Etiquette and Unsealed Letters

Especially unsafe is it to place in an unsealed package articles of large money value. Would any sane man send a $50 bill in an unsealed envelope by the hand of a friend or anybody whomsoever? The friend himself, if he knew the nature of the enclosure, would be very apt to protest against this sacrifice of common sense at the shrine of etiquette.

The point of etiquette, in regard to not sealing letters sent by the hand of a friend, is to be considered, undoubtedly, as settled by the usage of polite society. And yet there are two sides to the question. To intrust to a friend an unsealed letter to a third person is a compliment to the friend; but why should it be thought necessarily uncomplimentary if the letter be sealed? On the other hand, the sealing of a letter may be deemed always advisable, for one good reason at least. The contents of an unsealed letter are never safe. They are safe so far as the honorable friend is concerned, but not safe in any other sense. 

They may be lost from the envelope easily and innocently. They may be abstracted and read by the servant to whom the note is delivered at the door, or by any prying individual who may find the missive lying on the hall table and awaiting the owner's arrival. Especially unsafe is it to place in an unsealed package articles of large money value. Would any sane man send a $50 bill in an unsealed envelope by the hand of a friend or anybody whomsoever? The friend himself, if he knew the nature of the enclosure, would be very apt to protest against this sacrifice of common sense at the shrine of etiquette.- “C. S. E.” in New York Commercial Advertiser, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Holiday Etiquette and Privacy

When visiting this holiday season, remember some basic rules of etiquette. Respect closed doors, and don’t eavesdrop or pry into the personal belongings of others.

Privacy Vital To Everyone

“The world is too much with us,” grumbled Wordsworth 150 years ago. You can imagine how the poet would feel today, with Science bringing outer space into our very living rooms. Today's world, in fact, is more ‘with us’ in every respect. People are more with us. They have more ways to be with us. They can “drop in” by land sea or air – and pay later. They have more time to drop in – the 40-hour week provides loads of it. They have more incentive to drop in – “Togetherness” is extolled from every quarter. The result is an invasion of privacy on a monumental scale. 

While many people invite and enjoy the invasion, respect for privacy is still a cornerstone of etiquette. So don't just walk into a person's house. Knock. Better still, call first. This permits your victims to vamoose gracefully or at least tidy up the place before you arrive. If you walk into a family squabble or find they have guests already, explain you “can't stay but a second” and avoid being a nosy guest. Keep your paws out of desk drawers, medicine cabinets, record collections. Avoid asking the cost of anything. The man with the diamond stickpin may have $30 in the bank, so don't pry into finances. Beware of stirring up conversations with strangers on train, plane or bus. Some people read while traveling, others think long thoughts; neither relishes intrusions. 

Privacy is like love and freedom – it’s unimportant only when you have it. Any man who has lived in an army barracks can vouch for this fact. So will members of large families. As houses become smaller and families bigger (both are present trends), a respect for privacy becomes increasingly important. So don’t read Sister’s love letters. Don’t snoop in Dad’s den. Let Junior retire to his cubicle and mope in peace. Respect closed doors. Don’t eavesdrop or pry in personal belongings. It takes a heap of manners to make a house a home.  –Don Goodwin’s Male Polish, December, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia