Etiquette and Leaning on the Table

  

This is not “good form,” nor hardly necessary, since every one can hear without leaning forward, but even careful and well-mannered people may occasionally relax from “form” when in intimate circles, thus becoming “informal.”

It is not correct to lean the arms or elbows on the table, and one should never allow himself this lax, if pleasant, habit unless it is at a most informal and intimate dinner where, after the main courses are finished, three or four persons draw near together over the cloth for earnest or pleasant talk. This is not “good form,” nor hardly necessary, since every one can hear without leaning forward, but even careful and well-mannered people may occasionally relax from “form” when in intimate circles, thus becoming “informal.” 

This allowable laxity does not, however, relate to such manners as would become offensive, obnoxious, or disgusting to others. To instance: it is exceedingly bad form to use a toothpick, or otherwise fuss with the teeth at a formal dinner, but it is exactly as bad form to do the same thing if there is but one other person present and that person should be a child. To see another person pick his teeth, or to hear him make sucking noises through them is disgusting, and if one does it he justly earns the censure and contumely of whoever is next.

When you sit at table, sit squarely on your chair, not on the extreme edge or at the side. Sit so you will be comfortable and then sit quietly. Do not put your feet on the rungs of the chair, or kick the table legs. – Della Thompson Lutes, 1923 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Manners Must Be Practiced

Good table manners are important, not only that we may have the satisfaction of feeling certain that what we do is right, but that we may give no offense to others.

TABLE MANNERS

“For as laws are necessary that good manners be preserved, so there is need of good manners that laws may be maintained.” - Machiavelli

THE gracious hostess will have the most perfect of table manners. It is not enough to know proper customs of table usage, but one must practice them consistently. It is always easy to distinguish the truly cultured person from the one whose manners are white-washed on, so to speak, in the way he behaves at all times. If his politenesses are brought out to be used only before company, they are sure to have an ill-fitting appearance, to creak in the hinges as it were. He is self- conscious, ill at ease, and not sufficiently sure of himself to forget himself. 

He has to keep looking on at his own actions to see if they are coming out all right. The person who knows correct behavior and practices it continually never has to think whether what he is doing is correct or not. He can go ahead and talk or laugh or listen, and all the time his fingers and hands and mouth will be behaving quite nicely, not giving offense to himself or any one else.

The best way to be sure of good manners is to learn them when you are quite young and then persist until they become a habit. Good table manners are important, not only that we may have the satisfaction of feeling certain that what we do is right, but that we may give no offense to others.

Eating may become an unpleasant affair, if one is careless about the way in which it is done. Sit beside a person for an hour who gobbles his soup, smacks his lips, chews noisily, sucks his teeth, wiggles in his chair, shoves the silver about, and see whether you feel that you have had a pleasant and enjoyable meal. The obvious answer is, don't do any of these things, but there are a good many other and lesser “don't's” with which it is well to be acquainted. — From “The Gracious Hostess” by Della Thompson Lutes, 1923

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Table Crumbing to Dessert

After the salad course, the table is crumbed with a folded napkin on to a china plate, and the dessert service is placed before the guest — the glass bowl and plate on the larger plate with a small, lace or embroidered doily between. – Above, crumbing the table using a table crumbed brush and pan set. These can be used for a more formal look and numerous antique versions can be found for purchase online.

Crumbing the Table & Serving Dessert

Dessert, as interpreted by the American hostess, is anything sweet that comes at the end of the meal -puddings, pies, ice-cream. Pie is never served at a formal dinner. Ice-cream, in one form or another, is almost the universal dessert. The dessert spoon is twice the size of a teaspoon, and with the fork which matches it in design, is laid either beside the dessert or upon it.

The present-day correct dessert service consists of a glass or china plate, deeper and about the size of a tea plate, a smaller glass plate and a finger bowl to match.

After the salad course, the table is crumbed with a folded napkin on to a china plate, and the dessert service is placed before the guest — the glass bowl and plate on the larger plate with a small, lace or embroidered doily between. The guest removes the finger bowl and doily to the cloth, and takes his ice-cream on the glass plate. This is then removed and the fruit is eaten from the larger plate. The fingers are dipped in the finger bowl and wiped on the napkin. Very lovely dessert sets, the three pieces matching, may be had in delicately colored glass.

Dessert may, however, be served in various ways, according to the pleasure of the hostess. It may be served “from the side,” where the plate would be set before the guest with the dessert silver on it. Or it may be served by the hostess at the table which would be the English form, the waitress taking the plates from the hostess and placing them before the guest - always from the left. In this case the silver would be laid on the cloth.

A fruit knife must be laid if fruit is to be served. At many really formal dinners the fruit course is omitted, since few care for both the sweet dessert and fruit. – From “The Gracious Hostess” by Della Thompson Lutes, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia