Gilded Age Etiquette of Weddings

For three months after her reappearance after the honeymoon the newly- married lady is considered a bride, and the first time during that period that she dines in any house takes precedence of all other ladies, no matter how high their rank; the same privilege is not extended to the bridegroom. She generally wears her wedding dress for these dinners, but the use of orange blossoms is confined to the wedding-day. – George Russell escorting his daughter, Gladys, to her wedding. As the leave their palatial home, they are flanked by the family’s liveried footmen and servants on HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

Invitations to weddings are always issued by the bride's family, and con- sist of elegantly printed notes, in which Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's company, at St. Thomas's Church, Madison Square, to be present at the marriage of their daughter with Mr. Jones. If there is a reception afterward, a seperate card is enclosed for that, and the visiting cards of the bride and groom are added; this com- pletes the set.

These invitations are sent out a week or ten days before the wedding, and should always be answered at once. Sometimes the hour appointed for the breakfast is named. When this is the case, it signifies that the guests are not expected to go to the house direct from the church, but only to arrive shortly before the hour named. The bridegroom, attended by his best man, should be at the church before the time appointed for the bride's arrival. She arrives, accompanied in the carriage by her mother, and is received at the church door by her father (or if she have not one, by the male relative who gives her away) and her bridesmaids; and, taking her father's right arm, at once proceeds up the church followed by her bridesmaids. 

The grouping of these young ladies depends considerably on height and other circumstances. If the bride have sisters, the eldest of them is chief bridesmaid, and it is her duty to take the bride's bouquet and gloves when the service commences; if the bridegroom has a sister, she forms the pair to the chief bridesmaid. The others follow in order according to pre-concerted arrangement, and when the service begins should spread out in a semicircle behind the bridal couple. The mother of the bride follows the bridesmaids, and there should be a member of the family to escort her; generally her eldest son. 

Cake and cards are not now sent to anyone. For three months after her reappearance after the honeymoon the newly- married lady is considered a bride, and the first time during that period that she dines in any house takes precedence of all other ladies, no matter how high their rank; the same privilege is not extended to the bridegroom. She generally wears her wedding dress for these dinners, but the use of orange blossoms is confined to the wedding-day. 

When the wedding is that of a widow, it differs in several points. There are neither bridesmaids nor favors, and the lady cannot wear white, a bridal veil, nor orange flowers - violet, mauve, or gray are the most usual colors, and she must wear a bonnet. When, however, a girl marries a widower, there is no difference between the arrangements for her wedding and those which we have described at length. – Russian River Flag, 1877

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