Mid 20th C. American Etiquette Advice

All persons who receive wedding invitations know that it requires a gift ... whether it is brought to the reception or mailed to the bride.

☆American Manners of 1947

1. -SHOULD WE EXPECT guests to bring gifts to our wedding reception?-L. C., Los Angeles.

If a person receives a wedding invitation it requires a gift. If he receives an invitation to the reception alone, it requires a gift. All persons who receive wedding invitations know that it requires a gift ... whether it is brought to the reception or mailed to the bride.

2. -WHAT IS CONSIDERED the proper amount to tip if eating in deluxe restaurants?-E. E., Los Angeles.

*The smallest tip you can give is 35 cents if you lunch alone for a bill of two dollars or less; 45 cents for a bill of about three dollars; 50 cents on a total of four dollars and 10 per cent above this. For two persons: add about 15 cents to each of the above sums.

3. -HOW DOES ONE recall an invitation?-F, A., Glendale.

If for illness or any other valid reason invitations have to be recalled the following forms are correct. They are always printed instead of engraved. “Owing to the sudden illness of their daughter Mr. and Mrs. John Jones are obliged to recall their invitations for Tuesday, the Tenth of June.” When temporarily postponing the event the regret reads “Mr. and Mrs. John Jones regret exceedingly that owing to the illness of Mrs. Jones the dance is temporarily postponed.” – By Nell Drake, 1947

*Tipping has gone up in percentages, just as the price of everything else in the United States has gone higher. Tipping of 18% to 20% is the most common range in a restaurant.

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🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Q and A with Nell Drake

In 1943, during WWII  when this was written, the fee for the clergyman, ranged anywhere from $10 to $100 or $200, according to the means of the groom and the importance of the wedding. Whatever the amount, it was enclosed in an envelope and taken in charge by the best man, who handed it to the clergyman in his vestry room, immediately after the ceremony. 

1. – WHEN YOU ARE complimenting a woman friend, how should one do it?-W.Y.A., San Pedro.

Women are very “catty” when complimenting each other. They are always sure to notice the little mistakes of dress rather than notice the many lovely things about a well-groomed woman. They'll take pains to notice an off colored thread, a fractionally “off the beam” hat, a hairpin that's falling or any other similar little item. If you are complimenting another woman on her dress don't say... “Why, I've never seen you look so nice”... but say in a pleasant tone of voice, minus any sarcasm, “That dress is so becoming.”

2. – HOW DO YOUNG people introduce their friends?-J. В.Los Angeles.

A young girl taking her girl friend to the country club would greet a group of her own friends with “Hello everybody, this is Sally.” In the modern fashionable world, the titles Mister, Missus and Miss are never used except to outsiders. If Sally is accepted as a member of a certain group, she is at once called Sally, or quite likely, Sal. To be called Miss Stranger announces that she is not a member of the group.

3. – WHAT ARE detailed directions for perfect dinner giving? A. T., Los Angeles.

The requisites at every dinner of perfection, whether a great one of 200 people or a little one of six, are as follows:

• Guests, people who are congenial to one another… this is of first importance. 

• Food, a suitable menu perfectly prepared and served hot food should be hot, and cold, cold. 

• Table furnishing, faultlessly laundered linen, brilliantly polished silver, and all other table accessories in perfect condition. 

• There should be of course, a cordial and hospitable host and a hostess of charm. Charm says everything. Tact, sympathy, poise and perfect manners are always proper

4. – WHAT ARE some of the last minute obligations of the bridegroom before the wedding? -L. M., Glendale.

Gifts must be provided for the bridegroom's best man and ushers, as well as their ties, gloves and boutonnieres, a bouquet for his bride, and the fee for the clergyman, which may range anywhere from $10 to $100 or $200, according to the means of the groom and the importance of the wedding. Whatever the amount, it is enclosed in an envelope and taken in charge by the best man, who hands it to the clergyman in his vestry room, immediately after the ceremony. – By Nell Drake, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Nell Drake on Manners, 1943

At a perfectly managed wedding, the bride arrives exactly one minute after the hour to give a last comer time to find a place. 

1. CAN YOU GIVE ME the details of etiquette at lunches?- N.D.G., Eagle Rock

Men leave their coats and hats in the hall; women leave heavy outer wraps in the hall or dressing room, but always go into the drawing room with their hats and gloves on. They wear their fur neckpieces and carry their muffs in their hands, if they choose, or they leave them in the hall or dressing room. 

But women of best taste never take off their hats. Even the hostess herself almost invariably wears a hat at a formal luncheon in her own house, though there is no reason why she should not be hatless if she prefers, or if she thinks she is prettier without! Guests, however, do not take off their hats at a lunch party even in the country. They take off their gloves at the table, or sooner if they choose.

2. WHAT IS CONSIDERED a perfectly managed wedding?- T.C., Santa Monica.

At a perfectly managed wedding, the bride arrives exactly one minute after the hour to give a last comer time to find a place. Two or three servants have been sent ahead to wait in the vestibule to help the bride and bridesmaids off with their wraps and hold them until they are needed after the ceremony.

The groom’s mother and father also are waiting in the vestibule. As the auto of the bride's mother drives up, an usher goes as quickly as he can to tell the groom. Any brothers or sisters of the bride or groom, who are not to take part in the wedding procession and have arrived in their mother’s automobile, are now taken by ushers to their places in the front pews. Then the wedding ceremony begins. 

3. WHAT GOES INTO the making of a really successful saleswoman?-C.B, Los Angeles.

Really great saleswomen have not only cultivated an expert knowledge of the commodities they sell, but an equally expert ability to appraise the customers to whom they sell. It is essential to know, therefore, whether a customer likes to be “dearied” or “madamed,” or chatted to about every topic under the sun to camouflage the sales talk; and whether she is one who likes to have her mind made up for her, or whether she is one who, knowing exactly what she wants, prefers to have her own questions answered intelligently, but does not want any unasked for advice.

But above all saleswomen, the one an intelligent customer is certain to like best... the one in-fact to whom she always returns, is one who listens to what she says and tries to give her what she wants, instead of trying to sell her what the store seems eager to be rid of.– By Nell Drake, L.A. Daily News, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia