The Etiquette of Women’s Cards

“It is considered old-fashioned to indicate the names of both a husband and wife on the same card. As an exception, this practice exists in resorts.”

Calling Card and Business Card Etiquette for Ladies of the Late 1800’s and Early 1900’s

1. The name on a lady’s calling or business card should be printed in a simple font, without any decorations, and without gothic letters. The name is located in the center of the card, the address of the lady is in the left corner. Typically, a business card is three and a half inches in length.

2. Married ladies should never put their first name on a social or business card. An exception is made for widows.

3. It is considered old-fashioned to indicate the names of both a husband and wife on the same card. As an exception, this practice exists in resorts.

4. Before you leave the card, you should ask the servant if the lady of the house is at home. If she is not there, you can safely leave a card.

5. Leaving a card is the prerogative of the ladies. During the visits, the wife leaves not only her business card, but also her husband’s business card. Visiting another married lady, she leaves three cards - her card for her hostess and two cards of her husband; one for her hostess and one for her hostess’ husband.

6. A daughter leaves a business or calling card of her father. A married gentleman rarely leaves his business cards, except during a visit to his single friends.

7. Calling cards are made to leave in person, and not sent by mail. If the health does not allow one to personally bring a card, it can be sent via servant.

8. Upon arrival in a city, ladies should leave their cards with all their friends and acquaintances.

9. When a lady of the carriage set is making calls, the servant carries the cards. If she walks through the city, she knocks at the house and leaves the card herself.

10. If one has paid a visit and talked to the lady of the house, she no longer needs to leave her card. However, she still needs to leave her husband’s two cards. It is considered bad form to leave them on the table in the living room or in the card basket or tray, and in no case can they simply be handed to the lady of the house. The husband’s cards should be left on the table in the hallway or quietly passed to the butler or a servant.

11. If the lady’s husband is present during the visit, he leaves only one of his cards, for the man of the house. If the gentleman is also present, one does not need to leave anything.

12. If the mistress, or lady of the house has adult daughters, the guest should bend the right corner of the business card, thus to mark their presence. The lady never leaves a business card of her husband for the daughters, but she can leave it if the family has adult sons.

13. If a lady leaves a business card for her friend, who only stays in the house, it is not necessary to leave another business card for the lady of the house, unless the visitor knows her.

14. Young ladies should not have their own social calling cards. Their names are usually printed under the name of the mother. If the mother is not alive, the girl’s name is written under the father’s name on the standard lady’s business card (but not on the gentleman’s business card). If adult ladies make social visits in the company of young girls, then the names of the girls are written by hand on the cards, under the names of those women.

15. Older unmarried women, (spinsters or “old maids”) who no longer need an attendant, may have their own cards.

16. If a young lady visits ladies who are unfamiliar with her mother or companion, she leaves her mother’s card, under whose name her name is printed. To let her know that she had personally visited, the girl deletes the mother’s name with a pencil, leaving only her own.

17. Ladies who have received a calling card, should pay a return visit within a week and leave their cards.

18. If a new family arrives in the city, local residents should be the first to make a visit and leave their cards, having previously specified what position the newcomers occupy in the community. Beginners should not be the first to make visits.

19. If a lady makes a visit to inquire about health, she writes, “Ask Mrs. Jones for health.” Having recovered, Mrs. Jones can leave her card, with a note of thanks above the name.

20. Leaving for more than two months, one should personally carry cards to all acquaintances or send cards with the abbreviation PPC (pour prendre conge) in the lower corner through a servant. Thus, they are notified of one’s departure without unnecessary correspondence. This should be done a week before departure.

21. If a lady makes a visit which is primarily for business, she should ask the servant to immediately take her business card to the resident she is visiting.

By contributor, Maria Pavlova. Russian born, Maria started studying etiquette and traditions as a young girl, as it was important to her family. She dedicated much time and research to 19th century etiquette and customs. For a time, she ran an etiquette school called, “The Russian Princess.” Now, living abroad, she offers consultations and conducts etiquette lessons online.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Tea Etiquette in 19th C. Russia

Vintage postcard, featuring Russian Tea “Rag Dolls”

There are several elements without which it is difficult to imagine tea drinking in 19th century Russia:

1. A samovar

2. A teapot 

3. A “hot-water” doll (known as a tea cozy in the US and UK). 

3. Porcelain cups, saucers, teaspoons and dishes. In wealthy homes, fine porcelain was used for tea drinking.

4. Sweets to serve for eating while enjoying the tea (including sugar in a bowl for sweetening the tea).

Nobles were among the first began to drink tea. They copied the customs adopted by the British. In the noble families, the tea table was covered twice a day with a fine white cloth. Expensive porcelain dishes were present on the table to emphasize the elegance of the ceremony. Often they drank tea on the open summer terraces. Over tea, the guests talked about refined topics.

A Russian “hot water doll,” or tea cozy.

To serve and enjoy tea as Russians did in the 19th century – The samovar is placed directly on a small tea table or at the end of a larger table. Tea leaves are poured into a small teapot, with hot water from the samovar poured in, and a rag doll is put on top, keeping the water hot for steeping the tea. The resulting brew is poured into cups and diluted with boiling water. Everyone can choose the strength of the drink. 

Only the mistress herself pours tea, and only in case of emergency is this action entrusted by the eldest of the daughters, which corresponds to an unwritten rule - the same person, well familiar with the pouring, should always pour the tea. Tea is drunk from china, surely not topping up 1-2 cm from the edge of the cup, which is considered good form.

Etiquette for drinking tea properly in Russia: 

Do’s for tea drinking

• It is necessary to ensure that the edges of the teacup remain clean. It is not polite to leave traces of lipstick, or greasy food on it. It is necessary to blot lips with a napkin before starting tea drinking.
• Biscuits or cakes, which are often served with tea, are to be eaten with a spoon. If sand, puff cake or pie with sweet filling is served, it is necessary to use a fork and a knife. Cut a small piece carefully with a knife, and bring to the mouth with the help of a fork.
• If tea is served, refined sugar in a common bowl, you must use special tongs, with which you can put the required number of pieces in the tea or on a saucer.
• Earlier, to show that tea drinking is over, the guest turned his cup on a saucer. Now you can just put your spoon in the cup, and it will be perceived as a refusal of any more tea.

Don’ts during tea drinking

• You should not blow tea, even if it is very hot. Moreover, you cannot drink tea from a spoon, it is a sign of bad manners. It will take only a few minutes, and the tea will cool down, you just need to wait a bit.
• In merchant houses they drank tea from saucers, but now this tradition has gone down in history, so there is no need to do this at the table.
• A teaspoon after stirring tea should not be left in a cup or placed on a tablecloth, for this there is a saucer.
• You should not stick out your little finger while holding a tea cup.
• A teacup is always brought to your mouth. You do not need to bend over to take a sip.
• You need to drink tea silently.

Meet our newest contributor, Maria Pavlova. Russian born, Maria started studying etiquette and traditions as a young girl, as it was important to her family. She dedicated much time and research to 19th century etiquette and customs. For a time, she ran an etiquette school called, “The Russian Princess.” Now, living abroad, she offers consultations and conducts etiquette lessons online.



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia