the news’ account, hosted nearly 300 guests. All of whom were “prominent representatives of New York society.” The midnight supper (menu below) required the entirety of Mrs. Astor’s “solid silver table service” as any menu of that size and amount would require, in the Gilded Age. The menu was as follows:

Consommé à la Princesse 

Térapène

Filet de boeuf aux champignons frais et truffes

Canard canvasback rôti

Salade de céleri et laitue

Sandwiches assortis

Glaces de fantaisies

Biscuit glacé biscuit Tortoni

Gâteaux assortis

Gelée macédoine 

Charlotte Parisienne

Fruits 

Bonbons

Café Champagne Claret Cup Lemonade Poland water

The supper was immediately followed by the cotillion. The party favors were “novel and artistic” and were pulled in “by ribbon bands, on an old French Sleigh, mounted on castors, a copy of one formerly used by Louis Quatorze.” The goodies given to guests were quite a haul! The swag for the guests included; “Wands of roses with little bells attached, tartan plaid silk sashes, with the monogram of Mrs. Astor in gold, with the date of the ball; Beardsley poster blotters, and sachets with large bouquets attached.” (Aubrey Beardsley was one of the most controversial artists of the Art Nouveau Era, and he died a year after this ball was held.) For the men, favors included; “Handsome leather tobacco pouches, with silver tops, gold and silver trimmed golf sticks and golf balls, and jeweled orders with gold chains.”

Guests were required to attend a dinner party like the Astor’s in “full dress.” Just what that meant, was a question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allowed gentlemen very little choice. 

A black dress coat and trowsers (sic), a black or white vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving “spirit of the age” has already made its influence felt even in the realms of fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles.

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The “American Gentleman’s Guide” enumerates the essentials of a gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows: 

“A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen, embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the wearer and the prevailing mode; an entirely fresh-looking, fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief.”

A lady’s “full dress” in 1897 was not as easily defined, and fashion allowed her much greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. However, she had to arrive dressed “in the fashion.” 

The following is a list of just some of the notable female guests, and notes on what they wore:

Articles with highlights of what the socialites wore, written about in great detail and featured in the nationwide and international newspapers, were precursors to modern day, award shows and red-carpet, "Best Dressed and Worst Dressed" lists given out in entertaining television shows, magazines and blogs. 

While the rich wore diamonds, many wore rags. In 1890, 11 million of the nation's 12 million families earned less than $1200 per year; of this group, the average annual income was $380, well below the poverty line. Rural Americans and new immigrants crowded into urban areas. Tenements spread across city landscapes, teeming with crime and filth. Americans had sewing machines, phonographs, skyscrapers, and even electric lights, yet most people labored in the shadow of poverty. 

To those who worked in Carnegie's mills and in the nation's factories and sweatshops, the lives of the millionaires seemed immodest indeed. An economist in 1879 noted "a widespread feeling of unrest and brooding revolution." Violent strikes and riots wracked the nation through the turn of the century. The middle class whispered fearfully of "carnivals of revenge."

For immediate relief, the urban poor often turned to political machines. During the first years of the Gilded Age, Boss Tweed's Tammany Hall provided more services to the poor than any city government before it, although far more money went into Tweed's own pocket. Corruption extended to the highest levels of government. During Ulysses S. Grant's presidency, the president and his cabinet were implicated in the Credit Mobilier, the Gold Conspiracy, the Whiskey Ring, and the notorious Salary Grab. 

Europeans were aghast. America may have had money and factories, they felt, but it lacked sophistication. When French prime minister Georges Clemenceau visited, he said the nation had gone from a stage of barbarism to one of decadence -- without achieving any civilization between the two.

Sources for this post: PBS, Maura Graber Etiquette Sleuth, The “American Gentleman's Guide” and 1887's “How to Behave” by Samuel R. Wells

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia