Etiquette, Discretion and Preservation

“That to eat with a knife is considered a crime against society, though no discoverable reason exists for the opinion. Ethically, a knife is as good as a fork. Essentially, no less polite. Possibly not. But less safe...The danger of cutting the mouth with a knife is reason enough for its general disfavor. A mere ancestral discretion and self-preservation may be at the root of all manners.” — A rare, hand-crafted, early to mid-19th century, “pea knife.” This blunt and rounded-blade knife, has a steel “bar” attached, so that peas and other foods would not fall off of the other side of the blade, when lifting one’s foods from the plate to the mouth.

In San Francisco, one still feels rather foolish when the Floods’ butler announces Mrs. Buchanan Broadway, just as they do on the stage. One remembers fearful attempts at easy grace of stage guests announced. It is necessary to avoid their elaborations. To remain natural and unaffected. One must seem to have been announced before. If one knows an academic interest in manners, the ceremony is interesting. To become absurd at informal affairs, where, for no other reason in the world than to amuse the footman, one is announced for an intimate call. It’s a question of discrimination. When to and when not to announce.

There was the case of Mrs. Blank, who didn’t know whether one of the guests at her bridge tea last week was really a guest, or a thief in disguise. She was perfectly strange. Entered alone and greeted the hostess, to give no hint of her identity. Mrs. Blank was dismayed. Until it was found she was just “Mrs. D.,” known only, it happened, through cards “left.” A circumstance retold to prove a point. The reason and right of announcing guests on occasions. A footman to properly repeat, “Mrs. D,” would have placed her at once for Mrs. Blank. It was some situation of the sort, no doubt, that first suggested the custom. Manners are sometimes less mad than they seem. Even the custom of shaking hands high under the chin was traced to a royal rheumatism or some aristocratic affection in England.

All of which is provoked by a recent arraignment of manners. In an essay of ridicule, Mr. Francis Rolt-Wheeler, Ph.D., has written of their insignificance and general senselessness at length. He declares there is nothing morally binding in etiquette. That to eat with a knife is considered a crime against society, though no discoverable reason exists for the opinion. Ethically, a knife is as good as a fork. Essentially, no less polite. Possibly not. But less safe. Mr. Francis Rolt-Wheeler, Ph.D., must admit it is that. The danger of cutting the mouth with a knife is reason enough for its general disfavor. A mere ancestral discretion and self-preservation may be at the root of all manners. — The Smart Set, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Gilded Age “High Handshake”

The 1890’s had the “high handshake,” and by the 1970’s in the U.S., we had the “high five.” According to TIME Magazine, in 2014, a Missouri State Representative wanted to make the “high-five” the state’s official greeting. So entrenched is the hand slapping “hello” in American culture, there is now a National High Five Day. There is also an International High Five Day, however air kisses, handshakes and bowing are much more accepted as the norms of etiquette in greetings worldwide, especially in social and business situations in which American culture is deemed too lax or informal.
– photo source, TIME

Greeting No Longer Consists of “Feigned Blow at Nose of Friend”

A higher handshake than the norm, as illustrated in Puck

 – Photo source, Library of Congress 

Etiquette has been defined as “the oil that makes the wheels of society run smoothly,” and no one will deny that a reasonably fixed code of social observance is useful and even necessary. But how deliciously funny some of our customs are! One of the most absurd of these, the “high handshake,” is to be chronicled, thankfully, as rapidly becoming obsolete. It has for several years been the absurdest burlesque of friendly greeting. 

The custom of shaking hands in token of cordial feeling had its origin in the ancient habit of kissing the hand of one’s superiors in rank in token of fealty or respect. Gradually, the handclasp of equals was evolved from the ceremony and has continued in favor. Our grandfathers’ graceful habit of kissing the hands of the women they wished to honor, passed into disuse with their other courtly manners when their picturesque costume of silk hose, buckled shoes, velvet and lace ruffles, was abandoned for the severities of their modern garb. 

There is an “eternal fitness” even in small matters, and the simple handshake seemed more in consonance with the simple dress of this century. The “high handshake” in which the hands are extended to a level with one’s nose and there grasped with a single movement as if to avert a blow, can claim affinity only with the clown’s “motley.” A glad farewell! – Los Angeles Herald, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia