Etiquette of Visiting Cards

“Yes; it seems to me that one of the most important things is the etiquette of cards. It is strange that a bit of pasteboard means so much, isn't it?”

The Rules Governing the Use of 

Visiting Cards

When, Where, For Whom to Leave Them

"ASK me anything you like," said Mrs. Wright cordially to a friend who had been puzzled over some points of etiquette.

"You are very good to help me," said Mrs. Howe. "After living out of town for some time as I have done one gets out of touch with many things."

"In town or out of town there are always certain accounts to be kept with society," answered Mrs. Wright. "In smaller towns and country neighborhoods the same general duties should be done. I don't mean to call them 'duties' only. They should be pleasures."

"But with my children to think of, I have neglected social duties or pleasures," pleaded Mrs. Howe.

"That is a natural and a frequent excuse," said her friend, "but it is not altogether fair to your husband or yourself to neglect society, and not fair to seem indifferent to your friends. Then you must remember that you have two girls. They should give you a new interest in social life."

"But they are children!" exclaimed the young mother in surprise.

Keep in Touch for the Children

"They will not always be children. They will be grown up before you realize. While they are growing up you must not drift away from social interests or customs. You must stay bright and young for the sake of your husband, children, friends and society in general."

"You are right. I am going to try to follow your example," said Mrs. Howe, gayly. Then she added, "If my girls have as good manners when they grow up as your Rosamond, I shall be happy."

"I did not intend to draw down so much flattery on my head or on Rosamond's," said Mrs. Wright, laughing.

Then she continued confidingly: "Rosamond's coming out this winter has been a joy instead of a task, because I have tried always to keep in touch with society and its ways. A girl's coming out brings up all sorts of matters for discussion, and one needs to be prepared with information."

"I see that you are having a very busy winter," said Mrs. Howe.

"Yes, a busy and delightful winter; and now that you tell me you want my suggestions I shall have another pleasure. Is there not something you want to discuss?"

"Yes; it seems to me that one of the most important things is the etiquette of cards. It is strange that a bit of pasteboard means so much, isn't it?"

The Importance of Cards

"Not when you think that cards help to unite society. We could never pay off our social debts, or even remind people of our existence, without these useful little bits of pasteboard. Cards are very often, too, the expressions of kindliness, sympathy or congratulation. After all, there is a common-sense reason about the use of visiting cards, as in most social matters. Leaving cards is a step toward renewing, friendships, forming or enlarging one's circle of friends. If one does not follow the prescribed rules it is a sure step in the wrong direction."

"How should I let my friends know that I have come back to town to live?" asked Mrs. Howe.

"You should call on all friends and former visiting acquaintances and leave your cards with your new address. In large cities where distances are great and visiting is not easy, many persons simplify matters by having a tea or a series of teas and sending out cards to that effect. This shows one's friends that one remembers them and wishes to see them, and they generally respond by calling on one of the days; but after a prolonged absence it would seem more to call on your list of acquaintances, even though you send out cards later for some special event. Everyone should try to make at least one call during the year on friends and acquaintances."

Before I forget it, please explain what is meant by leaving cards?"

Leaving Cards

"Remember always that a card is a reminder of your call and your address. One leaves a card whether the hostess is at home or not. You may leave a card on the hall table when entering the house or when going away. You may lay a card down unobtrusively on any convenient table. 

If you are told at the front door that Mrs. B is not at home, you may leave your card with the person who opens the door. Of course, one must never under any circumstances give one's card to the person on whom one is calling." "About my husband's cards-what is the custom?" asked Mrs. Howe.

"A man is not supposed to have leisure for making calls. His wife leaves his cards with her own when making a first call of the season and when calling in acknowledgment of invitations. The general rule to remember is that a woman leaves one of her cards for each lady in a family, and one of her husband's cards for each lady and for the man of the household. Yet, here is another point: it is not considered in good taste to leave more than three of one's cards at a house, even where there is a large family. 

For instance, you might be calling on Mrs. B. who has two grown daughters. Her mother lives with her. Three of your cards would include them all, and three of your husband's cards would be plenty. As a general rule, a married man's card is not left for a young girl." "How soon is a call due after an invitation?"

"Within a week after a dinner, a luncheon, a card party, a home wedding, or any evening party. It is obligatory to call whether one accepted or not." "Is it right to call after a tea or reception?" inquired Mrs. Howe.

"No, you do not call after a tea or reception, because your call is made when going to the tea. A hostess sends cards to notify her friends when she will be at home. They may go or not as they please. If they go they leave cards. If they cannot go they send cards by post on the day of the tea, and their duty is done."

At that moment pretty Rosamond came in from a walk. Seeing her mother's friend she hastened forward.

"Oh, Mrs. Howe, I am so glad to see you," she said, as they shook hands. Instead of chattering about herself the girl sat near her mother and showed by her courteous manner that she was interested in their guest,

Presently Mrs. Howe rose to go while saying to her hostess, "This friendly talk has given me new energy and courage. I am determined to try to surmount all difficulties in the social world.

Mrs. Wright and Rosamond rose and shook hands with their guest, and Mrs. Wright accompanied her to the door, saying, "Come to me as often as you wish with problems." – Fresno Bee, 1909

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Cards and “At Home”

Acknowledging Wedding Cards

Will you kindly tell me how to acknowledge a wedding announcement? —Grace 

Unless the wedding announcement includes the “at home” address of the happy pair, no notice need be taken. If it does, make a call upon the day mentioned, or, if that is impossible, send your card to arrive upon that date. If the announcement is from a very dear friend, a personal note of love and good wishes would not be amiss. 

Two Questions

Will you please tell me where I can get a good book on etiquette? Would it be correct to have the day of the week best suited for me to receive callers put on my calling cards? —Mrs. A. L. 

For your first question I must ask you to send me a self-addressed stamped envelope. It will be perfectly correct for you to have an “at home” day engraved upon your visiting card. But be sure you adhere strictly to the day given and remain at home all prepared for visitors. – Madame Merrk, Sausalito News, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Calling and Shopping Card Etiquette

“The wise woman carries cards with her wherever she goes, for there are many uses for them. Nowadays, she carries shopping cards also, and saves time and trouble when she makes purchases. A neatly engraved card is always in good taste, even when not strictly up to style, but a careful woman is modish in that, as in every other detail of her toilette.” – Above ~ Shopping at House of Worth 

Betty Bradeen’s Daily Chat

Sometimes I open letters to find that the desired information would be too late. That happens when social functions are looming up in the near future, and somebody has met a puzzling situation. Generally, such letters ask for information on the subject of visiting cards or notes of acceptance or regret. There are only a few rules governing the etiquette on such occasions, but they are important. Every woman should know them, even though she has no occasion for such knowledge. We learn a good deal which is never put to account, you know. 

When a woman calls upon a new neighbor, she carries a card for each woman in the family and her husband’s cards as well, with one for the masculine head of the house. That is only for the first call; which is returned in like manner, and then the acquaintance is purely a matter of individual choice. The demands of etiquette have been met. Cards are convenient things even after terms of intimacy have been established, for they serve as reminders of visits whigh might be forgotten or might never be known. The wise woman carries cards with her wherever she goes, for there are many uses for them. Nowadays, she carries shopping cards also, and saves time and trouble when she makes purchases. A neatly engraved card is always in good taste, even when not strictly up to style, but a careful woman is modish in that, as in every other detail of her toilette. 

Letters of acceptance or regret are imperative, and shortcomings in this line are never overlooked. The sender of an invitation has a right to expect the courtesy of a reply of some sort — and the nature of the reply has much bearing upon the success of the function. In wedding invitations, the answers are sent to those who issue them, no matter whether there is an acquaintanceship or not. For instance, the parents of a bride send many such to friends of the bridegroom, persons they have never seen, but answers are due them just the same. –Betty Bradeen, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Formal Afternoon Teas

      An ornate tea server 

These are very successful as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense and few exactions, and are given with many purposes: to introduce young women into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a number of her friends, to honor some woman of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which cards have been issued, naming set date. Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion to keep back the onlookers, and should receive a small fee for his services. At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.



CARDS
Each guest should leave a card in the tray in the hall. A woman may leave the cards of the men of her family who have been unable to attend. Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

DAUGHTERS
The daughters who have passed the debutante age usually stand for an hour beside their mother to receive the guests, and afterward mingle with the guests to help to make the function a success.

A comedic look at the “London Season” in 1870 ~ The “London Season” is synonymous with tradition, and both British and international codes of conduct in social, corporate entertainment and business environments. It actually began over two hundred years ago, and started out as a series of events, enjoyed only by members of the aristocracy. 

DEBUTANTE

When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion. The host and the men all wear the regulation afternoon dress. Women wear costumes appropriate to the afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving, provided they do not come at the opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them. On entering the room, the women precede the men. After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those receiving with her, the guests move into the middle of the room. Guests go the dining-room when they wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.

If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. In the dining-room the men, assisted by the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST
Except when a newly married couple give a house-warming or a reception, the host does not stand beside his wife, but spends the time in making introductions, and doing his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

HOSTESS
The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door, ready to receive each guest as announced. The hostess shakes hands with each guest, and introduces them to those receiving with her. Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS
The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS
The hostess should introduce her guests to those receiving with her.

INVITATIONS
Engraved invitations are sent a week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger. They are usually issued in the name of the hostess only, though they may be issued in the name of both husband and wife. In place of the visiting-card, an "At Home" card may be used, or cards specially engraved for the purpose. When cards are sent to a married couple, the cards are addressed to both husband and wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING
It is not necessary to accept or decline these invitations, as the guest accepts by his presence. If unable to do so, he should send by mail or messenger a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during the ceremony. When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one present at the function, she can leave cards for the rest of the family.

MEN
Both the host and men wear the regulation afternoon dress, consisting of the long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather shoes complete the costume. The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases --remembering that he must offer his ungloved, right hand to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS

Guests on being presented to the hostess should shake hands. If guest takes leave of hostess, they should shake hands. If the hostess is surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN
Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, even though their names may be announced upon entering. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided for the purpose, or give them to the servant at the door. Women wear a costume appropriate for the afternoon, and keep their hats and gloves on.

From “The Book of Good Manners,” by W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia