Defining Edwardian Etiquette

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated.

— photo source, Pinterest

From the Social Mirror

The Standard dictionary defines etiquette as “the formalities or usage required by the customs of polite society or professional intercourse; the conventional ceremonial of polite society” and we have accepted such a definition without question until we read the following words of a well known writer, recently written upon the “Sins of Etiquette.”

“Etiquette is the foolish and insincere science of ceremony. From a mere conventional form, it has degenerated into tyranny.” Later when alluding to social life, she says: “Etiquette has the appetite and talons of an eagle, and civilized mankind is its prey.” 

Such radical assertions cause us to stop and think just what etiquette is, what it really means to us as an individual and as members of cosmos society. We cannot help but wonder just what society would be like in all its ranks, and just what sort of manners would be prevalent amongst its various members, if the restraining influence of etiquette were removed and everyone could do exactly as he or she saw fit; If, in fact, every person was a law unto himself or herself in all daily matters that have to do with social life. 

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated. 

These social laws or “etiquette” as we term them, have not been made at any given period nor laid down by any one person, class or people, but have grown into their present form, bit by bit as the necessity arose for their use and as time and custom required. We look them over closely and find that scarcely one of them as practiced today can really be called useless, foolish or unnecessary. Like so many other things, the laws of etiquette should be used and not abused; but, of course, this is what many people seem to forget. 

There are some who are absurdly formal, even among old friends, but theirs is the fault, not the social laws which they have followed too strictly. Laws of etiquette have not been made so hard or fast that they cannot be relaxed when among our friends, with whom too much ceremony is foolish. Etiquette is made up of social obligations that none of us can deliberately neglect without risk of being considered discourteous, and I doubt if there are many of us who agree with the quoted writer’s definition of meaning of the term “etiquette.” — The Humboldt Times, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Thoughts on Etiquette, Society and Civilization

Where the meaning of its rules may be somewhat obscure at first sight, there is an underlying reason for the regulation laid down.

"Etiquette is, in point of fact, nothing more nor less than the law, written and unwritten, which regulates the society of civilized people, distinguishing them from the communities of barbarous tribes, whose lives are hard and their manners still harder.

It is to a well disciplined and refined mind the fundamental principle of action in all intercourse with society, and they are interested in maintaining it in its integrity, and bound to heed and obey its simplest as well as more formal precepts.

The real law-giver is the general convenience, speaking with authority and the experience of many years; and it will be found that even in those cases, where the meaning of its rules may be somewhat obscure at first sight, there is an underlying reason for the regulation laid down." –by Sarah Annie Frost, 1869

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette is More Than Just Manners

Etiquette beyond this field, is now concerned with inanimate objects and ways of handling them -- silver, glass, writing paper, and many more. 

Etiquette is an important subject because it is concerned with human beings and their relations to one another. It is a system for the complex business of living in a community. Like life and people, it is full of paradoxes. Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change. Its ramifications are trivialities, but its roots are in great principles. It is part of the web of customs, beliefs, laws, and morals which sustains and restrains every society of men.

When we apply this definition to our daily life, we can understand the changes etiquette has undergone. The origin of the word 'etiquette' was supposedly the 'ticket' of entrance to court ceremonies in France, on which rules of court behavior were written; and for us, the primary point of etiquette is still human relations. But now almost every degree of relationship is included in its scope. Reaching out beyond this field, it is now concerned with inanimate objects and ways of handling them -- silver, glass, writing paper, and many more. It prescribes the procedure of family events such as weddings and christenings and in minute detail it covers the smallest technicalities, such as how to address a letter or eat an artichoke.

Etiquette is a big subject, but it's no secret. And this is significant of the revolutionary change in its character. In the last 20 years, particularly in America, etiquette has become less arbitrary and more democratic, because it has discarded the old source of its authority and taken up a new one. The old sanction for its rules was, 'The inner circle (or the 'best' people) behave this way.' Its new standards of behavior are based on what millions of people have accepted as right or wrong. There's no longer any question of admission 'by ticket only.' It's a forum for citizens, open to anyone who cares about the amenities of living. Good behavior is everybody's business, and good taste can be everyone's goal.

The simplest proof of this change are its casualty list. Pretentiousness, which was once considered quite understandable, is now laughable if not pathetic. Condescension has disappeared. And 'noblesse oblige,' which might have been translated, 'Aristocrats acknowledge the responsibilities of privilege,' now reads, 'Citizens admit the responsibilities of freedom.' These are the general outlines of the change.

From 1948's

Vogue's Book of Etiquette:

A Complete Guide to Traditional Forms and Modern Usage by Millicent Fenwick, Associate Editor of Vogue