Marriage Etiquette in Corea of Old

The wedding consists simply of a procession, when bride and bridegroom are conducted by their respective relatives to a dais. There they are set face to face. Now for the first time they see each other. The mutual surprise is sometimes very disagreeable. But it is the height of bad taste to show any emotion. — Public domain image of Korean bride and groom.

MARRIAGE IN COREA

Folks Make the Match and Principals Do Not Meet Till Ceremony

The marriage customs of Corea are peculiar. Parents and friends arrange the match, in accordance with their own interests, and without consulting the parties most concerned. The wedding is accompanied with few formalities. Early in the morning the best man arrives to tie the bridegroom’s “pigtail”in a knot on the top of his head, and this not only remains forever as an outward and visible sign of his condition, but entitles him to be treated as a man and to enter public life. 

He may be a child of 10, but he may no longer play with his friends and he must choose his associates among old men octogenarians even. He has all civil rights and is expected to behave accordingly. If he is unable to afford. the luxury of wife and children, he must continue to extreme old age wearing his pigtail down his back, renouncing all the advantages of citizenship and playing with kites and marbles. Any folly he may commit is excused on account of non-age, just as in the case of a naughty baby.

The wedding consists simply of a procession, when bride and bridegroom are conducted by their respective relatives to a dais. There they are set face to face. Now for the first time they see each other. The mutual surprise is sometimes very disagreeable. But it is the height of bad taste to show any emotion. The young couple bow without a word being spoken, and a few minutes afterward the bride is conducted to her home, where she is cloistered forever. 

Social etiquette demands that the bridegroom shall return to the company of his bachelor friends for a few days which are passed in festivities that sometimes degenerate into orgies. A honeymoon is unknown, wedding trips unheard of. The young wife becomes a head servant to her mother-in- law and no visible change is introduced the husband’s daily routine. – King City Rustler, 1907

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Imperial Court Etiquette Heartburn

Princess Masako Takeda

Public domain image of HIH Princess Takeda Masako, 

6th daughter of Emperor Meiji, 1909

Heartburning in Korean Court Circle’s Etiquette:

Question of Appropriate Decoration for the Three Imperial Brides 

SHANGHAI. Aug. 16.– There was much heartburning recently in Korean Court circles over an unfortunate lapse from the sacred rules of etiquette. It appears from the Japanese newspapers that in offering Grand Cordons to Princes Takeda, Kitashirakawa and Asaka, on the occasion of their nuptials with daughters of the Emperor of Japan, the Korean sovereign failed to send at the same time appropriate decorations for the three Imperial brides. 

This failure in etiquette, having been made clear to the Imperial household, steps were hastily taken to remedy it, and a special envoy received orders to set out at once for Japan carrying three first-class orders. But when it came to obeying this command, the officials discovered that the necessary insignia were not in the possession of the Imperial Household Department, and accordingly a choice had to be made between two alternatives - either to postpone the Embassy until new insignia could be prepared or to have recourse to old ones. The latter plan seemed preferable, and in order to carry it out the desired insignia were taken from three Korean Princesses. 

Two of the ladies, to whom the facts were explained, readily gave their consent, but the third, who received no such explanation, not unnaturally concluded that she had incurred the Imperial displeasure in some signal manner, and her grief was so violent that the whole story came to light, Ultimately the difficulty was solved by suspending the dispatch of the special envoy with the old decorations and entrusting to the Korean Prince Imperial the duty of conveying to the three Japanese Princesses a document announcing the presentation of the orders, the actual delivery of the insignia being postponed. – Special to the San Jose Mercury Press, 1910

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Korean Hat Etiquette

It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. 

KOREA — LAND OF QUEER HATS

Odd Custom That Still Prevails That Only Married Men Must Wear Headgear

In Korea, the period of mourning for a parent or grandparent is three years. For the Empress, the mourning period extended over five years. When abroad, the mourner is expected to go with his head bent down, and to draw his hat as far as possible over his face. Where the white gauze hat wasn’t available, the etiquette of mourning was observed by wearing the black one with a great patch of white paper pasted over the crown. 

The gauze and horsehair hats ordinarily worn are tied under the chin by means of ribbons or stripes of cloth. The Korean gentleman is extremely particular about this. It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. In Korea until a man marries, never mind how old he is, he is looked upon as a boy, and entitled only to the boy's privileges. The two chief privileges denied him are the arranging of his hair in the top-knot and the wearing of a hat. 

While he is a "boy” he must wear his hair in a plait hanging down his back, and go bare-headed even on the streets. But as early marriages prevail in Korea, and there are numerous hoys at the beginning of their teens who have become husbands, it is seldom that a grown man bare-headed is seen on the streets in Korea. 

It is considered in accord with Korean etiquette for men to wear their hats in the house. A missionary tells how each Sunday, during the hour of worship, he looks out over a forest of hats, ‘‘horsehair coronets, mourning caps, mushroom, bowl, and umbrella shapes,” all on the heads of the male members of the congregation; for in Korea, except in rare cases, the women are hatless. — Sausalito News, 1924

🎩Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

South Korea's 'Wife-Training' School at The Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom

Though Westernized wedding ceremonies are now the norm, some Korean brides prefer the ancient bridal traditions, when weddings (honrye) were held in the bride's yard or home. Hand lanterns were used for lighting the way from the groom's home to the bride's home on the night before the wedding. Traditionally, the groom's family would carry a wedding chest filled with gifts for the bride's family. The bride and groom wore formal court costumes for the wedding ceremony. Etiquette dictated that ordinary people were only permitted to wear the luxurious clothes on their wedding day. The groom would travel by horse to the bride's home. After the ceremony, he would take his wife in a palanquin (sedan chair) to his parents' home, where they would live.   

Inside South Korea’s Institute of Etiquette and ‘Wife-Training’ School

In one small corner of South Korea, tradition and customs have never been forgotten - at the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom, South Korea's ultimate finishing school.

For over 25 years, as part of its "bridal course," it has been training selected young women to become accomplished and desirable wives.

Women hope the course will give them an edge selecting a husband
South Korea's society has changed massively in the last 30 years, with the roles of the traditionally dominant men and submissive women being transformed.

Students learn everything from the complex rules and traditions dictating a formal Korean wedding to the symbolism of food served on special occasions.

Tradition and symbolism: Pairs of wooden Mandarin duck carvings called "wedding ducks" are often used in traditional wedding ceremonies because they represent peace, fidelity, and plentiful offspring.  Wedding geese symbolize a long and happy marriage. Cranes, which may be represented on the woman's sash, are a symbol of long life.

“As we go into the 21st Century, young people have to know about the culture and manners of the country,” according to Pak Yong-suk, director of the school.

“It is to teach these things that I set up the school.”

A Korean bride and groom of 1920

MS PAK'S RULES FOR WOULD-BE BRIDES

1. Never tell a husband what to do
2. Don't wear noisy shoes
3. Reject first two offers to hold hands
4. Further teaching ranges from how to walk silently and how far to bend the body when bowing, to how a woman should rebuff a man's attempt to hold her hand.

They should refuse twice, the lessons instruct, before accepting on the third try.

For its detractors, the Institute is an anachronism in one of the fastest-moving countries in the world.

Long noodles are served in South Korea on special occasions, but few people know why - it is to wish for a long life and happiness.

Marriage Hopes

For its supporters, the Institute's program remains a reminder of a timeless past, teaching valuable lessons that will one day give the girls the edge when it comes to selecting a husband.

One example, Ms Pak points out, is that long noodles are served in South Korea on special occasions, but few people know why - it is to wish for a long life and happiness.

 If you say 'I attended the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom', there will be households where you will get added points.

“Before joining this course, it seems to me that I did not really know about the formal rules of Korean etiquette,” student Park Ji-yon

“Like most Korean families, we hold ceremonies to remember our ancestors. I knew roughly that on those occasions I had to hold my hands in front of me.

“I used to do that any old how. Yesterday I learned that women have to put their right hand over their left, while men put their left hand over their right.

“It was something I was roughly aware of, but now I know categorically."

In one classroom, the students listen to a lecture on wearing traditional Korean costume.

They are told that if visiting the parents of a boyfriend, never wear strapless shoes - especially in the summer.

“Walking around going ‘clack, clack,’ is so ill-mannered,” the teacher informs them.

“Never wear this type of shoes. If you have to, have some rubber put on the soles.”

At least she's not wearing strapless shoes ~ Did South Korea return to its days of over-the-top censorship when an "overexposure law" went into effect in South Korea in March of 2013.  Under the decree, people deemed to be “overexposed” in public will be subject to a fine of 50,000 KRW (US$45). When the new legislation was announced, many residents assumed it meant restrictions on revealing outfits that are prevalent on the streets of Seoul and other South Korean cities.  The so-called "no pants" look has become a fashion staple, with women ditching pants and skirts for leggings, stocking or barely-there microshorts.

The reason that so many women sign up is the deep-rooted belief that it will give them a boost in the marriage stakes.

Park Ji-yon is very explicit about this; her mother, sister and cousin have all previously attended the course.

“This might sound a bit funny, but within some families, if you say ‘I attended the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom’, there will be households where you will get added points," she insisted.

“It means you are ready for marriage.”

An artist's depiction of a traditional Korean wedding in 1889

South Korea places huge importance on the continuation of the family line, and living together before marriage is still greatly frowned upon.

This, some believe, makes securing a good match essential.

And Ms Pak has advice for staying happily married too.

“A woman must never tell her husband what to do," Pak Yong-Suk said.

“For example, saying, 'on the way home, go to the supermarket and buy this, this and this, and don't forget' - you mustn't do this.

“This is giving an order.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia