Stuffing One’s Mouth When Dining

Only the cute cheeks of chipmunks, squirrels, hamsters and such are allowed to be stuffed! — Etiquipedia is no “Dear Abby,” but after having taught etiquette since 1990, I can confidently say that this mother missed a great teaching opportunity in this instance. It’s never allowable to comment on someone’s poor manners in their home unless you’ve been asked for a critique by the ‘cheek stuffers’ themselves. Based on the ages of her parents in 1982, I’d guess they grew up during the Great Depression, when food and money were in scare supply for many. It’s possible their rushed and stuffed mouths were the result of those days. With a little understanding, a history lesson, and a dose of good manners on her part, Heavyhearted could have taught her children the fine art of ignoring the poor manners of her parents while a guest in their home and offering up their behavior as great examples of “what not to do” at the dining table, before their arrival, and again, after their departure. 

Full Mouth Causes Table Tantrum

DEAR ABBY; My parents are loving, kindhearted people in their 60s, but they have the worst table manners I have ever seen. Other family members have hinted to them over the years with no success. Now we either exclude them from dinner or surround them with people who know what to expect. 

My husband and I and our two small children drive 300 miles a couple of times a year to visit them. We were there for Thanksgiving dinner, and my father once again filled his mouth so full his cheeks were bulging, then he started to talk. Abby, I couldn’t understand a word he was saying, so I asked him to please not talk with food in his mouth. He got so angry he refused to speak to me the rest of the visit. 

When we left there was a lot of tension. It spoiled the whole trip for me. I feel so bad. I wasn’t mean or disrespectful. Abby, I just told him not to talk with his mouth full. Was I wrong to say anything? Should adult children never correct their parents no matter what? We try to teach our youngsters proper table manners, and parents like mine really make it rough. —Heavyhearted 

DEAR HEAVY: Some parents accept criticism gracefully, and some do not. Unfortunately yours do not, so if you want to keep the peace, grit your teeth and hold your tongue. — From Dear Abby, in The Desert Sun, 1982

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Court Etiquette Ignorance

Whoops! In her first invitation the Duchess intimated that a semi-Court costume would be sufficient, but afterward she sent another card asking those she had invited, to come in full uniform. But alas, for the Duchess of Westminster, only the King himself has the privilege in this dominion of demanding full Court dress, as the Duchess herself was informed very quickly by the Lord Chamberlain. 

’Twas a Fearful Mistake to Make, Don’t Ye Know

London—The Duchess of Westminster has come into humiliating conflict with the Royal Court by asking her guests to appear in full Court dress at the Royal ball she is to give in her own residence. In her first invitation the Duchess intimated that a semi-Court costume would be sufficient, but afterward she sent another card asking those she had invited, to come in full uniform. This would be necessary, she explained, because so many foreign Royalties would be present, in addition to the British King and Queen. But alas, for the Duchess of Westminster, only the King himself has the privilege in this dominion of demanding full Court dress, as the Duchess herself was informed very quickly by the Lord Chamberlain. Full Court costume, this functionary reminded her, is never worn at any private party. 

The Duchess pleaded ignorance of the Royal regulations, whereupon she got a hint that King George and Queen Mary think no Duchess of the realm should should be so lamentably unacquainted with Court etiquette. The result of the incident was that the Duchess ordered her second cards to be cancelled, but she showed, nevertheless, no inclination to place herself in so humiliated a position before her guests. The King could not well withdraw his own and the Queen’s acceptance of the invitation as the foreign Royalties and others had been especially invited to meet George and Mary. The upshot of it is that His Majesty has caused it to be known that he does not expect full Court costume to be worn at the Duchess of Westminster’s Royal ball. The Duchess got up the ball at the request of the King, so while she knows she blundered, she says she feels accordingly vexed at his Majesty’s interference. - San Pedro Daily News, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia