Baby Shower Gift Etiquette

Vintage birth announcement card from 1957

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: It seems the new trend at bridal showers. is not to open the gifts. They are merely accepted and put aside. I think is is poor etiquette. Don't you? — Edith

DEAR EDITH: I could imagine nothing more tense than an evening spent glaring at a pile of beautifully wrapped gifts which the guests are not permitted to see opened I adore showers almost more than any other type party, but would certainly lose my enthusiasm after one of these. Personally, I've never heard of the fad, or trend, and certainly hope it passes very quickly. 

The whole object of a shower has always been the expressions of joy when the honored guest opened her gifts. This is the highlight of the party. Do your best to discourage the unopened-gifts trend. I'll back you up. – Dorothy Dix, Dorothy Dix is a Trademark registered in the U. S. Patent Office by The Bell Syndicate, Inc., 1956

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Soup and Sandwich Etiquette

Bouillon is taken from a spoon except the last few swallows which may be taken from the cup by lifting with one of the handles and rising the cup to the lips.

The Proper Thing to Do

Kindly tell me the proper way of eating a club sandwich in a restaurant, also whether bouillon is sipped from the cup or eaten with a spoon? —Country Girl.

A club sandwich is eaten with a fork, the toast, if very dry, may be broken and eaten with the fingers. Bouillon is taken from a spoon except the last few swallows which may be taken from the cup by lifting with one of the handles and rising the cup to the lips. — Madame Merri, 1912

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Japanese Mid-C. Railway Etiquette

Long known for their exceptional mass transit manners, this is on of many images from the Japanese, “Please do it at home” campaign of the past 10 to 15 years. Many successful campaigns using eye-catching images and art have been used over the past decades. You can see many from the past here in a previous Etiquipedia post.

Japanese Railroad Launches Passenger Etiquette Program 

TOKYO, July, 21—(UPI)—The Japan National Railways Corporation, which runs one of the most efficient train systems in the world, launched an “etiquette training” program Monday to make its passengers the neatest and best-mannered as well. 

A spokesman for the corporation said special officers will be assigned to 24 trains to tell passengers how to behave. They will tell passengers not to: —

• Walk around Railway cars in their underwear.

• Enter the dining car in nightgowns.

• Throw refuse all over the floors.

• Play their radios too loud.

– Shin Nichibei, 1959

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Pakistani Culture and Etiquette

Pakistan is a place of mystery to many, yet I have found it to be a place of curiosity and old world wonder that is emerging into the spotlight of global recognition.

The partition of British India in August of 1947 resulted in the birth of two separate nations, Pakistan and India, with Pakistan comprising two geographically and culturally distinct regions: West Pakistan, now known as the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and East Pakistan, now known as the People's Republic of Bangladesh. With this separation of the newly formed Pakistan, nearly a century ago, citizens had the liberty to indelibly grow culturally. 

Pakistani hospitality is renowned worldwide. Guests are treated with the utmost respect and warmth. It's customary for hosts to go above and beyond to ensure their guests feel welcomed and comfortable. I can vouch for this fact as I had married into a Pakistani family from one of its larger cities. Here is what you need to know when being invited to a Pakastani home.

It's polite to bring a small gift, such as sweets, nuts, dates, or flowers, or if you have flown in from another country, then something different that may not be found in Pakistan. When giving the gift to your host, hand it over with two or right hands, from woman to woman or man to man. Avoid gifting alcoholic drinks or products that contain non-halal items. Consider when you are being invited, clothing will change from day to night and on other specific occasions. Also, contemplate the city you are visiting, as each city in Pakistan has its dress code. 

For example, Karachi is a modern city; therefore, you will see women wearing jeans and joggers. Islamabad will vary as it's known as the ambassadorial area where semi-formal office wear is the norm mixed with traditional dress. Lahore is an older and more conservative city and, therefore, the traditional three-piece suit for women and semi-casual for men. Check-in with your host on what to wear, and always remember to dress modestly.

Before you leave your hotel or accommodation, you must understand that time can be flexible or rigid. Time is rigid if the host is currently serving in the military. Military families are well accustomed to being on time and the value of not wasting it. When you arrive at the host's house, remember to remove your shoes before entering the home because the roads are dusty and unsealed. Upon arriving, stand to greet a person when they enter a room. Greet the elders first with a polite "Assalam-o-Alaikum" and accept their blessings if they offer it. A blessing might be a hand on the front part of your head. Once you enter you are sitting it's vital that your compliment your hosts exterior or interior of the house, it will win you many bonus points for being observant and complimentary.

Depending on the family's views which could be conservative or modern, yourself and your partner maybe escorted away from each other into two rooms, one for men and one for women. Or you will be invited to sit down with the family to eat and enjoy time together in one room. You could be seated on a lounge or floor; remember to cross your legs or lean to the side with the sole of your foot facing the wall, never outstretched in front of you.

Likely, there will be children running around from room to room, it’s imperative to ask the welfare of children and talk over five minutes or more about each of them. Pakistanis put immense value on children in the family unit and are a great source of pride and joy. During the event, you will be peppered with personal questions. This is because it is a way to get to know you so they can hierarchically place you according to their social system. Questions could range from your family's background and your own family. What do you do for work, which university do you attend, and so on? I advise you to be prepared and answer respectfully; you in turn, will be able to ask the same type of questions as they value the questions importance.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Second Look at Japanese Etiquette

A 1990’s, traditional-shaped, Asian-style bowl, suitable for soup, noodles or rice, with the proper Asian etiquette printed inside and outside the bowl. Asian soup etiquette differs greatly from European and American soup etiquette. This article from 1959 quotes a famous Japanese author who chided those who wished to change the tea drinking etiquette and soup etiquette of Japanese newcomers, many of them brides of American military husbands, to America.  “Never to make noise when you have soup,” he argued at the time, was to “force Western etiquette on the Japanese who have been used to noisily slurping soybean soup and tea since childhood.” And girls, he argues, are too easily influenced by books on superficial etiquette. – From a 1959 Shin Nichibei Newspaper article which was originally posted on Etiquipedia in 2019 

 
TOKYO, Jan. 1 — Slurp your soup and prove you are no social sheep. So advises Yukio Mishima, one of Japan’s most popular postwar novelists. “Amidst a quiet first class restaurant,” Mishima admits, “it requires social courage.” The 33-year old author frowns on efforts-to cram Western table manners down Japanese throats. “Never to make noise when you have soup,” he argues, “is to force Western etiquette on the Japanese who have been used to noisily slurping soybean soup and tea since childhood.” And girls, he argues, are too easily influenced by books on superficial etiquette. 

He quotes a confession appearing in a women’s magazine: “The first time I went out with him to dine, my boy friend started sipping soup with the ‘z-z-zhu’ sound as if he were swallowing a bowl of noodles down his throat. Instantly I felt sick physiologically . . . since then I’ve had no affection for him.” Mishima says such confessions usually appear in women’s magazines under special subjects as “Delicacy of Love Psychology.” “This kind of women’s psychology has nothing to do with feminine delicacy but rather with vanity,” he says. “What is elegant is what is decided by the greater numbers of a society.” – Shin Nichibei, 1959

🍲Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

“What is Etiquette,” You Ask?

Etiquette and the Golden Rule: John Caveman came to learn that it was smart to speak gently to his neighbor if he didn't want a sizable stone ax bounced on his skull.

You can find a lot of definitions of the word “etiquette” in the dictionary. Boiled down, they all mean about the same thing as that old copy-book favorite: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Even back in the days when our ancestors trotted around in skins, John Caveman came to learn that it was smart to speak gently to his neighbor if he didn't want a sizable stone ax bounced on his skull. Probably it would cost John a good many burned houses, stolen wives, and private wars to find that out, but sooner or later he had to admit that the surest way to success in life is by getting along with other people.— From “Manners for Moderns,” by Kathleen Black, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

There’s No Excuse for Rudeness

The 1950’s and early 1960’s offered numerous new books of etiquette in the U.S. for the booming post-WWII years. A vintage advertisement for Amy Vanderbilt’s 1967 book of etiquette, with a tagline explaining that sooner or later, everyone needed the book of etiquette.

Hurt Feelings Not an Excuse!

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My sister received a book on etiquette as a gift from her sister-in-law. My sister never expressed a desire for such a book and was highly insulted on receiving it. She returned the book. Was she right, or should she have kept the book?— P.P

DEAR P.P: Before returning the book your sister should have read it. There would be a raft of hurt feelings in this world if everyone who received a gift questioned the motive of the giver. A book of etiquette should be standard equipment in any household. 

At some time or other practically everyone comes across a situation that involves a small, but important, rule of manners, procedure or precedent. An authoritative source is indispensable at such a time. The book takes its place next to the almanac, dictionary and encyclopedia. Your sister's conduct was indefensible, and I certainly feel she owes her sister-in-law an apology. — By Dorothy Dix in “Shin Nichibei News,” 17 August 1957

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Punctuality in Meals

The person whose business it is to lay the cloth must have it quite ready, with plenty of warm plates, a few minutes before time, and be at leisure to carry in the dinner the moment it is taken up. Masters and mistresses who expect to have their cooking properly done, should see that the cook is furnished with every convenience.

Punctuality in a cook is no mean virtue. Employers who expect a cook to be punctual should be so themselves. To secure punctuality, the cook should exercise thought and early rising. In case of company to dinner, the cook should be as early as possible apprized of it, that she may prepare soups, jellies, and other made dishes the day before, or at least early in the morning, before the bustle of roasting and boiling comes on, and before it is necessary to prepare the fire for those purposes.

There should be no after-thoughts in the arrangements for dinner, but let the cook have at once specific orders of all that will be required, that she may allow the exact time necessary for each article, and have each ready at hand to set forward in due succession. Pepper, salt, flour, mustard, etc… should be kept in regular supply for the daily business of cooking. 

Even in a small family, a quarter of an hour should be allowed for serving up dinners, and at least as long a time for unforseen delay and hindrances. The person whose business it is to lay the cloth must have it quite ready, with plenty of warm plates, a few minutes before time, and be at leisure to carry in the dinner the moment it is taken up. Masters and mistresses who expect to have their cooking properly done, should see that the cook is furnished with every convenience.– From “The Housekeeper's Guide: Or, A Plain & Practical System of Domestic Cookery,” by Esther Copley, 1838

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Indian Dining and Table Etiquette

Currently, I am immersed in the vibrant culture of incredible India. I've had the pleasure of indulging in sumptuous curries ranging from meat to vegetables, grains and pulses using the age-old tradition of eating curry with one's fingers as I travel India or known locally as Bharat ( derived from the Sanskrit name for the country.) I've embraced the centuries-old motto and tweaked it a little, 'When in India, do as the Indians do.' I've found myself eschewing utensils in favour of the tactile connection afforded by using my fingers. It's a practice that prompted a deeper reflection on the origins of utensil use.

The act of eating with one's hands also has historical and utensil-usage implications. In the book ‘Feeding Desire: Design and the Tools of the Table, 1500-2005’ Coffin et al. explains that utensils like knives, forks, and spoons have enriched our dining experiences by acting as extensions of our hands, suggesting an evolution from direct hand-to-food to changes in dining etiquettes and experiences over centuries.

Eating with your hands is not just a cultural norm, it's an integral part of the dining experience. Using your fingers to scoop up flavourful curries with rice or bread connects you more intimately with the food and heightens the sensory experience. Before you start, most restaurants will make a basin available in the dining room to wash your hands. Traditionally, you will use your right hand to eat, as the left hand is considered unclean.

Bread, known as roti, naan, paratha, chapati, and the list goes on, are just a few examples of the diverse array of breads found in Indian cuisine, each with its unique texture, flavour, and cooking method. These breads are central to Indian cuisine, serving as the perfect accompaniment to curries that could contain lentils or chickpeas, and grilled meats. They are my favourite accompaniment to an Indian meal. I use two techniques. One is to tear the bread and pick up the ‘dry’ curry with the bread. The second is to fold the bread in a cone shape to pick up the ‘wet’ curries.

Another way to eat curry is with rice. Depending on what part of India you are in, rice will vary from basmati to laal chawal, laal meaning red. You will be given a large serving of rice with various curries surrounding it. Find a clean space on your thali plate to scoop up a small portion of rice and curry. Mix the curry with the rice using only your fingertips, not the whole hand. This is done so the curry is absorbed into the rice, ready for you to eat and enjoy. Gently picking up the mixed food with your fingers, shape the rice and curry into a small bite-sized portion. Push the bite of food into your mouth by sliding the food down your fingers levered by your thumb. Be careful not to let your fingers touch your lips.

I hope this information is helpful to you. It’s always good to try to do as the locals do. It helps ensure that your culinary experiences in India are conducted with cultural sensitivity and authenticity. - Source, “Feeding Desire: Design and the Tools of the Table, 1500-2005”

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Novelties

The Standard Designer illustrates some of the newest favors and gives directions for making not a few inexpensive but effective ones. 

Newest Cotillon Favors, 

Including “Queen Victoria” crowns…

The custom of giving cotillon favors during the dance comes from Germany, and the favors which come from there are very well made, though perhaps not as effective as those which are made here. 

In Paris beautiful favors are made also, but when imported here become very expensive. It is, however, no longer considered good form to give too expensive favors, and marvelously pretty articles can be made with small outlay.

The Standard Designer illustrates some of the newest favors and gives directions for making not a few inexpensive but effective ones.

To begin with, the banjo is one of the latest. It is made of cardboard and is entirely covered with tissue paper wound around and around. The strings of the banjo are made of gilt tinsel, such as is used on Christmas trees, and around the head are fastened roses made of crape or tissue paper to correspond in color. 

Satin ribbons are tied on the handle so that the favor can be worn slung over the shoulder. Some have bells instead of roses. Toy banjos can be bought and covered, and so save the expense of making them oneself.

Queen Victoria crowns are very new favors, and 100 of them have just been ordered for a cotillon to be given in New York. They are miniature crowns, made of fine wire, covered entirely with tiny pink roses and surmounted by a small gilt ball.

Large palm leaf fans may be transformed into lovely cotillon favors by pasting all over them closely on both sides small paper roses, violets, orchids or any other flower.

The cheapest cotillon favor which can be given is an ordinary tin fish horn. This is simply tied with a bow of ribbon. French horns are also much used as favors. They are generally of wood and are either gilded or silvered and tied also with ribbons. A pretty favor is the scented work bag made of satin brocade or other silken material.

Favors for men should be small. Rosettes of ribbon, different colors, to wear in the buttonhole, crape paper flowers for boutonnieres, cravat holders in silver, pen wipers, Japanese trifles of all kinds, including stamp boxes, account books, canes which pull out, forming candy boxes in the crook handle, and small lyres which are gilded and tied with ribbon. 

Only a very few of these articles can be made, but all can be bought at very little outlay. At all the large dances the favors are placed on a table and given out by one or more of the patronesses. Sometimes the leader of the cotillon takes them around from one couple to the other, as it comes their turn to dance, or else they go to the table and receive them from the patroness. -Ruth Ashmore in Ladies' Home Journal, 1897

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age and “Good Form”

Depiction of a Gilded Age Dinner Party 

Good Form: How it Differs 

from That of the Past 

in Various Important Respects

In a little book entitled “Good Form,” the etiquette of some few years ago is amusingly contrasted with that of today, when every thing is more succinct and expeditious than it used to be. When the ladies of John Leech’s time went to dinner parties they were shown into bedrooms and allowed some minutes to adjust their ringlets. Now they hand their cloak to a servant, and walk straight from their carriage or cab to the presence of their hostess.

At weddings in “the Forties” each bridesmaid had a groomsman to look after her and see that she had what she liked at the elaborate breakfasts of the matrimonial function of that day. Now there is only a “best man,” though how he comes by the superlative adjective when he is sole groomsman it is difficult to say. Among other changes of custom is that concerned with the bridesmaids’ dresses, which used to be given by the bride, And our authoress might have added that it is no dry-eyed. Crying has “gone out.” It was the very height of the fashion in the year 1827.

When Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton married Miss Rosina Wheeler, an eye witness of the ceremony describes both bride and bridegroom as being overcome with “sensibility,” pale, tottering and tearful. No one totters to the altar now. It would not be “good form.” But the bride must not, on the other hand, romp up the aisle in the exultation of her heart. The correct pace perhaps, is best described as resembling that of a policeman on his beat. It is slow and stately.

Another marked change in social customs is mentioned in connection with the etiquette of “small and early” parties. No longer does a hostess ask her guests to sing or play. This ordeal, so dreaded by the girl of a couple of decades ago, is no longer to be feared. “I hope you have brought some music, Miss Smith,” was frequently the prelude to a distracting performance that gave pleasure to no one, least of all to the player. And, strange to say, now that music is always professional, and generally worth listening to, it is difficult to persuade people to remain silent while it is going on; whereas when amateurs were singing it would have been considered a shocking piece of rudeness for any one to have talked till the lady had finished describing how she wore a wreath of roses, or the gentleman had finished dilating upon his homeless, ragged and tanned condition.

At the dinner table it was considered the duty of the host and bostess to urge their guests to eat. This custom in our own day is entirely abandoned, partly owing to the now universal style of having all dishes handed round. The board no longer groans as once it did, the weight of the viands being transferred to that chapel of ease, the sideboard, where, in seclusion, a hireling carves the joint and skillfully dissects the bird whose anatomy used to prove such an intricate problem to the bothered amateur at the end of the table. Skill in carving is not now one of the polite accomplishments wherewith it is necessary to equip a youth for his social career. Till now, etiquette books have been only unintentionally amusing, but the present writer treats her subject with a sense of humor that makes it easy reading.—London Daily News, 1889

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

History, Food and Etiquette of Macau

My sister and I embarked on a ferry journey from Hong Kong to Macau, where upon submission of our passports, we were issued a paper insert akin to a train ticket before boarding. Upon arrival at the Macau ferry terminal, we effortlessly wheeled our suitcases to the complimentary bus services that transported us to our hotel-cum-casino. 

The luxurious accommodations and impeccable service at the hotel pleasantly surprised us, showcasing the advantages of staying in casino-affiliated establishments. After settling into our rooms, we donned our comfortable walking shoes and ventured down the main street to admire the charming Portuguese-inspired architecture that graced the cityscape.

Macau's story begins before explorers investigated new lands for trade, and colonisation. It belonged to the vast Ming Dynasty. It was in the mid-16th century. Portuguese traders arrived using it as a trading post in 1557, looking for new wares to take back to Europe and expand their empire.

An agreement allowed the Portuguese to settle on the Macau peninsula in exchange for rent and adherence to Chinese laws until 1887. This agreement laid the foundation for the world's first and longest-lasting European settlement in China until its handover in 1999. Today, it is a significant resort city and a top destination for gambling tourism and is more critical than Las Vegas.

The first known written record of the name "Macau", rendered as "A Ma Gang", is found in a historical material from 1555. It is a particular administrative region of the People's Republic of China.

Over the next 400 years, Macau flourished as a trade hub. European and Chinese cultures intermingled, creating a unique blend evident in its architecture, cuisine, and traditions. Now that it has become a major destination for economic thrill seekers, a new influence of Western luxury clientele etiquette has made its mark. What does this mean for locals and short- and long-haul travellers?

Etiquette plays a vital role across various facets of life in Macau, from business, dining, hospitality, and tourism. Visitors to Macau are encouraged to familiarise themselves with these etiquettes to ensure an enjoyable experience in Macau’s multicultural environment.

Respect for Elders: Confucian values heavily influence Macau's society, emphasising respect for elders. It's customary to address elders with deference and to offer them precedence in social situations.

Greetings: Traditional Chinese greetings involve a slight bow or nod of the head, often accompanied by a handshake. Addressing someone with their title or honorific, followed by their surname, is considered polite.

Gift Giving: Presenting gifts is a common practice in Macau, especially during festivals or social gatherings. Gifts are typically exchanged with both hands as a sign of respect. Avoid giving items in sets of four, as the number is associated with death in Chinese culture.

Language and Communication: While Portuguese is one of Macau's official languages, Cantonese and Mandarin Chinese are predominantly spoken. Learning a few basic phrases in either language can go a long way in showing respect and getting around faster.

Dress Code: Macau's dress code is generally conservative, particularly in formal settings and religious sites. Modest attire is expected, with women often opting for dresses or blouses and skirts, while men typically wear suits or dress shirts and trousers.

Tipping – You will find that restaurants will include a 10% service charge in the bill, while hotels may even levy a higher 15% charge. While tipping is not actively discouraged and won't be refused if offered.

Dining etiquette is particularly significant in Macau's rich culinary culture. A study by Jong-Hyeong Kim et al. (2023) emphasises the importance of understanding cultural factors such as customs, beliefs, and social norms that shape unique tourist dining experiences. These cultural intricacies contribute to the overall uniqueness of Macau's gastronomy scene, highlighting the need for tourists to be mindful of local dining customs to enhance their experiences.

One of these tips when ordering and earing Macanese food, you will need either implements which are chopsticks or a spoon and fork. Here is a list of mouthwatering gastronomic foods that you will find there:
• Porco Bafassa – Slow cooked stew with turmeric, pork and potatoes.
• Capela – minced meat with potatoes, chirozo, bacon, olives and tomatoes.
• Portuguese Chicken – Slow cooked with chicken, curry and potatoes, alternative toppings are eggs, sausage and olives, turmeric and coconut milk.
• Tacho – Casserole with cabbage mixed with pork skin, pork knuckles, chicken wings, roasted pork and Chinese sausages.
• Minchi - Minced beef or pork which could be served together with diced potatoes.
• Pork with Balichao and Tamarind – Casserole with cabbage, sausage, red beans, black beans, pig ear and pig knuckle.

Interestingly, Macau’s etiquette has been shaped by the many Westernised hotels and casinos that have slowly filtered through from places such as America and Australia. These hotels extend to conditional hospitality, as described by Luofu Ye (2018) and as noted by Yi-weiChang and M. Polonsky (2012); their study indicated the importance of polite and respectful interactions in maintaining a high standard of hospitality. Furthermore, the role of etiquette in shaping tourist behaviour and enhancing their experiences is critical in the multicultural context of Macau. You will find those in customer service in these hotels from China, Pakistan, Bangladesh, India and the Philippines.

You don’t need to be in Macau long to experience its fantastic history and note the difference in Asia. My sister and I loved being there; the cultural mix was unique. Macau is recommended for a one- to two-day stay that is easily accessible via Hong Kong.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Fashions in Sleeves

“… the sleeves show a decided tendency to “grow bigger downward,” like Holmes’ strawberries.” 

The Newest Sleeves

The shoulder seams are longer, giving the sloping effect to the shoulders which is a distinctive characteristic of the Victorian style, and the sleeves show a decided tendency to “grow bigger downward,” like Holmes’ strawberries. The New York Times, which illustrates some of the newer sleeves, says: 

“The small puff or the epaulet of ruffles or loosely looped bows which ornament the spring gowns is only the last reluctant compromise on the part of fashion to the woman to whom the radical tendency in sleeves seems to leave them almost embarrassingly bare.” -Ruth Ashmore in Ladies' Home Journal, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and “Being Agreeable”

Miss Una Ware looks agreeable, but Mrs. Gorham Ware does not look agreeable when meeting Mr. Bessemer Steele

Why should we know the laws of etiquette? Why should we know the way to do and say things? Why should we be agreeable? These are questions that will undoubtedly arise in the mind of the young man or woman who is eager to cultivate and refine his or her manner and speech. The answer is: to make one's own life happier – to bring into it a new sunshine, a new joy of living that was not even dreamed of when the mind and spirit were shrouded in the gloom of discourtesy, coarseness and vulgarity.

For how can the boor be happy? With his gloomy face, sour disposition,complaining habits and inherent lack of good taste and culture, he sees only theshadows of life. People are repulsed by him, never attracted. Brilliant men and women, people of refinement and taste, will have nothing to do with him. He lives his own life – his ill-bred, complaining, gloomy, companionless life – an outcast from that better society of which we all long to be a part.

Culture and cheer go hand-in-hand. The cultured man or woman is alwayscheerful, always finding something good and beautiful in all mankind and nature. Cheerfulness itself means poise -a wholesome, happy, undaunted poise that makes life well-balanced and worth the living. The person of low, vulgar tastes and desires is seldom contented, seldom happy. He finds everywhere evil, ugliness, selfishness, and a tendency for the world generally to degrade itself to the lower levels of coarseness. He finds it because he looks for it. And he looks for it because it already exists in his mind.

And yet, he may be educated; he may be a recognized power in the financial world; he may even possess enviable talents. But if he lacks that glorious open-hearted generosity, that sincere sympathy and simple understanding with all mankind, that helpful, healthful, ever-inspiring agreeableness of mind and spirit – the world will have none of him.

The man who feels constantly grieved and injured at some injustice, real or imaginary, is sacrificing some of the best things life has to offer. He does not know what it means to be greeted with a smile of pleasure and a warm handclasp. He does not know what it means to be taken whole-heartedly into one's confidence, to be relied upon, to be appealed to. He does not know what it means, in his hours of darkest adversity, to receive the genuine sympathy and encouragement of a friend.

But with culture, with development of mind and spirit, with the desire to adhere truly to society’s laws and regard as inviolable the rights of others, there comes a new understanding of human relationship. Where once everything seemed narrow and selfish, one now sees love and beauty and helpfulness. Instead of harsh words and unkind glances, there are words of cheer and encouragement, smiles of friendliness and understanding. The world that once seemed coarse, shallow and unpolished, seems now strangely cordial and polite. – Lillian Eichler, 1921

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for Everyday

When a lady is out with a gentleman, either walking or driving, it is her privilege to suggest the time to return.

A lady should thank a gentleman for any courtesy shown her, no matter how slight it may be.

If the only guest at the family dinner table is a gentleman, he should not be served until all the ladies of the family have been attended to.

Writing on the first, then on the third, then crosswise on the second and fourth pages of a letter facilities the reading and is in perfectly good form.

When a lady is out with a gentleman, either walking or driving, it is her privilege to suggest the time to return.

When a lady is walking with two gentlemen, she may with propriety have one on either side of her.

When entertaining a friend, it is quite proper to ask all the members of one's social world to call upon her.

When someone expresses pleasure at meeting you, a smile and a bow are sufficient acknowledgment.– Ruth Ashmore in Ladies' Home Journal, 1897

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Knowledge is Key for Girls

The well-bred girl waits for her escort to open the car door. If she bounces out by herself, she makes it appear to the man's embarrassment that he doesn't know his etiquette. 

Men Like Girls Who Know Their Etiquette

Knowing what's expected of her and of her escort in public certainly gives a girl enviable poise. The well-bred girl waits for her escort to open the car door. If she bounces out by herself, she makes it appear to the man's embarrassment that he doesn't know his etiquette. 

The girl of poise knows, too, that a man is expected to rise when she enters a room. She seats herself quickly to spare him the discomfort of standing long. In a restaurant she indicates her wishes to her escort does not address the waiter directly. 

She knows the proper form for introductions, what to say when the dance is over, how to conduct herself at the table. Learn the code of social usage! – Home Service, Santa Ana Journal, 1936

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette at the Library in 1949

Conservative to a degree, Emily Post has been in-part replaced, or at least modernized, by newer authorities such as Margery Wilson whose “The New Etiquette” is called the modern code of social behavior. She covers all the usual items plus servants, entertaining– how to eat and how to serve wines, traveling and tips— always a troublesome point, and even a bit on children’s etiquette. 

A new book on showers reminds me of the frequent occasions when one or another of you come in to consult an etiquette book. The shower isn't the kind that makes your garden grow, but the kind you give the bride-to-be, or the mother-in-waiting. The book is

“Shower Parties for All Occasions” by Helen Webster, and there are showers for engagement, anniversary, birthday, baby, or going-away. The parties are described complete with decorations, games, menus and appropriate presents. It's really not such a chore to give a shower with this book at hand.

Speaking of etiquette, there are many times when you may wish to check up on the correct way to accept a formal wedding invitation, or the proper form of address for a widow. Perhaps you have to co-hostess a tea or be in the receiving line at a big function. These are details which few of us keep in mind all the time, but want to be sure of at the appropriate moment.

Emily Post we have had with us ever since 1922 when she published her first “Etiquette.” She believes that “good manners are less a matter of rules than a sensitive awareness of the needs of others.”

Conservative to a degree, Mrs. Post has been in-part replaced, or at least modernized, by newer authorities such as Margery Wilson whose “The New Etiquette” is called the modern code of social behavior. She covers all the usual items plus servants, entertaining– how to eat and how to serve wines, traveling and tips— always a troublesome point, and even a bit on children's etiquette. 

There are also chapters on official etiquette (when next you are called to Washington), business and club etiquette and necessary observances in sports such as golf and tennis. Her point of view is casual and relaxed in the modern manner.

For special problems we have "Vogue's Book of Brides" which carries the engaged girl right up to the altar with all details of dress, presents, photographs and decorations.

The young of the species sometimes amaze us with their consistent disregard of what we consider rudimentary good manners. If you have such problems, I recommend Stevens’ “The Correct Thing,” a guide book of etiquette for young men, and “Behave Yourself!” etiquette for American youth by Betty Allen and Mitchell Briggs. – By Elaine Howe for Washington Township Newsletter, 1949

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Pushy Teenaged Girls

By the 1950’s, the novel automobiles and telephones from a short 70 years earlier had entered everyone’s homes and garages. At about that same time, the chaperones of young women had long exited the scene in most of the United States. It became more and more common for assertive young women to call young men on the phone and they began reversing the traditional, acceptable roles and doing the pursuing. But at what point did teenaged girls make the leap from being assertive and outgoing socially,  to being aggressive and rude? It was a quick evolution from women entering the work force en masse, to take traditionally male jobs in WWII, to the slow simmering of the roots of the Women’s Liberation Movement. Below is a prime example of what one modern teenaged girl had become by the end of the 1950’s.

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Was I born 30 years too soon? Our 18-year-old son has been going steady with a 17-year-old girl for the past year. The young lady in question comes to our home looking for him when he's not at her house, she calls him to take her to school or on other errands, and even asked to accompany us on our vacation this summer. Her mother seems to encourage her aggressive attitude. I wonder whether common courtesy has died? I've always enjoyed having our children's friends in our home but this young lady seems to be a problem. – Worried Mother 

DEAR MOM: You've undoubtedly been told a hundred times that "times have changed since you were young," "things aren't done like that any more," etc... We'll all agree that times have changed but the qualities underlying common courtesy and graciousness have not changed. Your son's girl friend is a brash young thing, who has never been taught mannerliness and will never develop into a gracious and charming woman. 

She has the instinct of a savage she must get her man at any price and hold him against all comers. The best protection you can give your son against this predatory female is to show him, by example, that this is not the way girls behave. Your daughters can help. Maybe the girl will absorb some of your charm; she certainly isn't learning any from her own mother. And for your comfort, may I offer the suggestion that most teen-age romances are passing fancies. – Dorothy Dix, 1958

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Glove Etiquette

“Women who don't wear gloves every time they go out tend to feel self-conscious on the few occasions that they wear them. Self-consciousness about your clothes and accessories is a real poise-destroyer. So, the first rule, if you would handle yourself gracefully when wearing gloves, is to make them a habit. Then you won't feel there's anything ‘different’ about yourself when you have them on.”– The Leather Glove Producers of France 

THE WEARING OF GLOVES 

Before me is a set of rules on glove wearing put out by The Leather Glove Producers of France with which I agree in most respects, but not all. Here is what they say about the wearing of gloves: 

“Women who don't wear gloves every time they go out tend to feel self-conscious on the few occasions that they wear them. Self-consciousness about your clothes and accessories is a real poise-destroyer. So, the first rule, if you would handle yourself gracefully when wearing gloves, is to make them a habit. Then you won't feel there's anything ‘different’ about yourself when you have them on.”

The other rules of glove etiquette are more formalized. 

When to keep them on: 

• Don't carry your gloves, wear them. Put them on before you leave the house, the restaurant table, or your seat at the theater. 

• Keep them on at a cocktail party or tea unless you are going to eat. 

• It's perfectly good etiquette to hold a glass or cup in a gloved hand. But it's bad etiquette to pick up food while wearing gloves. 

• The solution of many chic Frenchwomen is to remove one glove only at a cocktail party or tea. She holds the glove in her left hand or leaves it with her bag which she keeps near her. 

• Keep your gloves on to shake hands whether with a man or woman. 

• Keep them on while dancing. (This rule is not fixed. It is not considered bad form to take gloves off for dancing if you prefer to.) 

• Particularly important to brides: Keep your gloves on if you are in a receiving line.

When to take them off:

• Etiquette decrees that you must remove both gloves completely (even the long opera length) before sitting down to the table or helping yourself at a buffet. 

• Most of the women in this country find keeping their gloves on at cocktail parties is impractical because of the service of canapé’s. It is bad form to take canapé’s with, the gloves on. If you subscribe to the one-glove-off-and-one-glove-on system and want to take a canapé, you must take it with the ungloved hand. 

• Certainly, at a cocktail party in the suburbs or country areas, the woman who insists upon keeping her gloves on or even one glove on might seem pretentious. The best rule is: if the others have taken off their gloves, you do so, too. 

• In the matter of keeping on one's gloves when shaking hands, a woman removes them when shaking hands with a head of state or church. 

• In certain countries abroad, the right glove is removed by ladies for hand-shaking with either sex. Follow the custom of the country in which you find yourself. 

• Also, the climate of this country is vastly different from that of France. In our very hot sections it is unbearable for women to wear their gloves under all circumstances in public. It is quite proper for them to remove and hold or carry their gloves under certain conditions. 

• A woman might wear her gloves to a town meeting or to a flower show, then remove them and carry them during the proceedings for the sake of comfort and perhaps to make it easier to handle programs, pencils and so forth. – Amy Vanderbilt, 1958

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Was 1987 Military Etiquette Sexist?

“NOW A SOLDIER-Dorothy A. Bartmus (center), popular Hollywood Riviera resident, has joined the Women’s Army Corps and leaves for Fort Des Moines, Iowa, to take basic training and be assigned to the medical department of the United States Army. She is shown with First Lieutenant Eileen Knowler, WAC, who swore her into the WAC, and right, with Mrs. Donald Armstrong, South Bay district regional chairman for the Civilian Advisory Committee to the Women’s Army Corps.” ~ From 1944   
The women’s branch of the United States Army was the Women’s Army Corps. It began as an auxiliary unit, in May 1942, and later was converted to an active duty status in the Army of the United States. The corps was later disbanded in 1978, and all of the units were from that point integrated with the male units.

Military Women Up in Arms Over Etiquette Handbook

NEW LONDON, Conn. (AP) - It's in the book, the one they call "the bible," and a lot of women in uniform are up in arms. "A servicewoman does not smoke in the street," reads the entry in "Service Etiquette, a 582-page book that tells military personnel such things as how to dress, how to converse with others, how to write letters and what to do when traveling. The problem is, there is no such restriction on the smoking habits of military men and that's one of the reasons some females are demanding that the rule book be rewritten.

The editor of the manual, a sort of Emily Post of the armed services, says she simply overlooked the smoking rule. Brenda J. Fullmer, social director at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, is one of the women who believes "Service Etiquette" is behind the times. The book's author, Oretha D. Swartz, agrees, and she's in the process of revising it. Mrs. Fullmer met with her counterparts at the other military academies last year to discuss the book's shortcomings. As social directors, they are frequently asked to settle matters of etiquette and the book is their ultimate authority.

"The main thing has to do with smoking, example," Mrs. Fullmer says. "The way it's worded, it's OK for men in uniform to smoke in the street, but it's not OK for women. Well, that's not really fair." Mrs. Fullmer says the smoking question was brought to her attention by a perplexed admiral who received a complaint about a Coast Guard female officer who was caught smoking with male officers.

"The woman had been chastised for smoking," Mrs. Fullmer recalls. "She was standing with other officers and nothing was said to the men. She got very upset about it. But when they took it to the 'bible,' that's the way it was stated." Mrs. Fullmer says another problem not anticipated by the book was how to address female officers who outrank their officer husbands, and how to address women officers who retain their maiden names when they marry. She says the etiquette book is "fuzzy" on the details and cited formal invitations as an example.

"Normally, in the social rules of etiquette, the man is always
addressed first if it's a 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.' In the military, rank always comes first. So, if the woman has the highest rank, does she come first?" Mrs. Fullmer asks. She says there are other instances where the rules didn't apply evenly or are unclear as the result of women moving up the ranks. "I don't know where on earth she (Swartz) is going to go for answers," Mrs. Fullmer says. "We're up in arms."

Mrs. Swartz, who lives in Annapolis, Md., hometown of the U.S. Naval Academy, says she's just completed her research and writing on the fourth edition of "Service Etiquette." Her editors at the Naval Institute Press are now putting the finishing touches on the book. The last revision was eight years ago. "It's called the 'bible' and is for all branches of the armed forces," Mrs. Swartz says. 

"It's the only book of its nature in the armed services. It's much more than a book for how to use the correct fork and how to introduce someone. It's how to cope." Mrs. Swartz says the newest edition will include numerous changes, most of which will relax existing rules. She says many of the changes address complaints from female officers who feel discriminated against. Mrs. Swartz also has made other minor changes. 

For instance, the new book will note that hops are now called dances, that Navy midshipmen no longer need to wear white gloves at dances, and that receiving lines at formal functions should "be as short as possible." One key change, which appears minor to outsiders but is considered important to women in the military, will deal with personal cards. 

Mrs. Swartz says female officers now use a smaller calling card than male officers, but both will be the same size under the new etiquette rules. "This is going to be a big help," she says. "It came up at West Point when a lieutenant colonel on the faculty approached me and questioned the difference in cards between men and women." The officer wanted to include her rank and Ph.D. on her personal card, but had difficulty doing so. "Wherever I go, women officers talk about this matter of discrimination, even on a little card," Mrs. Swartz says.

As for the smoking rule, Mrs. Swartz says she was unaware that on Page 19 of the current etiquette book there is a ban on servicewomen smoking on the street. She says she will delete the entry in the newest edition. "T'll take a second look," she says, "I admit I didn't ever catch it." Mrs. Swartz also has provided answers to the matter of how to address formal invitations. For instance, if a husband and wife are both officers on active duty, the highest ranking is addressed first on invitations, even if it's the woman. "If you don't think that's given me headaches," she says. "I called many people and got their opinions. If three people agreed, that's what stood." – The Desert Sun, 1987

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Agony Aunt on Appropriate Attire

  

Kimonos in Japan are more formal, long and loose-sleeved, traditional gowns, that wrap around the waist similar to much more casual western dressing gowns or robes. A kimono was not considered appropriate attire for a young Edwardian woman when entertaining a visiting young man.

Q. I am a constant reader of your section and enjoy it exceedingly. Is it proper for a young lady to allow herself to be seen by gentlemen when attired in a kimono? I have answered the doorbell in my kimono when it has been unexpected gentlemen callers, or have been in the same room as they were ushered in. I always feel greatly embarrassed and leave the room immediately and dress. Is it wrong or proper? My girl friends say I am silly. They don't see the difference between a dress or kimono. Is my writing bad?  – From "Blue Eyes"

A. If you are constantly caught with your kimono on, you are perfectly right in excusing yourself and putting on the proper attire. Of course, if you are ill you have an excuse, otherwise it is not good form to wear a kimono when callers are present and you have reason to feel embarrassed, for men do not usually call at times when they do not expect a girl to be properly dressed to receive them. — By Madame Merri, 1913

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia