Formal Dinner Seating Arrangements

This diagram shows what was, in the Gilded Age, a reportedly popular French-style, dinner party seating arrangement. This savvy seating arrangement places the host and hostess in seats across from one another, midway to the center of the table on each side. The couple, seated in such close proximity to one another, can direct or control the conversation with their guests, and help the dinner party flow along more easily throughout the evening.

These diagrams above show a popular dinner party seating arrangement for rectangular tables, at which the host sits at one end and the next male “of importance” is seated at the opposite end. At these tables, the hostess sits on that guest’s left, while the woman next in importance sits on his right. Note that “importance” is a relative term. It can refer to rank, seniority, age or even to which guest traveled the furthest distance or who will next be celebrating a birthday.

“When the party numbers 6, 10, 14 and so forth, the more modern way of dispensing with end places entirely, and seating the host and hostess directly in the center of each side, is increasingly used. To make this come out right, the number along each side, as you can see, must be an uneven one such as three, five, seven. This places the host and hostess opposite in the midst of their party, allows them to direct and control the conversation as necessary and look after the general welfare of their guests. At the usual friendly dinner party, there is seldom a special “guest of honor.” If, however, you were giving the dinner party in honor of a particular woman guest, you would seat her at the right of the host. If a man were the one to be so distinguished, you would see him at the right of the hostess.”— From Helen Sprackling, 1960

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Comte De Chambord’s Etiquette at Home

His table had the simplicity of a private home; but all was served on massive plate, engraved with the heraldic fleur-de-lis of the Bourbons. When dinner was announced, the Count and Countess walked out first and took the center places at the dinner-table; the visitors who were especially honored were placed on the left of the Count and the right of the Countess.  — Prince Henri, Count of Chambord (September 1820 – August 1883) was disputedly King of France from August 2 to 9, 1830 as Henry V, although he was never officially proclaimed as such. Afterwards, he was the Legitimist pretender to the throne of France from 1844 until his death in 1883.

—Public domain photo

He is said to have been more a man of science and learning than a politician or a statesman; his tastes were quiet, his habits were retired, and almost too simple for his position for those who think that Princes should not forget the old saying that Majesty without its externals is a jest, and that they must not be too much like other people. This the Comte de Chambord recognized, and in his home there was just enough of necessary etiquette to mark the Chief of the Royal line. 

His table had the simplicity of a private home; but all was served on massive plate, engraved with the heraldic fleur-de-lis of the Bourbons. When dinner was announced, the Count and Countess walked out first and took the center places at the dinner-table; the visitors who were especially honored were placed on the left of the Count and the right of the Countess. These seats of honor were differently filled at every meal, by a graceful innovation of the host, that all might enjoy the privilege in turn. No one ventured to address him, but his kindness enabled every one to have an opportunity of conversing with him. 

In the case of any visitor of note, he was honored with a private interview in the study of the Comte de Chambord, who delighted in prolonged conversation and free discussion of every topic. The interview lasted during the pleasure of the Royal host, who gave permission to retire by a significant smile and bend—motioning as if about to rise, but without actually leaving his seat. The Comte de Paris, on the contrary, lives exactly like a private individual, and waves all etiquette.He is considered to be personally devoid of all ambition, but anxious to do what might be considered his duty. —The Century, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tact in French Entertaining of 1907

Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each.

The Tact With Which Guests Are Brought Into a Social Group

Every one knows his position and his cue, and every hostess knows that part of her duty is to indicate and to give them, says Professor Barrett Wendell in Scribner’s. Perhaps the most characteristic instance of the way in which this affects social conduct is what generally happens at a dinner party. Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each. Thus a company of twelve is at once brought into a single social group, and the outlying members of a larger party are not so far away that they cannot readily listen to the general talk or even take part in it. And the talk is always general, addressed no doubt to one or another of the company, as the tact of the hosts happens to find pleasantest, but never broken into a system of separate confidential dialogues, as is generally the case at home. 

A French dinner is not noisy any more than is a French drawing room. But in either case the deeply subdued tone of voice prevalent in England and among the better sort of Americans would be almost a breach of polite manners. Every social function in France, even to the most informal, has a social character far more pronounced than ours. The individual is there to enjoy himself. But he is also there to play his part. In consequence, all social intercourse in France has a quality less personal, less confidential, somewhat more reserved, than an American is used to. Whoever, even in private places, finds himself in the presence of his fellow beings conducts himself in many ways as if he were in public. The French are in no way conscious of this phase of their manners. It is as normal to them as it is novel to an American visitor. And it results in a general and cheerful, though not quite intimate, conviviality which makes our own manners seem in contrast somewhat melancholy in their dual isolation. —Morning Tribune, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia