Etiquette in a Covid-19 World

Etiquette-fully Doing What's Best for Your Health and Safety

Our accustomed work availabilities, personal services, shopping routines, opportunities, schedules, deliveries, get-togethers, savings accounts, parties, eating out, routine health visits . . . the list goes on -- all but disappeared within a month.  As society is adjusting, we’re observing angst in simple communication of needs regarding individual and family health concerns.

Today’s health and safety issues loom large, reflecting widespread fear and concern about public policies and outcomes.  Disconcertingly, civil conversation can seem reserved only for those holding similar views.  Deeply-held beliefs about our safety and health loom large, and can affect our civility towards others, obstructing or interfering with constructive discourse or simple statements and requests regarding one's health needs.

Asking for What You Need

We're hearing a lot of un-etiquette-ful comments these days outside the margins of expressing one's personal needs.  Do any of the following comments sound familiar to you?

Stating a health need, but prefacing or adding an opinion or belief about reality.

• “The virus is real, not a national conspiracy, so I want some social distancing if you don’t mind!” 
• “I want my deliveries placed on the bottom step not close to my front door, as delivery people are sources of infection.”
• “Get a proper mask or stand further away from me.”

Demands and accusations.

• “I don’t care what the store manager says, you don’t have the right not to wear mask and serve the public.  Fact is, you’re breathing on my food as you’re ringing it up!”   
• “You have no right to open your restaurant, as someone is bound to get sick with the virus.” 
• “I don’t wear a mask, and you’re nutty to be pushing all this fear.”

Blurt-outs 

• “You’re crazy going to a restaurant and risking infection.  Do you really think that is wise?”  
• “Isn’t it now a bit of over-reaction to stick to quarantine rules and refuse to go out until there is a vaccine?”
• “You can’t make me come to work until you prove that I am safe.”

There is no better time than now to ask Etiquette to come to our rescue!  After all, you should be able to state what you believe is best for you or a family member in your charge, directly and respectfully.  

Asking directly, clearly and kindly for what you need is etiquette-ful.

• “John, you’re a little close for me.  Let’s stand further apart.”
• “Family, I want to develop a TV use schedule, as I need one half hour for myself for some exercise video time.”
• “I hear your apology for standing too close.  I will stand back a little and help out, too.”
• “Ginny, I’m so grateful you can babysit for me again.  I hope you don’t mind my asking, for your reassurance that there be frequent hand-washing.”
• “Hey guys, if we’re going to get together, just know my boundaries include social distancing—with love, of course!” 
• “I know you and friends don’t wear masks, but I know you will honor my request that when we’re together, we all do.”

Civility Self-checks

“Etiquette can be at the same time a means of approaching people and of staying clear of them.”

~ David Riesman

Is the issue at hand a matter of “live and let live?”
Whether vendors are wearing face masks is not a confrontational issue.  Instead of arguing with those who aren’t wearing face masks, simply choose to shop elsewhere.

Ask yourself, “Am I being ‘recognizably respectful’ to others?” 
For example: Assume you are sheltering at home, and your washing machine has gone out.  You notify the company of your health safety expectations, instructing that anyone who enters your home must wear a mask, put on fresh gloves in front of you, and wear the shoe covers that you’re providing.  Acknowledge you are adding burden and that you appreciate their care and concern for your health.  Your gratitude might extend to a hand-written note.

Am I being cool, calm, and collected?
If you sense that emotion is involved, take a pause and think through what you want to convey.  Active listening and an encouraging statement may be just the right thing to do.

The person with whom you are speaking may have a completely different perspective and mindset on what the situation at hand is.  That person may be in the same position as you, trying to figure out how to ask for something regarding her own health and safety or needing to be respected for a different view on what’s being called for.

For all of us, things can seem a bit too much.  It may be helpful to remember that though our current generation has not dealt with a pandemic, humans have dealt with them before.  Then, as now, everyone did the best they could to get through it.  The most important thing is, they got through it.  And we will, too.

                                           

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Social Etiquette and Masked Messaging

Wearing face masks has become de rigueur Covid-19 etiquette for many around the world. They are being worn for one’s piece of mind, safety and health. But as Gabriella Kanyok explains, they can damage an important part of human communication. — This piece of textile covers half of our face, taking away what we have developed over centuries, our visual cues, which are part of our everyday interactions. By wearing a mask, our communication tool-kit is partially dwindled away. The movement of our lips, our facial expressions remain hidden. Our face as a whole is the gateway, which shows the reality of our feelings and mood, and is the focal point. With a global effort to defeat Covid-19, we have currently lost part of this focal point of that kind of communication, which only increases the distance between us, and slows down communication. These times, I would say, the mask protects us and alienates us at the same time.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Unless you’re wearing a mask, because then no one in the world can see you smiling, so they don’t smile with you, or if they do, you will never know it for sure. We don’t realize how many times we wear a smile a day: when we greet someone, when we express appreciation, when we like something, when we're embarrassed etc... Smiling is particularly important in the human gesture system. A smiling person makes a very positive impression and is extremely attractive. On the other hand, there are many different types of smiles, which are particularly important while interacting with each other.

Nowadays, we wear more often protective masks than our smile. This piece of textile covers half of our face, taking away what we have developed over centuries, our visual cues, which our part of our everyday interactions. By wearing a mask, our communication tool-kit is partially dwindled away. The movement of our lips, our facial expressions remain hidden.

Have you thought about that yet? Yet non-verbal cues play a central role in shaping our relationships, and right now, when we talk to someone, we don’t know how the other person feels, we can’t read his face, we don’t know what his intentions are. The eye is a mirror of the soul… but our eyes alone are not sufficient for the purpose. The movement of our eyebrows carries so many different meanings (confused, angry, surprised etc...), and shouldn’t be taken for granted. 

Our face as a whole is the gateway, which shows the reality of our feelings and mood, and is the focal point. We have currently lost part of this focal point of that kind of communication, which only increases the distance between us, and slows down communication. These times, I would say, the mask protects us and alienates us at the same time.

Furthermore, communication, and human to human interactions are not just transactional exchanges. The aim is to build relationships, and connect with each other, which is challenging these days. If the situation remains for months, then perhaps we need new, socially distanced non-verbal cues, otherwise how could we bring the message across? Will this be the new normal?

We don’t know it yet, but what we surely know is that currently we cannot rely on the non-verbal cues. What we could do is to clarify, and make sure that our messages are going across. 

Gabriella Kanyok is a diplomatic protocol, etiquette and communication expert with more than 10 years' experience in working with EU institutes, NGOs, internaionalorganisations, and supporting professionals. She not only advises and trains government- and EU officials, and businessmen in the field of diplomatic protocol and business etiquette, but she leads the communication department of an international organisation. Gabriella holds a Master’s degree in International Studies, and a Master’s in Protocol, Diplomacy and Cross Cultural Relations. She speaks Hungarian, English and French, and is currently learning Mandarin Chinese.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia