A German Society of Etiquette

“What could he be hiding?” — It has always been considered rude to keep one’s hands in one’s pockets. Nowadays, it can display an uncaring casualness, a defensiveness or even sloppiness of posture, but in decades and centuries past, it showed a cavalier attitude that was overtly rude and showing no respect to one’s ‘betters’ or those of higher social rank. It was also a way of concealing a weapon and continues to be so in modern times. Keeping a gloved hand in a pocket is especially suspicious. 
Photo source, Pinterest 

Edwardian Era Societies 

Germany, like England and America too, is full of societies and clubs with curious names and purposes. The newspapers announce that a very bizarre one has been set up in Berlin: the partners who co-operate in politics are obliged never to commit acts of bad manners and, above all, to never stand with their hands in their pockets. Someone who, by distraction, shows up with his hands in his pockets, is sentenced to pay five Deutschmark in fines. 

And if a serious club member commits some bigger rudeness, such as scratching his head, spitting, or something else, he pays a greater fine. What would you say if a society of this kind, which angers us, were to set itself up? Of course, in Italy we would give it a slightly more agile name than it has in Germany. Do you know what they call it? Simply “The Hand Holding the Pocket Association.” — Translated from Italia News, San Francisco, 1913 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

German Etiquette Rules

Some of the Rules that Americans are Forever Disregarding

German gent with one hand in his pocket, and cigar in other hand.

German etiquette is very minute says the New York Sun. It does not stop with the ordinary rules for eating, drinking, calling, and receiving. It prescribes mazes of trivial details which would fill so many fat volumes that even Germans have not had the courage to write them.

It directs a man what to say just before beginning to drink a glass of beer and just before finishing it. It tells him the exact words he must use in insulting a stranger. It graduates nicely the depths of the bows that are due the privy councilor, the court councilor, the tutor, the judge, the tradesmen, the barber, and the restaurateur.

It explains why the clergymen should bow first to Herr Baron and last to Herr Bankier. It describes just how the man must kiss a woman's hand in the drawing-room and just why he need not give her his seat in a horse-car. It even describes the circles in which a man may wahltz at a ball.

Perhaps the best criterion of the minuteness of German etiquette is the little unwritten code on pocket manners. German good form is shocked by the helter-skelter condition of the American pocket. A well bred German never allows his keys and his jack-knife, his small change, his shoe buttoner, and his cigar-cutter to jingle about loosely in his trousers pocket.

A naked cigar protruding from the waist coat pocket shocks the modesty of German good form much more than a dozen or more of Rubens' strapping Dutch goddesses. The greatest offense against German pocket manners is to carry small silver coins loose in the pocket. A German Lieutenant may have only half a dollar to his name, but he carries as big a purse as if he owned all the notes of the Imperial Reichsbank.

In paying for 5 cents' worth of beer, he goes down into his trousers and draws out his flabby pocket-book with dignity, thanking heaven he is a mannerly, high-born Prussian, and not a vulgar tradesmen like the American at his side, who has just slapped down on the table a mess of gold, silver, keys and manicure apparatus. The small German school-boy is not even allowed to carry his car fare without a purse. The servant girl, who earns but $40 a year, would not carry the price of a loaf of black bread through the street in her hand.

Every reputable smoker in Germany has his "cigar-etuis." He prepares his smoke by emptying out all his 3-cent cigars on the table before him and laying the case aside. Then he draws a little cigar-clipper from another case, removes the tip of the least offensive looking cigar, and drops the small bit of tobacco into a tiny box which he carries in his waistcoat pocket.

At the end of each smoker's year he sends all these cigar tips to a charitable institution in his province. (Two years ago, the asylums in the little province of Brunswick received 400 marks' worth of tobacco in this wise.) After stowing away the "orphans' share" of the cigar, the smoker takes a knife from its chamois-skin bag and finishes the job which the clipper began.

A case containing a cigarette holder and a leather match-safe are the last articles which the well-bred German about to smoke, adds to the collection of small bags and cases on the table before him. Of course, all this elaborate preparation to smoke one 3-cent cigar strikes the American tourist as a trifle ridiculous. A German, however, regards it as indicative of the breeding of the smoker. He looks upon the rough-and-ready manner in which an American carries his cigars, matches and knife much as an American looks upon a man who travels without a toothbrush and night-shirt.

The little code of pocket manners is enforced just as tyrannically by German public opinion as other branches of German etiquette. Americans who consider such minute matters all bosh, and say so, are apt to be roughly corrected or altogether abandoned by their more fastidious friends.– Marin Journal, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Versailles and Louis XIV

“The King's Cutlets — In Olden Times the Company Had to Salute Them”

The revival of a somewhat minute system of etiquette in the German court, and particularly in the adoption of rules for the settlement of the numerous questions of precedence which have come up in connection with the extended journeys of Emperor William II, have led some of the European journals to remind their readers that any modern monarch must be at a great disadvantage in setting up a system of court etiquette, as compared with the kings of two or three centuries ago.

Precedence ruled in all things at the court of Louis XIV at Versailles. Even the King's morning toilet was made In the presence of the courtiers, who were continually arriving. As the King put on his outer garments these were handed to him by the noblemen of the highest rank in attendance. 

The story is told that as the King was putting on his waistcoat one morning it was handed to him by a Count, but before the Count had passed the garment to the King a Duke came in. This made it necessary for the Count to hand the waistcoat at once to the Duke, as it would have been against etiquette for a person of lower rank to pass the garment. And as it must be handed with bare hands, the King had to wait while the Duke removed his gloves. When this operation was performed, and the Duke was about to advance with the waistcoat, the door again opened, and a royal Prince of a younger branch of the family entered.

The Duke, of course, at once presented the waistcoat to the newcomer, as he was of higher rank. But the Prince was also gloved, and when he had performed the somewhat tedious operation of ungloving there arrived another Prince, who happened to be of the elder branch. So the unfortunate King had to wait once more, and, as the room was cold, it is recorded that he took a violent chill. 

At King Louis' dinner, when the cook brought in the meat for the royal plate, he was attended by armed soldiers and preceded by a herald, shouting, “Gentlemen, the King's viands.” Whereupon all the company uncovered, and the sentinels saluted, the roast chicken or the royal mutton cutlets.

When the King was about to drink a chamberlain announced the fact at the top of his voice, and two functionaries, whose duty it was to taste the wine or water in order to prove that it had not been poisoned, stepped forward, poured out a little and drank it off. Then the King drank. The great mass of royal formalities and points of etiquette disappeared with the last century, but the rules of precedence are still very strictly observed in royal courts.— News from Philadelphia, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Etiquette and Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon Bonaparte outdid Louis XIV when it came to etiquette edicts, while ruling France. 

According to author Dr. Philip Mansel: 

"Napoleon was one of the rudest monarchs in history: he attacked in conversation as well as on the battlefield. He insulted foreign ambassadors, taunted Marshal Berthier, his grand huntsman, and General Caulaincourt, his grand equerry, with their wives’ alleged infidelities, and called Talleyrand, his grand chamberlain (who was also foreign minister), “a lump of shit in a silk stocking”. It was said that Napoleon had a “green laugh”.

Among those who knew him well, Napoleon inspired little personal loyalty: almost all his courtiers turned against him after his defeats in 1814 and 1815, and in both years they forced him to abdicate. Almost all those who followed him to Saint Helena were trying to obtain financial rewards, or material for a book of memoirs, rather than acting out of loyalty. Napoleon maintained court etiquette on the island, keeping courtiers standing in his presence and insisting on being treated as an emperor.

Napoleon’s court also shows him to have been more obsessed with status than other monarchs of the day. He wanted more palaces and more formal etiquette, and was more autocratic than the Bourbons. He had more than 100 chamberlains, and a total of around 3,000 men in his household, whereas Louis XVI had had only four first gentlemen of the chamber, and around 2,000 in his household. In January 1814, when speakers in the chamber of representatives demanded peace, he was infuriated. At a reception in the Tuileries palace, he declared: “Everything resides in the throne. I alone represent the people”. He believed that France needed him more than he needed France.

In June 1815, Napoleon alienated opinion by preferring to wear the elaborate embroidered ‘Petit Costume de l’Empereur’ rather than the uniform of the Paris National Guard. He insisted on sending messages to the chamber of representatives through his chamberlains rather than through a responsible minister. After Waterloo, it voted his deposition."

Etiquette in Germany

Celebrating Oktoberfest in Munich 

Punctuality 

Germans are extremely punctual, and even a few minutes’ delay can offend someone. Be on time! Better yet? Be five to 10 minutes early for important appointments and be sure to call the people you are meeting if you are for any reason going to be late.   

It is polite to bring flowers if you’re invited to a German home for coffee and cake or some other social occasion. If the flowers are wrapped in paper, remember to take off the wrapping just before you enter the home. 

Greetings  

Practice saying "Guten Tag" and "Auf Wiedersehen." When customers enter shops in Germany, especially the smaller outlets, they greet everyone in the shop. The same is true of doctors’ waiting rooms. 

Handshakes

Shaking hands is an important part of German culture. It is customary to shake someone's hand when meeting them for the first time, and at every subsequent meeting too. It is very common for a person who is joining a group to shake hands with every single individual.

At business meetings, and even at some social meetings, it's customary for each participant say their name and shake everyone else's hand upon arriving, and then again when leaving. 

Kissing

When close friends greet each other, it is common to kiss both the left and right cheeks. However, this is considered inappropriate in a business setting.   

Though cheek-kissing in Germany isn't quite as ingrained as it is in France or some other European nations, it can still be quite daunting for visitors who hail from cultures where personal space is considered more sacred.

Names, 'Sie' and 'Du'

The formal and informal forms of address for the German language are Sie and du, respectively. The finer points of using Sie and du can take a lot of experience to learn, but below are some helpful tips:

The formal Sie is always used together with the last name, for example Herr Schmidt or Frau Fischer. Store clerks, business acquaintances and strangers are always addressed with the Sie form. Telephone calls also always require the "Sie" form if you do not know the person on the other end. 

When introducing yourself, it is common to give only your last name, or you can give your full name. Introducing oneself with only the first name indicates that you want to be addressed with the informal du, which may be inappropriate for some situations.

Don't assume you are on a "first name basis." To call someone by their first name, unless they have offered to be addressed by you with the informal du, or if they use du and your first name when speaking with you, is considered impolite.

It is generally the older person, or person of higher rank, who offers to switch from Sie to du. After they get to know you, they may do this by re-introducing themselves and using their first name.

If you're unsure which form to use, listen for which form of address the person is using with you. Then you can comfortably use the same form with him or her.

Du is used among younger people and friends, as well as for children. It is used together with the first name. In private, the older person suggests using the informal "du" to the younger person. 

In the business world, the higher ranking person – regardless of age and sex – would always be the one to suggest switching to "du." A nice intermediate step is to address a person by their first name but then use the formal "Sie." Always ask, however, before you decide to take this step. If you’re not on a first-name basis in German, you can still switch when speaking English. Just don’t forget to switch back when you are speaking in German.

It is polite to address everyone by their family name and "Sie." Do not leave off double-barreled names, such as Frau Müller-Weber. Names are inserted into conversation after every few sentences. 

What about "Fräulein"?  This is an outdated form of addressing young women. Nowadays, rather than being seen as polite, it can also be offensive. Just use the normal "Frau Müller." "Frau" is the equivalent of the English "Ms."

 Titles 

If you are in doubt of titles, it is advisable to ask. Titles of nobility belong to an individual’s name –such as Fürstin von Metternich. Academic titles also belong to the name, such as Herr Doktor Müller or Frau Professor Weise.

Seating in Restaurants  

It is common to share tables with perfect strangers when restaurants are full and very busy. Before you do so, however, always point to the free seat and ask, "Ist dieser Platz noch frei?" (Is this seat free?).  

It is polite to wish the other diners at the table with you "Guten Appetit." But don’t expect any further conversation with others at the table. It may be very welcome, but you shouldn’t force it. When you leave, be sure to bid farewell to your table companions.

A Bavarian restaurant.

German Table Manners:

You certainly may continue to hold your eating utensils (besteck) the American way, but Europeans find the American way of eating rather inefficient. (You may get some stares.) They find all that switching hands and picking up and putting down the knife a bit too complicated. Here’s the German/European way of using a knife and fork: 

1. Hold the fork in your left hand, the knife in your right hand.
2. Keep both in your hands while eating. Don’t put the knife or fork down except to drink or pick up bread. The knife (in your right hand) is also used to help discreetly guide food onto your fork (in your left hand).
3. Do not cut up an entire piece of meat at once. Cut off a bite-size piece and eat it before you cut off another piece.
4. If there are more utensils than just a knife and fork (salad fork, dessert spoon, etc.), the rule is simple: Move inward from the outside for each course. Sometimes spoons are placed above the plate rather than on the side.
5. When finished, lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate pointing to the center, with the handles on the lower right rim (five o’clock position).

Finger Foods?

Nein! Germans and other Europeans rarely eat with their hands. Especially in a fine restaurant or in a formal/semiformal dining situation. Even pizza is eaten with a knife and fork. However, if you are at an outdoor "Grillparty" or eating informally, it’s okay to eat some foods, such as hamburgers or hotdogs, with your hands.

Beverages, aka "Getränke" 

Germans don’t normally drink tap water, even though it’s perfectly safe to do so. Sparkling mineral water (from a bottle) is the norm. If you prefer the non-fizzy variety (stilles Wasser), you can get that. Germans are big coffee and tea drinkers. (Decaf coffee may or may not be available.) Of course, beer and wine are usually also part of any dinner in Germany. After dinner, brandy, cognac, grappa or some other digestif is often served. Sometimes a Kräuterlikör (herbal liqueur), such as Jägermeister, may be offered instead.

Drank too much Jägermeister last night, did you?

More on Alcohol

Beer and wine are part of a normal dinner and alcoholic drinks are usually offered to guests. Not drinking, however, is completely accepted. Do not insist on alcoholic drinks if a person has rejected your initial offer and don’t order them for them. A German who rejects a drink is not just being shy or polite but does not want to drink. For some cultures it is uncommon to see teenagers order a beer at restaurants and pubs. Remember that the legal drinking age in Germany is 16 for beer and wine and 18 for spirits.

Toasting

It’s common to clink glasses with a "Prost" ("cheers") or "Zum Wohl" ("good health") before drinking. At official dinners, it is more common to lift the glass by the stem and nod meaningfully to the others. The host should lead the toast. 

At a dinner party or in a restaurant, you should not start eating or drinking until everyone in the group has received their drink or their meal, and then follow the lead of the host.

Closed Doors 

Germans enjoy quietness and privacy. They may thus often close their doors but will be happy to receive you if you knock on the door. A closed door doesn’t necessarily mean that the person cannot be disturbed. Likewise a closed bathroom door in somebody’s house does not mean the bathroom is occupied. But when entering someone's office, it is common to knock first and then enter the room immediately.

Telephones 

When answering the phone in Germany, it is customary to identify yourself with your last name. It is best not to call people at home after 10 p.m. unless you’ve asked them first if they mind you doing so. Don’t expect to reach anyone in the office after 5 p.m. Monday through Thursday and after 4 p.m. on Fridays. 

Dogs

Berlin is the capital city of dogs. But living together with our four legged friends also brings problems. There has been a Dog Regulation in Berlin since summer 2000. As a dog owner you should pay attention to the following:

• Keep you dog on a lead at public festivals, in parks and forests and on public transport (maximum length 2 metres). 

• Do not let your dog run onto children’s playgrounds or sunbathing lawns. 

• Dog breeds classified as dangerous on a special list ("Kampfhunde", or fighting dogs) must be kept on a lead as a basic principle and wear a muzzle.

Sources- Visit Germany, Young Germany and The German Way 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

German and Austrian Etiquette and Public Kissing

A kiss on the cheek is common in France, but will it become a thing of the past in German workplaces?

A kiss on the cheek is common in France, but will it become a thing of the past in German workplaces?

A society in Germany which advises on etiquette and social behaviour has called for kissing to be banned in the workplace.

The Knigge Society says the practice of greeting colleagues and business partners with a kiss on the cheek is uncomfortable for many Germans.

The society's chairman, Hans-Michael Klein, says he has received concerned emails from workers on the issue.

He advises people in the workplace to stick to the traditional handshake.

Speaking to the BBC, he admitted it would be impossible to ban kissing in the workplace outright.

“But we have to protect people who don't want to be kissed," Mr Klein added.

“So we are suggesting that if people don't mind it, they announce it with a little paper message placed on their desk.”

Mr Klein said he had received 50 emails in 2011 alone on the rise of kissing on the cheek - sometimes both cheeks - as a greeting at work.

“People say this is not typical German behaviour,” he said.

In 2013, transit riders in Vienna Austria, were told they would start facing a $70 fine and being pulled off transit trains if they kiss, consume smelly food, or yack too loudly on cellphones. Spokesperson for Wiener Linien, the company that runs Vienna's public transport claims: "Our controllers are well trained to recognize what disturbs other passengers." Vienna transit riders apparently like to flaunt convention. One couple was caught having sex. There are reports of naked passengers, and one passenger even nudged his pet horse on board. Discipline will be enforced by specially-appointed sheriffs. The company decided to impose the fines after it conducted a survey of their customers' pet peeves. 
–From Digital Journal

Forgot his kissing etiquette?: The UK's George Osborne and Denmark's Economy Minister Margrethe Vestager lean in for an awkward embrace. Acknowledging their embarrassing error, Mr. Osborne and Ms Vestager made a quick recovery, turning their heads for a more customary kiss on the cheek. “It is not proper, according to strict etiquette, to give the kiss of greeting in public places; but when near relatives or cherished friends do choose thus to greet each other, the kiss should be exchanged unobtrusively and with dignity; conversation on private matters should be conducted in subdued tones, and a well-bred gravity--quite consistent with cheerfulness--should characterize the manner.” 
–Agnes H. Morton “Etiquette” 1892

“It has come from places like Italy, France and South America, and belongs in a specific cultural context. We don't like it, they say.”

The society held a meeting on the issue, and carried out a survey of people both on the street and at their seminars, he said.

“Most people said they didn't like it. They feel there is somehow an erotic aspect to it - a form of body contact which can be used by men to get close to a woman.”

He said there is, in Europe, a “social distance zone” of 60cm (23in) which should be observed.

The Knigge Society, named after a German guide to good manners, is based in a castle 80km (50 miles) from Dortmund in western Germany.

Adolph Franz Friedrich Ludwig Freiherr Knigge (1752 –1796) was a German writer and Freemason, most famous for his book Über den Umgang mit Menschen [On Human Relations]. Although the work is more of a philosophical treatise on the basis of human relations than a how-to guide to etiquette, the German term “Knigge” has come to mean “good manners”.

It has reportedly previously ruled on the correct way to end a relationship via text message, and how to deal with a runny nose in public.

– Compiled from a variety of sources including DigitalJournal.com and Agnes H. Morton’s, “Etiquette” 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia