An Etiquette Blunder from 1923

Someone is in the wrong. The woman just sitting down in the automobile? Or the gentleman entering behind her? Do you know who?

BLUNDER

Is the lady or man guilty of a breach of etiquette? What?!?

BLUNDER CORRECTED

In entering an. automobile it is incorrect for the first one who gets in to sit near the door forcing others to crawl over to their seats. - By Betty Thompson, Modesto Morning Herald, 1923

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Etiquette of the Housekeeper’s Week

“In removing dishes the waitress should never pile one upon another and should not attempt to take more than two plates at a time. Perhaps it is unnecessary in this day and age to say that the silver should be placed in the center of the plate, the knife, fork and spoon side by side and not at varying and dangerous angles.” – From Marion Harland’s, “The Housekeeper’s Week” on the Laying of the Table

 At the turn of the 19th to 20th century, numerous magazines for housekeeper’s and for housewives were available to help guide the etiquette for how household’s could be run more efficiently. Both the Ladies’ Home Journal and The Housekeeper were two such popular publications.

“The Housekeeper's Week”

By Marion Harland, author of “Complete Cook Book.” “Complete Etiquette,” etc… Published by the Bobbs-Merrill company, Indianapolis. Price $1.50.

This is essentially an encyclopedia of household information. As the author's "Complete Cook Book" is an exhaustive manual for the kitchen, so this new volume covers the whole supplementary range of house keeping. It contains directions on a thousand and one matters of interest and importance to the housewife, compactly set forth, readily found, reasonable, moderate, scientific and satisfying.

The arrangement is one of the book’s best features. The plan of naming the chapters for the days of the week and giving instruction in each for the kind of work sacredly set aside by the housekeeper's unwritten law for that particular day is not only clever, but practical as well.

Thus in the six chapters devoted to Monday and Tuesday every phase of washing and ironing receives attention. Wednesday is devoted to baking, with recipes for making old fashioned yeast and instruction on mixing and the use of the oven. The Thursday section is devoted to methods of removing dirt from clothing, carpets and furniture, with an exhaustive discussion of dry cleaning. 

Under “Friday” is treated the extermination of household pests, and Saturday is devoted to the care of furniture and household utensils. That subject takes three long chapters, and no thinkable detail is omitted. Sunday, with the subhead “Works of Necessity and Mercy,” embraces information on domestic materia medica, home surgery,

The book is a fitting and valuable crown to Marion Harland's long life devoted to labor in behalf of the home. – San Francisco Call, 1908

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Etiquette of the “Little Dinner”

"The little dinner is thought by most people to be the very pleasantest social function there is." — Emily Post

The Little Dinner

The little dinner is thought by most people to be the very pleasantest social function there is. It is always informal, of course, and intimate conversation is possible, since strangers are seldom, or at least very carefully, included. For younger people, or others who do not find great satisfaction in conversation, the dinner of eight and two tables of bridge afterwards has no rival in popularity. The formal dinner is liked by most people now and then (and for those who don't especially like it, it is at least salutary as a spine stiffening exercise), but for night after night, season after season, the little dinner is to social activity what the roast course is to the meal.

The service of a "little" dinner is the same as that of a big one. As has been said, proper service in properly run houses is never relaxed, whether dinner is for eighteen or for two alone. The table appointments are equally fine and beautiful, though possibly not quite so rare. Really priceless old glass and china can't be replaced because duplicates do not exist and to use it three times a day would be to court destruction; replicas, however, are scarcely less beautiful and can be replaced if chipped. The silver is identical; the food is equally well prepared, though a course or two is eliminated; the service is precisely the same. The clothes that fashionable people wear every evening they are home alone, are, if not the same, at least as beautiful of their kind. Young Gilding's lounge suit is quite as "handsome" as his dinner clothes, and he tubs and shaves and changes his linen when he puts it on. His wife wears a tea gown, which is classified as a negligé rather in irony, since it is apt to be more elaborate and gorgeous (to say nothing of dignified) than half of the garments that masquerade these days as evening dresses! They wear these informal clothes only if very intimate friends are coming to dinner alone. "Alone" may include as many as eight!—but never includes a stranger.

Otherwise, at informal dinners, the host wears a dinner coat and the hostess a simple evening dress, or perhaps an elaborate one that has been seen by everyone and which goes on at little dinners for the sake of getting some "wear out of it." She never, however, receives formally standing, though she rises when a guest comes into the room, shakes hands and sits down again. When dinner is announced, gentlemen do not offer their arms to the ladies. The hostess and the other ladies go into the dining-room together, not in a procession, but just as they happen to come. If one of them is much older than the others, the younger ones wait for her to go ahead of them, or one who is much younger goes last. The men stroll in the rear. The hostess on reaching the dining-room goes to her own place where she stands and tells everyone where she or he is to sit. "Mary, will you sit next to Jim, and Lucy on his other side; Kate, over there, Bobo, next to me," etc… — From Emily Post’s 1922 book, “Etiquette”

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Good Manners for Good Business

Every business is pervaded, more or less, by the influence of good behavior and gentle manners. Hence, who can venture to undertake any business except he first acquaint himself with what is right as to his manners and conduct?

Most of the laws of business are based upon the Golden Rule. One who has gained for himself a practical knowledge of this rule is fit for any business. What one of the learned professions would thrive without the aid of proper behavior in its practice? In the physician's efforts to alleviate pain and disease, how valuable to him is a knowledge of what is proper and right in his social treatment of patients. Who has not heard of a physician unsuccessful in his practice because he did not observe good manners? 

Every successful lawyer soon discovers the benefit of good breeding in his dealings with his clients. Who has not heard it asked about a minister, “Are his social qualities good?” —meaning nothing more nor less than an estimate of a pastor’s ability to exercise good manners and genial behavior among his people. Such knowledge is equally useful to the teacher, who must in turn shape the manners of his pupils. Where do we find more agreeable or more polite men, women and boys, than in the clerks, sales—women and cash-boys of the large mercantile establishments of our cities and towns? 

Every business is pervaded, more or less, by the influence of good behavior and gentle manners. Hence, who can venture to undertake any business except he first acquaint himself with what is right as to his manners and conduct?—From “Good Manners for All Occasions,” by Margaret Sangster, 1904

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Etiquette’s Intrinsic Value

The efficiency and usefulness of a liberal education are dwarfed unless developed under the genial influence of proper decorum. The actual worth, then, of politeness is such as to make every one who would be refined and cultured seek to cultivate it to such an extent as to make it practical in all the walks of life.

To estimate the real value of etiquette, decorum, or good manners, is to measure the breadth and scope of modern civilization. That culture only is valuable, which smooths the rough places, harmonizes the imperfections, and develops the pure, the good and the gentle in human character. The revenge of the savage, the roughness of the barbarous, and the rudeness of even some who claim to be civilized, are all lost in the good will and suavity of gentle manners. 

The efficiency and usefulness of a liberal education are dwarfed unless developed under the genial influence of proper decorum. The actual worth, then, of politeness is such as to make every one who would be refined and cultured seek to cultivate it to such an extent as to make it practical in all the walks of life.

EXCHANGEABLE VALUE

“A man’s manners are his fortune,” is a saying as true as it is old, as valuable as it is true. Many commodities are exchangeable, and money is the pivot upon which they turn. This is not less true of good manners than it is of the theories of the political economist. Who will number the times fortune has smiled upon penniless men who have had a good countenance and a pleasing address at their command? 

Good manners are made a leading business qualification in all pursuits. Neither sex is exempt, and the best posi- tions with the fattest salaries are always commanded by the best mannered, most courteous individuals. Then, as an avenue to wealth and position, good manners constitute a desirable acquisition.

VALUE TO SOCIETY

What is called society would be impossible were it not for the laws and usages of etiquette. So many interests are to be served 1-some to be protected, others to be restrained, and still others to be allowed the privilege of growth and expansion-that all these could not be done without some acknowledged standard of action, of which all may acquire some information both on entering and while in society. 

The best manners are to be found in the society of the good, and they are only the outgrowth of what is actually essential to regulate intercourse among such people. Man can not do without society, and society can not be maintained without customs and laws; therefore we have only to think of the mistakes, the heart-burnings and the mortifications which are the experience of the unrefined and ill-mannered, to see how valuable to society is a knowledge of the rules of decorum. —From “Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture,” 1889

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Mrs. Sangster on Etiquette, 1904

This is a primer of manners designed to make ladies and gentlemen of us all. In her preface, Mrs. Sangster describes it as being like Jack Horner’s historic Christmas pie, and always yielding its plum to the reader who opens its covers. 

GOOD MANNERS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

A Practical Manual, By Margaret E. Sangster

New York:
This is a primer of manners designed to make ladies and gentlemen of us all. In her preface, Mrs. Sangster describes it as being like Jack Horner’s historic Christmas pie, and always yielding its plum to the reader who opens its covers. 

Certain things she overlooks; for instance, she leaves one sadly at sea as to the etiquette of card parties, dances, etc... because she says so many people are divided as to their places as amusements at all; neither does she speak authoritatively upon the question of wines at the table, etc..., since she considers all alcoholic beverages as lying strictly within the domain of a reputable physician. Otherwise her field is as wide and varied as the most exacting student of manner could wish for.

Under table manners, one learns that he should not make a noise while eating, that his chair should not be placed too close to the table, neither too far away; that he should not express a decided preference for any particular article of food unless requested to do so; that it is not elegant to tuck one's napkin under one’s chin; that except in the case of very old ladies or gentlemen eating with one’s knife is not to be tolerated, and many other important things. 

Passing on to the etiquette of children, one learns with actual relief that well-behaved children do not play with a guest's dress, hat, or purse: neither are they permitted to sit on a sofa beside a guest unless particularly invited by the guest to do so. Indeed, in most cases they are not permitted in the room with visitors at all.

A gentleman in society does not quarrel with other guests in a house, and it is not considered elegant to try to be witty, although a pleasing and sprightly conversation may be tolerated. Even en familie quarrels and squabbles should be avoided at the dinner table. Never ask personal questions in society, and in talking to a person look at him, but avoid staring. 

In church one should remember not to eat lozenges or peppermints, nor to fan violently and create a cold current on the back of one's neighbor's neck. Be attentive to old people in the house of God.

It is not etiquette for saleswomen to gossip behind the counter, nor for stenographers to lunch with their employers.

Ladies should try to have their dresses fit well, and in traveling there are fastidious people who prefer to carry their own toilet articles rather than to use those designed for the general-public.

The book is a stout volume, and these are only unassorted items taken from it at random. Mrs. Sangster has gone to great pains to classify all her manners. For instance, on Page 23 she gives Good Manners for Traveling” and on Page 205 we have “Good Manners When All by Ourselves.” There are chapters on “Mourning and Funeral Etiquette and on “The Etiquette of the Visiting Card.”

She tells when is the proper time to: use moth balls and when to buy preserves; when to use the typewriter in correspondence, and when to write in: long hand; and she also gives recipes for cleaning jewelry and old laces, and a little résume of manners in different periods, of history. It should prove an exceedingly valuable book for diamonds in the rough. – The Christian Herald, 1904

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“Prinking” in Public is Bad Habit

Some women might like to have revived that custom of 200 years ago when beaux used to attend their women friends at their toilet table, but there is no charm or coquetry about seeing a woman wield a powder puff or lipstick in public. There was some artifice about the ladies of 200 years ago. For they had taken an hour at their dressing table to make ready for their dressing. Their maids had thoroughly made them, up and the hair had been labored with to produce the desired effect of charming disarray. Then, too, the men of those days left a renewed interest —and so, too, would the men of today if the custom were revived— in the fact that they were seeing something that all the world might not see—there was something a little risqué about chatting to a lady in her boudoir, even though it was sanctioned by conventional etiquette. 

“There is a time for some things and a time for all things; a time for great things, and a time for small things.”—Cervantes

Grandmother used to think its shockingly bad manners for a woman to put on her gloves after she had left her own front door. They should, not only be on, but all buttoned up by the time she started forth. What would the gentle old soul think if she could see the girls of this day who not only put on their gloves after they have left their homes, but adjust their veils by the nearest penny-in-the-slot chewing gum vendor, tuck up their stray locks with “invisible” hairpins taken from their handbags, and, anywhere or at any time that their little mirror in the top of their bags prompts them to do so, powder their noses and chins regardless of spectators? 

Of course, the young woman with what we call the finer instinct does not do these things, but the practice of “prinking” in public is by no means confined to the class of women who are usually not regarded as lacking in manners. I have seen many a woman, when the lights were partly down at the theater or the opera, surreptitiously pull a powder puff from her opera bag and, with a skilled stroke, efface any effect that the warmth may have had on her perfect makeup. One thing is certain and that is that no man ever enjoys seeing women of his acquaintance perform these little rites of the toilet table in public. 

Some women might like to have revived that custom of 200 years ago when beaux used to attend their women friends at their toilet table, but there is no charm or coquetry about seeing a woman wield a powder puff or lipstick in public. There was some artifice about the ladies of 200 years ago. For they had taken an hour at their dressing table to make ready for their dressing. Their maids had thoroughly made them, up and the hair had been labored with to produce the desired effect of charming disarray. Then, too, the men of those days left a renewed interest —and so, too, would the men of today if the custom were revived— in the fact that they were seeing something that all the world might not see—there was something a little risqué about chatting to a lady in her boudoir, even though it was sanctioned by conventional etiquette. 

But with all the world and his wife looking on when your lady fair powders her nose or publicly acknowledges her own poor, health or lack of vitality by applying rouge to cheeks or carmine to lips, what can you—mere man—do but pray that some kind fate might give her the gift to see herself as others see her? – By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

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Wagers and Etiquette of the Sexes

If you felt that it was wrong for your daughter in college to stake a “batch” of fudge versus a pound of chocolates with her roommate’s brother as to the marks she was to receive at mid- year examinations or even theater tickets over the outcome of a basketball game between the “Freshs and the Sophs,” then the chances are that you would look with disfavor on your son when he staked a goodly share of his next month’s allowance on the next football game.

No Impropriety in Small Wagers

“That makes the good and bad of manners, namely what helps or hinders fellowship.” -Emerson

“Lay no wagers with a gentleman and have no philopenas with them,” cautions a “behavior book,” in wide circulation half a century ago. “In betting with a lady it is customary for a gentleman to pay whether he wins or loses. No delicate and refined female ever bets at all. It always reminds gentlemen of the race course or gambling table.

That many have been very good advice for women fifty years ago, when most women really wanted to be looked upon as “delicate and refined females,” but it would be as absurd for the girl of today to act upon that advice as to wear hoop skirts and to affect a modesty that made it appear indecorous to show more than the toe or at most the instep— beneath those encumbering petticoats.

Sensible and well bred girls of today feel that they have done nothing indescreet in laying small wagers. If they do object to it it is a matter of principle rather than of etiquette. No sane person would consider a girl as ill bred just because she stakes a pound of candy on the outcome of an election or a football game. 

Though the fairness and desirability of equal suffrage is still a moot question among many persons, there are few who lament the fact that the tendency in manners today is toward equality among the sexes. The same characteristic of betting that might make it in bad form for women would also make it in bad form for men. 

If you felt that it was wrong for your daughter in college to stake a “batch” of fudge versus a pound of chocolates with her roommate’s brother as to the marks she was to receive at mid- year examinations or even theater tickets over the outcome of a basketball game between the “Freshs and the Sophs,” then the chances are that you would look with disfavor on your son when he staked a goodly share of his next month’s allowance on the next football game.

The man nowadays who “pays whether he loses or not” is regarded as a poor sport, or at least rather old fashioned. A girl with spirit would never wish to lay a wager with that sort of old school gentleman and she might quite naturally be a little offended if, after he had fairly won a bet, he refused to accept the stake.

Needless to say the girl who bets in season and out and who habitually suggests laying wagers is tire-some and troublesome to her friends. And since, anything that binders the smooth running of friendship is an act of bad manners she is herself ill bred.

For the sake of Mrs. Grundy, may I add that the rule that limits the gifts a young woman may receive from a young man to flowers, books and candy and taboos any article of clothing, ought to be considered in connection with this question of wagers. It is really better— and any sensible girl will agree with me, I am sure —not to suggest such things as hats, silk stockings and gloves or other apparel as the stake for a bet with a man outside of her own family. 

A girl of independent spirit does not like to give any man the satisfaction— if indeed he takes any satisfacton in it— of feeling that he has assisted in the purchase of her wardrobe. That it seems to me is a matter of common sense and not of arbitrary etiquette.— By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

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Early 20th C. Children’s Party Etiquette

For very little children, birthday stationery comes ready for the names and date to be filled in. Mothers will find this very convenient, and children love the gayly decorated sheets with the wee envelopes. 

HERE is a code of manners which every American child should learn. The accent is on the “American,” because on the Continent children are rarely seen until they have a certain poise, and know how to conduct themselves in due and proper manner. They are not at the table until six or eight years of age, if there are guests present, and then usually for dessert only.

In this country, when they are scarcely able to walk, children begin their social career by having parties and all sorts of festivities.

American children have rather an unsavory reputation in Europe, for which they are not to blame; it is the place of the parents to see that a child knows how to acknowledge an introduction by saying, “How do you do, Mrs. French,” or to reply, “Very well, thank you.” A child should not interrupt when older people are engaged in conversation; and when spoken to should say, “Yes, mother,” or, “No, Mrs. Gray.”

Having learned these first steps in the nursery, a child will be fitted to mingle with children and be a polite little host or hostess. Children have the same responsibility as their elders when it comes to entertaining. They must see that their guests play the games they like best, and they must give up treasured belongings for the amusement of others. Realizing that the choice of everything belongs to the visitor is a lesson hard to be learned by many petted “only children.”

To give parties often is indeed a splendid method of teaching self-control. Not elaborate evening functions, but afternoon parties with simple refreshments, where the young host or hostess works out his or her own problems, with a guiding hand to aid when necessary. It is a lesson, in more ways than one, to permit the young aspirant for social honors to plan the affair with all the individuality at command. Of course this is by far the hardest way for mothers; it is much easier to say, “Now, don't bother, mother will attend to everything”; but, what responsibility it gives a child to write the note of invitation, and plan the refreshments and favors!

This is of course for the little neighborhood affairs which should be a part of every child's life. For the elaborate birth-day party, or dance, the following models may be of service:

Miss Mary and Master Robert Kellar will be happy to see Miss Gretchen Murdoe on Tuesday evening from seven to nine at Flossmore, Park Hill Terrace

Dancing

Miss Josephine Greene requests the pleasure of Master Harold Lock's company at her birthday party on the afternoon of June the tenth, from three to six o'clock

For very little children, birthday stationery comes ready for the names and date to be filled in. Mothers will find this very convenient, and children love the gayly decorated sheets with the wee envelopes. — Dame Curtsey’s Book of Etiquette, 1909

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Etiquette and Privacy for House Guests

Even a hostess sometimes spoils the privacy of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries.

When the guest room has an occupant, the children of the household should consider it sacred and should never be allowed to enter or even to knock at its door without first consulting an older head. Even a hostess sometimes spoils the pleasures of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries. Over entertainment is really worse than none at all. One may assume that a guest may perhaps want to be alone when she seeks her room.–The Morning Union, 1915

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Etiquette for After Dinner Coffee

Some hostesses prefer to pour the coffee themselves and have the coffee pot and coffee cups brought to the drawing room on a tray. For a formal party, however, this is not generally done.

Black coffee is always served after a formal dinner. The men usually have it in the dining room as soon as the ladies withdraw. It is served to the ladies in the drawing room. The filled coffee cups, with a sugar bowl in which is loaf or crystal sugar, are passed on a silver tray, the waitress returning to the drawing room for the cups about fifteen minutes later.

At more informal or family dinners, the making of coffee is sometimes looked on as quite a rite and is prepared in the percolator by the host or the hostess. Again, some hostesses prefer to pour the coffee themselves and have the coffee pot and coffee cups brought to the drawing room on a tray. For a formal party, however, this is not generally done.— Eileen Cumming, 1923

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Politely Asking for a Dance

To use elaborate and formal phrases, such as. "Will you be so kind as to grant me the honor of this dance?" would seem, in our American society, rather stilted and forced. 

What Readers Ask… “What is the correct way for a young man to ask lady of his acquaintance for a dance at a ball or other dancing party?”

Simply say: “May I have this dance, Miss Smith?” is all one need to say. To use elaborate and formal phrases, such as. "Will you be so kind as to grant me the honor of this dance?" would seem, in our American society, rather stilted and forced. – By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Women’s Dress Etiquette of 1922

A lady’s dress must be in harmony with her surroundings. Avoid anything exaggerated or eccentric. – Above, a young married couple in 1922 Los Angeles, photo source, Etiquipedia private photo library 

What A Woman Should Wear

• Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. When in doubt where the plainer dress. 
• A lady's dress must be in harmony with her surroundings. Avoid anything exaggerated or eccentric.
• Sport skirts are not appropriate for business or on the streets. Neither are high heels.
• A lady should not go about in a blouse and skirt outside her house or an office, anymore than a man should appear in the street or in the presence of ladies in his shirt sleeves. 
• Gloves are always worn by a lady at a social affair. Although she may remove them, she must have them on upon her arrival. 
• Black clothes should not be worn at a wedding. 
• Girls should not go to school in georgette waists, silk stockings, pointed-toed or high heeled shoes and hair put up in a ridiculous style.
• A hat is never worn with an evening dress nor is a day dress worn without a hat.
• A thick ankle should have dark stockings whenever possible.
• A very slim lady should not wear a severe straight lined frock.
• Satin slippers should be worn only with semi evening or evening dress —never with street clothes.
• Pumps are not worn with fur coats, nor velvet hats with summertime frocks.
• Sport clothes are for the tennis courts, golf links, skating rinks and similar places, not for teas and receptions.
• The slim lady must avoid the severely straight up and down lines and stripes in all forms tunics, large collars, ruffles, soft flimsy, checked and flowered materials should be worn by the slim lady.
• The stout woman must avoid checked and brightly colored materials. Long lines and clothes without waistlines should be her choice.
• Do not trim cheap gowns with expensive trimmings, nor imitate expensive gowns in tawdry materials.
• Do not wear a decollete gown in the daytime.—From “Every Day Problems in Etiquette” 1922

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Etiquette for 1915 Movie Theaters

For the concert or drama everybody is on time, while the picture house is more of a “drop-in” place at any old time. The patrons seem quite willing to arrive for the last of a multiple reel subject and wait over to got the first of it last. For that reason they do not become greatly interested until there is a new subject on... 

Motion Picture News From Elsewhere

PROPER manners in the motion-picture theatre have as yet not been definitely determined. Authorities on the subject agree that it is not proper form to converse in loud tones: but in a general way abide by the etiquette of the concert hall and spoken drama. It is recognized, however, that this is more difficult to adhere to in the picture theatre when screen incidents so frequently occur that are conducive to some side remark that would meet with instant disapproval during the rendition of a symphony or during a theatrical scene when so much depended up on the expression of the actors. 

There is more or less constant confusion in a picture theatre. For the concert or drama everybody is on time, while the picture house is more of a “drop-in” place at any old time. The patrons seem quite willing to arrive for the last of a multiple reel subject and wait over to got the first of it last. For that reason they do not become greatly interested until there is a new subject on. With this situation a constant performance it is natural that many minds should be lax in considering the concentration others may have subjected themselves to. 

Many are so bored, they will enter at any time and remain as quiet as a mouse and if they do not fully grasp the screen subject, they find more or less enjoyment in the musical accompaniment. This lack of consideration for others is the present bane of picture theatres. One can notice this in persons entering a theatre late and keeping up a loud conversation, obscuring the vision of others at both taking a seat and leaving it, and in a multitude of other ways. 

Sometimes the deficiency is due to a lack of house discipline as theater employees are frequently lacking in the proper form. Discussions over the price of gas or what the weather was at this time last year, may be wafted from foyer or projection room while the big resolve of the story is taking place. Some time, perhaps, the situation will be different. One trade paper has suggested, facetiously, that the management provide ear mufflers.— Morning Press, 1915

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Confusing Etiquette with Manners

It is a pity that the word “manners” should be confused, as it often is, with the less essential term, “etiquette.” Manners are the same the world over, while etiquette is simply a cloak which may vary according to time and place. The world is so over-stocked with so-called “books of etiquette,” all loaded with “don’ts” that no human being is likely to do, and “do’s” that are equally ridiculous, that one wearies of the word, but manners are as necessary as when, long ago, it was written “manners maketh man.”

Women’s Gym Dance Class at Buell Hall, 1901— Photo source, Pinterest 

From “The Week in San Jose Society”

The hop given on Friday evening at Library Hall was the opening one of the series given by the Misses Lewis during each season. These hops originated with the idea of giving the pupils of the dancing classes an opportunity to practice their newly learned steps with other dancers, and, in mingling with others, gain the ease and grace of manners that comes in no other way. 

It is a pity that the word “manners” should be confused, as it often is, with the less essential term, “etiquette.” Manners are the same the world over, while etiquette is simply a cloak which may vary according to time and place. The world is so over-stocked with so-called “books of etiquette,” all loaded with “don’ts” that no human being is likely to do, and “do’s” that are equally ridiculous, that one wearies of the word, but manners are as necessary as when, long ago, it was written “manners maketh man.” 

Good manners consist of a ready acknowledgment of the rights of others, a readiness to concede in the way of kindness, a cheerful readiness and evident pleasure in fulfilling all the little duties of social intercourse— pleasure in the pleasure of others. Of course, the birthplace of this teaching must be the home, but the practical application must be elsewhere, where the mingling with others is on a larger scale than the home circle affords, and where the intercourse is of a more formal nature. 

Athletics have done a great deal toward bringing young people together in a wholesome band of comradeship, but the question now is to counteract the effect of too much equality. Longfellow, in one of his poems, tells of a statue on three sides of which is the inscription “Behold,” while on the fourth side is written the warning “Be not too bold,” so, while we preach athletics we must at the same time guard against the evils they bring in their train.

Not long ago, a well known San Jose woman, who has devoted her life to the training of young people, complained of what she called “foot-ball manners.” It is, indeed, deplorable if the rosy cheeks and strong physique of this generation must be bought with a sacrifice of courtesy and chivalry. It is here that the dancing school steps in; a strong counteracting influence, where, while their bodies are acquiring grace and motion the minds of the boys and girls are being imbued with that grace of thought which wins for them the title of gentle-men and gentle-women. — San Jose Mercury News, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Degree in Etiquette Never Offered

                          

From what we at Etiquipedia have researched, NYU never did offer the degree mentioned in Dix’s 1916 article. It is disappointing, though, as it would have been one way of actually “certifying” someone as knowledgeable in etiquette and manners. — Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer was an American “Agony Aunt” who wrote under the pen name, “Dorothy Dix.” A forerunner of today’s advice columnists, Dix was America’s highest paid and most widely read female journalist when she died in 1951. Her advice was syndicated in newspapers around the world, with an estimated audience of 60 million readers. Along with her column, she campaigned for woman suffrage.

— Public domain image

School of Manners, Dorothy Dix Says, Is Badly Needed American Child Too Often Lacking in Politeness and Little Graces of Human Intercourse

It is announced that the New York University is going to establish a school of manners, and that the degree of M. E.—Magister Elegantiarium—may be conferred on such students as perfect themselves in the etiquette of polite society. This news sounds almost too good to be true. Let us hope, however, that such a course of study is really to be established in one of our great schools, and that it will be compulsory, for nothing is more sadly needed.

For whatever other charms and virtues the American youth may possess, good manners are seldom among them. As a child he is almost invariably a little savage. As a hobbledehoy he is generally a hoodlum, and as a grown man, he is only too often an awkward blunderer, who is like a bull in the social china shop. On every side we encounter multitudes of men who have intelligence, force, power, men who have achieved success in their own particular calling, but who are as ignorant as babes of any of the graces of human intercourse. 

They cannot enter or leave a room without falling over their own feet. They do not know what to say when presented to a stranger, or how either to pay or receive a compliment. At dinner parties you may see them hopelessly floundering around among the silverware. At restaurants you may observe them with their legs twined like snakes around their chair legs, grasping their forks as if they were about to harpoon an attacking whale, and, alas, you may even pass away an evening listening to them eat their soup. 

Of course, we excuse such men by saying that they have been too busy with big affairs to give their attention to such small matters as the proper use of a fork or a spoon. We say that it's more important that a man’s heart should be of gold than that he. should wear the right sort of coat for the occasion, and we try to gloss over his boorishness by calling him a rough diamond. All of which is sheer nonsense. Nobody will contend that a rough diamond is as valuable as one that is cut and polished, and the truth is that while a man may succeed without good manners, he would succeed better with them. 

To know how to do things, to possess what the French call savoir faire, is always a help, never a handicap in life. People have always appreciated this fact, so far as women were concerned. In all girls' schools special attention is paid to deportment, and girls are taught the niceties of etiquette that they perhaps de not have an opportunity to learn in their own homes. More than that, at home stress is laid on little girls behaving like ladies, and wherever you go, the small daughter of the house will receive you charmingly, drop her little courtesy and endeavor to engage you in courteous conversation. 

But apparently the mothers of the same families make no effort to instill politeness into their boys, and their lads will storm into the room with their caps on. They will never stop to speak to the visitors, and only grunt by way of reply when addressed. And when these boys are sent off to school, no effort seems to be made to supplement their lack of home training in manners. They are grounded in all the arts and sciences except the most important art and science of all, which is that of making oneself agreeable to one’s fellow creatures. 

For, when all is said and dont, good manners will carry one further than anything else in the world. They are a letter of credit» that every one of us honors* at sight. The clown may compel our grudging respect, but present our hearts as a free gift to the courtier. A young man may be of the most sterling worth and yet wear a decollete collar that exposes his Adam’s apple and a coat and trousers and waistcoat of different makes and colors so that he looks like an animated patchwork quilt, but if he and another youth who knew how to dress, applied for the same job, the good clothes would get it. 

A man might he a genius and yet eat peas with his knife, but he would have a hard time getting close enough to those who might help him to get a chance to show what he could do. A man may have almost superhuman ability in any line, but if he is rude and crude in his manners, if he does not know how to please, he lives and dies neglected. On the other hand, the man who has what we call a charming personality, who is gracious in speech and polite in manners, finds a helping hand always at his elbow and a friendly shoulder ready to boost him up the ladder. That is why it is so important to teach boys good manners and why the opening a department in the New York University is epoch-making. — By Dorothy Dix, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. Basic Table Manners

In little more than a century, basic table manners have changed somewhat. Though elbows on the tables and chewing with one’s mouth open are still frowned upon, cellphones (or mobile phones), have become ubiquitous at restaurant and dining tables around the world, much to the dismay of etiquette professionals.

Practice Basic Table Manners

• Never take your seat until the lady of the house is seated. 
• Never lounge on the table with your elbows, nor tip backward in your chair. 
• Never play with your knives, forks or glasses, but cultivate repose at the table. It is an aid to digestion. 
• Never tuck your napkin into your vest, yoke or collar. It is unfolded once and laid across the knees without a flourish. 
• After the meal, at a restaurant or formal dinner, lay your napkin unfolded at your place. 
• If you are a  guest for a time in the household and will remain for another meal, you may fold your napkin in its original creases. 
• Never put the end of a spoon into your mouth, sip everything from the side of the spoon and do this noiselessly. 
• Never put your knife in your mouth nor use a spoon when a fork will serve. 
• Forks are now used for eating ice cream, and salad is folded or cut with the side of a fork, never with the knife. 
• Even small vegetables like peas are eaten with a fork. 
• Never hold your knife and fork up in the air when your host is serving you afresh. Lay them on one side of the plate when you send it to the host by servant or your neighbor at table. 
• Never leave your spoon in coffee or tea cup. Lay it on the saucer. 
• Never cool food by blowing upon it. Wait until it becomes cool enough to eat. 
• Never take a second helping at a large and formal dinner. You will find yourself eating alone. 
• Never make yourself conspicuous in any way by aiding the host or hostess in serving, unless especially asked to do so, or in passing dishes when servants are provided for that purpose. 
• Never push back your plate and finger crumbs at the end of the meal. It indicates undue haste. 
• Remember that — Large pieces of bread or cracker are broken into smaller pieces before being buttered and carried to the mouth. 
• Cake may be broken and eaten like bread or crackers or it may be eaten with a fork. 
• Celery, olives, radishes, salted nuts, bonbons, preserved ginger and other trifles are eaten from the fingers, but berries, melons, oranges and grape fruit must be eaten with a spoon. 
• Bananas are generally eaten with a fork, peaches, apples and pears are peeled, quartered and cut into small pieces and then picked up with the fingers. 
• Grapes and small plums are eaten from the fingers and the stones or pips taken into the hand and carried to the plate, never dropped from the lips.
• Prune seeds are best pressed out with the spoon before the fruit is eaten and then laid to one side on the plate. — Los Angeles Herald, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette in America of 1926

 “The day of the Pea Juggler, the Knife Swallower, the Soup Yodeler and Coffee Inhaler and kindred menaces of the restaurant patron’s peace of mind has passed.”

Better American Table Manners? 

From this article and the previous post, 1926 seems to have been a good year for them!

It is reassuring to hear from Harry J. Boekenhoff, president of the National Restaurant Association, that American table manners are improving. “The day of the Pea Juggler, the Knife Swallower, the Soup Yodeler and Coffee Inhaler and kindred menaces of the restaurant patron’s peace of mind has passed,” he says, “Today men pay more attention to the manner in which they partake of their meals. Women always have been more careful than men in such matters, but they, too, have improved.” It comes by practice, he explains. 

“More of us are dining out; and dining in public, under general scrutiny, and with good models to observe, naturally brings refinement in the art of eating. People now order better balanced meals, too.” he says. “They have learned about food values, and eat more sensibly, as well as more genteelly. Thus, little by little, we grow civilized. Eating in public is one of the crucial tests of culture. Eating in private, however, is a still more crucial test. A fellow can’t help wondering whether there is as much improvement at home as in the restaurants. How many men remember their restaurant manners at their own tables, in spite of the pleas of their women-folk?”— San Pedro Pilot, 1926

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tea Etiquette in Bachelor Apartments

You will need a covered sugar bowl filled with block sugar, a pretty, shallow dish for sliced lemon, with a lemon server on it... (these) may find a permanent place on this table.

Afternoon Tea and Unexpected Callers

The following suggestions are offered for those who have no maid or who live in bachelor apartments, and wish to extend their gracious courtesy in an informal way to unexpected callers. Some of the needful things are, first, a kettle, usually of brass, with a lamp for burning alcohol, so that the water may be boiled freshly and the tea made at once, without absenting yourself from your guests for any part of their call, except to bring in the plate of wafers, or the fresh water and any other articles not practicable to keep on the table. 

Of course, if you have a gas stove in a room near by, and all your needful things close at hand, you may do all the necessary work outside, in a brief time. But unless you can do it quickly, do not attempt it, for anything which savors of time and trouble for the hostess detracts from the guest’s enjoyment, and the pleasure of the guest is greatly enhanced by watching the process in the hands of a graceful hostess. If you have no table convenient to keep in readiness in your room, or you do not approve of the custom, you may easily have a table, light in weight and easy to lift, or one with a handle made expressly for this purpose, which may be fitted with the tea service and kept in some convenient place ready to be brought in at short notice. 

A covered sugar bowl filled with block sugar, a pretty, shallow dish for sliced lemon, with a lemon server on it, a plate or small metal tray under the lamp, a fancy bottle holding half a cup or more of alcohol, a small caddy for the tea, a tea ball with an extra cup to hold it when not in use, small sugar tongs, as many cups and saucers of your prettiest patterns as you will need, and spoons in the same proportion, may all find a permanent place on this table. If you prefer to have the tea steeped longer than is practicable with a ball, you may provide a teapot, since in this case, if there are many to be served, it will be convenient to put the tea in small bags made of thin muslin, which may be removed when fresh tea is to be made, with less trouble than when the tea is put directly in the pot, or when the tea ball is used and has to be emptied frequently. 

Milk and cream are not often served with afternoon tea, but as many persons do not enjoy the tea without one or the other, it will seem more hospitable to provide them. Do not omit the small bowl which will be so handy for the tea bags, or any portion which may be left, if a second cup is desired. Small hemstitched napkins of the finest linen, or, if your means will not permit this, the dainty paper napkins, will give your guest a measure of enjoyment far in excess of your labor in providing them. — Mary J. Lincoln, Copyright, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1920’s Radio Party Etiquette

This week has witnessed a series of radio parties with a pretty well systematized etiquette. The convention radio party of 1924 goes something like this: In the coolest of sports attire, you arrive and are ushered into a room, “all done up” in its summer-time toggery of cool looking linens or gay chintzes. The blinds are drawn just so; inside, a deliciously shadowy coolness; outside a blistering sun. 

Washington’s Society Opens ‘Radio Season’

Stay-At-Homes Listened in On Democratic Convention 

‘At Smartest Parties’

Washington, June 28.— Nowadays the convention “radio party” is the thing. Coincidentally with the start-off of the Republican session at Cleveland, Washington stay-at-homes, from the White House right down the line of officials, “foreign and domestic,” began sitting in on the great quadrennial political performances. This week has witnessed a series of radio parties with a pretty well systematized etiquette. 

The convention radio party of 1924 goes something like this: In the coolest of sports attire, you arrive and are ushered into a room, “all done up” in its summer-time toggery of cool looking linens or gay chintzes. The blinds are drawn just so; inside, a deliciously shadowy coolness; outside a blistering sun. 

Tea Carts Are Kept Rolling 

The tea cart stands in the offing. Huge glass tankards, flanked by rows of tall glasses filled with cracked ice, await the steaming teapot's arrival. On the side there's a fragrant mass of mint piled high in a bowl of cracked ice; there's a crystal dish of sliced lemon, too. Take your choice for "flavor". A dash of powdered sugar to suit your individual taste, and a straw completes the “ensemble.” There are petite gateaux and sometimes tiny sandwiches. 

Convention oratory, relieved by burst of melody and the wildly reverberating howls and huzzahs of the rooters, furnish the program. There you are; qualified by first hand information to hold your conversational own with the returning hordes who “fought and bled” for entrance to the “garden.” Thursday’s baseball celebration proved a counter-attraction for the White House family. John and Calvin, Jr., have just got back to town from a visit, so the President and Mrs. Coolidge, both of whom are pretty good baseball fans, were reinforced by their sons, who are enthusiasts.— Special to the Sun, by Jean Jarvis, 1924

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia