More Criticism of McAllister’s Manners

Nathan Lane as Ward McAllister and Carrie Coon as the fictional Berth Russell in HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

Another small portion of a dismal review of 

Ward McAllister’s book, 

“Society as I Have Found It”

The Paris dressmaker Worth receives an extensive advertisement throughout the pages of “Society As I Have Found It.” The author’s “distinguished” friends– an adjective which he applies indiscriminately to all of his friends, but which is quite superfluous, since we are perfectly aware from his own admissions that he would avoid the acquaintance of anyone who was not distinguished– are invariably described as having been arrayed in magnificent Worth gowns at the entertainments recorded in his book. The impression which he thus endeavors to convey, that the ladies in the foremost ranks of New York society get their dresses from Worth, is likely to create a considerable impression among his feminine readers in the Western and Southern States, and to prove of much pecuniary value to the once famous faiseur in question. 

For there has been a very marked decrease in the latter’s formerly important transatlantic clientele since the American élégante have at length began to realize that his Vogue disappeared with the fall of the Empire, and to discover that his European customers are almost entirely restricted to the wives of Levantine bankers and to the princesses of the stage and of the demi-monde. No leader of fashion in either London, Vienna or St. Petersburg, nor indeed any Parisian élégante, would ever dream of confining the construction and design of her toilette to the somewhat heavy hands of the Gallicized Yorkshire man in the Rue de la Paix, whose questionable and inartistic taste betrays his north-country origin, and who invariably strives to conceal the vulgarity of his coupe by overloading his creations with parvenu magnificence.

Mr. McAllister's readers, especially those who hope to derive from its pages social experience and a knowledge of etiquette, would likewise do well to avoid following too closely “the forms of invitations used by Mr. McAllister.” It is possibly owing to his connection with trade that he has adopted the commercial method of abbreviating words, such as, for instance, “yrs.” for “yours.” Abbreviations infer that the writer does not regard the person whom he is addressing as worthy of the trouble involved by writing out the word in full, and are therefore discourteous.

More over, it is hardly good form to refer in a letter to a “polite” invitation, while the expression “pray present me most kindly to Mrs. I and believe me yours, etc.,” must surely be an Americanism pure and simple, and the use of which is restricted to Mr. McAllister's “swell” friends. For it is certainly never used in Mayfair or Pall Mall. All these lapses, not only of language, but also of ordinary breeding and education, appear trivial, however, when we come to the appalling confusion of pronouns, which he introduces in his attempts to show his readers how to write a note in the third person.

In conclusion, permit me to express the earnest hope that young America will not regard as a model of European fashions, nor Europe consider as an example of American fashion, this feeble imitation of the Calais– not the London– Beau Brummel, whose manners, breeding, education and form are like his Huguenot legs– “very, very groggy.” – By an Ex-Diplomatist in the New York Tribune, 1890 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ward McAllister’s Etiquette Questioned

A small portion of a dismal review of Ward McAllister’s book, “Society as I Have Found It”

I can imagine the silent glance of contempt which the cook, if she be worthy of that name, must dart at the man who, while claiming supreme authority and pre-eminence in such matters, is ignorant of the difference between the releve and the piece de resistance of a dinner, who considers that Johannisberg should go with cheese, and who fondly imagines that “les quatres mendiants” – the most bourgeois and vulgar of desserts, only to be found in France at tenth-rate table d'hotes –constitutes a fit conclusion to a dinner-given by himself – which he describes as having been absolutely perfect. – Nathan Lane (as Ward McAllister) with Carrie Coon (as the fictional Bertha Russell), in HBO’s ‘The Gilded Age’

M’allister’s Book – What a Foreigner Says of the Remarkable Production

The “Autocrat of Society” Mercilessly Ridiculed.

His Manners, Breeding, Education and Form, Like His Huguenot Legs, are “Very, Very Groggy”

“… The latter is equally at sea with regard to the Court of the Tuileries; for he declares he landed in France for the first time in 1857, that he was present at the baptism of the Prince Imperial, and that he visited the International Exhibition. The christening of the ill-fated prince in question took place, however, on March 16, 1856, just eighteen months previous to Mr. McAllister's first arrival in Paris, while the International Exhibition to which he refers was held even still earlier, namely, in 1855.

Nor is the pheasant incident above mentioned the only demonstration of Mr. McAllister's imperfect acquaintance with the ethics of the table and of the cuisine; and when I picture him to myself, engaged in what he describes as his principal daily task of commenting to his cook on her performance of the previous day, much in the same manner as Emperor William is accustomed to address “la critique” to his generals at the close of a sham battle. 

I can imagine the silent glance of contempt which the cook, if she be worthy of that name, must dart at the man who, while claiming supreme authority and pre-eminence in such matters, is ignorant of the difference between the releve and the piece de resistance of a dinner, who considers that Johannisberg should go with cheese, and who fondly imagines that “les quatres mendiants” – the most bourgeois and vulgar of desserts, only to be found in France at tenth-rate table d'hotes –constitutes a fit conclusion to a dinner-given by himself – which he describes as having been absolutely perfect.

With regard to wines– a subject to the discussion of which, by the by, Mr. McAllister devotes several chapters of his book– he does not appear to be acquainted with the important operation of chambre-ing red Bordeaux wines. No gourmet of the old world would ever dream of putting his lips to a claret which had not undergone this process– a process so vital to the taste of the wine that none but skilled hands are intrusted with the task. 

He seems likewise to be unaware that there is absolutely no Tokay in the market, and that the wine which he dignifies with that name is but merely a feeble imitation of that nectar of the gods which is served in thimble-sized glasses at the Imperial tables at Vienna-one glass being sufficient to perfume an entire room, and which is so highly prized and so rare that Emperor Francis Joseph's gift of four dozen bottles to Queen Victoria, at the time of her Jubilee, was regarded in Europe as constituting one of the most valuable and magnificent of the thousands of costly presents which she received on that occasion.– By an Ex-Diplomatist in the New York Tribune, 1890

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Society Wine Etiquette

“The first object to be aimed at is to make your dinners so charming and agreeable, the invitations to them are eagerly sought for, and to let all feel that it is a great privilege to dine at your house, where they are sure there will be only those whom they wish to meet. You cannot instruct people buy a book on how to entertain, though Aristotle is said to have applied his talents to a compilation of a code of laws for the table. Success in entertaining is accomplished by magnetism and tact, which combined constitute social genius. It is the ladder to social success. If successfully done, it naturally creates jealousy.” — Quote from Ward McAllister, in his book, “Society as I Have Found It”

There is no need of having a large cellar of wine in this country, for we Americans are such Arabs, that we are never contented to stay quietly at home and enjoy our country, and our own perfect climate. No sooner have we built a charming residence, including a wine cellar, than we must needs dash off to Europe, to see what the Prince of Wales is doing, so that literally a New Yorker does not live in his New York residence, at most, more than four or five months in the year.

In the other seven or eight, his servants have ample time to leisurely drink up the wine in his cellar, bottle by bottle; therefore, I advise against laying in any large supply of wine. Your wine merchant will always supply you with all wines excepting old clarets; these you must have a stock of; and, as servants do not take to claret, you are comparatively safe in hoarding up a good lot of it. Your old champagnes you can order from London, i.e. a winter's supply, every year, for as they say it will not keep in this climate, you must do so to get it of any age. When sherry becomes old and has been kept some time in glass, they then drink it in Spain as a liqueur.

If you cannot get hold of the best, the very best and finest old Madeira, give up that wine and take to sherry. I have seen sherry that could not be distinguished from Madeira by experts. Again, I have seen a superb sherry bring a hundred dollars a dozen. The most perfect sherry I ever drank was the “Forsyth sherry,” given to Vice-President Forsyth by the Queen of Spain, when he was the American Minister at her Court. I give during dinner a light, delicate, dry Montilla sherry. At dessert, with and after fruit, a fine Amontillado.— Ward McAllister on Wines, in “Society as I Have Found It,” 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dinner Lengths

Napoleon III insisted on meals which were 3/4 of an hours’ long. Too short for Gilded Age society, according to Ward McAllister. — Nathan Lane as Ward McAllister in HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

As to the length of a good dinner, Napoleon III insisted on being served in 3/4 of an hour. As usual, here we run from one extreme to another. One of our most fashionable women boasted to me that she had dined out the day before, and the time consumed from the hour she left her house, until her return home, was but one hour and forty minutes. This is absurd.

A lover of the fleshpots of Egypt grumbled to me that his plate was snatched away from him by the servant before he could get half through the appetizing morsel on it. This state of things has been brought about by stately, handsome dinners, spun out to to great links. One hour and a half at the table is long enough.— Ward McAllister, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of Seating at Table

“Society as I have found it,” the 1890 book by social arbiter, Ward McAllister, detailing the doings of Post Civil War society and Gilded Age society, in the United States and abroad.

The Boston fashion adopted here for years, of one’s finding, on entering the house in which he was to dine, a small envelope on a silver salver in which was enclosed a card bearing on it the name of the lady assigned to him to take him to dinner, though still in use, is, however, going out of fashion. We are returning to the old habit of assigning the guests in the drawing-room.

In going to dinner, there is but one rule to be observed. The lady of the house in almost every case goes in last, all her guests proceeding her, with this exception, that if the President of the United States dines with you, or Royalty, he takes in the lady of the house, preceding all of the guests. When no ladies are present, the house should ask the most distinguished guest, or the person to whom the dinner is given, to lead the way into dinner, and he should follow all the guests. The cards on the plates indicate his place to each one. By gesture alone, the host directs his guests to the dining room, saying aloud to the most distinguished guest, “Will you kindly take the seat on my right?”

The placing of your guests at table requires an intimate knowledge of society. It is only by constant association that you can know who are congenial. If you were assigned one you are indifferent to, your only hope lies in your next neighbor; and with this hope and fear you enter the dining room, not knowing who that will be. At the table conversation should be crisp; it is in bad taste to absorb it all. Macauley, at a dinner, would so monopolize it, that the great wit, Sydney Smith, said he did not distinguish between monologue and dialogue.— Ward McAllister, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia