Etiquette for Hosting Fasting Guest

Prime Minister Modi was in the middle of a nine-day religious fast, a practice that reportedly limits his intake to water and lime. How was a dinner to be hosted in his honor? — According to HinduWebsite.com, “Fasting in Hinduism is a declaration of faith and resolve and way to build character, strength and purity as part of one’s preparation for liberation. It is also helpful to restrain the mind and the senses and practice detachment, austerity and self-control. The Hindu Law Books such as the  Manusmriti prescribe for both men and women elaborate rules and procedures to practice fasting on specific occasions. They also consider fasting a meritorious deed or good karma.”

 Prime Minister, Shri Narendra Modi, in New Delhi on August 08, 2019 

Photo source, Wikimedia Commons

An Indian leader’s fast was etiquette question for a dinner at the White House

Reporting from Washington —


White House visits from foreign leaders regularly bring up delicate questions of etiquette and protocol. Just in the past year, a small team of experts at the White House has had to figure out whom to seat next to the newly single French president, for example. And they’ve fielded questions over how to greet a leader’s wife when that leader is a polygamist.

Next week, the team faces one of its more unusual challenges: how to host a dinner for a man who isn’t eating.

The prime minister of India, Narendra Modi, is due at the White House on Monday for his first visit with President Obama. The White House is planning a dinner for the leaders and other top officials to honor his arrival. Modi is in the middle of a nine-day religious fast, a practice that reportedly limits his intake to water and lime.

That could make for an awkward evening Monday as the president and others start eating. But officials say they’ve got it covered, though they have not been specific about how.

“We obviously try to be respectful of the needs of all of the high-profile visitors that come to the White House and to be respectful of their observances,” White House spokesman Josh Earnest said Friday.

Earnest suggested the dinner would be more focused on the conversation than the food and would not require the president to dine alone.

“It’s my understanding that we’re talking about a working dinner with a substantial number of people around the table,” Earnest said. “If Prime Minister Modi or other members who are participating in that working dinner choose not to eat based on their own religious or cultural observance, then we’ll certainly work to accommodate their needs as best we can.”— K. Hennessy for the Los Angeles Times, 2014

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Fashionable Gilded Age Entertainer

Preferring to be called, “Madame Jones,” critics had dubbed her “the Black Patti” after the Italian/French opera singer, Adelina Patti. She once told a reporter that the name “rather annoys me... I am afraid people will think I consider myself the equal to Patti herself. I assure you I don't think so, but I have a voice and I am striving to win the favor of the public by honest merit and hard work.” In February of 1892, Jones performed at the White House for President Benjamin Harrison, which led to her eventually singing for four consecutive presidents — Harrison, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley, and Theodore Roosevelt — and even the British royal family. Sadly, for three of her White House performances, Jones had to enter the building through the back door, but by the Roosevelt administration, she was finally allowed to enter through the front door.

The Popularity of the “Black Patti”

A performance by Madame Sissieretta Jones, the “Black Patti,” has become a fad in the most fashionable circles recently. It’s been only a few weeks since she sang for the “Four Hundred” at the residence of Judge Andrews on Fifth Avenue, receiving $200 for her services. At the present time she is doing concert work in the southwest, in company with the Princess Dolgorouky, the violinist. Mrs. Jones was the guest of ex-Postmaster General Wanamaker at Washington, and she appeared at the White House before President Cleveland and his wife. At the present time she is in receipt of a salary of §400 per week, and it is probable that she will command twice that sum, before she is a year older. —New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Washington’s Etiquette Obligations

News photographers crowd in to take photos of the White House state dining room tables set for a formal State Dinner. – Originally, White House tables were very long and rectangular. The round tables were the idea of former First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy, who felt round tables spread throughout the room would be more conducive to conversations. They have remained this way ever since.

Social Obligations That the President's Wife Cannot Escape 

The etiquette of Washington life in its official, diplomatic and social phases is truly exacting even to those who keep to the head and front in the obligations of their own small circle. Therefore, how much more puzzling it must of necessity be to one who, like Mrs. McKinley, has been practically transplanted from the environment of invalidism to the position and duties that devolve upon the wife of the President: To her there must come many moments of indecision, and a faux pas committed is heralded from one end of the United States to the other. 

Therefore, it is well for all American women to be told what would be expected of them if some day they should become First Ladies of the land, for in this democratic country there is a chance for all of them to occupy the exalted position into which Mrs. McKinley has just stepped. The wife of the President is the one woman in official life exempt from making a first call, as during her husband’s administration she is the First Lady of the land, upon whom every American as well as every foreigner of distinction.

Washington must pay the mark of respect of a first call. When the wife of an ex-President arrives in Washington she must at once make the first call at the White House. The President's'wife must then return that call within the period of three days. The courtesy is greater when the call is returned the following day. When a member of royalty or person of any exalted rank arrives in Washington, it is etiquette for such person to make a first call at the White House. This ceremonial call generally lasts about five minutes, and in the event of such caller being a woman has to be returned by the wife of the President within three hours. In official circles dinner cards designating the place at table are written with the name of the office of the person for whom intended, as “The Vice-President,” “The British Ambassador,” etc. 

At the beginning of each season, generally in the latter part of December, the official list of dinner parties to be given at the White House is made out by one of the private secretaries after due consultation with the President. The order of official entertainments at the White House is given each season as follows: January 1, the President’s reception from 11 a. m. to 2. p. m. The first State Dinner is in honor of the cabinet. The first state evening reception is in honor of the Diplomatic Corps, from 9 to 11 oclock. The second State Dinner is in honor of Congress and the Judiciary. The third State Dinner is in honor of the Supreme Court. The third state reception is in honor of the Army, Navy and Marine Corps. The fourth evening reception is in honor of the public. For this reception, no cards are issued. 

At the State Dinners, invitations are generally sent to a limited number of the resident society of Washington or other large cities, such as may be selected by the President or his wife for the dinner. An invitation to a State Dinner is equivalent to a command, in as much as it should be accepted, even if in so doing another previously accepted invitation has to be declined. When, on account of illness, death in the family or absence from the city, it is found impossible to attend a State Dinner, the reason should be stated in the reply to the invitation. At State Dinners, the President does not make his appearance in the East Room, where the guests are received, until the exact hour at which the dinner takes place. The President's wife, on such occasions, precedes him to the East Room five or ten minutes in advance of the time set for the dinner, in order to greet the guests as they arrive. 

When the signal is given for the company to pass down the corridor ito the State Dining Room, the President leads with such guest of honor as has been selected in accordance with the requisite official rank necessary for the occasion. The President always leads the way at any dinner or entertainment he may attend. The President's wife always walks last at a State Dinner, her partner having been selected with the same due regard to rank as prevailed in the selection of the President's dinner companion.– Sacramento Daily Union, 1897

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

White House Etiquette and Tone

Hamilton Jordan, President Carter’s “right hand man.” – “The White House yesterday issued a 33-page white paper contradicting a published account of a Jan. 27 barroom occurrence in which presidential aide Hamilton Jordan was slapped by a young woman. The account in Sunday's Washington Post Magazine asserted that Jordan was struck after spitting his drink down the woman's blouse. "I did not say or do anything that night to any woman that was improper, and I categorically deny that I spat my drink on anyone. I did have an unpleasant encounter with a woman at the bar, but it was not precipitated by me of anything that I had done," Jordan said in a statement released by the White House...” – Portion of a Washington Post article, February 21,1978

A Timely Historical Etiquette Post:

“Didn’t You Know, My Dears?” 

WASHINGTON - “You won't find it listed in the U.S. Constitution or in the transition team’s notebook, but one of the highest duties of a new President apparently is to uphold, enhance and adorn the social life of Washington. I am quite sure Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter and all the President’s men scarcely gave that a thought before moving into the White House. Now they are having to give it more time and attention than they would like. Believe me, it is a no-win proposition. I say that because of the latest federal flap over the tavern tribulations of Hamilton Jordan, the President's prominent non-chief of staff and man about town. But Jordan is only a recurring cross the Carters have to bear. 

There have been others and there will be more. For reasons rooted in local tradition, members of the First Family and the White House staff are supposed to be models of decorum and Emily Post etiquette. They are expected to be versed in the social graces and protocol; to remember what to do with a fork and what not to do with a finger bowl; to know when it is all right to go tieless and shoeless; that it is never alright to get pickled in public. This city is as stuffy as any other in America. It has its own ‘standards’ of acceptable conduct, born of a peculiar mixture of politicians, bureaucrats, diplomats, lobbyists and the press, all of whom coexist in a useful but fragile social relationship that is subject to shattering every four years. It does not react warmly to those who buck the system or offend its practitioners. 

Politically speaking, the Carter crowd already has discovered that Washington does not adjust easily to those who come in as ‘outsiders’ and want to stay that way. As even Jordan admits, the Carter administration wasted a lot of valuable momentum its first year because it thought it was unnecessary to first learn how the rest of political Washington works. Socially speaking, the same is true. In its own way, Washington is as provincial as Plains, Ga., although I doubt any of its social lions or lionesses would admit it. Lusting in one’s heart or in private is fine, even for a ranking White House official, but heavens, not in a public place like Sarsfield’s singles’ bar or at a posh Barbara Walters dinner party. The trouble is that Washington expects, even wants, those who live and work in the White House to be like the preacher’s family in a small town: above reproach. The White House is the sun of the local solar system. Everything here revolves around it, socially as well as governmentally. It sets the climate in which Washington lives. But expecting local folk to be always happy with the social tone set by the White House, is as futile as expecting people to be happy about the weather. 

During the Eisenhower years, when I first came here, nobody accused administration officials of risqué behavior. But, my, how they grumbled about the stodginess of the White House social scene. Dullsville was replaced by Camelot when the Kennedys came in. Washington was entranced, intrigued and enlivened by the social style of the young President and his Jacqueline. The Johnsons set a more down-home and boisterous pace, but it was still judged to be within the Washington tradition. The Nixons tried hard but it came off as too much pretension, while the Fords’ social example was rated as sort of a Grand Rapids version of the LBJ era. The social tone being set by the Carters is more permissive, more do-your-own-thing, than Washington society would like. And that goes equally for Amy reading a book at a State Dinner or boozy bar-hopping by Jordan, Jody Powell and top presidential assistants. 

Mr. Carter came to town determined to govern more openly than any president before him. His Cabinet members and high appointees were to have no conflicts of interest, no hidden motives, no cozy deals out of public view. His style of governing was going to be like living in Macy’s window. But Washington, and perhaps a good part of the country, would prefer it if the Carter people would behave in public as though they were living in Macy’s window. Perhaps Mr. Carter is of a mind to insist on that, if only to protect himself from the political embarrassment of social misbehavior. It is not terribly uplifting for the country when the President’s White House legal counsel has to be sent out, on government time, to take a sworn statement from a bartender that the President’s highest assistant did ‘no spitting, no touching’ during an altercation with a young woman at the bar.” – Editorial in The Desert Sun, 1978

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

U.S. State Dinner Etiquette

Grover Cleveland, a bachelor when he first became President, had to depend upon someone other than a wife to preside over the White House during his first administration. His choice was his sister, Rose. Miss Rose Elizabeth Cleveland, was deemed a young woman of “fine culture, high attainments and superior character.”

At a State Dinner, the etiquette of the White House is exactly the reverse of the custom at a private dinner. The guests assemble in the East Room and await the President and his wife, who appear at the stroke of the clock. Woe betide the late guest! He has committed a national or international breach of etiquette.

At the table the President is served first, his wife next, then the guests, in order of precedence. An invitation to the White House is a command, and takes precedence of all others, even of a dinner at one's own house. An infringement of this rule would be regarded as a shocking breach of the amenities. The President's sister may be at the helm of the Whits House, as Mrs. McElroy was during President Arthur's administration, and Miss Rose Cleveland (being a part of Mr. Cleveland's first administration); but her position is never like that of the President's wife.

She has much more latitude, and although she follows in a general way the etiquette laid down for the President's wife, she has by no means the recognised official standing of the "first lady of the land." The younger and more inexperienced a woman is when she enters the White House, the more likely she is to succeed; since she is likely to do as she is told, without presuming to act upon her own judgment. This is one secret of Mrs. Cleveland's success. — The Sausalito News, 1897

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette and Protocol in Government Circles

Eleanor Roosevelt

On the Question of Rank

The question of rank and precedence has always been a touchy one in government circles, yet these apparently ridiculous or archaic rules agreed upon among the nations have a strong practical reason for their existence. In 1661 a sword battle in London between the attendants of the French and Spanish ambassadors, over whose carriage should precede the other's, brought France and Spain dangerously close to war. In 1756 a violent quarrel between the French and Russian ambassadors at a ball in London over precedence led to a duel and a serious threat of war between Russia and France. A slight to an ambassador is not a personal affront, it is an insult to his nation.

"Monday 30 September 1661 ~ This morning up by moon-shine, at 5 o’clock, to White Hall, to meet Mr. Moore at the Privy Seal, but he not being come as appointed, I went into King Street to the Red Lyon to drink my morning draft, and there I heard of a fray between the two Embassadors of Spain and France; and that, this day, being the day of the entrance of an Embassador from Sweden, they intended to fight for the precedence!" From the famous diary of Samuel Pepys 

Even in the Democratic United States of America, where rank is of less importance than it is in Europe, many famous quarrels over precedence have occurred in Washington. During the administration of President Theodore Roosevelt, when Miss Helen Cannon, daughter of "Uncle Joe" Cannon, a widower and Speaker of the House, demanded precedence over the wives of Senators and Representatives and was overruled, she announced that she would send regrets to further invitations to the White House if she were not given at least equal status with the wives of the members of Congress. During the Hoover administration Dolly Mann, sister and hostess of Vice-President Curtis, created a long-drawn-out controversy by her demand that she be given precedence over Alice Roosevelt Longworth, wife of speaker Nicholas Longworth. Admiral of the Navy George Dewey precipitated a similar commotion when he demanded (in vain) that he be given precedence over foreign ministers because he rated a salute of seventeen guns as compared to only fifteen for the foreign ministers.

The Bryan Times called Miss Helen Cannon, daughter of then widower and U.S. Speaker of the House, “One of the First Ladies of Official Society at National Capital” and referred to her as a “Famous Housekeeper” 

Some of these controversies have brought about modifications in the orders of precedence; others have left them unchanged. Sometimes other factors have brought about modifications. The intent has always been to arrange the order of precedence in such a way as to indicate properly the degree of vested authority represented.

From Eleanor Roosevelt's 1962, “Common Sense Book of Etiquette”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: The Dish on White House State Dinners

December 12, 1874: The first visiting head of state to attend a State Dinner at the White House was King David Kalakaua of the Kingdom of Hawaii, hosted by Ulysses S. Grant. 

Early 19th century dinners honoring the President's Cabinet, Congress, or other dignitaries were called 'State Dinners' even though they lacked official foreign representation. Under such conditions, large receptions and dinners were a rare occurrence. Washington D.C. society was a collection of widely separated, isolated villages, and at times almost inaccessible.

 June 8, 1939: Seating arrangements for the State Dinner for George VI of the United Kingdom, hosted by President and Mrs. Franklin D. Roosevelt...  Months of meticulous planning go into a State Dinner. The guest of honor’s country, culture, and favored preferences are thoroughly researched. The First Lady often chooses the décor and entertainment to highlight a certain aspect of American culture. Together, these considerations are translated into invitations, menus, guest lists, and entertainment. The results can be a form of diplomatic dialogue between the host and guest cultures.

As the times changed, so did the nation’s capital. A series of State Dinners were soon held every winter social season to honor Congress, the Supreme Court, and members of the Diplomatic Corps.

Extravagant floral arrangements and lights decorate the East Room of the White House for the state dinner given by President Theodore Roosevelt in honor of Prince Henry of Prussia in 1902.

In the late 19th century’s Gilded Age, the term ‘State Dinner’ had become synonymous with a dinner hosted by the President honoring a foreign head of state. The first visiting head of state to attend a State Dinner at the White House was King David Kalakaua of theKingdom of Hawaii, hosted by Ulysses S. Grant on December 12, 1874. According to Barry H. Landau’s book “The President’s Table,” there were just 36 guests but “as many as 29 courses,” all of them French, which was de rigueur at the time.

The Dish on White House China

Mrs. Benjamin Harrison, an accomplished china painter, designed her own official White House china in 1889 and, what's more, initiated the first continuous White House collection -- by now, what with breakage and pilferage, a fascinating assemblage of remnants.

In 1840, gold table settings became Presidential campaign issue. Helping William Henry Harrison, a simple frontiersman, grab the Presidency from Martin Van Buren. When Benjamin Harrison, his grandson, won the Presidency later, his wife, Caroline Harrison, wanted new White House china that would be “symbolic and meaningful to Americans.” The First Lady, an artist herself, placed the Coat of Arms of the United States in the center of the plates, and designed a goldenrod and corn motif etched in gold around a wide band of blue. The corn represents Mrs. Harrison’s home state of Indiana. Forty-four stars, one for each state at the time, make up the inner border. Mrs. Harrison directed a large-scale remodeling effort of the White House, adding a china closet to display all past Presidential china services. Caroline Harrison was not able to use the china she had ordered, as she died before it was delivered. The china arrived in December 1892.

Over the last 40 or so years, of the First Ladies who tried to supply full services for the usual 120 guest state dinners, very few have succeeded (Betty Ford doesn't count; she was in residence to briefly). Lady Bird Johnson contributed a 220 place wildflower service designed by Tiffany and company, produced by the American from Castleton, and paid for by Jane and Engelhard, the Far Hills, New Jersey, philanthropist.

Lady Bird Johnson is also known as "the first lady of wildflowers" in Texas. Lyndon and Lady Bird Johnson held over State Dinners along with weddings for both their daughters while in the White House

Pat Nixon was ready to give Lenox the go ahead for a service Clement Conger helped design but suddenly cancelled; a few days later Nixon resigned.  Rosalynn Carter made do with pieces from this service and that, intending to produce a set of Carter china later. There was no later; she overestimated Jimmy's re-electability. 

Turning the tables for a moment, this photo captures Richard Nixon at a State Dinner in China:  Mr. Nixon and First Lady Pat Nixon gave more State Dinners than any other first couple. “I believe I produced 76,” social secretary Lucy Winchester Breathitt, told Vanity Fair. Nixon was particular about where people sat at his State Dinners. Concerning Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, he noted in a memo: “Henry should not always be put next to the most glamorous woman present.  It’s starting to cause unfavorable talk that serves no useful purpose.”

By the time Nancy Reagan became First Lady, the most complete service, Lady Bird's, was down to 90 settings.  The handsome red and 24 karat gold-rimmed Lenox china -- designed by Nancy Reagan and Ted Graber with the Presidential seal should be around for awhile, even with occasional breakage; the 4,391 pieces include 220 place settings, 19 pieces per place.

Ronald and Nancy Reagan hosted 59 State Dinners in the two Presidential terms they spent in the White House.  Reagan loved to entertain, and preferred to serve California wines.

During the George W. Bush administration, 320 more formals sets sets of china were added for White House State Dinners (and 75 informal sets of china for the private quarters of the White House) though George and Laura Bush held very few State Dinners during their two terms-- only eleven in total.

George W. Bush White House state china in gold rim with a green basket-weave pattern and a historically-inspired gold eagle, manufactured by Lenox.

Dinner for 140

The White House “China Room” in 1918

The ground floor China Room is where the White House collection of china is kept. Even the earliest presidents received government funds to purchase state china. However, by a special clause in the appropriation bills, "decayed furnishings" could be sold and the proceeds used to buy replacements. Such "furnishings" included state china, and during the 19th century the cupboards were frequently swept clean and the contents carted off to auction. The money could then be used to order a new china service that better suited the president and his family.

Even into the 20th century, White House china was often given away if it was chipped or broken. Later, Congress passed a law that required that all presidential china be kept or destroyed. When new dessert plates for the Johnson administration turned out badly, the White House staff smashed it against a basement wall painted with caricatures of the president's assistants.

Today, nearly all presidents are represented in the china collection one way or another. And full services suitable for state dinners exist for the B Harrison, Wilson, FD Roosevelt, Truman, L Johnson, Reagan, and Clinton sets, although the older sets are much smaller than the newer ones and cannot be used for the largest events. Replacement pieces are occasionally ordered for these, as pieces become chipped or broken.

Wilson — 120 settings

FD Roosevelt — 120 settings

Truman — 120 settings

L Johnson — 216 settings

Reagan — 220 settings

Clinton — 300 settings

Bush — 320 setting formal set, 75 setting informal set

Above from the White House Museum.Org

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia