Manners Due Equally to Family

Oh, these “company manners!” They are the ruination of a household. They cannot always be put on and off at will. Traces of the every day discord and lack of harmony will manifest themselves through the affectation of all the mere “company manners” one can assume. Habitual politeness and kindness and gentleness should be the unwavering rule in every house, even on “Blue Mondays.”
— photo source, Pinterest 

Good Manners at Home

I know a woman who is always harping about “culture” and “refinement” and “etiquette,” and who does not this minute know the meaning of that old fashioned term, “good manners.” She is always regretting the lack of culture among her neighbors, and there is not one of them who is more polite than she is. I have heard her actually yell at her servants, and storm at her children, and I do not think her husband is the happiest man in the world. In society, she is a charming woman. She knows always just what to say and how to say it. I never saw a woman who could excel her in gliding across a room and sinking gracefully into a chair. 

Her little boys can tip their hats so prettily to ladies on the street; her little girls can enter a room with toes properly turned out and with the grace of little queens; and, alas! both the little boys and the little girls can be as impertinent and display the worst manners of any children I ever saw. And they literally fight among themselves. They are not taught to be polite to each other. Their mother seldom favors them with her own properly chosen words and graceful manners when they are alone with her. Discord reigns until the door bell rings and then the entire household must put on good manners. “If we don’t,” one of the children said, “we catch it when the company’s gone!” 

This is an extreme case, but do we not all have our “company manners?” Do we speak just as gently and sweetly to our children, to our husbands and wives, when we are alone with them as when in the presence of the chance caller? Do we say to a transgressing Johnnie or Katie, “Don’t do that, dear,” or, “Stop that this minute, I tell you!” Which is it? Do we say “please” and “thank you” to each other and to our servants at all times, or are these pleasing little words held in reserve with the rest of our “company manners?” Is it only in the presence of strangers that we smilingly overlook or gently chide the trifling faults of our children? 

Oh, these “company manners!” They are the ruination of a household. They cannot always be put on and off at will. Traces of the every day discord and lack of harmony will manifest themselves through the affectation of all the mere “company manners” one can assume. Habitual politeness and kindness and gentleness should be the unwavering rule in every house, even on “Blue Mondays.” — -Zenas Dane in Good Housekeeping, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fascinating with Exquisite Manners

There is no place for practicing manners like the home circle, no place, permit one to say, where it will be so appreciated, it will be a cultivation of heart, mind and body, this endeavor to feel nothing out affection for the people at home and treat them as though they were worthy of as much consideration at your hands as if they were the President and his family.

The Secret of Fascinating

Doubtless thousands of young people, and not a small number of old ones, wish every day of their lives that they could learn the secret of fascinating others by means of their graceful, exquisite manners. The secret is an open one. It is so easy to learn that it lies all neglected by the wayside, while those who would give their dearest treasure to find it, pass unknowing. 

It is only this: Fill your heart with goodwill to everybody, and then practice at all times the best manners you know, particularly at home. If you begin at home, this charming manner will, so to speak, get settled on you and never leave you. Be just as polite to your sister as you would to your best girl. Strive to gain the good will of mother, father and brothers and sisters and children, exactly as you would strive to gain good will abroad. 

There is no place for practicing manners like the home circle, no place, permit one to say, where it will be so appreciated, it will be a cultivation of heart, mind and body, this endeavor to feel nothing out affection for the people at home and treat them as though they were worthy of as much consideration at your hands as if they were the President and his family. So they are worthy. Then from the home will float around you, those sweet, magnetic influences which will draw the hearts of mankind toward you. - Sacramento Daily Union, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Manners at Home

Good manners shouldn't be shed, like tight collars and irritating shoes, when the family is sheltered beneath its roof.

There are many books published on “Social Etiquette,” “Polite Form of Public Society,” and “The Ethics of Smart Society,” all conducing to the highly polished manners and conversation of men and women when associating together as "company." Yes, it's “company manners” and “company talk” that are made much of in printed volumes, large and small, cheap and expensive in price.

In comparison, the output concerning “Home Manners,” “Domestic Politeness,” and “Family Courtesy,” is startlingly small. Perhaps this scarcity of elucidation of conjugal and parental and filial courtesy, in print, may be held accountable for a large share of the lack of good home manners – since this lack of kind and gentle treatment of others is so seriously apparent in the large majority of homes.

Even when bad home manners are not at all abusive, they are tinged with a certain unkindness that blurs a moral perception of each member of the family. This tends to a certain mental laxity that bodes evil for the citizenship.

How much more important then, is domestic courtesy then the ethics of smart society to a standard of responsible municipal government! Bad home manners conduce to unhappiness and crime. Unhappiness and crime are conditions of all the people.

Polite forms of smart society conduce to the polish and glitter of a part of the people, the comparatively small part known as the wealthy and aristocratic. But, even this small part that has use for, and practices, the ethics of smart society is more or less tinctured with the unhappiness and crime that accrues from bad manners in its homes.

Dean Hole said, in a magazine, that he once rebuked a woman because her children were ill-behaved when he visited the home. “Lor' bless you, sir," replied this woman, boys and young 'uns must have some place where they can enjoy themselves.”

Clearly, this woman felt that polite language and gentleness toward others were species of cruel restraint, that had no free-to-all place, in the happiest home. Apparently she believed that good manners should be shed, like tight collars and irritating shoes, when the family was sheltered beneath its roof.

There are scores of folks like the children of this woman. They don't enjoy good manners. They delight in freedom from a sense of being made to behave by the other fellow who demands the half-way, right of way, out in the open. They take that freedom in the home. Since each member of the family is apt to take this freedom at the same time, trouble may be predicted.

The larger part of matrimonial dissension, including divorce, is due to the bad manners of husbands and wives in homes. A discourtesy, a challenging criticism, an ironical retort – and the row begins! Then there are rows and rows that develop into mutual bitterness of spirit and estrangement.

Max O'Rell tales of a man saying to him: “Brown is a most peculiar and finicky chap. He takes his hat off to his wife when he meets her in the street. He turns over the pages of music when she plays on the piano for him. Just as if she were a stranger.”

There's not a bit of doubt that Brown showered this kind of “peculiar”treatment upon the girl while courting her. Indeed, "the man" would have dubbed Brown an ordinary fool had he not lavished pleasant attentions upon the girl. Provided Brown wanted to win the girl as his wife, and the wedding was proof that he did. But when married, "the man" seemed to count Brown as a good deal of an oddity for being as courteous to his wife as to the girl he courted.

Frederick Leighton relates that a man entered a hotel parlor hastily and rather rudely brushed against a woman, so that his cuff button caught in her hair. He scowled, and in doing so glanced into the woman's face. Quickly he took on a gracious attitude and said: “I beg your pardon, madam; I thought you were my wife, and I was in a hurry.”

Alas for the domestic atmosphere of that man and his nuptial mate, since his policy is that any kind of manners will do for a wife! However, by the same token, their wives a-plenty who consider a courtesy misplaced when bestowed upon her husband when there's no favor to be gained through “such a bother.”

When there's a millennium of good manners in the home, unhappiness and evil will dim into the great minority. — by Dorothy Fenimore, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Retro Advertising for the Gracious Home of 1930

"Conversations with the cook or maid can be so conveniently carried on by telephone from your bedroom or your living-room. The day's routine can be arranged in no time at all ... meals planned, orders given and without one unnecessary step. And all this over your regular Bell telephones, which you use to call friends across the street, or across the continent. Telephone convenience is a mark of the modern home ... as important to the smaller household, as it is to the larger."

The Gracious Home Reflects the Ease with which it is Managed

Telephones in important parts of the house simplify the direction of the domestic establishment ... yet from them you can call other homes, other cities, other countries.            

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The House that is managed with a minimum of effort is pleasant to live in, or to visit. And telephone convenience within the home plays a large part in this scheme of things. It enables women to give all of their household directions for the day within a few minutes' time. To make sure, with no unnecessary bother, the domestic affairs are progressing smoothly. And to keep fresh their energies for the varied activities of their interesting lives.

This household administration is conducted over the regular Bell telephones ... the same instruments with which you call friends across the street, or in other cities, or even in other lands.

"Calls to the butler's pantry ... before luncheon, while you are dressing for dinner ... assure the smooth functioning of your household and save time, effort and trouble."

At moderate cost you can have telephone service in all parts of your home. Even in smaller houses, enough telephones add enormously to the efficiency of household affairs ... to your ease in calling friends, or in receiving services from the outside.

"Telephones located in all parts of your home ... the laundry, the maid's room, the garage ... play their important part in the ease and efficiency of modern housekeeping."

Your local Bell Company will be glad to help plan the arrangements which will give you the greatest satisfaction. Just call the Business Office today. 

Advertisement for Bell Telephone Company, from Vogue Magazine, 1930