The Chinese Man’s Coffin

“The rules around death are very important to all members of Chinese society. Special attention is paid to the care of the dead and very specific rules are followed. It is widely believed that bad luck will come to the family that does not honor the rules. In Chinese culture, traditions can vary depending on the deceased’s role in the family, their age, the manner of death, and their position in society. Care for one’s parents is complete and without question, so when a parent or elder dies, funeral planning falls to the eldest son and his children. A parent may not perform funeral planning for their child, so an unmarried person is taken to a funeral home upon death. Chinese rules also say that an older person must not show formal respect to a younger person. A child is therefore buried in silence and no funeral ceremonies are performed.Funeral traditions differ throughout China. Some Chinese people follow Christian beliefs and burial traditions. In Mainland China, there is land available for cemeteries, so Christian burials take place. Some Chinese people believe in the teachings of Buddha. In Hong Kong, the Buddhist practice of cremation is encouraged because the land there is needed for farming.” —Royal Palm Memorial 

The idea of the Chinese man is that when he dies he ought to be buried in the trunk of a tree, and so it comes about that all coffins are designed with a view to keep up the illusion. They consist of four outside tree boards, and are so fashioned together as to look very much like a tree at a little distance. They are, of cource, tremendously heavy; but then that is considered an excellent fault. If a son wishes to be very polite to his father, or one friend desires to obtain the good will of another, he makes him a present of a good, solid, heavy coffin. 

The gift is put in an honored place in the house, ready for use, and is shown for the admiration of any friends who may call. The owner would rather go into his coffin than part with it, and generally speaking, though a Chinaman may get into debt and be very harshly treated by his creditors, they will leave him his coffin, not wishing to prejudice his entry into the next world, which, according to the Celestials, depends very much upon the way in which a man is buried. I was told that half the Chinese living in Hong Kong were already in happy possession of their coffins, and ready to enter them when wanted.— The London Telegraph, 1884

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. Chinese Dinner Invitations

“You will receive a red envelope containing a red card, red being the colour associated with festivity, on which it is stated that by noon on a given day the floor will be swept, the wine-cups washed, and your host in waiting to meet your chariot.” –The bustle of the city: Hong Kong's Queen's Road on Chinese New Year's Day 1902
  – Library of Congress

A Chinese invitation to dinner differs somewhat from a similar compliment in the West. You will receive a red envelope containing a red card, red being the colour associated with festivity, on which it is stated that by noon on a given day the floor will be swept, the wine-cups washed, and your host in waiting to meet your chariot. Later on, a second invitation will arrive, couched in the same terms; and again another on the day of the banquet, asking you to be punctual to the minute. To this you pay no attention, but make preparations to arrive about 4 P.M., previous to which another and more urgent summons may very possibly have been sent. All this is conventional, and the guests assemble at the same hour, to separate about 9 P.M. — From China and the Chinese by LL.D. Herbert Allen Giles, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Lai See Etiquette

Lai See Etiquette – In Chinese and other Asian societies and communities, a red envelope is a monetary gift which is given during holidays or special occasions such as weddings, graduation or the birth of a baby. Start giving Lai See on the 1st day of the Lunar New Year and finish on the 15th. You should give your lai see the first time you meet with someone during this time period. Always give (and receive) the envelopes with both-hands. Never give or receive them with just one hand. If you carry around plenty of red envelopes which are split up into different amounts, you won't get caught empty handed.

During Chinese New Year, and stretching into the following week, you may notice a flurry of red envelopes being exchanged almost everywhere you go. These fancy little red envelopes, called "lai see", are packets that contain good luck money. Giving lai see to people is a big part of Chinese New Year celebrations, so you don't want to miss out on giving (or receiving!) them in the following couple of weeks. 

But giving lai see is not like handing out candy to children on Halloween (unless you're one of those grumps who don't like giving treats to the kids without costumes). There's a set of rules you have to abide by when giving out lai see. 

Locals give out lai see like it's second nature to them, but in fact, there are different amounts distinguished for different people and people with different marital statuses and also people with different job positions. Starting to feel a little weary about this whole business? You'll get the hang of it once you understand proper lai see etiquette. 

• Lai see is bestowed from "big to small", "old to young", and "senior to junior". For example, if you are the boss or manager, you should give lai see to your employees. If you live in an apartment complex with its own management staff, you should give lai see to your security guard, cleaners, and doorman. Married couples also give to their single, younger relatives, and may give two lai see packets to each recipient (one from each spouse). If you are unmarried, you will usually only need to give one packet to each recipient. 
• You don't have to give lai see to everyone you know, but keep in mind that there is a chance you may forget somebody. People usually bring a pile of red envelopes with them whenever they go out, just in case they might bump into someone accidentally. It's best to keep a mixture of $10, $20, $50, and $100 envelopes on you to be ready at all times. The amount you put in the lai see is up to you. 
• Use this handy guide to avoid any lai see faux-pas. Don’t forget to give and receive with both hands as this is regarded as a sign of courtesy. Also, never let children give out lai sees to older folk or service staff – this is considered insulting. –From Geo Expat.com

Lunar Festival Etiquette

The Pig is the twelfth of all zodiac animals. According to one myth, the Jade Emperor said the order would be decided by the order in which they arrived to his party. Pig was late because he overslept. Another story says that a wolf destroyed his house. He had to rebuild his home before he could set off. When he arrived, he was the last one and could only take twelfth place. – From Chinesenewyear.net

In China, the Spring Festival or Lunar New Year, is the celebration of the new year determined by the lunar calendar, because the dates of celebration follow the phases of the moon. Since the mid-1990s people in China have been given seven consecutive days off work during the Chinese New Year. This week of relaxation has been designated the “Spring Festival.”

It’s not only the Chinese who observe and celebrate the Lunar New Year. In China, Vietnam and in Chinese communities around the world, annual 15-day festivals are celebrated. These begin with the new moon that occurs sometime between January 21 and February 20 according to Western calendars. Festivities last until the following full moon.

• The Lunar New Year can be rough for the young and single Chinese, especially the single women. Family reunions and celebrations are highlighted by dreaded interrogations of singles who haven't yet married and settled down. The solution? The slew of websites offering  boyfriend/girlfriend rentals. The fake boyfriend/girlfriend rental business has been growing the last few years. Singletons were forced into these rentals so parents and relatives would finally stop nagging them. Renting a bogus marriage prospect ranges from RMB 500 ($77) to 6,000 ($925) per day. Some packages come with "a free embrace, hand holding and a goodbye kiss on the cheek," as well as a list of additional specific service charges.
  
• According to CNN in parts of China, there are a few things you can and can't do over the Lunar New Year holiday – simply because of how they sound. Purchases of shoes or footware are off limits for the entire lunar month, as the term for shoes (haai) sounds like losing and sighing in Cantonese. You can however, turn the Chinese character for luck (fu) upside down to make "dao" (which sounds like arrival) and put it on your door to bring in good fortune for the new year.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Observations of Chinese Etiquette

The queue was a specifically male hairstyle worn from the mid-1600s to the early 20th century and abolished (almost forcibly in many areas) in 1912. The queue started with hair on the front of the head being shaved off above the temples every ten days and the remainder of the hair was braided into one long braid.  Originally worn by the Manchu people from central Manchuria, the queue was later imposed on the Han Chinese during the Qing dynasty. - Photo source Pinterest

“Is this the proper thing to do?”
By Nellie M. Stevenson

Here are some interesting impressions for the newcomer to China: An entire readjustment of self to conditions seems necessary. One is constantly asking, “Is this the proper thing to do?” or “Is this the proper thing to wear?” To meet a gentleman of one’s acquaintance on the street and to pass without speaking, would be an unpardonable breach of etiquette, according to our Western custom, but here even a nod to one’s husband seems a sin. 

To our Western eyes nothing is better suited to street wear than a closely-fitting tailor suit, but such a style must he tabooed here if one is to be quite respected. “Don’t wear thin waists outside of the compound,” for such is not in keeping with Chinese ideas of modesty. “Don’t wear elbow sleeves when your teacher is giving a lesson.” Chinese women do not cross their arms in such fashion. “Don’t wear your hair in braids coiled about your head,” for if the Chinese appear before you with their queues wrapped about their heads, it is a sign of disrespect. “Don’t shake hands with a Chinese man” as it would surely mean loss of reputation. 

Are there any more “Don’ts?” Yes! “Don’t go outside the door without your sun hat,” “Don’t go outside the compound in the evening, for the tigers will be apt to eat you.” "Don’t brush against the cacti growing along the road,” for the lepers brush against them.” “Don’t eat uncooked green things unless they grow in your own garden.” These and many more, but soon one does not really mind them, and takes them largely as a matter of course, just as he does quinine, with a wry face sometimes, but with the consciousness that it will do you good. 

Each day brings some new interesting experience. One cool day I noticed people walking along the street with their sleeves over their noses and mouths. I thought this was because of toothache until, seeing so many doing it, I inquired and found out that they did not like to breathe fresh air. — Published in the Eagle Rock Sentinel, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Chinese Conversation Etiquette

Chinese brothers in the United States, circa 1890 – Confucianism's core values of etiquette and politeness are key components of the Chinese culture value system.

Extreme Politeness: Chinese etiquette requires that in conversation, each should compliment the other, and everybody belonging to him in the most laudatory style, and depreciate himself, with all pertaining to him, to the lowest possible point.  

The following is a fair sample of Chinese conversation; “What is your honorable name?” “My insignificant appellation is Wong.” “Where is your magnificent palace?” “My contemptible hut is at Suchan.” “How many are your illustrious children?” “My vile, worthless brats are five.” “How is the health of your distinguished spouse?” “My mean, good-for-nothing old woman is well.” — Harper’s Weekly , 1861

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Russia on Chinese Etiquette

In Chinese etiquette there are eight varieties of the bow ~ The Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Wei Wu Pu), the same in organization and function as it was in 1901 when it first came into existence as a result of the “Peking Protocol.” The Ministry of Rites (Li Pu) succeeded the Department of Rites, without much change, but it incorporated the Court of Sacrificial Worships, the Court of State Ceremonials and the Court of Banquets which formerly duplicated some of the functions of the Department of Rites.  From “Government of China 1644-Cb,” by Pao Chao Hsieh
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The Celestials Consider Europeans Barbarians

The Russians have been making something of a study of Chinese manners and etiquette, and their periodicals are reporting what has been learned. The latest number of Russkii Vestnik says it is not surprising that the Celestials consider Europeans barbarians when they see continually what they consider bad manners and breaches of etiquette on the part of white men. The proper thing, according to the Chinese notion, is diametrically opposed to the European idea.

Western depiction of a Chinese wedding ceremony in the mid-1800s. The bride is the one whose face is completely covered. ~ "The latest number of Russkii Vestnik says it is not surprising that the Celestials consider Europeans barbarians when they see continually what they consider bad manners and breaches of etiquette on the part of white men." (Russkii Vestnik or "Russian Herald," was the literary and political journal founded in Moscow in 1856 by M. N. Katkov with the assistance of P. M. Leont'ev)

For instance, when a Chinese welcomes a visitor to his house, be does not remove his hat, if he happens to have it on. He puts his hat on if he is caught without it. The seat of honor at the table is at the left of the host. It would be considered an offense if the guest inquired about the health of the hostess, or, still worse, expressed a desire to be presented to her.

A Chinese takes offense it told that he looks younger than he is. The older the man the more he is respected, independently of his qualities, and. therefore, a Chinese wishes to appear older than he really is. He willingly forgives many offenses, but should any one happen to tread on his foot he will refuse to accept the most humble apologies. When a son dies in a Chinese family the bereaved father considers it proper to show strangers a smiling countenance, no matter what his sufferings may be.  

“A Chinese, displeased with his situation, will not tell his employer the real reason for resigning, but will give poor health or the death of a relative as a pretext for leaving.”

The Russian newspaper asserts that there is a minister of etiquette in China known as Li-Pu. Ancient books on manners are accepted by him as authority. The books include 200 volumes. Some of the rules are Draconian in their severity. A Chinese cannot even build a house according to his taste. No matter how rich he is, it is not proper for him to build a finer or a higher house than that of his neighbor if the latter happens to be of superior rank socially.

In Chinese etiquette there are eight varieties of the bow. Ignorance of Chinese ideas of propriety with regard to the bow has often caused embarrassment. A Chinese, displeased with his situation, will not tell his employer the real reason for resigning, but will give poor health or the death of a relative as a pretext for leaving. Such things have led many portions to regard the Chinese insincere, but this does them injustice. They are also unjustly considered to be cold, unemotional and indifferent to the sufferings of others. As a matter of fact this appearance of stolidity is only a specimen “of the wondertul self-control and the iron force of character with which this race is endowed.”

– The Los Angeles Herald, 1899

   Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia