Dinner Party Etiquette

A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair. Whenever possible, push sleeves up above the elbows before eating.

Say “Hello” to the hostess before you accept any drink.

Taking Your Seat At The Table: Men and women are expected to enter and sit in a chair from their left sides. This prevents bumping the neighbor when seating. The exception is when the chairs are too close to enter from the side and must be pulled out to sit. Exit the chair the same way you entered. Do not forget to push the chair back in when you leave. 

 A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair.

Note: Men are seated to the left of the woman so as to have their right hand available to assist the woman.

Sit Up Straight. Push your back against the back of the chair.

Push sweater sleeves up above just to, or above, the elbow before eating.

Rest Your Wrists On The Table. No elbows on the table at any time.

Your Space At the Table: Your space should be confined to the imaginary box around you. If you must move your feet, do so in your own foot space (close to the floor and within the chair legs). If you are not eating, your hands should be on your lap or on the table right in front of you. While you are eating, try to put your non-eating hand on your lap. If you must rest your hands on the table, do so with your wrists only. Place your wrists in front of you on the edge of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table.

Purses, Briefcases, Eyeglasses, And Eyeglass Cases: Do not place any item on the table. A small purse should go on your lap, under the napkin. A large purse, briefcase, and other personal items should go under your chair, out of the way. Never block the path of other guests or the serving staff. An eyeglass case belongs in your purse or pocket. Never put your eyeglasses on the table. Your cell phone should be set to vibrate or switched off and put away. It is extremely rude to make or accept a phone call (or text) during a meal.

Lavatory or Bathroom: Women excuse themselves go to the “powder room” and men go to “freshen up.”

Proper Way To Leave A Dinner Party: The general rule for leaving a dinner party is approximately forty-five minutes after dinner is over. 

Contributor Bernadette Petrotta is the Director and founder of The Polite Society School of Etiquette. Her book is "The Art and Proper Etiquette of Afternoon Tea," among her others, can be found on Amazon

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Basic Dinner Seating Etiquette

“In seating one's self at table a comfortable posture is not incompatible with a dignified attitude. The shoulders should not be thrown back too far, nor should they drop forward. It is the latter pose which produces the inclination of the arms suggestive of the 'all elbows' idea which some people give of themselves.” – Eliza M. Lavin, 1888

Formal Table Seating For Six, Ten, Fourteen, Or Eighteen People  

Traditionally at a formal dinner, the Host sits at the head of the table with the Hostess at the other end. This works whenever there are six, ten, fourteen, or eighteen people. Husbands and wives are never seated next to each other.

If the Guest of Honor is a woman, she is seated at the Host's right and her husband at the Hostess' right. The second most important woman is seated across from the Guest of Honor, on the Host's left, and her husband is seated accordingly on the Hostess' left. The remaining guests are seated in between, alternating between male and female guests.

To be fair, the word "important" can be relative to many differing situations and varying cultures. Age may play a factor, especially if there is no Guest of Honor. Giving the eldest member of a group, or the persons who have traveled the farthest distance to the dinner, special places in the seating arrangement, would be an honor. Special accommodations may be also be made for those in wheelchairs, or those using a walker or cane. Guests take note of such matters and will undoubtedly appreciate the kind gestures on a Hosts and Hostess' parts.

Formal Table Seating For Groups Divisible By Four 

When the group of people is divisible by four, it is not possible for the Hostess to sit at the end of the table. In this case, the Hostess moves one place to the left, with the man on her right sitting at the end of the table, opposite the Host. This will keep the tradition of seating guests alternately, male, female, male, female, etc... Again, husbands and wives are never seated next to each other.

For informal dining, the easiest system is to alternate between male and female guests, with the Host and Hostess on either end of the table. 

Contributor Bernadette Petrotta is the Founder and Director of the Polite Society School of Etiquette in Washington State.  She has been teaching etiquette for nearly 20 years and has written The Art of Social Graces and The Art and Proper Etiquette of Afternoon Tea.  She is currently working on her third book and continues to teach and lecture on the art and pleasures of proper etiquette and tea. 

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia