10 More Etiquette Tips of 1940

The salt and pepper shakers should be removed from the dinner table on a tray with the rest of the food from the preceding course, before the dessert is brought in.

1. The salt and pepper shakers should be removed from the dinner table on a tray with the rest of the food from the preceding course, before the dessert is brought in.
2. You may serve the guests first or not at your dinner, as you wish. However, if the dish being served is unusual, or if the guests may not know how much of it to take, a good idea is for the hostess to be served first and the guests can follow her example. 
3. The general rule (with American dining) when serving a meal is that everything is served and removed from the left except beverages and extra silver, which are placed at the right.
4. When two men are dining in a restaurant, each gives his order to the waiter, even it one is the guest of the other.
5. If a girl and man are waiting for a cab, the girl should let the man hail it when it comes.
6. Children should be cautioned about blocking the sidewalks with their roller skating, marble playing, rope skipping and other activities. or of bumping into passing adults. It is never too early to teach youngsters consideration for others the foundation of good citizenship. 
7. Listen to your own voice and intonations. It is not only pleasing, but it is good manners to speak pleasantly in a low, quiet voice, which can be acquired if you will but watch your tones and lower those high notes to make them clearly audible but pleasantly low pitched. A pleasant cordial voice will help you win friends.
8. When leaving a large tea or reception it is not necessary to go to the receiving line and say goodbye before leaving. 
9. A mother does not give a bridal shower for a daughter, or a sister for her sister. If mother or sister wish to entertain for the bride-to-be. They may provide material for something for the new home, like tea towels or napkins, and let the guests work on them, but not expect said guests to bring gifts.
10. On the wedding day, the bride either leaves her engagement ring at home or wears it on her right hand, as the wedding ring should not be put on over the engagement ring. 

From the “Grab Bag” feature in the Imperial Valley Press, 1940

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Martyr to Etiquette

 In silent torture? One would think that the cumbersome clothing alone was silent torture –  At a long dinner, “A hornet got caught under her cape and traveled about, searching for an outlet, stinging as it went.”

In the antebellum days, a charming Virginia hostess “rather than disturb her company” sat still through the long dinner in silent torture. A hornet got caught under her cape and traveled about, searching for an outlet, stinging as it went.

When coffee was served in the drawing room she had to “retire.” Fever came on, and she was really ill, but the force of etiquette and hospitality combined had made it an occasion to die at one’s post.—Good Housekeeping, 1904

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Form and Etiquette of 1914

If you are inviting friends who have visitors staying with them to your house, it is usual to include the visitors in the invitation except in the case of a dinner, when you need not necessarily do so.

• If you return to live in a neighborhood again after a long absence, call on all your friends without waiting for them to call on you first.
• If you are inviting friends who have visitors staying with them to your house, it is usual to include the visitors in the invitation except in the case of a dinner, when you need not necessarily do so. It is not necessary to call on them first, as they are only asked out of compliment to their hostess.
• If at a dinner party there is one extra lady, the hostess generally goes in by herself, following behind the last couple. 
• A hostess should always allow a visitor to enter the carriage before her when going for a drive. 
• When an engagement is announced write your congratulations or give them in person to the prospective bride and bridegroom as soon as possible. – Trinity Journal, 1914

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

A Novel 1915 Way to Match Partners

Matching seating partners at one’s dinner party is just as important as what foods will be served and every other detail that goes in to hosting a successful dinner party.

Matching Partners

 A good way to match partners at any social affair is the following: Get two kinds of a variety of candies – say two caramels, two chocolate drops, two peppermint sticks, two gumdrops, two butter scotches, etc… Pass one piece to the men and one to the women, and when candies are matched, partners will be found. Another good way is to match flowers or animal crackers. —The Morning Union, 1915

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and “Food for Thought”

As a guest, don’t stick around longer than you should, no matter how entertaining you believe yourself to be. – The ideal tactic for guests who stay too long is that of painter Walter Sickert, who saw two guests to the door and told them, “Do come back when you've a little less time to spare.”  

Now here's some food for thought… In an essay on dinner party etiquette in a recent Esquire, writer John Berendt extrapolates the lessons in classic tales of classic dinners: 

• The ideal tactic for guests who stay too long is that of painter Walter Sickert, who saw two guests to the door and told them, “Do come back when you've a little less time to spare.”   

• At a London party in the 1920s, Mrs. Ronald Greville slipped her inebriated butler a note saying, “You are drunk. Leave the room at once!” He put the note on a silver tray and presented it to the guest of honor, British Foreign Secretary, Austen Chamberlain. 

• At a dinner party in the late 19th century, French playwright Victorian Sardou spilled a glass of wine. The woman sitting next to him spilled salt on the stain. Sardou threw some of the salt over his shoulder for luck. The salt went into the eye of a waiter who dropped a platter and the family dog pounced on the food. A bone lodged in the dog's throat, and when the son of the host attempted to pull it out, the dog bit him. His finger had to be amputated. – From Sentinel Wire Services, 1993

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Centerpiece Etiquette and History

A thing of beauty, and social one-upmanship: An epergne, heavily laden with pineapples... an extravagant and expensive fruit in the Regency Era — “Fresh flowers were not used until the 19th century, but flowers of porcelain or silk often were part of the decoration in the 18th century. Because decorations were meant to show one’s status, rare, make-believe decorations were preferred. Large epergnes often were filled with fruit or dessert sweets in the center of the table. The 19th century hostess preferred fresh fruit, foliage and flower centerpieces. One writer suggested using a board for the table with a hole in the center. The hostess would place a tall plant beneath the hole so the leaves would form a large centerpiece.”

When Dinner-Party Centerpieces Spoke Volumes

Dinner-party decorations have been relatively unchanged for centuries. Many a hostess has been faced with a large, long table that had nothing in the center. The void has been filled with attractive vases, epergnes, figurines and fruit and flowers.

The 17th century table featured large and small platters of food. The platters, often made of silver or gold, helped to declare the wealth and importance of the host.

The food on the platters was prepared to be decorative. A cooked peacock was served with its colorful feathers adorning the platter, for instance. Some cooked animals were presented using their head and feet as decorations.

Fresh flowers were not used until the 19th century, but flowers of porcelain or silk often were part of the decoration in the 18th century. Because decorations were meant to show one’s status, rare, make-believe decorations were preferred.

Large epergnes often were filled with fruit or dessert sweets in the center of the table.

The 19th century hostess preferred fresh fruit, foliage and flower centerpieces.

One writer suggested using a board for the table with a hole in the center. The hostess would place a tall plant beneath the hole so the leaves would form a large centerpiece.

Other hostesses used high stands decorated with greenery and flowers.

Tables continued to have large centerpieces in the 20th century. Etiquette suggested that the arrangements should be low so the dinner guests could talk across the table. The wealthy arranged fruit or low flowers in silver bowls with decorations of three-dimensional cherubs or animals. Those with less money used simple bowls. — By Ralph and Terry Kovel, the Times, 1999

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dinner Party Etiquette Do’s and Don'ts

What type of dinner party will you be inviting guests to? An alfresco candlelight party on the patio?  A formal dinner party in your dining room? — “Invitations should let guests know a lot more than where and when the party will occur, she said. Johnson usually states the nature of the party (dinner, brunch, etc.) and gives the guests some idea of who else will be there (“You know the Daniels, don’t you? And we’re having a couple who just moved here from Maine”), how much food to expect (appetizers or a full-course dinner), and an idea of what the host and hostess will be wearing.”

A few years ago, Dorothea Johnson, former etiquette writer for the Washington Star and entertainment lecturer for the Foreign Service Institute, received an invitation to “A Party.”

“It said, ‘Regrets only,’ but I phoned the hostess anyway to ask her what kind of party it was,” Johnson recounted at a recent lecture, “and she said, ‘Oh, just a party.’ I asked her, ‘What should I wear?,’ and she said, ‘Oh, anything.’ So I asked, ‘What are you wearing?’

“ ‘Oh, I haven’t given it a thought,’ came the reply.”

Johnson said she got out her I’m-not-sure dress, which is a basic black, “and my husband saw it and got out his I’m-not-sure suit— a three-piece gray.” They arrived at the party only to discover everyone else there dressed more casually “except a liaison from the British Embassy who said, ‘I say, aren’t we overdressed?’ ”


Hostesses should be kinder to their guests, said Johnson, a veteran of countless parties here and in the 20 other posts where her Marine family has been stationed.

More Than When and Where

Invitations should let guests know a lot more than where and when the party will occur, she said. Johnson usually states the nature of the party (dinner, brunch, etc.) and gives the guests some idea of who else will be there (“You know the Daniels, don’t you? And we’re having a couple who just moved here from Maine”), how much food to expect (appetizers or a full-course dinner), and an idea of what the host and hostess will be wearing.

All of this information should be issued by phone, she said. “I lecture to people in the diplomatic corps, and all over the world hostesses are having trouble with invitations. I haven’t sent out an invitation in eight years.”

Reminder in Mail

Instead, she gets a yes or no by phone, and then follows up with a reminder in the mail about a week before the party, giving the same details and including a map for newcomers. She issues the telephone invitation one to two months in advance because “around here, you have to get your bid in early.”

Then she gets out her calendar and breaks down the preparation for the party into several steps, doing as much as possible in the days and weeks before the party occurs.

“I try to do almost nothing the day of the party, so I can be relaxed for my guests,” she said. She said this is the key to a good party. “If you’re relaxed, your guests will be relaxed and will leave your place happy.”

It’s easier to stay relaxed if you start with the kind of party with which you’re most comfortable, she said.

“You don’t need to copy your neighbor or your friend, although I’m not above stealing a good idea here and there.”

Keep Menu Simple

She also emphasized that the food one prepares is not the key to a successful party. “If the food is splendid or elaborate, but you’re a nervous wreck, what do you think your guests will remember?” Simple food that can be prepared in advance and heated up quickly does best, and no more than three courses are necessary (main dish, salad and dessert).

You should also check with your guests before planning the menu, especially if you plan to serve foods that may be taboo to many: pork, seafood, foods cooked or soaked with liquor.

Johnson avoids serving fowl with bones (“I don’t think guests should have to struggle with it”) and anything that requires cutting, if the party is a buffet. “I’ve seen too many accidents happen when people hold their plates on their laps and try to cut,” she said.

Some Washington hostesses she interviewed for her column confessed that they use the same menus every year and that it doesn’t bother them. “They say that people don’t come for the food, anyway.”

Party Pointers

Here are some of Johnson’s party props:

— Pink light bulbs. “These make the women look beautiful and the men look handsome, and hide the dust,” she said.

— Tablecloths. She makes them out of inexpensive cotton or sheets on sale, and protects them from dripping wax by charring her candles before the party (lighting them, blowing them out and pinching off the charred wick). She also wards against spills from hot drinks by filling cups no more than three-quarters full--and serving them in the living room, if possible.

A last safety precaution is to set the table first with service plates— large glass plates that remain on the table throughout the changes of course. “I was once complimented on my fine Swedish crystal plates until I just couldn’t stand it,” she said, “and had to confess that they’re Pyrex pizza plates I bought for $1.29 each from the PX (post exchange).”

— Menus. Johnson writes out a copy on anything from informal note paper to paper bags (for a picnic) and places them between the place settings.

— Seating. She makes up a chart ahead of time and uses place cards, because she believes that saying, “Oh, just sit anywhere,” means you don’t care. Another Washington hostess uses place cards as a conversation piece. “She makes up clever names for each of her guests,” Johnson explained. “I’m always Emily Post Jr. A retired Naval officer was the Old Man of the Sea, and one fellow--a really shy man--was the Swinger.”

— Guests of honor. Honoring a special friend is a great excuse for a party, Johnson said. Remember that an honored male guest sits on the hostess’s right and an honored female guest to the right of the host. The place of honor in the living room, she said, is the right-hand side of the couch--a place that more than one unfortunate member of the diplomatic corps has unknowingly usurped, she reported.

Soup in Cups

— Hors d’oeuvres. Johnson doesn’t serve these anymore, substituting a soup course that she serves in cups while her guests are still in the living room.

— Buffet. A clever way to bring people to the buffet line is to slip the men names of women they are to escort, she said, or draw seasonal decorations (such as Christmas trees and shamrocks), cut them in patterns down the middle and have the two genders match up the halves. “That way married couples don’t always sit together.”

Johnson also advises hostesses to try sitting everywhere they expect their guests to sit (including the floor) to see if it’s comfortable —and reliable (“I’ve seen chairs break on guests”)— and serving beverages from a tray after everyone’s been served their food rather than have people balance a plate, silverware, napkin and glass as they wander about looking for a place to sit.

— Conversation. She advises using Eleanor Roosevelt’s trick with the alphabet: “She’d start with ‘A’ and think, apples— Aren’t the apples lovely this year? If that bombs, she’d go to ‘B,’ books —Has anyone read any good books lately? One night, they say, she got home and told F.D.R. about a terrible evening— she’d gotten all the way to ‘W’!”

She also helps ensure good conversation by never inviting only people from the same office or occupation and inviting “at least one new couple” to every party.

— Working women. She’s seen some splendid parties done all with carryout food, “and nobody knew but the hostess and me.” By setting the table the night before and coming home early enough to dump the carryout into pots and scoop ice cream into fancy dishes, you can pull off an elegant party--without having to ask your guests to help. — By Deborah Churchman, The Christian Science Monitor, Washington 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1920s Dinner Party Manners

At dinner, host or guest, one can surely practice the little graces that represent good breeding. In offering the following suggestions, most of them will probably meet with inward exclamations of aggrieved protest from the readers, but yet they are the commonest errors and simplest corrections.
Photo source, Pinterest 

This is a busy world—too busy for the common courtesies at times. How often do we catch ourselves, after a real or fancied “break” in etiquette, hanging the full blame on the excuse of absent-mindedness. However, at dinner, host or guest, one can surely practice the little graces that represent good breeding. In offering the following suggestions, most of them will probably meet with inward exclamations of aggrieved protest from the readers, but yet they are the commonest errors and simplest corrections. Here are a few “don’ts”. 

• Do not sit with elbow on the table. 
• Do not toy with food or tuck the napkin under the chin or fold it when finishing eating in a public eating house. 
• Do not mash food with a fork or comment on food at a dinner party. 
• Do not stir liquids more than a second or two, and after using any of the silver for your food, knife or spoon, do not retain it in your hand, but lay it on the table. 
• Do not throw out elbows while eating and do not lounge slouchily in your chair. 
• Of course, following the party it is courteous to thank the hostess for her hospitality, but it is both awkward and unnecessary to repeat such to the host. 

It is one of the prettiest and most thoughtful of graces to rise when someone is taking leave of you, and in doing so lay the napkin on the table. As to the napkin itself, unfold just once when you take your place at table, and lay it lengthwise across your lap. If you expect to use it again, fold it when rising from your place after the meal. Sit erect at the table, keep your hands in your lap between courses and sit quietly. When eating use the fork with the right hand, and you may, without being accused of gluttony, partake of each course. Eat crackers broken in small bits, the same as bread, and the best table etiquette decries the habit of breaking crackers into the bowl when taking soup. 

When leaving the house after the party, it is correct to take leave of both host and hostess. Careful hostesses arrange chairs a slight distance from the table. It is more graceful and makes the matter of seating guests an easier affair. It is allowable to place the bread and butter on the plates except at dinners, when it should be passed as needed. Or a crisp dinner roll may be folded in the dinner napkin. The host should allow all guests to precede him from the dining room. The careful and thoughtful hostess will inform her guests, in an unobtrusive manner, whether or not the dinner is to be formal or the reverse. 

Since a dinner invitation is the highest compliment that can be paid a guest, it is the guest’s duty to repay the hostess by proper dressing for the occasion and assist in making things go smoothly. Whenever there is any doubt as to the best way to do a thing, it is wise to follow that which is the most natural, and that will almost invariably be proper etiquette. To be at ease is a great big step toward enjoying your own dinner, and making yourself agreeable to the company. Finally, when rising from your chair at table, leave it where it stands. This trifling data sounds absurdly simple, doesn’t it? Yet a review is bound to suggest some point or another that you may have forgotten.– Florence Austin Chase, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dinner Party Etiquette

A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair. Whenever possible, push sleeves up above the elbows before eating.

Say “Hello” to the hostess before you accept any drink.

Taking Your Seat At The Table: Men and women are expected to enter and sit in a chair from their left sides. This prevents bumping the neighbor when seating. The exception is when the chairs are too close to enter from the side and must be pulled out to sit. Exit the chair the same way you entered. Do not forget to push the chair back in when you leave. 

 A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair.

Note: Men are seated to the left of the woman so as to have their right hand available to assist the woman.

Sit Up Straight. Push your back against the back of the chair.

Push sweater sleeves up above just to, or above, the elbow before eating.

Rest Your Wrists On The Table. No elbows on the table at any time.

Your Space At the Table: Your space should be confined to the imaginary box around you. If you must move your feet, do so in your own foot space (close to the floor and within the chair legs). If you are not eating, your hands should be on your lap or on the table right in front of you. While you are eating, try to put your non-eating hand on your lap. If you must rest your hands on the table, do so with your wrists only. Place your wrists in front of you on the edge of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table.

Purses, Briefcases, Eyeglasses, And Eyeglass Cases: Do not place any item on the table. A small purse should go on your lap, under the napkin. A large purse, briefcase, and other personal items should go under your chair, out of the way. Never block the path of other guests or the serving staff. An eyeglass case belongs in your purse or pocket. Never put your eyeglasses on the table. Your cell phone should be set to vibrate or switched off and put away. It is extremely rude to make or accept a phone call (or text) during a meal.

Lavatory or Bathroom: Women excuse themselves go to the “powder room” and men go to “freshen up.”

Proper Way To Leave A Dinner Party: The general rule for leaving a dinner party is approximately forty-five minutes after dinner is over. 

Contributor Bernadette Petrotta is the Director and founder of The Polite Society School of Etiquette. Her book is "The Art and Proper Etiquette of Afternoon Tea," among her others, can be found on Amazon

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Thanksgiving Etiquette Tale

Circumstances alter cases in matters of etiquette... At the end of the Thanksgiving dinner a few days afterward, Edith was observed looking hopelessly at a last bit of pudding on her plate.

It’s Not So Easy, Edith

Circumstances alter cases in matters of etiquette, as well as in the more important affairs of life. Little Edith, visiting in the country, was much interested in an old lady, who, when a plate of fruit was passed her at an evening party, replied: “Thank you, I don't care for any now, but I should like to put an apple in my pocket to take home.” At the end of the Thanksgiving dinner a few days afterward, Edith was observed looking hopelessly at a last bit of pudding on her plate. “Can't you finish it dear?” asked a sympathetic auntie. “No.” replied she, with a sigh, “Not now, but I should like, if you please, to put it in my pocket to eat this evening.” — Youth’s Companion, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Check Your Etiquette Breach

Campus Etiquette Humor for Young Men

There came into our possession the other evening, a handy little folder which any man about town should appreciate. Anyone having a supply of these on hand would always be sure to do the right thing in a social way.

On the first page is inscribed the following: 

Mr. _________ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your dinner party on __________, and humbly craves your pardon for the breach of etiquette checked in the adjoining column or columns (there follows a list to be checked.) — November 1931's, "Pony Express" 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia