Gilded Age Etiquette of Weddings

For three months after her reappearance after the honeymoon the newly- married lady is considered a bride, and the first time during that period that she dines in any house takes precedence of all other ladies, no matter how high their rank; the same privilege is not extended to the bridegroom. She generally wears her wedding dress for these dinners, but the use of orange blossoms is confined to the wedding-day. – George Russell escorting his daughter, Gladys, to her wedding. As the leave their palatial home, they are flanked by the family’s liveried footmen and servants on HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

Invitations to weddings are always issued by the bride's family, and con- sist of elegantly printed notes, in which Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's company, at St. Thomas's Church, Madison Square, to be present at the marriage of their daughter with Mr. Jones. If there is a reception afterward, a seperate card is enclosed for that, and the visiting cards of the bride and groom are added; this com- pletes the set.

These invitations are sent out a week or ten days before the wedding, and should always be answered at once. Sometimes the hour appointed for the breakfast is named. When this is the case, it signifies that the guests are not expected to go to the house direct from the church, but only to arrive shortly before the hour named. The bridegroom, attended by his best man, should be at the church before the time appointed for the bride's arrival. She arrives, accompanied in the carriage by her mother, and is received at the church door by her father (or if she have not one, by the male relative who gives her away) and her bridesmaids; and, taking her father's right arm, at once proceeds up the church followed by her bridesmaids. 

The grouping of these young ladies depends considerably on height and other circumstances. If the bride have sisters, the eldest of them is chief bridesmaid, and it is her duty to take the bride's bouquet and gloves when the service commences; if the bridegroom has a sister, she forms the pair to the chief bridesmaid. The others follow in order according to pre-concerted arrangement, and when the service begins should spread out in a semicircle behind the bridal couple. The mother of the bride follows the bridesmaids, and there should be a member of the family to escort her; generally her eldest son. 

Cake and cards are not now sent to anyone. For three months after her reappearance after the honeymoon the newly- married lady is considered a bride, and the first time during that period that she dines in any house takes precedence of all other ladies, no matter how high their rank; the same privilege is not extended to the bridegroom. She generally wears her wedding dress for these dinners, but the use of orange blossoms is confined to the wedding-day. 

When the wedding is that of a widow, it differs in several points. There are neither bridesmaids nor favors, and the lady cannot wear white, a bridal veil, nor orange flowers - violet, mauve, or gray are the most usual colors, and she must wear a bonnet. When, however, a girl marries a widower, there is no difference between the arrangements for her wedding and those which we have described at length. – Russian River Flag, 1877

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Noon Weddings

“should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray…” – Image of men’s gloves, Pinterest

A. E. City.–  An authority on etiquette on the subject of noon weddings says: “The dress of the bridegroom should be on no account too gay: he should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray, and a flower in his buttonhole.” – San Francisco Call, 1900

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of the Gilded Age Table

It may well be feared that an idle and degenerate race will follow this period of elegant display and high living. Fortunately this revel in costly food and table decoration is confined to the rich; so that the sweet, simple food and clean, dainty table-service of the ordinary family will not become a memory of the past.

“Luxury in Eating”

We are returning to the splendor of the ancients in our opulence of table decorations and in the luxury of our food, and it may well be feared that an idle and degenerate race will follow this period of elegant display and high living. Fortunately this revel in costly food and table decoration is confined to the rich; so that the sweet, simple food and clean, dainty table-service of the ordinary family will not become a memory of the past. 

We all know how fair a wedding feast may be furnished from a table set with white china, with viands prepared at home, and a few clusters, here and there, of wild eglantine and ivy, and table napery of spotless linen. But a society journal informs us that, for morning and afternoon wedding entertainment, the following table napery has been prepared:

Finest double damask linen edged with silver lace, monograms of bride and bridegroom in silver work in the corner. Bands or strips of white satin, edged with white plush and silver lace, destined to be laid under the flower decorations, which are only to be white and red roses. Tiny round serviettes edged with silver lace, worked with silver monogram. Specimen flower-holder for each guest, in the shape of a mother-of pearl tiny bouquet-holder set in a silver claw-stand for the table, and having a thick fall of silver and real pointe lace round the top where the flowers will rest. These, as well as the serviettes, will be carried away by each guest as a memento of the occasion.

The afternoon tea-cloths, finger, fruit cloths, etc… are white washing silk, thickly fringed and worked with silver roses. Another feature of elegant dinners is the little boxwood easel on which the dinner-card rests. These may be simple or very ornamental, as the hostess prefers.
 

The Shakespeare cards are very suitable, and quite appropriate, each one containing a selection. “The labor we delight in.” —Macbeth. “At first and last the hearty welcome.” — Macbeth. “Eat and make good cheer.” —Henry IV. “To say you are welcome were superfluous.” — Pericles. These are gilt-edged with ornamental painted designs, and may be used as a plate-card or attached to the bouquet for the guest as a welcome card. It will save both headaches and heartaches, and literally fulfill Shakespeare's exhortation,

“Now let digestion wait on appetite, And health on both,” 

if moderation is observed in eating and drinking the good things provided. 

There is one saving clause in the modern bill of fare—the numerous light dishes which are neither rich nor nourishing, and of which Hood says:

“But, then, my fare was all so light and delicate —

The fruit, the cakes, the meats, so dainty frail —

They would not bear a bite— no, not a munch—

But melted away like ice.”

— From “Gems of Deportment and Hints of Etiquette,” by Mrs. M. L. Rayne, 1882

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia