Victorian Children’s Table Manners

“If in doubt at any time as to what is proper, follow the example of others of more experience.” Wise etiquette advice then, and just as wise advice now. 

Table Manners for Children

• Drink from the cup—never from the saucer
• Teaspoons are left in the saucer, not in the cup. 
• Making a noise, either in eating or drinking, is vulgar. 
• Always cheerfully defer to older people and to guests. 
• Eat slowly, and do not fill the mouth with large quantities. 
• Eat the food served or quietly leave it on the plate without remark. 
• Avoid drumming with the fingers or feet; it is the height of impoliteness. 
• If in doubt at any time as to what is proper, follow the example of others of more experience. 
• Patiently await the coming of your turn; do not follow with the eyes the food served to others. 
• Never unnecessarily handle the dishes, or in any other way exhibit nervousness or impatience. 
• Do not feel obliged to “clean up the plate;” especially do not make a laborious display of doing so. 
• Do not ask for any particular part of a fowl or similar dish, unless asked your preference; in that case always indicate some part, and if there really be no choice, designate the portion with which the host can most conveniently render service.— The Weekly Bouquet, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Plea for Elementary Etiquette

The teacher who adopts the rule of saying with a smile, “Thank you,” will be more cheerfully obeyed, and we all know that we comply more cheerfully when asked “Will you kindly do so and so?” than when we are commanded “to do so and so.”

In all of the ultra-fashioned schools girls particularly are taken through a regular course of etiquette, to fit them for the social world, and why not the children less fortunate who have no advantages of home training. A woman of refinement teaching a public school must often feel revolted at the manners of the little people who are so easily corrected when approached in the proper spirit, and it would seem less unpleasant to reform these tender sprigs than to train the hardened shoots of later years. A teacher who meets the children confided to her with a pleasant “Good morning” fosters a habit that a child will never outgrow. The teacher who adopts the rule of saying with a smile, “Thank you,” will be more cheerfully obeyed, and we all know that we comply more cheerfully when asked “Will you kindly do so and so?” than when we are commanded “to do so and so.” No one is ever the loser through extending courtesy, and we all know how much pleasure these trifles add to life. The politeness clauses should embrace a series of “talks,” or as the Italians say “conversaziones,” in which various topics should be discussed. 

An amiable teacher with a well developed vein of humor would find such classes a pleasant relaxation, but she should cultivate the tact that steers clear of both ridicule and sarcasm. A sensitive child, who felt its lack of polish, would be deeply hurt by ridicule in the presence of a whole school, but this self same sensitive young one would be the quickest to profit by such lessons. In this splendid country of ours, where fortunes are made in a day and the sons of laborers have an equal chance, through brains and, ability, of rising to the very highest positions in the gift of the people, where the daughters, through beauty of person or that indefinable charm of grace, may wed millionaires, the necessity of this species of training is obvious. Many of these children know nothing of the graceful amenities of life, which they are so anxious to learn. They are ambitious and self-reliant, as all American children are, and yet are hampered by the total ignorance of the merest rudiments of social ethics. In Washington, those having the interests of the rising generation at heart, cannot fail to appreciate the value of a course of “polite lessons” in the schools. – San Francisco Call, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Pre-Schoolers

Little children have no appreciation of social usage. Indeed they have no use for it whatever, as yet they have a long way to go into their social development, before parents can expect them to defer to another child simply because he happens to be a guest. Lessons in fair dealings come first; etiquette can wait until the child is ready for it.

Your Child

By Jane Coward

When little Judy, who was visiting, decided that she wanted the toy with which three-year-old Allen was playing. Allen’s mother called him aside and whispered that he was the host and must let his guest have whatever she wanted. Just as any other normal youngster would have done under the circumstances, Allen refused. Then, after some pleading on mother's part, he reluctantly handed his toy over to his little friend, but promptly slapped her. It so happens that the toy in question was Allen’s favorite. But even if it weren’t a favorite plaything, a toy always seems more desirable to a youngster when another covets it. This always makes him feel proud of his ownership. And it won’t do any good to criticize the sudden change by saying, “You never cared for the toy before!” He cares for it now, and that will be enough to make him feel and behave with possessiveness where it is concerned. 

At no time should parents insist upon drawing room decorum for pre-school-age youngsters toward their little guests. Little children have no appreciation of social usage. Indeed they have no use for it whatever, as yet they have a long way to go into their social development, before parents can expect them to defer to another child simply because he happens to be a guest. First, they must learn to get along with little people. For this they have to learn respect for property, to take turns, to share things. Disagreements like the one described above between Allen and Judy are bound to arise wherever youngsters meet, whether at the playground, in nursery school or at each other’s homes. And the person in charge must be prepared to deal with them on a basis of equality. Judy, for example, might have been urged to offer a toy to Allen in exchange for the one which he was using. No matter that he was her host. It takes years for children to learn give and take, and training has to be pursued diligently as opportunities arise. Lessons in fair dealings come first; etiquette can wait until the child is ready for it. – Madera Tribune, 1942

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Schoolchildren, 1916

Lay Down Rules of Etiquette for School Children

• Giggling and Talking in Loud Tones on Street Cars Under Ban 

• Girls Can't Wear Jewelry 

• Move on Foot to Better Manners of Students and Raise Standard

Here are the things which Los Angeles school children may not do in the future, according to an etiquette campaign launched today by the P.T.A.:  

• Giggle on the street cars. 
• Talk in loud tones on cars.
• Sit when elder people are standing on cars. 
• Use slang. 
• Wear silk stockings. 
• Wear jewelry or trinkets.  

Los Angeles public school children are to have better manners and a higher standard of etiquette in the future. To accomplish this both the children and their parents are to be educated in courtesy and manners in the homes. 

EDICT OF MOTHERS 

This was the edict of mothers who belong to the council of presidents of the Parent-Teacher Federation, which held its first meeting of the yeaf today at Symphony Hall. The subject of juvenile etiquette was brought up at a round table held under the direction of Mrs. E. H. Noe.  

According to the consensus of opinion expressed at the round table, little school girls giggle and talk too loudly on street cars. Both little girls and boys are too apt to remain seated in the cars when older people are standing. These things are to be campaigned against by the mothers. 

WAR ON SLANG 

A great effort will be made by the 8000 mothers of the P.T.A to stop the use of slang on the part of their children and it is here that father will get his education, according to the mothers. For henceforth, father may not say “darn" if he whacks his thumb with a hammer, because it will give the son of the house a bad example.  

Old fashioned courtesy toward parents and elders will be introduced into Los Angeles homes, according to the P.T.A. plan. Parents will campaign to teach their children courtesy in small maters, such as standing until their parents are seated, and maintaining a polite manner toward each other.  

JEWELRY UNDER BAN 

The question of dress for high school girls was taken up today with the result that mothers will wage war against silk stockings, jewelry and trinkets, and cosmetics. “We want to reach the etiquette and manners of children in school and public through the homes,” Mrs. Noe said today at the round table. "It is the fault of the parents that children of today are noisy, slangy and lax in courtesy.  

But from now on the 8000 mothers of this organization must launch a campaign for their own and other people's children in all these directions.” Dr. Albert Shiels, superintendent of schools, and Mrs. Susan Dorsey, deputy superintendent, addressed the council of presidents.— Los Angeles Herald, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia