Country House Luncheon Etiquette

No precedence is observed at a luncheon party, except when Royalty is present; and the host does not give his arm to the lady of highest rank, but when luncheon is ready, the butler throws open the door of the drawing-room, and announces, ‘Luncheon is ready.’ (This announcement follows immediately after a bell has been rung or a gong has been sounded.) The host, or hostess, if there is no host, then says, “Shall we go to lunch?” and the guests leave the room, and adjourn to the dining-room.

 —   photo source, Pinterest 

Next in the order of the proceedings comes ‘luncheon,’— ‘Déjeuner a la fourchette’ or ‘le lunch,’ as the French call it.

Unlike breakfast, people in London send their friends invitations for this meal; and, during the London season, most people receive two or three or more guests each day to lunch after their morning drive, ride, or walk in ‘The Ladies’ Mile’ is over.

These invitations are either given verbally by a lady meeting a friend, to whom she says,— ‘Will you come and lunch with me to-day, at two o’clock?’ Or by a written invitation,—

Dear Mrs B.,

If you are disengaged, will you give me the pleasure of your company at luncheon next Thursday, at two o'clock? Believe me, 

           Yours sincerely,

                         May Smith

Or some people are always ‘At Home’ on Sundays or a given day in the week, at luncheon, so that their friends and acquaintances may drop in when it suits them, without any special invitation.

This is very convenient, though perhaps somewhat trying to the chef not to know exactly for how many persons he must provide, but that is a slight difficulty which a good manager soon disposes of, and when the house is a popular one, it soon becomes easy to calculate pretty accurately the number of guests who are likely to put in an appearance on each occasion.

If you ask your friends to luncheon, do not arm them downstairs as if they were incapable of walking alone, but let them come as they please, and sit where they like.

No precedence is observed at a luncheon party, except when Royalty is present; and the host does not give his arm to the lady of highest rank, but when luncheon is ready, the butler throws open the door of the drawing-room, and announces, ‘Luncheon is ready.’ (This announcement follows immediately after a bell has been rung or a gong has been sounded.)

The host, or hostess, if there is no host, then says, “Shall we go to lunch?” and the guests leave the room, and adjourn to the dining-room.

In some places, the servants stand in a row in the room or passage leading to the diningroom, and when the guests have taken their places, they enter the room and proceed to hand them the different dishes.

When they have done this, they take up their positions behind the guests’ chairs, so as to be in readiness to change the plates, bring them other dishes, etc...

The butler hands the plates to the footmen, and then proceeds to pour out the wine, etc.

In large houses, both in London and the country, luncheon is often served like dinners, ‘à la Russe.’ But in smaller establishments, with less servants and pretension, or where the guests are on less formal terms, the different dishes are placed upon the table, the guests help themselves and each other, and the host undertakes the principal part of the carving.

Then the wine is placed upon the table, and the guests pass it round the table.

At these informal luncheons, the host dismisses the servants after the covers have been removed, and only rings for them again when the next course is ready to be partaken of.

A small hand-bell is placed by the host, or the bell is connected to his chair by a cord passed along the floor, or in many modern houses an electric bell is used.

A ‘dumbwaiter’ is very useful. It is placed by the host's side, and holds pickles, sauces, etc., so that they are handy when wanted.

Luncheon tables are, as a rule, not very much ornamented; a silver cup, and specimen glasses with flowers, being sufficient.

Coffee is always served after luncheon, in the drawing-room, and liqueurs are also brought for those of the guests who like to take them.

The butler pours the coffee into the cup as each guest takes it from the tray or salver presented to them by the footman.

Hot and cold milk, cream, and sugar candy are always served with coffee, as everybody does not like ‘cafe noir.’

At luncheon, if some of the guests have finished first (which must happen when there are a great many people present), they remain seated until everyone has done, and all leave the room together.

It is not etiquette for each person to get up and leave the table the moment they have partaken of all they wish.

Finger glasses are never used after luncheon.

Conversation should be, as far as possible, general,—it is not like dinner, tete-a-tetes are more usual then.

Claret and sherry are the usual wines drunk at lunch, and pale ale and porter. Port after lunch. Some people take brandy or whisky and soda or seltzer, or other mineral waters. Some prefer champagne or hock.

Fruit is generally the conclusion of luncheon, but no other kind of dessert.

Biscuit and toast are usually provided, as many people eat them in preference to white or brown bread.

Soup is sometimes served at luncheon, and fish, but it usually consists of roast, or boiled, or stewed joints, entrees, dressed fish, sweets, and sometimes savouries.

Luncheon should always be an unceremonious meal, unless some particular reason exists to the contrary, in which case it becomes an entertainment like a dinner party or a ball, and would be given on the same scale of magnificence and hospitality. — From æEtiquette: What to Do, and How to Do It,æ – By Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Tipping Servants

There are a few of the old nobility of England who set a laudable etiquette example by prohibiting their servants accepting gratuities from visitors or guests. –Victor Cavendish, the 9th Duke of Devonshire -photo public domain

Duke of Devonshire Prohibits Tipping of Servants, but Americans Find a Way to Get Around His Rule

There are a few of the old nobility of England who set a laudable example by prohibiting their servants accepting gratuities from visitors or guests. The Duke of Devonshire, for instance, makes it an inflexible rule that no servant of his shall take a “tip.” When, however, a party of Americans visited Chatsworth, the Duke’s Derbyshire seat, a few days ago and were entertained at luncheon and shown over the beautiful grounds by the Duke’s steward, the leaders of the party thought the usual “shell out” must be the climax of the day’s enjoyment.

The party consisted of four men and three women and among them $35 was subscribed. With commendable discretion, the money was not offered to the steward, who, of course, is above accepting recognition of the kind, but to an underfootman, who saw the party to and from the railway station. But the footman pointed out that it was against the rules of the Duke’s establishment to accept gratuities “in money.” That seemed to suggest a way of getting around the rule. 

The next day various articles of jewelry reached the steward from London with the request that they be distributed among the staff at his discretion. The leaders of the party were Edmund H. Abbot of New York and Alexander Cattanach of Salem, Massachusetts, and both had introductions from Sir Thomas Lipton. The Duke and Duchess were not in residence at Chatsworth at the time of the visit, but the latter sent one of her maids specially up from London to look after the ladies. The beauties of Matlock, Buxton and Bakewell were fully explored before they returned to town. – Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners and Mistaken Identities

Evidently, Lady Violet was not the first person to make this mistake! 

“Celebrities” Graciously Accepting Tips

Visitors at an English country house are allowed to do whatever they like during the forenoon. An eminent geologist, who was entertained at one of these houses, asked for coffee early one morning and started out with a suit of old clothes and a bag of tools to make a special study of the rock ledges of the estate. During the forenoon, one of the country gentry came upon him by the roadside, and supposing him to be a workman entered into conversation with him. The geologist was seated on a ledge of rock and was making vigorous use of mallet and chisel.

The stranger talked with him in a patronizing way, and, while not receiving an intelligible account of the work on which he was engaged, was impressed with the supposed workman's intelligence and good manners. Indeed, he fumbled in his pocket and brought out a half crown, which he tossed to the man with the mallet. The geologist seemed surprised, but picked it up and put it in his pocket after thanking the gentleman. There was a dinner party at the country house in the evening and the same gentleman was introduced to the eminent geologist, who at once began to laugh. “I have the half crown,” he said at once, “and I shall not give it up. It is the first tip I ever received, and I shall show it to my friends as a trophy of superior intelligence.” 

Lord James once had a similar experience. He was strolling through the Temple Gardens in London when a party of tourists encountered him and asked to be directed to some of the most interesting places. He volunteered to show them about, and took them first to the Temple Church and Goldsmith's Grave, and finally to the famous Elizabethan Hall of the Middle Temple. His explanations were lucid and interesting, and when he parted from his new acquaintances, one of them gave him a schilling, and remarked that few guides were equally intelligent. The nobleman took the shilling demurely and thanked the stranger. He is said to have kept it to this day, and to have frequently told the story of his experience with the innocent tourists in the Temple Gardens. 

Another story is related of an English Duke who was standing at the door of his house when a carriage rolled up. A near-sighted gentleman alighted, asked if it was the Duke's residence, and on receiving a respectful nod from the supposed servant, gave him a shilling. The Duke, perceiving that he had been mistaken for a footman, kept the shilling, raised his hand to his forehead and made the usual salute. The near-sighted gentleman went into the house, and in due time was presented to the Duke, and never had a suspicion that he had tipped one of the highest members of the British aristocracy at his own door. The Duke could hardly have offered a more striking proof that he was a gentleman by instinct, as well as by birth, than by pocketing the unintentional affront to his dignity. – San Francisco Call, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia