French Weddings: Etiquette and Taste

The widow at her second marriage must not wear gray or mauve, for such colors would be suggestive of half mourning, which her second husband might not take to be a delicate allusion to himself. Rose color is also forbidden, on the ground that it is too gay. The headdress should be a black or white mantilla, with a few flowers scattered over it, certainly not orange flowers, which can only be worn once on such occasions, nor chrysanthemums and scabiousa, which are termed "widows' flowers."  – Traditional Spanish brides wear black dresses and lace mantillas.  Originally, worn for Catholic church services, mantillas are ornate veils worn for wedding ceremonies. Many times, these are passed down from one generation to the next.

Good Taste and Etiquette for Widowed Brides and Second Time Brides

There are certain rules of good taste and etiquette with regard to second marriages in France which are usually observed by the educated classes. The whole ceremonial must be quiet and unostentatious. The festive preparations must be on a modest scale. It is not considered becoming for the bridegroom and bride to appear very happy. They must be sedate and calm, with an expression of recueillement in their faces. Something is due to the memory of the dear departed. This is especially the case if a lady is a widow. She does not take from her finger the ring placed there by her first husband. Her second spouse would be considered a man of bad feeling and bad taste if he objected to this mark of respect paid to his predecessor. Moreover, if the lady has children the first ring must be retained out of regard for the memory of their father, and she would be passing a slight upon them by taking it off. 

If these children are grown up they must not keep aloof from the wedding party, but must be present at the ceremony. They are not expected to look joyful, but their absence would give rise to scandal. The religious services must be very simple - without floral decorations or tinging. The widow at her second marriage must not wear gray or mauve, for such colors would be suggestive of half mourning, which her second husband might not take to be a delicate allusion to himself. Rose color is also forbidden, on the ground that it is too gay. The headdress should be a black or white mantilla, with a few flowers scattered over it, certainly not orange flowers, which can only be worn once on such occasions, nor chrysanthemums and scabiousa, which are termed "widows' flowers." A breakfast or a dinner follows the religious ceremony, but no ball is given in the case of a second marriage.— Paris Correspondent, Boston Transcript, 1887

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Wedding Customs and Etiquette

Victorian inspired white gowns, were still popular in Paris, even after WWI

French marriage customs are now well known, so far as they relate to first marriages, but as regards second marriages very little has yet been written. Perhaps these marriages lack the romantic element which in all human affairs is the sauce piquante that "lifts the flavor." This may explain why so little notice is taken of them. There is a decided disposition in France to regard those who marry en secondes noces as hardened sinners or as imbeciles undeserving of sympathy. 

The popular sentiment on the subject is to the effect that a person has only the right to be born once, to marry once and to die once. Those who show a wish to undergo any of these operations twice are suspected of gourmandize. It must be admitted, however, that public opinion respecting second marriages is much more generous with regard to the man than with regard to the woman. There is a social and religious prejudice against the second marriage of women. especially when these have reached middle age and have children.

The religious prejudice was remarkably illustrated a few years ago by Pere Didon who, in the course of the memorable series of sermons that he preached in Paris, and which obtained for him the severe censure of the general of the Dominicans and temporary relegation to a little island in the Mediterranean as his penance, attacked the practice of the second marriage of women with a vehemence that profoundly astonished the congregation, among whom were some people who considered the sermon a grossly personal attack. 

The eloquent Dominican had not done what the Latin proverb advises the discreet cobbler to do he had gone beyond his last. He had no authority to use a pulpit for abusing women who entered for the second time the matrimonial state. The sermon was printed in extenso in some of the papers, and made a prodigious commotion. People asked why the Dominican father was so hard upon women and so lenient toward men. The discussion took a turn that was not exactly theological. Now, although Pere Didon was very imprudent in expressing his opinions so strongly, he nevertheless caught up and put into words a floating religious idea, and one that is by no means of recent date.— Paris Correspondent, Boston Transcript, 1887

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia