Good Table Manners are Globally Fun

“Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a “masterpiece,” reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.”

Global Manners Make Foreign Food More Fun!

The kimono-clad waitress bows slightly and offers you a moist towel on a rattan tray. Uncertainty sets in. Now what? Moisten your mandible? Clean your clavicle? According to Marjabelle Stewart, mentor of manners, the moist towels, called “oshibori”and found in Japanese restaurants, are for cleaning the hands before dining.

Mrs. Stewart is an expert on global globbling in good taste. She spent many years among foreign dignitaries in Washington, D.C., teaching the elite to eat with elan. Working with the chief of protocol, she advised families, who would be traveling abroad in an official capacity, on the proper manners for all kinds of occasions with a foreign flavor. Author of. several etiquette books, Mrs. Stewart is now emissary for the frozen potato people.

According to Mrs. Stewart, ethnic etiquette isn't only for the elite, however. Along with those who breakfast in Belgium, lunch in Liberia and sup in Spain, are millions who are discovering the delights of dining with a foreign flair in their own home towns. The ethnic eatery is the place to be seen. “And,” says Mrs. Stewart, “you’ll feel most comfortable if you’re seen partaking properly. What’s polite in Poughkeepsie could be rude in Rumania.”

For instance, in a Japanese restaurant it is considered correct to hold the rice bowl close to your mouth and, of course, to use chopsticks to carry the food to your waiting lips.

If you find yourself actually in Japan, be sure to say “Thank you” before and after the meal. You are expected to remove your shoes if there is a tatami (woven straw) mat on the floor, says Mrs. Stewart. In rural Japan the diner must keep eating all that is offered, even if he is full. And in all of Japan, slurping noises when eating indicate enjoyment.

A Dutch “aardappellepel” or a potato spoon. It’s for serving potatoes. It is round with a lip on each side so designed to keep the potatoes from falling onto the table when they are being served.

Mrs. Stewart reports that Continental manners are being seen more and more here in the States. “It's not at all unusual,” she says, “to see diners holding their forks in their left hands and their knives in their right hands, and eating with their left hands as they do in Europe.” Europeans also keep their right hands on the table, at about wrist length, instead of on their laps, which is considered rude.

If you are in a European eatery, don't expect to find a glass of water. You must ask for the water and the ice. But why bother? The wine that is served is bound to be delicious!

In Germany and Austria you’ll get a sandwich served on a little wooden board. Don't pick it up - use your knife and fork. Europeans eat nothing with their fingers… not even french fries. (“Of course,”  asserts Mrs. Stewart, “in the United States, any way you eat a french fry is all right.”)

In Holland, or in Dutch restaurants in this country, you will find a fish fork and fish knife. The short, flat fork has three large tines. The wide, tapered knife is excellent for removing fish bones.

Another Dutch specialty is a potato spoon which is round with a lip on each side so designed to keep the potatoes from falling onto the table. Mrs. Stewart would like to see the potato spoon used in this country.

“No one should chance dropping a tater tot,” she said.

In Ethiopia, as in other Arab countries, one eats from a communal pot with the right hand. Since the left hand is used for sanitary purposes, this custom is adhered to strictly. Not too many years ago, an Ethiopian who ate with his left hand was punished by having his right (eating) hand cut off. He would then starve to death. And you thought your Mother was strict!

Our own state of Hawaii also has a dish eaten with fingers from a communal potpoi. Poi is a glutinous substance made from taro root. It is eaten by putting the index and middle finger in the pot and licking them off. Sharing poi is a very social thing to do ... much like eating fondue, which is. a Swiss dish.

Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a “masterpiece,” reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.

However, a guest in a French home or restaurant need not be intimidated by the array of wine glasses and silverware.

Mrs. Stewart says, "The fork and large spoon at the top of the plate are for dessert. When the meal begins, start by using the silverware farthest from your plate and work your way in. Your dinner fork will be removed with your dinner plate. Your dinner knife should be left resting on the small crystal or silver knife holder and used again for the cheese course."

Even in a private home in France, there may be three or four wine glasses per left hand is used for sanitary purposes, this custom is adhered to strict- ly. Not too many years ago, an Ethiopian who ate with his left hand was punished by having his right (eating) hand cut off. He would then starve to death. And you thought your Mother was strict!

Our own state of Hawaii also has a dish eaten with fingers from a communal potpoi. Poi is a glutinous substance made from taro root. It is eaten by putting the index and middle finger in the pot and licking them off. Sharing poi is a very social thing to do ... much like eating fondue, which is. a Swiss dish.

Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a "masterpiece," reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.

However, a guest in a French home or restaurant need not be intimidated by the array of wine glasses and silverware.

Mrs. Stewart says, “The fork and large spoon at the top of the plate are for dessert. When the meal begins, start by using the silverware farthest from your plate and work your way in. Your dinner fork will be removed with your dinner plate. Your dinner knife should be left resting on the small crystal or silver knife holder and used again for the cheese course.”

Even in a private home in France, there may be three or four wine glasses per person. Mrs. Stewart says, “In a French home it is considered rude to leave wine in a glass. However, it is perfectly permissible to signal the butler that you've had enough.

‘If you find yourself confused, watch what your hostess does,” advises Mrs. Stewart, “and just follow her lead.”

Course after course, the French meal goes on. It is not unusual for the meal to continue for 2½ hours. It is perfectly all right to smoke between the courses cigarettes only, no cigars and pipes.

Following dinner in France, the guests adjourn to the salon (living room) for coffee, brandy and bon bons. After an especially large meal, with many wines, cold orange juice is also served just before the guests depart.

Interestingly, the English divide the sexes after dinner. The men remain in the dining room for port and cigars while the ladies retire to the living room for coffee. In France, the men and women stay together for coffee and liquers.

Mrs. Stewart further advises that one never tips the maids who serve dinner in a European home, but, if you are a guest overnight, you are expected to leave a small tip on the dresser. — Rancho Cucamonga Times, 1978

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Vintage Etiquette for Teen Boys

Helping others with their seats is always a polite start to a meal. 

How to Be Invited Back Again for Meals

Sit up straight at the table with your chest a few inches away from the table edge. Lean forward slightly when you bring food up to your mouth; then if anything drops, it will land on the plate, not on your shirt.

Avoid unpleasant topics about health, accidents, the cost of the food you're eating, or personal feuds... 

Take part in table conversation. You don't have to entertain or give reports, but listen and try to contribute to the talk; then everyone will enjoy having you there. Avoid unpleasant topics about health, accidents, the cost of the food you're eating, or personal feuds with other members of the family.

When you pass your plate for a second helping, put your knife and fork side-by-side; and far enough from the edge of the plate so they won't fall off.

Chew your food without noise and without smacking your lips… 

Before talking or drinking from the glass, chew and swallow all the food in your mouth, then wipe your lips with your napkin.

Chew your food without noise and without smacking your lips, even if it's your favorite dish. The secret of this talent is to put on your fork only the amount of food your mouth can accommodate. Its very uncomfortable to chew an oversized piece of meat until it's whittled down to swallowing size.

Keep your elbows off the table while eating. Between courses, it's perfectly okay to rest your wrists on the table, but not to lounge.

Don't circle a plate with your arms as if the Indians were attacking!

Don't use your own spoon, fork, or knife to serve yourself from main dishes such as the sugar bowl, the butter dish, the chop platter, or the vegetable dish.

Don't lean on the chairs next to you, and don't tilt back on your own -- it could be a fragile antique on its last legs.

Don't reach across the table or in front of another person. Just ask to have the food passed by mentioning the name of the person you are asking -- otherwise, everyone at the table has to stop and look for what you want.

When you are being served, you don't have to say "Thank you" to a waiter or a maid. You never take the whole dish or platter that is being offered, but simply serve yourself a portion using the serving spoon and fork in the dish. Then you put them back on the platter or dish with the fork on the bottom of the spoon, face down, over the fork. You can expect to be served from your left side, and to have plates removed from your right side. You don't have to greet the maid serving you unless you know her well, then a cheery "Hello Mary" is more than welcome.

Don't eat and run.

At the end of dinner, wait to be excused before you leave the table. If you must leave the table before the end of the meal for personal reasons, don't give excuses, simply say, "Please excuse me" or "May I please be excused?" Then leave your napkin, slightly crumbled, beside your plate on the table, not on the seat of your chair.

At parties or larger dinners, wait for the hostess to signal that the meal is over by putting down her napkin and rising. No one is supposed to do either one before she does.

If a woman or girl leaves the table briefly during dinner, only the man or boy on her left rises to help her with her chair; and it's usually only a half-rise as a courteous gesture.

Leave your plate where it is when you have finished eating. Don't push it in toward the center of the table. In fact, don't rearrange any dishes on the table with the exception of the fingerbowl served on the dessert plate.

In leaving the table, help the same girl or woman you seated at the beginning of the meal. Stand behind her chair, then pull it back gently and she slides out from the right side.

Source ~ Marjabelle Young and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say "How Do You Do" ~ What boys need to know about today's manners  

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia