Avoid Calls at Unseemly Hours

It is perfectly correct to offer a call or a cup of afternoon tea… That is if they arrive in the afternoon! — Never call at an hour when you will run the risk of embarrassing your hostess by so doing. Some women who have plenty of servants are especially inconsiderate about this when it comes to calling on women who have few or no servants.

Very narrow minded indeed is the man or woman who looks upon any rules of etiquette as arbitrary, to the extent that they are inlexible rulings that should apply to all alike To say that there are any definite hours when it is good form to call and hours when it is not good form to call is ridiculous. To the city woman, 4 o’clock is the time when she makes her first afternoon call. The woman in a smaller community calls as early as 3— perhaps earlier. That is because in cities people have later luncheon and later dinner and the later calling hour is therefore more convenient. In the country it would be in as bad form to call after 5:30 or 5:45 as it would be to call at 3 or 3:30 in the city where late dinner is the rule.

One thing remember, however, in paying calls. Never call at an hour when you will run the risk of embarrassing your hostess by so doing. Some women who have plenty of servants are especially inconsiderate about this when it comes to calling on women who have few or no servants. The woman who never has housework to do, does not realize just how difficult it is for her less opulent sister to be ready to receive callers in the morning or at an early afternoon hour. Therefore if she happens to be passing the home of her less well-to-do friend at 10 in the morning she drops in. It saves her the trouble of coming back in the afternoon. The hostess is clad in a pink gingham morning frock and her hair is tied about in a white duster. Her fingers dust stained are and a batch of war bread is in the oven. Perhaps the youngest member of the family has just been lifted from his morning bath and has to be left sprawling on a bath mat while mother answers the door. The hostess apologizes for her appearance and the caller assures her that it doesn’t make the least bit of difference. She even inti- rates that she enjoys breaking in on such a pretty domestic scene. But it does make a difference. The housewife has her own ideas of how callers should be received.

If you came about 3:30 in the afternoon would find her housework all done, she would be sitting neatly manicured, in knitting or a fresh lawn frock possibly mending, on her shady screened porch with the baby napping safely upstairs. In her icebox there would be a dish of iced fruit drink or possible the tea tray would be set ready for your possible call. “But I don't want the good woman to go to any pains for me.” the thoughtless caller might remark; “that is why I call in the morning.” As a matter of fact it is only fair to anyone to call when you think your call is going to give them most pleasure. In reality it is just as much a breach of etiquette to call on your humblest friend at a time when that call may prove embarrassing as it would be for a cabinet member's wife to call at the White House to see the President's wife at a time when that lady was not receiving.— By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette of Cards and Calls

There are so many details connected, with the leaving of cards and so many occasions on which to leave them that at first it seems bewildering. It does not take long, however, to adapt one’s self to the custom, and every one who pretends to know anything about “Society” with a capital “S” must know all about how, when and where to leave cards. 

There is one point of etiquette on which there is always debate and uncertainty in a girl's mind —the etiquette of visiting cards. When a girl comes out, her mother is only too glad to shift this part of the social duty on her daughter's shoulders and she must know just how many cards to leave in varying circumstances. There are so many details connected, with the leaving of cards and so many occasions on which to leave them that at first it seems bewildering. It does not take long, however, to adapt one’s self to the custom, and every one who pretends to know anything about “Society” with a capital “S” must know all about how, when and where to leave cards. 

The card itself varies in size according to the fashion. Just at present, cards are as small as they conveniently can be both for married and unmarried women, though a man's card never varies, being always the regulation size, about 3-1/2 inches long and 2 inches deep. The name is, of course, in the center and the address in the lower right-hand corner. The “at home” day (if the girl's mother has one) is printed in the lower left-hand corner, and should read, “Thursdays in January” or “Thursdays, January 4th and 11th.” The most common use for the cards is, of course, for calling, and calls must be made with care and regularity. If a girl expects to keep her position in the world of fashion. It is not etiquette to call except upon “at home” days, unless, of course, the party has no “at home” day, then it is permissible to call any day.

If the girl is calling on a married woman, she leaves one of her own cards and one of her mother's, with two of her father's, as the man must always call on the man of the house. If the lady has daughters in society, a card should be left for each daughter from all three, the girl's mother, father and the girl. If there are other men in the family, the girl should leave one of her father's cards for each one of them. A woman naturally never leaves a card on a man. This seems like a great waste of cardboard, but as it is etiquette it must be accepted. When a girl is paying a party call for a luncheon on people that she knows slightly, must, of course, leave a card for the girl's mother, even if she has never met her. When a girl goes to any kind of reception, she must leave cards. 

There is usually a tray left in the hall or the purpose. If a girl and her mother are prevented from attending a reception, they must send cards, and just the same quantity as if they had called personally. Never send cards to “days” until the last day. A girl should always leave cards on people in mourning, and as soon after their bereavement as possible. Never ask to see anyone; just leave the card. lt is also polite to leave cards when one knows of illness in a house. In this case, it is polite to inquire for the sufferer. If a friend moves into the neighborhood, a girl should leave cards on her within the week, or if the girl's family move and the neighbors call on them, the girl should see that the courtesy is promptly returned. All these little things mean so much and require the most infinite care, if a girl is going out at all. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia