Tea Etiquette: Reading the Leaves

"Floating tea leaves mean 'watch for strangers coming.' To tell the gender and the day of arrival, put them on the back of one hand and tap with the back of the other until they adhere - each tap is one day - and if they are soft leaves it is a woman; if hard, a man." 

The story of tea is as strange and as fascinating as any that one can read. A prehistoric event dating back some five thousand years is bound to be shrouded in many mysteries, but the exceptional qualities of tea are such that many legends developed concerning its beginnings. A highly civilized people like the Chinese considered it a special gift from heaven. In India, too, it was much the same. In Japan a special ceremony grew around it. This habit of drinking tea is the only purely Asian custom which commands universal interest. Through it the East and West have met - in a teacup! 

Its introduction had a charming influence on our Western culture, even though a great deal of smuggling and piracy helped to bring it about. Discriminating Chinese taste insisted that tea should be drunk from porcelain; and this subsequently had a tremendous effect on world trade and the voyages of clipper ships. Art, politics, and religion were all involved.

All this mystery and adventure stirred up many superstitions. Even today some tea companies attach a little saying to each teabag, such as:

"To stir tea in the pot is to stir up strife."

"Floating tea leaves mean 'watch for strangers coming.' To tell the gender and the day of arrival, put them on the back of one hand and tap with the back of the other until they adhere - each tap is one day - and if they are soft leaves it is a woman; if hard, a man." 

Fortune-telling from tea leaves is not solely a gypsy custom. Many people have read meanings into the shapes and groups of leaves that form in the bottom of the cup - how accurately is, of course, another matter. — By Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1967

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette from the 15th C. On

Jacopo del Sellaio, an Italian painter of the fifteenth century, depicts King Ahasuerus at a table set up on a dais with a heavy sideboard in the background. The diners, wearing elaborate hats, sit in the courtyard and are approached by groups who wish to speak with the King.

In Europe, in the late fifteenth century, there was a definite rule that it was wrong to grab food with two hands and that meat should be taken with three fingers and not too much put in the mouth at the same time. There was, however, a common joke in the early sixteenth century that three fingers in the salt could be taken as the sign of a villain- for salt, owing to its preciousness, was to be taken from the cellar with a knife. It was also not considered good manners to lick greasy fingers or rub them on a jacket instead of using a piece of bread or a napkin.

Americans born in the elite circle in the seventeenth century had the charming custom of wearing elaborate and highly fashionable hats to dinner, a custom dating from fourteenth-century Europe and shown in the photo above. Hats were removed only when a toast was given; to be uncovered at meals was, until the eighteenth century, not etiquette.

In the mid-eighteenth century, however, the eating habits of the lower classes in many countries, including America, were still on a rather primitive level. Farmers and their families stood around the table while they served themselves with a wooden spoon from a large wooden bowl. They took their meat in their fingers and put it on a piece of bread that was used as a trencher, then ate it sitting or standing anywhere in the room. Fingers and knives were the tools, and forks were by no means commonplace. According to Helen Sprackling's book Customs on the Table Top, an Englishwoman traveling in America in 1827 wrote to her sister that “Americans, male and female, were invariable and indefatigable eaters with their knives.”

Still, some distinctions were made by those who cared to do things properly, as noted in The School of Good Manners, by Eleazar Moody: “Bite not thy bread, but break it; but not with slovenly fingers nor the same wherewith thou takest up thy meat. Dip not thy knife upright in thy hand, but sloping and lay it down at thy right hand, with the blade upon the plate.”— Patricia Easterbrook Roberts

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Basic Flatware for the Home

More unusual servers for foods, like those pictured above for bacon and waffles (considered necessities in the American Gilded Age), are not on Patricia Easterbrook Roberts’ list. Roberts was writing mainly of utensils that were needed to set a complete table in the mid-20th century.

FLATWARE

LARGE FORK. Usually called a dinner fork it is used for lunch and dinner when meat is served. Also used with tablespoon for serving.

LARGE KNIFE. Companion piece to large fork.

SMALLER FORK AND KNIFE. Used for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, except for the meat course. This fork may be used for dessert, and, with a dessert spoon, is more commonly used in England than in America. It may be used for salad, and in some services it is made specially for this course. This size of fork and knife is used for the fish course when there are no fish knives and forks.

*FISH KNIFE AND FORK. Used mostly in Europe and from old services. Americans use the small fork and knife for fish today.

SOUP SPOON. Used for all soups, desserts, cereal, and ice cream. The round bowl is most commonly used here in America, the egg-shaped bowl in Europe. It is between the tea- spoon and the tablespoon in size. Both shapes may used as small serving pieces.

TEASPOON. Used for tea, regular coffee cups, fruit and dessert in sherbet glasses, and for grapefruit (unless you have the pointed spoon specially designed for this fruit). 

COFFEE SPOON. Used for small, after-dinner coffee service, and as a baby's feeding spoon. 

DESSERT SPOON. Used with the small fork for dessert. Also used for soup and cereal.

TABLESPOON. Used mainly for serving vegetables, salads, berries, fruits, and desserts. 

INDIVIDUAL SALAD FORK. Used for salad, pies, and pastries. American designs have one wide tine for cutting greens.

BUTTER KNIFE. For individual use on the bread-and-butter plate for butter, jam and jellies, etc. Also for hors d'oeuvres and cheeses.

OYSTER FORK. Small three-pronged fork designed for eating oysters, clams, or any cold shellfish cocktail.

FRUIT KNIFE AND FORK. Mostly used in Europe when serving fruit at the end of a meal.

ICED-BEVERAGE SPOON. With its long slender handle it is needed for iced tea, iced coffee, fruit drinks, milk shakes, and parfaits. It is also used for mixing highballs.

SALT SPOON. The tiniest spoon made, for open salt cellars on formal tables. 

LADLES. In various sizes for soup, gravy, sauces, and punch. 

CARVING SETS. Large for roast meats, smaller for steaks. 

SALAD SET. Salad-bowl servers.

*This is actually incorrect. Families in England and Europe with “old money” and large sets of inherited silver passed down through generations, had used 2 forks to eat fish with at the table. Old British and European titled families did NOT traditionally use the newly created fish knife and fork sets at their tables. “New money” European families, like Americans with new wealth, purchased “fish sets” for their tables and entertaining.

— By Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1961

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“Setting the Stage” for Dining

“Although I do believe that for formal table settings it is best to keep more or less to one period, with experience it is possible, and often exciting, to combine periods in such ways that the new will complement the older pieces.”— Above is a mid-20th century modern setting using pieces from the 1940’s mixed with updated elements from the 1960’s and 1970’s.

A table should be well balanced. A pretty table also depends upon everything’s being in proper proportion. A large table can look silly with a lot of small pieces dotted around. If your service requires many small extra dishes, keep them grouped on a suitable serving tray. In your centerpiece, too, color and flower forms should be grouped to create the “weight” that is necessary. In this respect, remember that some colors and textures appear heavier than others. For instance, warm colors like red and yellow are strong, advancing colors, while blue and white are cool, receding colors.

Napkins must be folded with care and placed properly so that the general effect is one of tidiness. It is always imperative to have impeccable napery, whether you use a cloth or mats or runners. If plastic is substituted for linen, as it might well be for breakfast and casual meals (but never for formal ones), it must be checked before every meal for clean liness. Cleanliness is closely allied to beauty; a pretty table, like a pretty face, depends on soap and water. This machine age saves us much effort but we still have the final responsibility of seeing that our linen is spotless and that the china, glassware, and silver sparkle.

A table placed near a window, where a colorful garden or other charming view can be seen, is, of course, very pleasant. However, the art of interior decorating offers so much. that no matter what the setting is, no dining room need be drab and unattractive. It is a great blessing today that we are no longer bound by rigid notions of what is proper in the way of furnishing or color schemes. Within the limits of good taste you can do exactly as you like and make the most of even the most unpromising situations. Although I do believe that for formal table settings it is best to keep more or less to one period, with experience it is possible, and often exciting, to combine periods in such ways that the new will complement the older pieces.

Setting a pretty dinner table is one of the most rewarding activities in the daily round of family life. The table is the “theater,” or at least the “stage,” for a nightly performance that can be as entertaining as any show on Broadway or London’s West End. We should be just as eager to entertain the members of our family as we are to entertain any honored guest. Sincere compliments should flow from one to the other, for gratitude is the key to many a happy hour where warm words heal, just as much as good food. This important time of coming together for refreshment surely is the greatest opportunity to add beauty, laughter, consideration, and relaxation to our day so that everyone feels better for this experience.— Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1960

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Etiquette and Handsome Tables

Italian Majolica with its beautiful colors and delightful designs makes a pretty table. Four dishes for cheeses and crackers and a central one holding nuts are decorated with charming bushy-tailed squirrels. Place settings are on one side of the table to enable the guests to enjoy a view of the garden.— From “Table Settings, Entertaining and Etiquette”

“The table is the point for family reunion twice or three times a day, and nothing should be lacking that we can do to make those meetings pleasant and cheerful. No decoration will suffice to cover untidy napery, dim glass, or only partly cleaned silver. All details must be looked to, and then a perfect whole may be expected.” This advice, taken from an English penny weekly dated 1896, has lost none of its validity.

Tables are set every day, by most housewives, for many kinds of meals of varying degrees of importance, from breakfast to theater suppers. Today some people think that setting an attractive table is an unnecessary fuss and bother, and they have time only for the bare necessities. Meals become just a daily chore to be handled with dispatch; the sooner they are over, the better. Unfortunately there are times when one has to eat a sandwich, and run. Eating “on the run” is perhaps better than not eating at all, but it is not complimentary to the food, the cook, or the setting to say nothing about its effect on the digestive system. Everyone will agree that meals eaten in a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere are better for us, as well as being more enjoyable. It is our responsibility to create a pretty table, so that the meals are enjoyed in a setting that tempts one to linger over them and relax.

Snack bars and dinettes are convenient, of course, but the very casual quality of every thing that goes with this type of setting produces a casual manner that too easily slips to no manners at all. I believe that every effort to set a pretty table is necessary in order to please oneself, to use one's creative abilities to the full, and, in consequence, to brighten the day and delight one's family and friends as best one can. Not only does this enhance the presentation of food and add zest to dining, but it also creates a feeling of unity (which seems to be better accomplished around the dining-room table than at any other place in the home) and sets a standard for the younger members of the household to follow. — Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1960

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Formal Dinner Service with Help

The size of the guest list is usually established by the size of the staff-six guests to each person serving.

A well-balanced meal, planned so that it keeps as hot (or as cold) as it was meant to be, that is served correctly and with ease to appreciative company in an attractive setting, is the obvious aim of every hostess. The experienced housewife already knows the answers and how far she is prepared to go to achieve her ideals, but to those just setting up housekeeping, the following check list suggests what can be expected from the kind of space and help you have or can hire for a sit-down dinner party.

Trained Help in Large Households 

1. The size of the guest list is usually established by the size of the staff — six guests to each person serving.

2. The time for dinner, and the time for guests to arrive for cocktails, is settled. Invitations are written or telephoned, with a reminder sent later in the mail to busy people and new friends who need to have your address, phone number, and directions.

3. The menu is discussed and written out for the cook or chef. Formal dinners today usually do not exceed four courses, preceded by cocktails with canapés or hors d'oeuvres.

4. Cocktails may be made to order in the pantry (or kitchen) and served on a tray. It should be possible to serve hot hors d'oeuvres if you have a trained staff; otherwise, canapés and dip dishes are quite sufficient.

5. Before guests enter the dining room, water glasses should be filled, butter, if needed, placed on the butter plates, and candles lighted.

6. The servant should catch the eye of the hostess and announce when dinner is served. For a small group, the hostess seats the guests; otherwise, seating is indicated by place cards. The female guest of honor sits on the host's right, other honored guests on his left and on either side of the hostess, women alternating with men.

7. After the guests are seated, the first course is brought in on an accompanying plate and placed on the service plate before them. The service plate is never, at any time there after, left empty; as one course is removed, another takes its place.

8. All serving of food is done on the guest's left side, and water and wine on the right. Service begins with the guest on the host's right and proceeds around the table counter clockwise. If two people are serving, they should begin at the right and left of the host and proceed down the table, then serving the host and hostess, who immediately picks up the outside piece of flatware (on right of setting) as a signal for the guests to begin eating.

9. The first course is removed with the left hand, and the warm fish course plate is substituted with the right hand. The fish course is served with white wine.

10. The second course is removed with the service plate while a warm plate is substituted with the right hand. The hot entrée is served from garnished platters — often with accompanying potatoes. Other vegetables follow in partitioned dishes. The sauces and red wine are served. At a formal dinner nothing is offered a second time except water and wine replenishments. Individual servings of salad should be placed to the left of the guests if the menu requires them.

11. Remove the main course. Remove salt, pepper, unused flatware, and empty wine glasses to a small tray (leaving the water glass and the glass for dessert wine). Fill the water glasses (never touch the glass and use a napkin in case of drips).

12. Bring in the dessert plate, doily, and finger bowl (and the flatware also if it is not already on the table). The guest puts the doily and finger bowl to the left of the setting and puts his flatware in place on the table. Dessert accompanied by sweet wine or champagne is served.

13. The hostess makes the first move to leave by putting her unfolded napkin at the left of her setting.

14. A servant brings the coffee equipment into the living room for the hostess to pour. The servant passes the coffee to the guests. Liqueurs and glasses are brought in on a tray and served as requested.

During dinner, a servant removes any debris left after the cocktail party and tidies the living room. If the dinner party is larger than twelve and a full complement of staff is not available, the removal of each course begins when the majority has finished. But no guest should be made to feel hurried.— Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1960

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Cocktail Party Etiquette Tips

Cocktail parties were popular throughout most of the 20th century. They are a fun way to entertain without serving a sit-down dinner.– “At a small casual party for intimate friends the host or a man friend usually mixes the drinks. The food is customarily limited to snacks, dips, and appetizers which can be handled without messing the fingers. These are passed by the hostess at the beginning of the party and then placed conveniently for guests to help themselves.”
Photo source, Pinterest

The cocktail party has several advantages, for both the hostess and the guest. It is in formal, it normally has a time limit, and people can circulate and talk to the friends they most want to talk to, and many more guests can be accommodated than at a buffet or seated meal. At a small casual party for intimate friends the host or a man friend usually mixes the drinks. The food is customarily limited to snacks, dips, and appetizers which can be handled without messing the fingers. These are passed by the hostess at the beginning of the party and then placed conveniently for guests to help themselves.

For the larger party comprising people who may not know others, the host and hostess have to play a more active part; it is advisable, therefore, to have help at the bar if possible, and in the kitchen, too, if hot hors d'oeuvres are planned. The food, small in portion, should never be sweet; usually it is highly seasoned or is made up of such items as anchovies, sharp cheese, and olives. Good drinks, good food, compatible company, and sufficient room to circulate are the requisites for a good cocktail party.

For the really large affair, held when the main meal is eaten in the middle of the day and the guests may be coming some distance, a buffet is necessary. The menu can be simple, but hearty enough to substitute for a meal, with food that will keep fresh over the period of the party. A well-balanced plan would include one or more hot dishes, as well as cold meats, cheeses, relishes, a spread, and a variety of food that can be eaten with the fingers.

COCKTAIL PARTY CHECKLIST

INVITATIONS— 

Mail or phone. The time is usually somewhere between 5 and 8 P.M. up less it is a come-when-you-can and stay-as-long-as-you-like buffet plan.

MUSIC— 

Some find this helpful as a background, particularly at the beginning of a party, but many people find it disturbing. Ashtrays should be large and plentiful. If arrangements can be made to have them emptied regularly, so much the better. For tables that do not have an alcohol-proof finish, a liberal supply of coasters should be available. Place small tables next to chairs so that guests can sit down with their drinks.

GLASSES— 

It is good to have on hand twice as many as your guest list. 

ICE CUBES– Start freezing these at least a day ahead, to fill ice buckets, or else buy the cubes in quantity. Use only fresh ice for old ice absorbs tastes and odors.

FOOD— 

Many foods can be prepared well ahead and sealed in airtight wrapping for the refrigerator or freezer.

NAPKINS, SERVIETTES, AND HAND TOWELS— 

Have plenty of the gay paper cocktail napkins on the food and drink tables and an extra supply in reserve. Hand towels of soft absorbent paper, which seem to be preferred to dainty linen ones, should be well supplied in all bathrooms and powder rooms.

COCKTAILS— 

Follow a tested recipe and use a jigger for measuring, unless you are an expert guesser. Stir, rather than shake, all drinks made with clear liquors, such as Martinis or Manhattans. Martinis can be made somewhat in advance and placed in a refrigerator. The ice is added later so that the cocktail is not diluted. Shake all cocktails that contain ingredients which are harder to blend, like Daiquiris, Bloody Marys, and whisky sours. Pre-chill the glasses – this makes a big difference. Use lots of ice – but never twice. There is nothing worse than a lukewarm drink that was meant to be cold. For drinks like a Tom Collins, as a rule, sugar, fruit juice, and ice are put in the glass first, and then liquor is added. For a carbonated drink, like a gin and tonic, add ice, liquor, then the mix.

For those who do not like cocktails there are many alternatives, besides the traditional serving of whisky or sherry. Punch and eggnog are two favorites, and if you do not have your own recipes for these, any good liquor or wine shop will provide you with them. You might try a “cheese and wine” party, or make this a part of a cocktail party. Cheeses should be eaten with the fingers or with the aid of toothpicks. 

The food, with plates and napkins, and the cocktail equipment, can be set on one table. But it is better to have the bar set up on a separate table with plenty of room for service, as guests usually like to drink for a while before eating. If you have a barman, he can take orders and serve everything from the kitchen or pantry. Coffee should be ready in the kitchen, since it may be needed later in the evening.— From “Table Settings, Entertaining and Etiquette,” by Patricia Easterbrook, 1960

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Proper Tablecloth Overhang Length

When measuring the table for a cloth and overhang from ten to fifteen inches on all sides must be allowed for. On a large banquet table, for a really luxurious effect, the cloth should hang over as far as conveniently possible.

The term “table linen” is applied to any fabric or material used for a cloth or placemats for the dining table, and to the accompanying napkins. While china, flatware, and glass are bought and correlated with the idea that they will be used for many years and perhaps, with nominal care, will last a lifetime and more, linen is one of the elements of the table that allows for the greatest number of changes. In china, flatware, and glass, the best advice anyone can give you is, “buy the finest you can afford”; linen can be extremely expensive, but it need not be – there is less convention nowadays and more ingenuity, imagination, and personal taste.

The shape of the tablecloth should, of a necessity, conform to the shape of the dining table, whether it is square, oblong, round, or oval. The oblong or rectangular table has been the most popular for many years, but there is a modern trend toward round tables that open up to an oval shape for extra seating. When measuring the table for a cloth and overhang from ten to fifteen inches on all sides must be allowed for. On a large banquet table, for a really luxurious effect, the cloth should hang over as far as conveniently possible. — Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1960

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tea Etiquette and Use in Early America

 The bitter concoction that New Englanders made with tea was enough to discourage anyone from adopting it. Few knew how to prepare it. Most often they boiled the leaves much too long, and then, after drinking the liquid, they salted the leaves and ate them with butter, as had been done in England in the 1650s. — Pictured above is grouping of Georgian and Regency Era tea equipage, including a rare mote spoon. 
—Photo source, Etiquipedia private library 

“Tea was first brought to America in the late 17th century. At that time cider, ale, and wine were the favorite table drinks, and the bitter concoction that New Englanders made with tea was enough to discourage anyone from adopting it. Few knew how to prepare it. Most often they boiled the leaves much too long, and then, after drinking the liquid, they salted the leaves and ate them with butter, as had been done in England in the 1650s. After New Amsterdam passed into the hands of the English and became New York, it took on English customs, and tea, though still expensive, became more popular.

“At fashionable dinner parties, the ladies withdrew after the meal was finished, and were rejoined later by the gentleman in the parlor. Dessert in the form of fruit, biscuits, or cakes, was then served with tea. Tea was also taken privately in the morning and socially in the afternoon, following the English custom. In the homes of professional men, tea was served with their earlier family supper. And so drinking tea went hand-in-hand with the development of the private and social life of the 18th century. Acquiring the proper equipage and the etiquette for serving tea was the ambition of every housewife with social obligations. And even the very young used dolls’ tea sets in the very serious world of make-believe.” — Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1960

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A History of Mealtimes and More

 

From the 16th to the 19th centuries, courses were not served separately; several dishes would be set on the table together as part of one “remove.” A dinner might involve three “removes,” and a banquet, many more.
——————
The “Removes,” a popular Gilded Age dinner course, is the most confusing of courses.“The Removes” or “Remove” wasn’t originally referring to a food. Its name was merely referencing the time used to remove and switch out side dishes and crumb the table perhaps, in the preparation for the inexplicably named, “Second Main Course” (an oxymoron — which sounds like poor grammar to us at Etiquipedia), or the British “Roast Course.” 

The Changeable Hours of Mealtime

The excepted normal hours for eating varied from century to century and from country to country, and indeed they have varied, and still vary to some degree, in each individual household.


By the 16th century the French and Italians had developed elaborate, highly season dishes. English fare, by comparison, was simple, although just as hearty. The Elizabethan table was a gargantuan display of meat, bird, fowl, and vegetables, and special dishes like salmagundi and peacock pâté.


In those days dinner was served to the upper classes at about 11 o’clock in the morning and was the day’s main meal. Supper, usually the only other meal, might appear at about 5 o’clock p.m. It was considered smart to dine early, for the working classes, and some merchants, ate later in the day.


There are also references to people breaking their fast earlier in the morning before going on a long journey, or if they were ill, and to certain ladies in London, who “break their fast in their beds”. On occasions there were also snacks in between of bread, butter, milk, and cheese with ale or beer, that extended to “rear suppers... when it was time to go to rest.”


Travelers ate at the inns— “ordinaries“ —which supplied an assortment of snacks for those who did not bring their own food along. There were no restaurants, even in London, but one could buy pies and prepare dishes from the cooked-meat shop.


From the 16th to the 19th centuries, courses were not served separately; several dishes would be set on the table together as part of one “remove.” A dinner might involve three “removes,” and a banquet many more.


Silver, pewter, and wooden platters were used, and the same one kept throughout the meal. Some wooden platters, flat ones, were turned over for another “remove.” Poorer people used a thick slice of bread (or trenchers) to set their food on. This absorbed the juices and was eaten at the end of the meal.


There were many changes in English and American eating habits before the present pattern began to evolve at the turn of the 20th century. Dinner, the chief meal of the day, is ordinarily thought of as the evening meal. This was not always so. In some European countries the main meal is still taken mid-day, while in others – particularly Spain —it is eaten after 10:00 p.m.


In the 17th century, the day began with a good, healthy breakfast. This was followed by a heavy noonday meal, served at about 1 or 2 o’clock, and a comparatively light supper. In America, the custom of eating supper (usually three or four hours after tea) was in keeping with the English practice of earlier decades. Among the fare served to the settlers at suppertime, we read of such tidbits, mentioned by Jean McClure in her booklet, “Early American Table Settings,” as “hogs ears forced, pickled pigs feet and ears, ox-Palates.”


In farmhouse is on both sides of the Atlantic, tables were “set out” with all the food at once, but in the village, the squire’s wife “set out two courses” in English fashion. In city homes, the two courses were extremely elaborate and offered great variety.


This habit of covering the table with platters of food was not so that each person would sample everything, but so that each would find something to his taste. Since it was considered ungenteel at the time for the ladies to drink more than one glass of wine, they retired to the drawing room or parlor, after the desert course. Later, the gentleman join them for tea or coffee.– Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1967

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

12 Rules for American Formal Dinners

From 1 to 4 —1. Service plate, 2. Water glass, 3. White wine goblet, 4. Red wine goblet. A to H — A. Large dinner making, triple folded, B. First course fork, C. Main course fork, D. Salad fork, E. Main course knife, First course knife, G. Soup spoon (oval bowl for formal meals and soup plates, H. Seafood fork or Appetizer cocktail spoon.— Patricia Easterbrook Roberts — At very formal dinners, bread and butter is not served, so the bread plate is omitted. 

1. Invitations are sent in the third person, answered by the guests in writing, and in the third person. 
2. Full evening dresses required. This means white tie and tails for the men. 
3. While still in the hall, each male guest is given a card naming his dinner partner. 
4. Guests are announced by the butler as they enter the drawing room. 
5. The indicated dinner partners go arm in arm into the dining room. 
6. The table is covered with a cloth, white or in the palest of tints. The candle-and-flowers and fruit arrangement is lavish and elegant. 
7. Place cards have the names written in full. 
8. There are menus written in French. 
9. There are usually 6 or 7 courses of food, which is strictly traditional in type. 
10. The 6 or 7 courses are served with meticulous form. There are never second helpings. 
11. Large, broad rim suit plates are customarily used and the soup spoon is the large table-size. 
12. Unless specific entertainment is provided, one usually leaves earlier than if dining at an intimate little dinner, but not until after the guest, or guests, of honor, no matter how long they stay. — Helen Sprackling

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European 17th-18th C. Seating Etiquette

 ‘Eating together is a sign of friendship and equality, and yet people have always used the positioning of the “companions” as an expression of the power of each in relationship to the others.’ — The old Latin root word for “companion” meant to break bread with another person or people.

“A 17th century French print shows the well-marked squares on the tablecloth made by the linen press.” From Patricia Easterbrook Roberts,’ “Table Settings, Entertaining and Etiquette... A History and Guide”

Eating together is a sign of friendship and equality, and yet people have always used the positioning of the “companions” as an expression of the power of each in relationship to the others. Hierarchical seating arrangements make up one of the most intricate aspects of protocol, for placing guests at a table is a deeply political act. Where diners are not ranked, a political, or social and religious, statement is just as surely being made. 

A great and deliberate distinction is always created between meals that are formal and carefully structured, and those that are casual and relaxed. Intimacy can be fostered by “breaking the rules” (though one of the apparent paradoxes of social communications is that some level of formality must be maintained or relationship among dinner companions will be forfeited.) Seating arrangements are made to be rigidly adhered to, kept only in part, or rejected; in every case they are important.

Hierarchy at dinner is usually enforced when a group comes from a mixture of social backgrounds. we hear a good deal about what seems to us the outrageously discriminatory practices at medieval banquets. (One source of frustration for the scholars who research the history of medieval food is that the text of the period — and the Middle Ages are not unique in this — seldom describe the food served at a banquet in any detail; but they do make clear everything to do with precedence in the seating arrangements. This is because food was regarded as beneath literary consideration, whereas the seating was fascinating enough to be recorded.) 

Special guests and the host of the banquet sat at the raised “high table,” upon which stood a huge silver salt cellar, marking the place of the host or of an outstandingly important guest; the other people sat therefore “below the salt,” and the further away from it, the lower. The high-ups were deliberately given better food, and more of it.

Seventeenth-and-eighteenth century aristocrats in Europe, on the other hand, increasingly ate together in small groups, and would not hear of hierarchical seating; their host decided who would be a compatible group to invite, and guests sat down near the people they preferred. Tables were often quite small and, significantly, round. What had in fact happened at these “intimate suppers” was that the people who sat “below the salt” had simply been banished from the party.

During the course of two centuries, the lord of the manor had gradually removed himself, during dinner, from the side of his retainers, to eat with chosen companions in a room set apart from his great hall. It is easy— and so very modern— to be egalitarian once the lower orders have been placed in a totally different sphere, out of sight and out of mind, and certainly not invited to one's table. — From Margaret Visser, The Rituals of Dinner

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia