Etiquipedia Q and A Correspondence

To satisfy an anxious appetite if the dinner is taking too long. Not for very formal meals, however.

At Etiquipedia, we often get asked questions via Twitter and Instagram. Every so often, we will post one of our favorite questions we have received on social media, along with the answer. The following was a great question from last month:

Question: I teach etiquette to children, adults and corporate. It’s my passion and I feel I am contributing to society. I have had a question for a long time and perhaps you can help:

Is the bread plate ever optional? I have been learning different things and although I grew up with an English grandmother, that part is not clear yet.

I appreciate it very much. You are really the one knowledgeable person on etiquette who I can fully trust.

Answer: The bread plate is always optional. In many countries and cultures, there is no bread plate. And in the United States, if it’s a formal dinner, bread plates should not be part of the place settings at all.

Bread or a “dinner roll” was something that was placed at the table for each guest when early ovens and stoves, which had replaced open fire cooking, were still very unpredictable and unreliable.

You can imagine how difficult it would be to have a large group of people for dinner, if your cook could not manage timing everything properly with a stove or oven, which was unreliable.

A bread or roll would help satisfy the appetite briefly, while the dinner was being finished. It was a very common problem as stoves and ovens were being slowly introduced into people’s homes. 

A formal dinner served in a grand home, meant that the kitchen was most likely outfitted with the newest and most modern of kitchen “appliances.” Several people would be on hand to assist the chef or cook in creating the meal. The first wood-burning stove in the White House, for example, was installed in 1801 by Thomas Jefferson. It replaced an open fire for cooking.

By the gilded age, a very formal dinner in such a grand home would not require bread plates, though those with old money, probably still did include a roll in the napkin at their formal tables, simply out of tradition. It was included in most Etiquette books as being correct, but there was no bread plate mentioned. Most people with “old money” placed their bread on the tablecloth to the left of the plate, after removing it from the napkin.

A bread, or a roll became common place at place settings in homes and in restaurants. For a brief while, there were matching bread plates and butter plates, or “butter pats,” being manufactured and sold. Those were most often used in restaurants, however, and more middle-class homes. In the more modest homes, bread was still a large part of the meal, as it was inexpensive to make, and again helped stave off an impatient appetite.

Bread plates were a bit of a novelty over in Europe and England, as bread was usually set on the table. Queen Victoria popularized having a loaf of bread at the table with a large knife for cutting. Side plates are commonly used in England, but they are for a variety of foods. Crescent plates are British in origin, though they were not created for bread.

Crescent plates were created for salads originally. And that is how Queen Elizabeth II used hers at her coronation luncheon. The salad was served above her luncheon plate. Smaller versions became popular here in the United States for a time, and people were using crescent plates here for bread, or they were most often using them as “bone” plates; plates for depositing bones, shrimp tails, etc…

As stoves and ovens became much more reliable during the early part of the 20th century, it was determined that bread was no longer a necessity at a formal meal. Thus, there was no real need for a bread plate, especially at the dinner table.

Henceforth a dinner roll was no longer required at a formal dinner, as courses were expected to be served on time. That has made bread plates unwanted at formal place settings, and optional at informal dinners.

I think it’s completely up to the host or hostess, whether or not they wish to have a bread plate at their place settings. At large family dinners, because my Italian side of the family expects bread at the table, I’ll go ahead and place bread plates out.

If I’m giving a nine course formal etiquette dinner seminar, I have the bread plates, too. But those are for instructional purposes only, as I’m giving instructions on how to eat a roll and butter properly. I do give a history of bread at the table, however, and let guests know that this would not be the norm at a formal multi-course dinner.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette and Superstition

 

Throughout history, bread at the table has seen many changes: Rolls or slices of bread have been placed directly on tablecloths, snuggled into napkins placed atop each diner’s plate, passed ‘round dining tables in “bread baskets” or in silver bread trays, served in their own bread plates with matching plates for butter, called “butter pats,” and most notably, Queen Victoria popularized having an entire loaf of bread at the table, from which guests could cut off their own slices.

Why is it a curse to place breads or rolls  upside-down at the table?

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the 21st century, you must have heard it: placing bread upside-down on the table is a curse! Do it, and there will most likely be some people feeling uncomfortable. There is a reason for this discomfort that goes back through a long, tragic history.

During the Middle-Ages in Europe, each city had its own executioner, in charge of executing the justice decision, including the most extreme ones. It was also a time when bread was the main food for the majority of the people. Bakers had a central place in people’s life. Bakers’ shops were visited every day. Nobody wanted to take the bread meant for the executioner and bakers began to place one loaf of bread facing down. This was the loaf which was meant for him. Seeing a loaf of bread in such a position was already synonym of the worst for those common people, and left everyone feeling uneasy.

Another event would make placing a roll or loaf of bread upside-down definitely a terrible faux-pas at a dining table was the French Revolution. In 1793-1794 there took place “La Terreur” during which many people were sentenced to death through the too-famous Guillotine. Before their execution days, they were all kept in jail, in which they were brought every day a jug of water with a portion of bread on top. None of them knew when would be the day of their death, the only clue they would had was this bread: the night before the execution, they would receive their one portion upside-down. It would mean they only have the night to pray for their soul, going through their sins and hoping God would forgive them.

Marie Josèphe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie, wife of the Viscount Alexandre de Beauharnais, was one of them. Later known as “Joséphine de Beauharnais,” which was how her 2nd husband, Napoléon Bonaparte called her, she spent several months in jail, terrified by the bread facing down brought every day to other inmates. She lived every day praying not to receive it, and had to go through the execution of her husband Alexandre on 23rd July 1794, but she was spared and survived.

The 28th July, Maximilien de Robespierre, the man who started “La Terreur”, was arrested. Executions stopped, Joséphine was freed. She eventually married Napoléon Bonaparte, and became Empress. But the sight of a bread upside down was absolutely unbearable for her! At the Imperial court all the servants made sure to place bread properly in her presence, and so did all the restaurants of Paris. As the trend of restaurant went throughout Europe, the custom of considering bread down has a curse was reinforced.

Nowadays, we should remember this is a mere superstition, and we should not forget it is one, but it is still shared by many. Whether you believe in the curse or not, let’s all place the bread facing up, by respects of those who saw their death in it, and also because that’s more beautiful that way to serve breads.

Etiquipedia contributor Guillaume Rué de Bernadac is the President & Founding Director of the luxury etiquette institution, Académie de Bernadac in Shanghai and Paris. He has been featured in Michelin Guide, L’Officiel, Global Times, The Guardian, M6, CNN, etc... Académie de Bernadac

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Corporate World Etiquette Tips

It is inappropriate to break the roll in half, butter it and eat it. Instead, break off bite-size pieces, butter them and eat them one at a time. — Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

Business Etiquette and the Rule of Twelve

1. Rolls and bread are one of the few foods that can be eaten with your fingers, even at a formal meal. However, it is inappropriate to break the roll in half, butter it and eat it. Instead, break off bite-size pieces, butter them and eat them one at a time. 
2. Don't use a toothpick. If something is stuck in your teeth, try drinking a little water. If that doesn't work, head for the restroom. 
3. Ice cubes are not an edible part of a drink. Don't chew on them. 
4. Men should always wear undershirts under dress shirts. When wearing an open collar, make sure it is buttoned high enough, or wear a V-neck undershirt so that it doesn't show. 
5. Women should choose earrings that are simple, yet elegant, and should only wear one pair at a time. Men shouldn't wear earrings at all. 
6. At a social function, name stickers or badges should always be worn about 4 inches down from the right shoulder. The idea is that people are already reaching for each other's right hand when being introduced, and having the badge on the right makes it easier to spot a person by name. 
7. Avoid sending a fax to offer congratulations, thanks or sympathy. And don't bother sending your resume by fax unless you don't want the job. 
8. To make a good first impression, follow the Rule of 12: the first 12 words you speak should include some form of thanks; the first 12 steps you take should exude confidence; the first 12 inches from the top of your head down should be impeccably groomed; the last 12 inches, from shoes up, should be very well maintained. — Santa Cruz Sentinel, 2002

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Italian Dining Etiquette

If you're in Italy, most likely a large amount of your time will be spent eating. Make sure you do it right and read the do's and don'ts of the Italian dining table. 

Since Italian writer, Monsignor Giovanni Della Casa, published his 1558 treatise "The Galateo of Giovanni della Casa" (the word for "etiquette" in Italian is still "il galateo") on polite behavior in the 16th century, etiquette has become an important part of Italian society. It was the first of the modern books on etiquette that was not written for a special class of people. Centuries later, Alberto Presutti is convinced that etiquette still holds the key to "an effective communication between each one of us".  

Alberto Presutti, a Florence-based etiquette instructor who offers courses on anything from dining to business etiquette, gave The Local his tips on Italian dining…

Don't arrive early or on time. Fashionably late is the norm, as Italians are not famed for their punctuality. It pays to remember this fact when you’re invited to a dinner party. “Always arrive a few minutes after the appointed time – never before,” advises Presutti. “Take for granted that your host will still be preparing the food.”

"Buon Appetito" is likely one of the first expressions you learn in Italian. It's also one of the first you should forget.

One of the first phrases you may have learned in Italian is “buon appetito”; it’s also the first one you should forget. “Wishing someone ‘buon appetito’ in Italy is impolite,” says Presutti. “This is because in Italian courts in medieval times, the prince would sometimes offer banquets to his best servants and wish them “buon appetito” – meaning: ‘eat as much as you can because you may not be invited to another feast if you don’t behave yourselves.” Coincidentally, Etiquipedia has heard that this is the case in France as well. So forget the French phrase "bon appétit" if visiting there.

Place napkins on your lap only after the food has been brought to the table.

Hands should be seen. “Wrists should be on the table, but never your elbows. And don’t cross your hands,” warns Presutti. “That’s considered rude - it may look to others as if you’re hiding something," or even - God forbid - "touching yourself".

Regarding napkins, says Presutti, “These should be placed on your lap only after the food has been brought to the table. Use one by all means to wipe your mouth, but take care that the dirty part of your napkin is hidden.”

Regarding bread, rolls or breadsticks, Presutti advises “In Italy, we are big bread-eaters,” says Presutti. “It must always be served on a small plate to the left of your main plate, and broken off rather than cut with a knife – it’s the Christian way.” Stuffing yourself with bread before the meal arrives should be avoided. Presutti suggests nibbling on some grissini (breadsticks), which looks more elegant, if you really can’t wait to eat.

This knife and fork set, while unusual, is obviously for the fish course.

Always try to reach for the right fork. “In Italy, fish must be served with a special three-pronged fork and a knife similar to a butter knife,” says Presutti. However, he warns, don’t whatever you do use the knife to cut the fish. “The purpose of the knife is to remove the skin of the fish – you can use the fork to cut the flesh.”

Most people know that food and wine in Italy are like yin and yang. Don’t expect to have one at a meal without the other. “You’ll find that the wine will only be brought out with the food. This is because each wine is designed to go with a specific dish. Red wine will always be served with meat, whereas white wine will always be produced for fish –because it has a more delicate taste.”

Forget about your diet. “Being on a diet and having a meal are considered a contradiction in terms - so avoid mentioning to the host that you’re trying to lose weight,” says Presutti. Having said that, you will be forgiven for declining dessert. If you’re a vegetarian, you may be happier visiting a different country altogether: “In Italy, vegetarians are regarded as aliens from another planet.” And take note that a gathering with Italians can tend to be a bit noisy, with several people all speaking at the same time and talking over one another. Culturally, this is normal Italian social interaction and should not be mistaken for rudeness.

As with dining in any other country, watch your host. “You should only pick up your cutlery when the most important person in the room starts eating,” recommends Presutti. “At a private dinner party, this could be the hostess or simply the oldest guest at the table. At a business lunch, it would be the boss.” However, he adds, “in a restaurant, it’s fine to start first if your meal arrives before the others.”

With regard to the head of the table; “In Britain, hosts will nearly always sit at the far ends of a table - but in Italy, they sit in the middle of the longer sides of the table,” says Presutti. What if it’s a round table? “Imagine that there’s an invisible line going through the centre: the hosts will sit at either end.”

The main article referenced for this post appeared in Italy's, "The Local"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia