Etiquette and Marie Antoinette

Anne d'Arpajon, aka "Madame Etiquette" ~A French aristocrat and First Lady of Honour to Queens of France, Marie Leszczyńska and Marie Antoinette, Anne d'Arpajon was called "Madame Etiquette" by Marie Antoinette for her insistence that no minutia of court etiquette ever be disregarded or altered in any way. 

Dressing the French Queen

What a cruel ceremony was the dressing of that tame Queen! When Maria Antoinette, in the days of her cumbersome greatness, stood of a morning in the centre of her bed chamber, awaiting, after her bath, her first article of dress. It was presented to her, or rather it was passed over her royal shoulders by the "Dame d'Honneur." Perhaps, at the moment, a "Princess of the Blood" entered the room (for French Queens both dressed and dined in public), the right of putting on the primal garment of Her Majesty immediately devolved upon her, but it could not be yielded to her by the "Dame d'Honneur;" the latter, arresting the chemise de la reine as it was passing down the royal back, adroitly whipped it on, and, presenting it to the "Premiere Dame," that Noble lady transferred it to the "Princess of the Blood."

Madame d'Arpajon had once to give it up to the Duchess of Orleans, who, solemnly taking the same, was on the point of throwing it over the Queen's head, when a scratching (it was contrary to etiquette to knock) was heard at the door of the room. Thereupon entered the Countess de Provence, and she being nearer to the throne than the Lady of Orleans, the latter made over her office to the new comer, in the meantime, the Queen stood like Venus as to covering, but shaking with cold, for it was mid-winter, and muttering, "what an odious nuisance." The Countess de Provence entered on the mission which had fallen to herself, and this she did so awkwardly, that she entirely demolished a head-dress which had taken three hours to build. The Queen beheld the devastation, and got warm by laughing outright. – D. Doran, 1855

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Court Etiquette Intervened

Henriette as Minerva holding a painting of her husband, Philippe de France

Incidents in the Lives of World-Famous Women —

How the Princess Henriette of England Just Missed Being Queen of France

Among the fair women who made the Court of Louis XIV famous for brilliancy and beauty, there were none lovelier than Henriette, Duchess d’Orleane. She was the daughter of Charles I of England and Henrietta Maria, and the wife of Philllppe, “the little Monsieur,” the King’s brother. 

When misfortune descended upon the royal House of Stuart the Princess Henriette was smuggled into France disguised as a vagabond in a ragged suit of boy’s clothes. She was restored to her mother, and although the exiled Queen was supremely happy to have her little daughter safe under her care, she was often driven to despair by tbeir extreme poverty. The little girl was many times forced to spend the day in bed because there was no fuel to burn. 

Anne of Austria, the Queen-Mother, supplied the English exiles with clothes and money, and, later on, invited them to the French Court. As the little Henriette approached young woman-hood she gave promise of becoming very beautiful. She is described in the following words by a contemporary: "Her air is as noble as her birth. Her hair is of a bright chestnut hue, and her complexion rivals that of the gayest flowers. The snowy whiteness of her skin betrays the lines from which she sprang. Her eyes are blue and brilliant, her lips ruddy, her throat beautiful, her arms and hands well made- Her charms show that she was born on a throne and is destined to return there.” 

She made her first public appearance at a ball given by Anne of Austria at the Louvre. When the gentlemen chose their partners for the opening dance the handsome young Louis of France offered his hand to the Princess of Mercoeur. The Queen-Mother sternly rebuked him for this breach of etiquette, saying: “You must dance first with the Princess Henriette of England.’’ Queen Henrietta Maria saw that the King was not pleased with this interference, and sought to mend matters by answering: "My daughter has hurt her foot and therefore cannot dance.” 

But Anne of Austria was determined that her son should obey the laws of Court etiquette and insisted. “Then Henriette and Louis shall sit out the dance together.” From that moment Louis formed a dislike for his cousin, blasting the fond hopes of the two Queens that he would ask Henriette to share his throne. Later that evening one of the Courtiers remarked upon the charms of the young English Princess. “I do not like little girls. She is much too thin,” was Louis’ reply. 

Though Louis was blind to the beauty of Henriette, his brother. Monsieur, was not. The young dandy determined that he would like to marry and have a Court of his own. The Duke made known his desire to the King, who laughed heartily and said; “You shall wed the Princess of England, for no one else wants her.”

Philippe was well pleased at this promise, and hastened to plead his cause with Henrietta Maria. He fell genuinely in love with his lovely cousin, and having gained the consent of her brother, Charles II, the wedding was celebrated at the Palais Royal without further delay. The young Duchess immediately became the central figure of gay Court life. She captivated all who approached her. “Never was there a Princess so fascinating,” the Abbe de Colsy has written. “Her whole person seemed full of charm. You feel interested in her, you love her without being able to help yourself.” 

Even King Louis fell beneath the spell of her beauty and charm. His sister-in-law became one of his dearest friends. He regretted the days when he had failed to recognize her charms and was all the more attentive because of his previous neglect. Had Louis' anger at having to sit out a dance with the Princess of England not blinded him to the beauty and charm of Henriette she might have been his Queen instead of Marie Therese. — By Eloise Farrington for the Los Angeles Herald, 1917

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Petit Trianon

Built by Louis XV of France, the Petit Trianon was not only an escape for Marie Antoinette from the formality of French Court life, but it also allowed her to shake off the burden of her many Royal responsibilities. She was under considerable pressure and judgement at Versailles, from both the Royal Court, but her family. The Petit Trianon was her place of leisure, where she could rest from the etiquette and formality of her life at Versailles. Since all was “de par la Reine” (by order of the Queen), no one, including her husband Louis XVI, were permitted to disturb her there or enter the property, without the Queen's express permission. This exclusivity alienated Royal Court Nobility, and allowed only the Queen's close inner circle (including Gabrielle de Polastron, the Duchesse de Polignac, and Princess de Lamballe) to be invited.

The Petit Trianon

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The Favorite Resort of Queen Marie Antoinette of France

Louis XVI gave the Petit Trianon to Marie Antoinette, and it became her favorite residence. To this turf, which she pressed with so light a step, the Queen of France came to forget the ennui and etiquette of Royal Majesty. Once at the Petit Trainon, the lovely Queen felt more happy. All her diadem was the flowers of her garden; she held, with a joyous hand, the light crook; in her Swiss dairy, which is still standing on the banks of a little brook, she herself prepared— with such delightful awkwardness—the milk of her cows! Poor Queen! How much site must afterward have regretted the sun, the waters, the flowers, the cream, and the strawberries, the sheep and the heifers of the Petit Trianon.– San Francisco Call, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Social Custom

The only exception to the old and present day rule is in the case of husband and wife. In such cases the husband gives his left arm to his wife. The origin of this is to show the domination of man over woman. 

"It's a Matter of Etiquette"

Should a man offer the right or left arm to a woman?  In social circles just now there is going on quite a discussion regarding this question.  To one’s wife, one gives the left arm.  To all other women, the right arm.  It is now being urged that the social custom be changed, and that man be considered quite correct should he offer his left arm to all women.  This question of etiquette, like so many others, originated in France centuries ago.


Shakespeare writes of a man “as polite as a French courtier." The "grand Maitres de maintien" decreed some ages ago that a man must give his right arm to members of the fair sex because one always places on the right hand those whom one wishes to honor.  French gallants, just like the American men of today, held the daughters of Eve in high honor.  At a ball when inviting a woman to dance you must give her the right arm, and after the dance, in promenading, you do not change the arm. It is the same rule at all functions, or even when walking in the street.


The only exception to the old and present day rule is in the case of husband and wife.  In such cases the husband gives his left arm to his wife.  The origin of this is to show the domination of man over woman.  It is now being urged that the right be dethroned in favor of the universal use of the left.  The argument is that in such case the man has the use of his good right arm for the defense of his fair companion, and to assist her the better if slipping or falling.  The coming season ought to definitely settle the question. –Sacramento Union, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Of Etiquette and International Vanities

Charlemagne was served at his repast by subject kings.

On Brussels, there is a very striking picture on this subject. It is the men of the future contemplating the baubles and vanities of the present. They are drawn of gigantic size. In their hands they hold little cannons, stars and garters, flags, and the other insignia of courtly and military glory. How these big men look, to be sure! How keen is their sense of the ridiculous! You feel how hearty is their laugh over such evident petty absurdities! It may be the artist believed that a time would come when such things would be seen in their true light. All we know is that at present that time has not arrived, and that Mr. Marshall's title is, to say the least, a little premature.

Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy, the holder of jousts and tournaments, the inventor of court courtesy...

For instance, there is the matter of ceremonial, respecting which Dutch and German writers have written at infinite length. It is as old as the hills. Cyrus beheaded two satraps because they omitted to place their hands under their sleeves when they saluted him. Hadrian had a royal household. Charlemagne was served at his repast by subject kings. The subject is divided by learned writers into five main sections; precedence of states, royal honours, diplomatic ceremonials, maritime ceremonials, and etiquette. 

This latter seems to have become developed in Europe in the time and under the reign of Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy, the holder of jousts and tournaments, the inventor of court courtesy, who sought thereby to adorn his house with more glories than kingly monarchs then presented, as a consolation, perhaps, for not possessing their title. His grandchild, Mary of Burgundy, carried the new ideas to her husband Maximilian, and from Austria they passed on again with constant augmentations and freshly devised subtleties to France and Spain. In the latter land it reached its climax. The study of etiquette was three centuries ago the essential study of a Spanish gentleman. 

Maria Anna of Neuburg, Wife of Charles II of Spain, 1690, who fell off her horse, caught her foot in the stirrup, and was thus indecorously suspended in the presence of forty-three courtiers, who gazed in anguish, but stood still, as it was against etiquette for them to aid in such a case...

As an illustration of the extent to which it was carried, our author gives the story of the wife of Charles II., who fell off her horse, caught her foot in the stirrup, and was thus indecorously suspended in the presence of forty-three courtiers, who gazed in anguish, but stood still, as it was against etiquette for them to aid in such a case, and the proper person happened to be somewhere else. A passer-by rushed to the rescue; he received several doubloons for his useful service, but was condemned to banishment for his unpardonable indiscretion. And then there was Philip III, roasted to death because the nobleman whose duty was to put the fire out was away hunting in Catalonia. 

Comte de Maurepas filled the Queen's heart with joy by saying, "Madame, I have the honour to assure your Majesty that the game of piquet was deep mourning." 

French etiquette was almost as absurd as that of Spain. Arm-chairs, backed chairs and stools were, as Voltaire says, “important objects of politics and illustrious subjects of quarrels.” Even the King himself was not free from the etiquette of acting according to regulation. If he condescended to visit a courtier ill in bed, etiquette constrained his Majesty to be down too. Louis XIII visited Richelieu in this way at Tarascon, and Louis XIV did the same when he went to see the Marschal de Villars after he was wounded at Malplacquet. One of the queens did not dare play cards one night because the Court had heard that day of the death of some German Prince that nobody had ever seen. And (Jean-Frédéric Phélypeaux) Comte de Maurepas filled her heart with joy by saying, “Madame, I have the honour to assure your Majesty that the game of piquet was deep mourning.”

From “International Vanities,” By Frederic Marshall, Author of “French Home Life,” 1873

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Marie Antoinette’s “Madame Etiquette”

Anne d'Arpajon, aka "Madame Etiquette" ~A French aristocrat and first lady of honour to Queens of France, Marie Leszczyńska and Marie Antoinette, Anne d'Arpajon was called"Madame Etiquette" by Marie Antoinette for her insistence that no minutia of court etiquette ever be disregarded or altered in any way.

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Madame de Campan, first lady-in-waiting to Marie Antoinette, wrote of the Versailles' etiquette rules: 

“These servile rules were drawn up into a kind of code; they offered to a Richelieu, a La Rouchefoucauld and a Duras, in the exercise of their domestic functions, opportunities of intimacy useful to their interests; and their vanity was flattered by the customs which converted the right to give a glass of water, to put on a dress, and to remove a basin, into honorable prerogatives.”

Actress Judy Davis, standing behind Kirsten Dunst's Marie Antoinette, portrayed Anne d'Arpajon, aka”Madame Etiquette,” in the 2008 film, “Marie Antoinette” ~ “To enact their existence, to demonstrate their prestige, to distance themselves from lower-ranking people and have this distance recognized by the higher-ranking – all this was purpose enough in itself. But in etiquette this distancing of oneself from others as an end in itself finds its consummate expression.” – From Norbert Elias, 1983 “The Court Society”

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Court Etiquette at Versailles and Who Was “Madame Etiquette”?

Marie Antoinette's royal family in Austria was quite informal, so the seemingly absurd etiquette at French court annoyed her greatly. Marie Antoinette would pick at food, preferring a second meal be served in her private chambers. 

Etiquette Rules at Versailles:

It was in the Queen’s antechamber that the public meals were held, whose sumptuous ritual, Grand Couvert, attracted a large crowd. Grand Couvert was a public ritual, in which the French King and Queen ate their dinner in public view. Only the royal family could take their places at the table and before them, seated, the duchesses, princesses or high-ranking persons who had the privilege to sit on a stool, then, standing, the other ladies and persons who, due to their rank or with the authorisation of the usher, had been allowed to enter.

The room where Marie-Antoinette didn't eat her dinner; The Salon of the “Grand Couvert” has been restored to its past splendor, part of an ongoing refurbishment of the entire palace. 

Louis XIV subjected himself to this performance almost every evening; Louis XV often preferred intimate suppers; as for Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, a testimony from that time reports that:
“The Queen sat on the King’s left. They had their backs turned to the fireplace […] The King ate with a good appetite, but the Queen did not remove her gloves and did not use her serviette, which was very wrong of her.”
To counter this boredom, Marie-Antoinette asked for there always to be music in the Grand Couvert and for that purpose a platform was set up for the musicians in this room.

Other Rules:

Those wanting to speak to the king were not to knock on his door. Instead, using the left little finger, they had to gently scratch on the door until they were granted the permission to enter the room. Many courtiers grew that fingernail longer than the others for that purpose.

A lady never held hands or linked arms with a gentleman. It was in very bad taste and nearly impossible because a woman’s skirts were so wide. She was to place her hand on top of the gentleman’s bent arm as they strolled through the gardens and chambers of Versailles. Ladies were only allowed to touch their fingertips with the men.

The king and queen always had a fauteuil (armchair) to sit on. In their presence, no one else was allowed an armchair, unless you were also a monarch.

A chair with a back but no arms was allowed for those closest in rank to the king, such as his brother or children.

The tabouret, a padded stool was awarded to those holding the rank of duchess. Lesser ranking nobility would be expected to stand.

For nightly Grand Couvert, men and women had to dress appropriately. Appropriate dress included swords for the men. If a gentleman arrived at Versailles for Grand Couvert without his sword, it is said he could rent one.

Etiquette for the aristocracy included how to use a napkin, how far to unfold it in one's lap and when to use it .

Only ushers were allowed to open doors. If you desired to leave the room, you had to wait for the usher to open the door.

Of Versailles and France, Margaret Visser wrote;

During the 17th century, in France, manners became a political issue. King Louis XIV and his predecessors, in collecting together the nobility of France to live with the sovereign at Versailles, instituted a sort of school of manners. At the palace, the courtiers lived under the despotic surveillance of the king, and upon their good behavior, their deference, and their observance of etiquette their whole careers depended. If you displeased a Louis, he would simply "not see you" the following day; his gaze would pass over you as he surveyed the people before him. And not being “seen” by the king was tantamount to ceasing to count, at Versailles.

A whole timetable of ceremonies was followed, much of it revolving around the King's own person. Intimacy with Louis meant power, and power was symbolically expressed in attending to certain of the king's most private and physical needs: handing him his stockings to put on in the morning, being present as he used to chaise percée, rushing when the signal sounded to be present as he got ready for bed. It mattered desperately what closeness the king allowed you - whether he spoke to you, in front of whom, and for how long.

The point about Versailles was that there was no escape: the courtiers had to “make it” where they were. The stage was Louis's, and the roles that could be played were designed by him. It was up to each courtier to fit him- or herself into one of the slots provided. The leaders of all the other towns and villages of France were made, largely through the use of etiquette, and more specifically through rudeness and judicious slighting by the tax-collecting intendants, to feel their subordination, the distance from the court.

Once, the nobility had relied on strength, swagger, and vigor, even violence, personally to make their mark and uphold their honour; at Versailles, the way to success became discretion, observation, cunning, and the dissembling of one's aims and passions. At Versailles, and at the courts all over Europe which imitated it - everything was done to make it very clear who was superior to whom; and of course, each time anyone was polite, he or she was simultaneously acknowledging rank and demonstrating who stood where.

The new manners - both the formal rules of protocol and precedence and the unspoken, more profoundly enculturated rules like table manners - were seen increasingly, according to Elias, as ways in which one did not offend other people. You were controlling yourself, so as to prevent other people from being disgusted or “shocked.” People lived very closely together at Versailles; everyone was watched by everyone else, and actual physical proximity helped raise some of the new sensitivity to other people's real or imagined susceptibilities. Men were expected on the whole to give up physical force as a means of getting their way, and - as always when "the graces" are preferred over brute strength - women begin to count for more. Within the aristocratic court circle, people became, in spite of the obsession with rank, far more equal. Secure in the knowledge that just being at court was the pinnacle of prestige, from which most of society was shut out, courtiers could permit themselves to respect each other.

As the bourgeois became richer and more indispensable even at court, they demanded - and were given, by self appointed experts who wrote manuals for them - instruction in how to behave as people did in "the best circles." In 1672, Antoine de Courtin produced “Nouveau trait' de la civilité' qui se pratique en France parmi les honnestes gens” or The “New Treatise of the Civility Which is Practiced in France Among Honest People.” (“Honest” -hônnete- kept its original association with honour and the opposite-but-supporting motion, shame.) De Courtin writes about manners for both hosts and guests, and invite advises his bourgeois readers on how they should address the nobility. The church in France also produced handbooks of manners and talk to precept in schools. Gradually gentility spread down from the court to the bourgeois, and finally trickled further down to the rest of the population. The bourgeois were even stricter about standards of civility than were the nobility were; having no ever-present King do enforce the rules, they imposed restraints on themselves. Being more anxious to rise, they had more to lose by making slips and gaffes; so their self-inhibiting mechanisms had to be deeper rooted, less obviously the donning of an external personna than the nobility could permit themselves. The policing of emotions became internal, and finally invisible even to themselves: they were able to think that they acted, not in obedience to power and self-interest but for purely moral reasons.

Chateau Versailles 

The Courtiers:
“The whole of France around the King”

The spacious quarters at Versailles allowed a large Court to live in residence close to the King. Depending on the days, 3,000 to 10,000 people crowded there, forming a very varied society with a rigid hierarchy. Some were there by birthright, others by social obligation, others out of self-interest or curiosity, and others still to earn their living. The high-ranking nobility were often present, currying the favours of the master of Versailles.

The courtiers were obliged to follow the rules of Etiquette. These extremely strict rules governed priority, determining not only who was allowed to approach the important people in the Court, but also where and when. Gestures and language were also codified and varied subtly according to the circumstances: this included using titles to address different people, the right to sit down, and use an armchair, a simple chair or a stool, etc.

Among the courtiers, those who held a role were said to be "established" at Court. These roles, either inherited or purchased, often very dearly, corresponded to a function or office. For the most important, the King's approval was essential; this was particularly the case for the secretaries of State. But for a simple valet de chambre or barber, the agreement of the Grand Master of the King's Household was sufficient. Living quarters in the palace were also highly sought after. They avoided much travelling back and forth and provided a place of retreat for those moments when one was not at Court. The princes of the royal family had apartments overlooking the gardens, while "established" courtiers were accommodated on the town side or in the Palace outbuildings: in the Grand Lodgings, the Stables and so on.

Serving the King in the army or in high administration was the principle means of gaining the Monarch's favour, even if the art of appearances at Court remained essential. Personal attributes, such as beauty or wit, rivaled with dazzling finery to attract the Monarch's attention. By granting the Court greater importance than either Henri IV or Louis XIII had done, Louis XIV gave the nobles a sense of service. Serving was a means of pleasing the Sovereign, it was useful to the kingdom and contributed to a certain control over the nobility, thereby strengthening the royal authority.

The French court imposed elaborate codes of etiquette on the aristocracy, among them the way to use a napkin, when to use it, and how far to unfold it in the lap. A French treatise dating from 1729 stated that “It is ungentlemanly to use a napkin for wiping the face or scraping the teeth, and a most vulgar error to wipe one's nose with it.” And a rule of decorum from the same year laid out the protocol:

“The person of highest rank in the company should unfold his napkin first, all others waiting till he has done so before they unfold theirs. When all of those present are social equals, all unfold together, with no ceremony.”

Fashionable men of the time wore stiffly starched ruffled collars, a style protected while dining with a napkin tied around the neck. Hence the expression “to make ends meet.” When shirts with lace fronts came into vogue, napkins were tucked into the neck or buttonhole or were attached with a pin. In 1774, a French treatise declared, “the napkin covered the front of the body down to the knees, starting from below the collar and not tucked into said collar.” 

Of Nobility in France

Nobility in France was generally hereditary and was passed down through the male line. It had certain privileges attached to it, such as being exempt from taxes, sole access to certain offices and positions within the civil and military administrations of France, and all commissions in the army. There was a sense that as a noble, one was possessed of greater intelligence, more refined sentiments and in general more deserving of the best life had to offer.

In general, there were three ways to become a noble:

1) By birth ~ The father must be of noble blood. Illegitimate children could be ennobled by letters patent from the sovereign. The king’s illegitimate offspring were automatically noble, and therefore needed no ennobling. (However they were still illegitimate, and needed to be legitimated. This was accomplished finally by naming only the father, and not the mother.)
2) By holding certain offices, either by purchase or appointment, such as in the king’s household, or in the Parliament.
3) By royal decree.

These are the titles of nobility, and the order of their importance:

1) Duc
2) Comte
3) Marquis
4) Vicomte
5) Baron

These titles as well as the names of the family were derived from the properties they were attached to, and only one person at a time could carry each of these titles. However, the presence or absence of a title was not in itself a test of nobility, because there were generally more family members than there were titles to go around.

One you have reached the threshold of nobility, there are still more degrees of nobility: How long has your family been noble? How many of your paternal and maternal grandparents’ lineages were noble? The oldest nobility was traced to the “Mists of Time,” back in the early recorded history of France. 

Of those already blessed enough to claim the ties of nobility, some could also claim peerages. These peers originated from the twelve dukes who were raised in the 12thcentury above the other dukes by the King as his direct vassals.

Though forks had established a foothold in the polite society of France, by the later 1500s, Louis XIV still ate with his hands. He had plenty to say about using one's knife though... Etiquette required that aristocratic nobleman always bring their own dining implements to banquets. Specifically, the dagger used for both cutting and spearing their food. Some diners used the tip of their daggers/knives to pick their teeth, which one can imagine was disgusting. Louis XIV put an end to such spectacles by outlawing pointed, double-edged personal use daggers, thus creating a demand for not with a rounded and and the single cutting edge that we have today. Louis XIV was also the first king to provide his dinner guests with individual place settings of a knife fork and spoon so they need not bring their own. 

There were ecclesiastical peers, which ranked ahead of lay peers. For lay peers, the order of precedence was determined by date of peerage’s creation- except as it applied to Princes of the Blood, they gained precedence over the other peers, regardless of peerage creation date, because of their claim to royal blood.

By the time of Louis XIV, the main role of the peers was to participate in the coronation ceremony. This was important, because it created precedence in day-to-day life for the title-holder over others without this distinction.

Even more important than title was rank. Rank in regards to the Court of France can be understood as a degree of eminence within the class of nobility. It was measured from the king on down, so the highest ranks were filled by the individuals most closely related to the king, and the higher the rank, the greater the precedence.

Within the royal family, the rank and precedence of said persons was:

1) King and Queen

2) Dauphin and Dauphine (1st in line for throne)

3) Sons of the current king

4) Daughters of the current king

5) Sons of the former king

6) Daughters of the former king 

After the immediate relatives, there were the Princes du Sang, or “of the blood,” who were related to the royal blood in a lesser concentration than the immediate family.

The framework of rank and precedence were pretty firmly fixed. There might be wiggle room in certain situations, but being that everyone was fiercely protective of their rights of precedence, any concession a person finagled for their self would usually be nullified at the next occasion, and they would be put back in their place.

The prestige attached to a name was a valuable commodity for those trying to advance themselves or their connections at court. In everyone's eyes, the most important factors in determining a family's prestige were:

• How long had a given family been noble
• Into what other families did it marry
• What positions its members achieved and what offices they held
• What actions they performed

Madame Etiquette was played by Judy Davis in 2006's “Marie Antoinette” 

Etiquette, “Madame Etiquette” and Marie Antoinette

This hierarchy was played out through etiquette. Life at Versailles was centered on conversational skill and interpersonal interactions, just as much of which was non-verbal in its expression. The way courtiers moved through the day at court could be summed up with the housekeeping maxim: “A place for everything, and everything in its place.”

While these distinctions seem unimportant today, in the 17th century knowledge and use of proper etiquette was vital because it was the foundation of the social order and political system of the ancien regime.

Using one of the most often cited subjects of this code of etiquette are the rules of seating arrangements. The king and queen always had a fauteuil, an armchair to sit upon. Within their presence, no one else was allowed an armchair, excepting another monarch. A chair with a back but no arms was allowed for those closest in rank to the king, such as his brother or children. The tabouret, a padded, drum-shaped stool was awarded to those holding the rank of duchess. Lesser ranking nobility would be expected to stand.

At some point Louis XIV’s brother Philippe, Duc d’Orleans, lobbied for an armchair in the king’s presence instead of the armless chair he was allowed already. In the Memoires of Madame de Montespan, she records Louis’ explanation to his brother for denying to him this elevation of rank. In Louis’ reasoning we understand better the power of etiquette as the expression of rank and privilege:

It is in your interest, brother, that the majesty of the throne should not be weakened or altered; and if, from Duc d'Orleans, you one day become King of France, I know you well enough to believe that you would never be lax in this matter. Before God, you and I are exactly the same as other creatures that live and breathe; before men we are seemingly extraordinary beings, greater, more refined, more perfect. The day that people, abandoning this respect and veneration which is the support and mainstay of monarchies,--the day that they regard us as their equals,--all the prestige of our position will be destroyed. Bereft of beings superior to the mass, who act as their leaders and supports, the laws will only be as so many black lines on white paper, and your armless chair and my fauteuil will be two pieces of furniture of the selfsame importance.

In other words, the importance of your position at Court was dependent on how well you recognized and defended etiquette. Personal feelings were irrelevant because the symbolic place held by a person mattered more. Your place and the attention you received devolved from the treatment of others around you.

Rank and precedence was the visible glue holding the structure of the ancient regime system together. To ignore and disparage this meant that the whole system would come into question, as it did in the reign of Louis XVI.

Obviously there were more factors involved in contributing to the great social upheaval that was the French Revolution than etiquette being marginalized, but it is a way to compare and contrast why society changed; why it happened in 1789 and not before (as there had been governmental insolvency and peasant uprising during the reigns of Louis XIV and Louis XV).

Madame de Campan, a lady-in-waiting to Marie Antoinette, wrote of etiquette:

These servile rules were drawn up into a kind of code; they offered to a Richelieu, a La Rouchefoucauld and a Duras, in the exercise of their domestic functions, opportunities of intimacy useful to their interests; and their vanity was flattered by the customs which converted the right to give a glass of water, to put on a dress, and to remove a basin, into honorable prerogatives.

So, while she was a victim in many ways, Marie Antoinette played a role in this marginalization of etiquette: She did not want to dispatch the role of queen in the prescribed manner and chose instead to retreat from the endless rules into an environment of informality, thus depriving the Court of opportunities for acting out their duties (which were considered not to be a chore but an honor to hold), and therefore made her position seem unnecessary at worst and meaningless at best.

Who was Madame Etiquette?

Anne d'Arpajon, aka “Madame Etiquette” ~A French aristocrat and first lady of honour to Queens of France, Marie Leszczyńska and Marie Antoinette, Anne d'Arpajon was called “Madame Etiquette” by Marie Antoinette for her insistence that no minutia of court etiquette ever be disregarded or altered in any way. 

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia