Duke Experiences Royal Cut Direct

A portrait of probably the most famous Duke and Duchess of Marlborough, with their children and their Blenheim spaniels. – Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

Queen Snubs Marlborough

Duke Gets Cut Direct from Alexandra

Appears in Society While His American Wife Enjoys Herself on the Riviera 

Queen Is Friend of the Duchess Now

LONDON, Feb. 23.-While the Duchess is enjoying herself with her kin on the Riviera, the Duke of Marlborough is showing himself conspicuously here, and society is talking volubly of Queen Alexandra's manifestations of sympathy with the Duchess and of her Majesty's evidence of disapproval of the Duke.

He was at the opening of parliament. Some close observers say that when the Queen ascended the throne she bowed pointedly to the Duke of Argyle on the one side and Lord Londonderry on the other, while she ignored the Duke of Marlborough. The Duke’s aunt and a member of the Queen's household bore a most sympathetic letter from her Majesty to the Duchess before her departure from London for Paris. The Queen wrote that she hoped for a complete reconciliation between the Duchess and her husband, expressed affectionate interest in the future of their two sons and asked for a new photograph of them in which their mother should appear.

The photograph was taken, and with the signatures of mother and boys was sent to the Queen. In this connection it is interesting to note that a very short time ago King Edward took it upon himself to punish the Duchess of Marlborough in a like manner, snubbing her in an unmistakable way. — Special Cable to The Herald, 1907

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

When One Queen “Cut” Another

“If Margaret had been a person of great length and breadth of vision, of surpassing sweetness of temper or of real tact, she would have gone to see the Queen and looked her prettiest, though she would have liked to scratch her eyes out.” MEOW!!

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Queen Margaret (Margherita) was the Queen consort of the Kingdom of Italy from 1878 to 1900, by her marriage to Umberto I (Humbert). –Public domain image of Margherita of Savoy, Queen of Italy

A LADY OR A TIGER… WHICH?

Society circles as well as Court circles in Europe are seriously concerned over the Florence episode of a few days ago. It seems that Queen Victoria, who was staying at Florence for a season, received a call from King Humbert, but not from Queen Margaret, nor did the latter even send a message or a token of any sort to the Empress of India. It now turns out that this curious cut was all on account of a failure of Victoria to return a call made upon her by Queen Margaret five years ago. Time heals all hurts but those of wounded pride. Such wounds never wholly heal —in the case of women, at least. Men get over such things, but women never. It may even be doubted if time is even a mollifier of this sort of wound, with women who have abundant leisure, and therefore opportunity for reflecting upon the small, as well as, the great things of life.

We are sorry for Margaret, for the great woman knows about the particulars of what happened to her five years ago, when she went over to London to do her fall shopping. At best, most people will say it was small business not to call on so distinguished a person who had come to honor the city of Florence with her presence, whatever might possibly be urged concerning the strictest etiquette in the case. Besides, Victoria is very old, was a mighty sovereign before Margaret was through vulgar fractions, and is also about to retire forever from the gaze of the public, and deserved especial consideration on that account. 

Goethe, who spent many of his early years at Court, declared that true politeness made it important and necessary to exhibit and embellish trifles even to the building them into a system of behavior. This must often demand the finest sense of what is safest to avoid, as well as what to do, and insist upon others doing. If Margaret had been a person of great length and breadth of vision, of surpassing sweetness of temper or of real tact, she would have gone to see the Queen and looked her prettiest, though she would have liked to scratch her eyes out. Or if Humbert had occupied the place in that family that a man should occupy, he would have just dragged his wife over to call. We are sorry for Margaret. – Los Angeles Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Social Graces and Locality

The sloppy woman, hunched over with her elbows on the table is obviously unaware how bad she looks. The woman on the right will need tact to break herself from the acquaintance.  – “It has sometimes happened that undesirable residents have invaded good neighborhoods—it requires time to make discoveries of that nature —and kind-hearted women are frequently led into an embarrassing intimacy. It must be broken, of course, but the woman passes through the experience successfully must be a woman of tact.”

More of “Betty Bradeen’s Daily Chat”

Etiquette is largely a matter of locality—politeness is an important department of everyday life. Among “fashionables” etiquette is a finicky list ot details for which girls are trained, and to which new members of the fashionable set come straight from the polishing hands of persons who are versed in the ways of that particular set. In middle-class localities there is a varying degree of etiquette, and in lower circles formality is entirely dispensed with. 

Kindness prompts one to call upon new arrivals in a neighborhood and if the call is not returned, or objections are found to prolonging the acquaintance, the matter may be allowed to settle down to a pleasant exchange of greetings at accidental meetings. The cut direct is a form of rudeness that is never excused, save on the ground of personal grievance. It costs nothing to be agreeable, and saves much in the way of unpleasant, feeling. 

It has sometimes happened that undesirable residents have invaded good neighborhoods—it requires time to make discoveries of that nature —and kind-hearted women are frequently led into an embarrassing intimacy. It must be broken, of course, but the woman passes through the experience successfully must be a woman of tact. I have seen it done by absence from home or a period of exaggerated invalidism—I have also seen it done without a thought of injured feelings and the hatred they are capable of engendering. Kindness prompts assistance to neighbors and friends in time of trouble. A timely answer to letters, prompt acceptance of invitations and immediate notification of inability to accent or keep an engagement. The hostess who is kept on the anxious seat without good reason is badly treated, and would be justified in meting out proper punishment. 

There is one point where general carelessness is shown – few of us even try to be prompt in meeting appointments. In the lobby of any playhouse, one may always find men and women anxiously awaiting the arrival of tardy companions, and my own experience holds numerous occasions where the opening number of concerts was entirely lost and the first act of plays so nearly, so that the thread of the plot was hard to pick up. There may be an occasional good reason for tardiness, but the bulk of it is caused by sheer carelessness or indifference. Men are the real victims, because women who are lax expect to find the same fault in members of their own sex – but men are martyrs from choice, as a systematic course of neglect would reform the whole world of women. – Sacramento Union, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Beau Brummell’s “Cut”

The “cut” employed by both the Prince Regent and Beau Brummell, was the ultimate social weapon of the Regency Era. It equates today, to a major “dis” of someone who is no longer a friend, but a frenemy. It’s the final social solution. It was not something to be used lightly, for using the cut, (sometimes called the “cut direct”) signaled your terminating a relationship. That “cut” was literally cutting your bonds of friendship. Rules about when and how a “cut” should be used, were as important as those rules on who could use the “cut” – Unmarried ladies were never to cut married ladies; gentlemen were never to cut a lady regardless of what she’d done; a gentleman cutting another gentleman had to be careful not to let the cut lead to a duel; a host could not cut a guest; etc... While it would seem to be a breach of etiquette to publicly cut someone, failure to follow the rules of cutting would be a serious breach of etiquette.

Shortly after Beau Brummell had joined his Hussars regiment, he inherited a large fortune from his father. He soon found military life uncongenial, and sold his commission. He then set up a bachelor establishment in the most fashionable quarter of London. Here, he entertained lavishly, and always had about him a coterie of the best dressed men of the city, who aped him in everything he did. The father of the Prince of Wales was the mainstay of Brummell's position at this time. Aside from his accomplishment that has made him famous, he was also exceedingly clever at repartee. The Prince was particularly fond of him for his witty conversation. The dandy had unlimited assurance, and even the Royal favor he was able to turn to the very best advantage. He was admitted to what was then termed the very best society, for he was extremely popular with the officers of his regiment. All that he could claim of social distinction for his own family was that his father had been secretary to Lord North. 

When Brummell reached the ago of 25 he found the proudest Dukes of England turned to him for advice in matters of dress, and with the proper spirit of the despot, he ruled on all such matters with brusque finality, “I want your opinion on this coat, Brummell.” said the Duke of Bedford. “Do you call that thing a coat, Bedford?” replied Beau. Finally his manner assumed such an arbitrary turn that he undertook to snub the Prince of Wales, who aspired to be the finest gentleman in Europe. Coolness sprang up between the two and the Prince cut the Beau. 

One story has it that when the Prince and Brummell were dining together, the latter asked him to ring the bell. It is said the Prince did ring the bell, and when the servant came, ordered Mr. Brummell’s carriage. The Beau denied the story, and gave the cause of the quarrel his own sarcasm on the Prince's increasing corpulency and his resemblance to Mrs. Fitzherbert's porter, “Big Ben.” Following his break in friendship, Brummell lounged about, made amusing remarks on his late friend and patron, swore he would “cut” him, and, in short, behaved with his usual aplomb. 

Soon after the bell affair, the “Beau” met his former friend in St. James street and resolved to cut him. Each antagonist was leaning on the arm of a friend. Jack Lee, who was thus supporting the “Beau” was intimate with the Prince, who, to make the cut more marked, stopped to talk to him without taking the slightest notice of Brummell. After a time both parties moved on, and then came the moment of triumph and revenge. It was sublime. Turning ‘round half way, so that his words could not fail to be heard by the retreating Regent, the Beau asked of his companion in his usual drawl, “Well, Jack, who's your fat friend?” The coolness, presumption and impertiness of the question perhaps made it the best thing the Beau ever said and from that time, the Prince took care not to risk another encounter with him. 

There are a great many stories told of the wit of Beau Brummell, always exercised at the expense of the defenseless or less brilliant and fashionable. On one occasion at least its unmitigated insolence brought its fair rebuke and that was when he sneeringly assured a wealthy brewer, Alderman Combe, from whom he had won a large sum at cards, that in future he would drink no one elses porter. “I wish, sir,” said Combe, “that every other blackguard in London would tell me the same.” – Sacramento Union, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia