Oyster Forks and Oyster Spoons

Malindy may have been very familiar with oyster forks, but clearly she hadn’t heard of the ‘oyster spoons’ used in France. — Above is a pretty Limoges porcelain, floral oyster plate along with an Art Deco-style pattern, Cirta Strie, Christofle oyster spoon. Oyster spoons are rare in the United States. The spoons all feature a notched bowl. Some spoons are notched on the left side of the spoon bowl. Others are notched at the tip of the spoon bowl. The notch is helpful for easily and gracefully dislodging the bivalve mollusk from its shell. A notch at the top tip of the bowl is especially helpful when one’s guest is left- handed.

Eating Oysters

Long, long ago, in the pre-world-war era there was a brisk and efficient old lady who had a tobacco farm in Kentucky and a residence on top of a high hill on the same. In her bailiwick she ran things with a high hand, but her hospitality was famous and much sought. In the early years of our marriage my husband and I were often guests there. We’ll call her ‘Malindy.’ It wasn’t her name but it should have been. 

Malindy liked people, but she also liked her linen and her furniture and, especially, she liked good table manners. On a certain Thanksgiving day she served raw oysters to be followed by oyster soup, with trimmings. At that time and place, oysters in any form were hard to secure and the guests were delighted to have them. But, woe betide, one guest was not posted on the etiquette of oyster eating. He began on the raw ones with his soup spoon, but it was not a great success and presently he was chasing oysters round his plate with the spoon and getting nowhere.

I was sitting where I could see Malindy’s face and I was conscious that something was brewing. She fixed the offender with her great piercing eyes, her lips a straight red line in her gray old face and presently she asked: “Mr. Watson, didn’t the maid give you a fork?” With the question, a vast silver fork was catapulted across the table to the side of the embarrassed Watson who stammered: “W-h-a-a—oh yes. Of course. It’s here.” “Then use it, man. use it. Raw oysters were never meant to be eaten with a spoon.” 

We looked at the guest; we looked at the hostess and then everybody, including Watson, burst into friendly laughter. But I’ll bet a ginger cake against anything you like, that Watson never again ate raw oysters with a spoon. And I’m sure he didn’t mind very much. The element of humor saved the day. — From “The Log of Life,” by Estelle Lawton Lindsey, 1942

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More 1930’s Dating Etiquette

                   

This young chap is embarrassed because his girl hangs on his arm while he buys movie tickets. He envies the man behind him whose “date” properly ignores the transaction.

Your Social Blunders Embarrass Others

Watch your movie manners theater manners. Let your escort spend his money without your help. This young chap is embarrassed because his girl hangs on his arm while he buys movie tickets. He envies the man behind him whose “date” properly ignores the transaction.

You’d expect the first couple to stumble rudely over other people’s feet, crunch candy, nudge each other and giggle. And it’s so easy to say “I’m sorry” if you have to pass in front of others. And be considerately quiet once you are seated.

Check your score on social carelessness. Do you ever stop at a restaurant table to prattle gaily for 10 minutes while the men in the party stand at attention.

Do you make up your face in the street car instead of getting it in order before you leave home or dressing-room? People judge you by your every-day conduct. 

Learn good manners for street, shop, restaurant, automobiles, introductions and invitations. – Santa Ana Journal Home Service. 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Sophistication

Tom didn't sit tooting his horn until Emily came out and climbed into the car unassisted. He rang the doorbell, greeted her father – young men say “sir” or “ma’am” to elders – and helped Emily into the car.

Sophisticated young people, Tom and Emily. Off for a day in the country. They feel easy in each other’s company because each knows the other will do correct things.

Tom didn't sit tooting his horn until Emily came out and climbed into the car unassisted. He rang the doorbell, greeted her father – young men say “sir” or “ma’am” to elders – and helped Emily into the car.

Emily doesn’t enter the country club clinging to his arm. In the dining-room she follows the head waiter, while Tom follows her. If friends stop at their table, Tom rises. Emily acknowledges introductions with “How do you do?” and not, “Pleased to meet you.” 

An etiquette book tells you the small courtesies between girls and men that make you an agreeable companion. What to do and say in a restaurant, office, while motoring, at home, at dances and hints on girls’ and men’s codes of behavior. – Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Travel Etiquette Advice of 1963

Tourists just looking for freebies, like Moody above, aside, those catering to the vacationer, if pinned down, could give you a list of gripes that long for correction. They are tolerant, because they are seeking the tourist dollar. 

How Are Your Travel Manners?

Check Yourself! 

NEW YORK (UPI) —A tourist is judged by his travel manners and the better they are the better the impression made on strangers at home and abroad.

The better also you will enjoy your trip if you exercise the rules of courtesy. Good manners add to good service you get too from the motels, hotels, roadside eating places, airlines, trains and buses.

Those catering to the vacationer if pinned down could give you a list of gripes that long for correction. They are tolerant, because they are seeking the tourist dollar. But, from talking to various persons in the travel industry, we have compiled:

Pauley's Easy Guide for Testing Your Vacation Etiquette

• Do you hog two seats in the bus, train or plane by deliberately placing your coat, purse or other paraphernalia on the second seat, hoping thereby to seal it off? 
• Do you on planes hang assorted cameras, coats or other accessories including flight bags in your area so that they overlap and create a hazard anyway discomfort for the person behind or in front of you?
• Do you light a cigarette, pipe or cigar without asking whether smoking bothers the person sitting next to you?.
• Do you use the ash tray nearest you or prefer to lean over and use one of your neighbor, dusting ashes as you go?
• Do you march up to the reception desk of hotel or motel and elbow others aside who are in line ahead of you to register? If you've pushed your way past others a little more patient during a busy tourist season, you've just won a top award for crudeness.
• Do you adapt if the conditions are not as perfect as promised? Some of the over-seas countries are just getting into the swing of seeking you as guest for a holiday and the shower may not always work, the soap supply not be ample. But point out politely that flaw in the service. Creating a scene does not create a favorable impression of Americans. 
• In motor travel, especially in the United States, do you use the roadside picnic areas as if litter did not hurt? Multiply your left-behind paper plates and cups, soft drink bottles, etc., by the hundreds who will use that picnic area in a given week and you see why some areas of the United States look like one big garbage heap.
• Crews eventually will pick up after you, but you're not thinking of the others who want to enjoy the outdoors nor of the multi-million dollars of taxpayers’ money spent on cleanup alone.
• Do your driving manners show in reverse? Tail-gating, nudging out of your lane at a stop light for a quick getaway when the light turns green these invite disaster.
• Do you remember to say thank you to the filling station attendant, the policeman or anyone else who acts as a free guide? — By Gay Pauley, UPI Women's Editor, 1963

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Compliments

She titters, gives a gawky flap of the hand, and makes Sam’s ears burn by saying, “Aw, that's just your line,” or “You don't really mean it.”

To Accept Compliment Gracefully Is an Art

Listen up, young ladies… Sam’s not paying Betty any more compliments! He doesn't even care about seeing her any more. She’s the kind of girl who makes a fellow feel silly if he tells her she looks pretty.

She titters, gives a gawky flap of the hand, and makes Sam’s ears burn by saying, “Aw, that's just your line,” or “You don't really mean it.”

How much more gracious to say, when you're told you dance well, or you're looking grand tonight, “I’m glad you think so,” or “It’s ice of you to say so.” Even an Appreciative smile will do!

But awkwardness and fumbling reveal regrettable lack of poise. Learn gracious manners at dances, restaurants, theaters, other public places. Brush up on your etiquette. – S.A. Journal, 1936

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ill-Bred American Children of 1914

Ella Wheeler Wilcox was an American poet and journalist. Several of her articles on parenting and home life are featured on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Children's Behavior

There Is a Vast Difference Between Liberty and License

American Youth Are Most Lawless and Ill-bred of Any on Earth, a Fact for Which Parents, Mothers Especially, Are Responsible

AMERICA is old enough now to know that the word liberty does not mean license; that freedom does not mean lawlessness. American mothers have a large duty confronting them; the duty of teaching their children the fine distinctions which lie between these words.

Ask any man or woman who has seen many lands and many people, and you will be told that American children are the most lawless and ill-bred of all the children on earth. On any ship or in any hotel the children who make themselves obnoxious by their loud voices, their impertinent manners and their failure to show courtesy to their elders are invariably American children.

It is not an unusual sight to see American children walk or stand before strangers, staring at them rudely and whispering or tittering as they move away. Two young girls made themselves so obnoxious on one of the large ocean liners by their impertinent manners to passengers in the dining saloon that it became necessary to ask the chief steward to reprove them.

These children were daughters of a New York banker. Their mother was on board with a retinue of attendants, but she had never taken time to teach her children refinement or even common decency of deportment.

When Rich Are Ill-Bred No Wonder the Poor Are

When such examples of ill- breeding can be found among the rich, one cannot wonder that the poorer classes have not reached a standard where they understand the importance of including good. manners in the curriculum, of education.

A lady who employs boys of all work at her country home was surprised to discover that children of Americans who came to her for work were nearly always lacking in the little polite habits which it would seem every mother would teach her boys and girls as soon as they were able to talk.

For instance, boys of sixteen came into her presence without removing their caps, and often when reporting to her for directions they bolted into her private apartments without knocking or in any way making their presence known. It became necessary for her to teach her employees good manners before she taught them their other duties.

Every mother should train her children to show good taste and delicacy in their treatment of herself. Then it would follow, as a matter of course, that they would treat others with courtesy. From the time a boy is able to walk he should be taught to rap before entering a room and girls should be taught the same act of courtesy.

There is too much freedom in most American homes. It does not indicate affection, or mutual understanding, or good comradeship when people bolt into the presence of another member of the family with no word or sound to prepare the way.

It merely indicates lack of thoughtful consideration. The refinements of life do much to keep the affections alive. A delicate code of manners observed between husband and wife helps to keep them out of the divorce court.

A gentle tap on a door, even if the door is open, and a word indicating who is coming, makes the advent of a loved one no less welcome.

Neglectful Mother Is Serving Ends of Discourtesy 

The mother who does not train her son to show to her the little courtesies like this is sowing seeds of annoyance for others who will be irritated by this lack of thoughtfulness.

No matter what position a man occupies in the world, whether he employs or is employed, whether he is waited upon, or waits upon others, good manners and courtesy and politeness will be of incalculable value to him.

A lady had occasion to call at the office of a prominent lawyer in a city of colleges. The lawyer was absent, but his secretary was present, a well educated young man, of good American family.

The lady who called was one for whom he unquestionably felt respect, yet he permitted her to stand for five minutes in his presence while she told her errand; and he lounged comfortably in his chair, with a cap on his head which he never thought to remove.

He seemed most anxious to be of service and in every way tried to help her; no doubt he would be greatly astonished and deeply pained if he knew she thought him discourteous. Such conduct is not at all uncommon in America;, it is to be met with every day; and it is always the fault of the mother.

Father Not Blameless but Chief Duty Is With Mother

The father, too, comes in for his share of blame; but it is the mother who has the child near her hour in and hour out, during these early years when habits are formed; and it is to the mother a child should look for right training in deportment.

Little girls, as well as boys need careful coaching. They should never be allowed to enter rooms without previous announcement; they should not be permitted to break into conversation without apology; and they should not lounge or sit while their elders stand.

Teach your children these little refinements, good mothers. It is better than leaving them a legacy of hard-earned money. – By Ella Wheeler Wilcox, July 1914

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A 1936 Petiquette Lesson

It’s true. Studies have shown that just as with their children, humans are judged by their dogs’ behavior. An unruly, ill-mannered dog is a poor reflection on a person, whereas a well-mannered dog, trained to behave in front of visitors, is a sign of respect for others by the pooch’s owner. Before adding a dog to a household, it is good to ask a veterinarian or animal behaviorist which types of dogs would fit in to one’s home with the least amount of friction or upheaval. Numerous recent articles have tackled this topic in great detail, making suggestions for which breeds of dogs differing types of families should own. Calmer breeds of dogs are better suited to large, noisy households, while more highly animated breeds work well in homes which have fewer young children and distractions. While also like humans, every dog is different from another, the dog breeds rated best to avoid for families with kids include Chihuahuas, Rottweilers, Chow Chows, Pit Bulls and Dalmatians, according to parent24.com.

You Are Judged By Your Dog’s Behavior

What nice manners Jack and Jill have! They’re a credit to their mistress, thanks to her wise training. How did she teach them to lie down so obediently at her command? She trained each pup by itself. She let no other person help or even look on. 

While Jack, for instance, was sitting, she grasped his collar with one hand and with the other gently stretched his front legs out on the ground. Meanwhile she repeated, “Down! Down!” After several trials Jack proudly took the proper position himself, at the word “Down!” Then she rewarded him with a pat on the head! – Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1936

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Stuffing One’s Mouth When Dining

Only the cute cheeks of chipmunks, squirrels, hamsters and such are allowed to be stuffed! — Etiquipedia is no “Dear Abby,” but after having taught etiquette since 1990, I can confidently say that this mother missed a great teaching opportunity in this instance. It’s never allowable to comment on someone’s poor manners in their home unless you’ve been asked for a critique by the ‘cheek stuffers’ themselves. Based on the ages of her parents in 1982, I’d guess they grew up during the Great Depression, when food and money were in scare supply for many. It’s possible their rushed and stuffed mouths were the result of those days. With a little understanding, a history lesson, and a dose of good manners on her part, Heavyhearted could have taught her children the fine art of ignoring the poor manners of her parents while a guest in their home and offering up their behavior as great examples of “what not to do” at the dining table, before their arrival, and again, after their departure. 

Full Mouth Causes Table Tantrum

DEAR ABBY; My parents are loving, kindhearted people in their 60s, but they have the worst table manners I have ever seen. Other family members have hinted to them over the years with no success. Now we either exclude them from dinner or surround them with people who know what to expect. 

My husband and I and our two small children drive 300 miles a couple of times a year to visit them. We were there for Thanksgiving dinner, and my father once again filled his mouth so full his cheeks were bulging, then he started to talk. Abby, I couldn’t understand a word he was saying, so I asked him to please not talk with food in his mouth. He got so angry he refused to speak to me the rest of the visit. 

When we left there was a lot of tension. It spoiled the whole trip for me. I feel so bad. I wasn’t mean or disrespectful. Abby, I just told him not to talk with his mouth full. Was I wrong to say anything? Should adult children never correct their parents no matter what? We try to teach our youngsters proper table manners, and parents like mine really make it rough. —Heavyhearted 

DEAR HEAVY: Some parents accept criticism gracefully, and some do not. Unfortunately yours do not, so if you want to keep the peace, grit your teeth and hold your tongue. — From Dear Abby, in The Desert Sun, 1982

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Parents’ Manners and Character

“… no hired governess, no relative, no servant, can or does have the interest in training a child or the understanding of the task that a mother has” and may Etiquipedia add, “or that a father has?” as families and the sexes have changed quite a bit since this article was first written!
– Image source, Etiquipedia private library

Marital Error Brings Problem Into Home Life

WHEN YOU HAVE given your children the wrong kind of father the least atonement you can make is to, yourself, train them, even at a sacrifice of things you feel you had rather do. Those of you who read “Careers Limited” do. 

Those of you who read “Careers Limited” in Scribner's magazine must realize that no hired governess, no relative, no servant, can or does have the interest in training a child or the understanding of the task that a mother has.

Especially is this true if children have been given a bad heredity or have lived their tender years with the example or have lived their tender years with the example of an irresponsible or disloyal father before them.

It is important that their mother be at home to watch their development and see that their emotional reactions are curbed and wisely directed, their manners are what the manners of well bred people should be, that they learn habits of punctuality, application to the task in hand, that they are taught pride in truth and in meeting responsibility.

Character does not just happen. It is built in by education, example and environment. A child whose father has run off or shirked the duty he assumed when he became a father, has set a very bad emotional pattern before his children. He has left much for the mother to undo, if the misery caused by the father is not be to repeated in the homes of the sons.

That being so, the best service you can by any possibility give them is your personal association and guidance during their formative years Don’t welch. You made a foolish mistake when you married. Don't make a worse one now.– From “The Log Of Life” San Pedro Pilot, 1938

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Polite Thanksgiving Guest - 12 Tips

Your cellphone should be set aside for face to face communication with others and taking occasional photos. Keep your phone out of sight unless it’s needed. If you get a personal call, step into another room or go outside to take the call.

Twelve Tips for Being a Welcome Thanksgiving Guest

1. Don’t enter a home asking for the television remote, video controller or the wifi password. You’re there to visit and socialize. Instead, greet your host &/or hostess and thank them for having you. 
2. Holidays already bring unexpected surprises. Never show up with an “extra” guest or friend in tow unless you’ve politely discussed the matter with your host/s.
3. If you are “bringing a dish,” and you know the host’s or hostess’s taste in tableware, bringing an actual dish with your food as a hostess gift is a thoughtful touch. Ex: Your sister collects old, blue and white transferware. You spot unique bowls she’d love online and on sale. Pick a pretty style for her to keep and bring your famous cranberry sauce in it, ready to serve. 
4. If you aren’t already helping out in the kitchen, ask what you can do to assist. Many hosts & hostesses don’t want help in the kitchen, but may need help in making sure guests’ glasses are on coasters, guests’ coats are hung up or that children aren’t underfoot. Some hosts and hostesses need help with setting the table. Offer to make yourself useful.
5. If your hosts have the big game on, parade or holiday marathon, go ahead and watch. Just don’t ignore others or let it monopolize your attention.
6. Your cellphone should be set aside for face to face communication with others and taking occasional photos. Keep your phone out of sight unless it’s needed. If you get a personal call, step into another room or go outside to take the call.
7. Ask where you should sit at the table, unless your host instructs you to, “sit anywhere.” If there are place cards, sit where the host/s have placed you. It is the rudest of gusts who will rearrange place cards at someone else’s table.
8. Never criticize the food or how it’s prepared. If you don’t care for something, simply pass on the dish, or pass it on to the next guest without comment.
9. Keep political opinions and other hot topics out of your conversation. Regardless of your passions or opinions, seasonal get-togethers are not the time for division, especially in someone else’s home.
10. Don’t expect to take home leftovers, even if it’s the norm in your family or circle. Food prices have skyrocketed the past few years and some families have started asking guests to chip in on the cost of the meal. Leftovers may only be up for grabs if you’ve contributed monetarily to the meal. 
11. Holidays can be a lonely time for people, even those attending large gatherings. Be polite and try to chat with anyone who looks like they need some kindness sent their way.
12. Don’t overstay your welcome and always thank your hosts when you leave.

Contributor Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.  She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. Along with teaching and giving talks on old flatware, she is an etiquette consultant for the HBO – Julian Fellowes’ series, “The Gilded Age”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Hosting Thanksgiving – 12 Top Tips

Holidays bring unexpected surprises. If someone shows up with an “extra guest” or new boyfriend in tow, welcome the stranger politely. Someone else’s rudeness is no excuse for you to drop your good manners. People without family, or with fractured families, are especially vulnerable to depression. Expect the unexpected and you’ll find that the day or evening will run much more smoothly.

  Twelve Tips for Hosting a Memorable Thanksgiving  

1. Make sure your home is clean and welcoming to guests, especially for those who have traveled a long distance. Is the powder room or bathroom clean and well stocked? Is there plenty of seating for everyone? Have you briefed your guests on parking in your neighborhood or parking structure? Imagine being someone invited to you place for Thanksgiving. Mentally walk yourself through every step in getting there, your arrival and being in your home as if it were a stranger’s home. Is there something you haven’t thought of that needs to be considered beforehand in directions or discussions with your guests
2. Holidays bring unexpected surprises. If someone shows up with an “extra guest” or new boyfriend in tow, welcome the stranger politely. Someone else’s rudeness is no excuse for you to drop your good manners. People without family, or with fractured families, are especially vulnerable to depression. Expect the unexpected and you’ll find that the day or evening will run much more smoothly.
3. If you ask guests to “bring a dish,” be specific. Asking for “a salad” can mean anything from a bowl of various fruit chunks, to coleslaw, to potato salad, a bowl of greens, etc…
4. If you aren’t in need of kitchen help or don’t desire help, have a list of easy tasks ready for guests who want to feel helpful. Myself? I’m always asked to set the table or make certain it is set properly. 
5. Be thoughtful and have a set seating arrangement. Place cards are easy to make. Seat anyone with mobility issues at either ends of tables or where a walker or cane can be placed within easy reach.
6. Rethink the “Kids Table.” After overhearing kids arguing with parents over their table one year, I enlisted the help of my own teen and pre-teen in setting up the “No Adults Allowed” table in the same spot. We had etiquette class bins in my car, so we used little dollar store toys to make ‘place cards’, added fun, curly straws to the beverage glasses, small treats and place mats that could be drawn on with crayons and gel pens. It was a big hit! We actually had to add 2 extra chairs for the teens who wanted to join the kids.
7. Keep your cellphone nearby for guests running late or having car trouble.
8. Before the big day, enlist a trusted family member or friend to help with guests who are known to over indulge in alcohol or other substances, who like to engage in loud, political discourse, and even those whose memories are fading or are hearing impaired. 
9. Accept all host or hostess gifts or food gracefully, with a smile, and a “Thank you for your thoughtfulness!”
10. Keep politics and other hot topics out of your conversation. Regardless of your passions or opinions, seasonal get-togethers are not the time for division, especially in your own home.
11. Prepare for guests who wish to take leftovers home with them. Have containers ready.
12. Don’t expect everyone to be as enthusiastic in helping with the clean up after the meal as they were when the meal was being prepared. Visiting with and enjoying your guests is important. Some things can wait for the next morning.

Contributor Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.  She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. Along with teaching and giving talks on old flatware, she is an etiquette consultant for the HBO – Julian Fellowes’ series, “The Gilded Age”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Social Life

Be Clever and Avoid Such Etiquette Slips… you got a compliment and fell all over yourself. But compliments like everything else in social life, are just a matter of etiquette.

So embarrassing! You looked so sophisticated and charming to the vacation crowd. Then you got a compliment and fell all over yourself. But compliments like everything else in social life, are just a matter of etiquette. If you receive them with a titter and “Aw, you don't mean that,” you betray a sad lack of manners. But if you smile graciously, say, “You're nice to say so,” you show poise and breeding.

And how it helps to have a reputation for perfect manners. Invitations a-plenty for the girl who knows enough not to rise when she's introduced to men; who says good-bye to the sponsors at a dance; who to an apology says a quiet, “It doesn't matter.” And so few invitations come to girls who don't. Know what's expected of you at dances, dinners, motoring— all occasions. — Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Blunders Spoil Vacation

Miss Careless haven't you forgotten something?
You’re the guest, you know, of the frowning young man. How delighted you were when he invited you to this “Saturday night” at the resort’s nicest hotel. But now, when another asks for a dance, you float off without a word!

Here Are Tips for Vacation

Before you dance away, Miss Careless haven't you forgotten something? Your etiquette?

You're the guest, you know, of the frowning young man. How delighted you were when he invited you to this “Saturday night” at the resort’s nicest hotel. But now, when another asks for a dance, you float off without a word.

Mend your manners if you want to be invited again! Introduce the two men graciously. If the newcomer doesn’t say to your escort, “Do you mind” you say it. Then your escort waits with a smile instead of a frown

Indeed you can’t be too careful when you meet a new crowdJust the way you enter the supper room counts. Precede your escort if there's a headwaiter, follow him if there isn't. And it’s up to you – not your escort –to say when to leave any party.

Simple but so important!— Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Sexes, 1936

If the waiter’s not on hand, Jim’s johnny-on-the-spot at seating Molly.

Have You Charming Manners in Public

What charming manners these young people have! Wherever they are—in restaurants, theaters, at dances —their perfect poise wins admiration. If the waiter’s not on hand, Jim’s johnny-on-the-spot at seating Molly. If an older woman’s in the party, Jim gallantly seats her first. As for Molly? Does she cling to her escort’s arm? Flourish a comb in public? Turn down one man for a dance—then sail off with a better dancer? Of course not! If Molly’d rather not dance with a certain man — and has had no previous request for the dance —she suggests sitting it out. Manners make or mar your success. — S.A. Journal, 1936

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More 1930’s Etiquette Advice

Her etiquette sense makes dining out with her a pleasure... More etiquette advice from the 1930’s

Good Table Manners Bring Dinner Dates

Mary’s manners fit her like a glove. So smooth, so easy. Her etiquette sense makes dining out with her a pleasure. She waits gracefully poised by the table until Frank pushes her chair in place. When seated she lays her napkin in one or two folds across her lap, scans the menu and indicates her preference to Frank. She breaks small pieces from her roll, does not gnaw it. Drinks bouillon from its cup after sipping a spoonful or two. If she’s unfortunate to get a fishbone in her mouth, she removes it inconspicuously with her fingers—not behind her napkin. — S.A. Journal, 1937

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tennis Court Etiquette

This fellow is excited to be playing the valley’s fastest rising sport, but he’d better get his gear organized and, “Get ready for lesson No. 1 in tennis… a lesson in court manners.” 

Bench Warming

Get ready for lesson No. 1 in tennis, Imperial Valley’s fastest rising sport. Lesson No. 1 is not, as you might expect, a discourse on strokes for forehand, backhand and service. It is, instead, a lesson in court manners. “Court manners,” in case you have followed me this far, is one of the requisites for a successful tennis players. Court manners will not win points for you in playing games, it fact it might lose a few. But tennis is a gentleman’s game, gentlewoman’s too, and it is therefore necessary that you act the part. 

Rule No. 1 

Rule No. 1 specifically states that you should not run across, in back of or down the sidelines when other players are in action on the court. Loud talking, skating, riding of bicycles is outlawed in rule No. 2. Batting of tennis balls against a backboard when someone is trying to play tennis on an adjacent court is declared unconstitutional in rule No. 3. 

There are at least a dozen rules covering court courtesy among players but those rules are carefully considered by all players I have watched on valley tennis courts. But the three rules, mentioned first, are violated at least two hundred times per day at the high school courts in El Centro. Children, who are just learning the game, run across courts on which you are playing until you think you must be playing on Main Street’s sidewalk. 

You continually trip over someone in back of you, who is probably batting a tennis ball against a fence, or putting a child on his bicycle, so he can circle the court on which you are playing. Then, just as you are about to serve somebody will yell, “Hey you… throw that ball over here.” The result is a double fault service. By this time, you are ready to crown someone with your racket or just pick up your balls and go home. Either is preferable to listening to and dodging court manners’ violations. 

A Resolution 

Most of the violators are high school and grammar school children who are just learning to play the game. But even they should realize that rights of others on the tennis courts should be considered. We favor advancement of tennis in the valley, but new players can be molded to the game without running the old players off the courts in despair. Again we advise some New Years’ Resolutions. Let courtesy on the tennis courts head the list. – By Burdette Kinne Post-Press Sports Editor, 1938

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Knowing Etiquette for Public Poise

Be poised, get creative and save your hair… “You're off to a dance and the wind stands your best hair-do on end. Must you wait for your escort to come to your rescue ? Not at all. Say, “Do you mind if I roll up this window?” Or be nonchalant and tie a scarf or handkerchief over your curls.”

Tips on Dating Manners 

The recipe for popularity is to meet every little emergency with poise. You're off to a dance and the wind stands your best hair-do on end. Must you wait for your escort to come to your rescue ? Not at all. Say, “Do you mind if I roll up this window?” Or be nonchalant and tie a scarf or handkerchief over your curls. 

Your glove drops on the car floor. Bill can't drive with one hand while he stands on his head looking for it. Maybe you can retrieve it gracefully yourself. Otherwise, wait until you get to your destination before you suggest a search. 

At the dance, your old friend Don appears, tries to take you in tow. Bill swings into a brand new step you just can't follow. It's no trick at all to handle situations like these —if you know the rules. – Santa Ana Journal, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Refrigerator Etiquette

One subject that I often hear about from college students is refrigerator etiquette. A reader recently told me his new dorm mate informed him that any box or item not specifically marked as his is up for grabs. Evidently the mate’s household had these “rights” and he assumed that they worked anywhere. I asked the person if he was okay with his roommate’s declaration. He was not. He felt that it was presumptuous and disrespectful.

Comfortably sharing a space – and refrigerator – with someone requires communication, understanding, and a few ground rules.

Refrigerator Rights

According to Urban Rights Dictionary, “‘Refrigerator rights’ defines the depth, closeness, and intimacy of a relationship. Friends with refrigerator rights can help themselves to anything in your refrigerator without asking permission.”

Refrigerator rights are really about the right to act or not act in a common space. When you share a home or office with other people you probably share a refrigerator as well. Does this give you the right to help yourself to anything in said refrigerator? Only if you’ve been granted refrigerator rights.

Common Refrigerator Etiquette

When refrigerator etiquette is observed, as in other etiquette-ful situations, the people sharing the space hardly notice. Because there is nothing to notice, things run smoothly, and household routines are just. . . routine. 

But when expectations and understandings are not met, there is disappointment, aggravation, and resentment. Pet peeves come to light and will only become more annoying unless correction is made.

A recent poll of my family and friends reveals refrigerator pet peeves:

• Empty containers put back in the fridge.
• People drinking out of cartons or bottles which everyone uses.
• Not covering food properly (or at all) which leads to a smelly fridge.
• “Space stealing,” defined as using a shelf that has been previously claimed or assigned to someone else.
• A spill happens and the person who spilled just leaves it there.
• When someone used the last of something such as ketchup or ice cream and didn’t let others know.
• If there are no guidelines and it’s a free for all in the fridge.

Refrigerator etiquette rules are often practices that grow out of personal experience. Pet peeves are acknowledged, and guidelines are created to help keep harmony in the household. Some examples are:

• The person who usually stocks the groceries is commonly in charge of knowing when to toss out food on the verge of spoiling. 
• If the family or group sharing the refrigerator is large, create an organized storage system, including container labeling and shelf “ownership” systems to avoid confusion and irritation.
• Unless you have explicit permission to do so, if you didn’t buy it, you shouldn’t consume it. 
• Make sure that everyone understands and agrees to the system, including a cleaning schedule.

Shared responsibility can help minimize pet peeves and good communication can maintain an etiquette-ful atmosphere in the kitchen.

Just as with any common space, it is important to show respect. My advice to all roommates in question: When anyone is feeling invaded, that person needs to speak up about it.

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at  http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia