Etiquette for Soup and Fish Courses

“One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork.” —In the movie Gosford Park, two dinner forks — one to the right and one to the left of the setting — are placed for the fish course, in preparation for a formal dinner, which will be eaten in the “old” manner. The fish would not be eaten at this manor house with the parvenu’s fish knife and fork.

The guests should consult the menu on first sitting down to dinner. Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin. In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is "eaten"; whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon.

There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is nothing if it is not hot, and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to each person, it is eaten quicker, and therefore hotter, with a large spoon than with a small one.

There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the extent of the menu; and when a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply, he fears that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is nothing much to follow.

Again, small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided, and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup than plates that are half full.

At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it is also eaten with a table-spoon, but not when served in small cups.

Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish, and a crust of bread was substituted for the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable time, in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the plate, and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for that crust of bread.

One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory, and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver fish-knife and fork which are now in general use.

Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate. — Manners and Rules of Good Society, or Solecisms to be Avoided, by a Member of the Aristocracy, 1918

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Etiquette and Appreciation of Soup

What Have We Here? — A Gilded Age place setting with a French écuelle. An écuelle is a 2 handled bowl, generally with a cover to keep soup hot. The écuelle is perfect for a broth or light soup. A small round (bouillon) soup spoon sits to the right. – From the book, “Yesteryear… More of What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Past Times to the Mid-20th Century”

NEW YORK Every eater has a special set of gastronomic obsessions. One of my most persistent has to do with hot soup, by which I really mean hot ' soup. Anything less than a curtain of steam that obscures an eating partner across the table is to me soup that borders on the tepid, a soup that must be hurried through before it is actually cold and therefore inedible. 

Today one is generally served soup that ranges from barely tepid to very warm. Or which, at best, is Just a few degrees above body temperature, so that it feels hot to the lips but dies a chilly death by the time it reaches the back of the tongue. Nor do a few wan wisps of rising steam prove that soup is really hot. but merely that the liquid is somewhat warmer than the room in which it is being served. 

A combination of reasons Is behind this creeping tepidism that is understandable, if not excusable. For one thing, hardly anyone under 45 really knows what hot means when related to soup. At least two generations separate today's eaters from forbears who emigrated from Russia, Germany, Eastern Europe, Scandinavia and China, where even today Microwave, like it not, hot soup is taken seriously. 

Ever frugal, wise old housewives served soup so hot that the preheated tureens added to the warmth of the room and one could thaw winter chilled hands by sliding them over the outside of the bowl. Finally, when eaten, these soups served as personalized central heating systems. Hot soup has also met Its demise partly at the hands of etiquette snobs who decry blowing on broth or slurping It from a spoon. Many restaurants deliberately serve tepid soup for economic reasons. If they are relatively inexpensive eating places that rely on turnover, they cannot afford to have chairs occupied an extra 10 minutes per seating by customers waiting for soup (or coffee, tea or cocoa) to cool. 

To work one's way through a bowlful of incendiary soup is to pass through several stages of enjoyment, almost Oriental In their subtle refinements. Start with a bowl of soup that is topped by a mushroom cloud of steam, a soup that is still atremble with its own inner heat, and you begin by inhaling a heady essence, as the scent pervades your nostrils long before its substance can touch your tongue. Soon you pick up a small amount on the tip of the spoon and between whispering sips and lightly exhaled, cooling puffs, you begin carefully to get a sense of what the liquid portion of the soup holds in store. 

These early sips must exclude solids, still too hot to handle in the throat. In a few minutes the soup is merely hot and larger mouthfuls can be handled, revealing liquid and solids in full-bodied splendor. After that, and eating ever more quickly, the warm soup is a luxurious comfort, full of taste but allowing freedom from caution. Now you can really consider the tastes behind tastes, the textures of solids, the herbs and pot vegetables that perfume the brew. As always when eating soup, intermittent bites of bread renew the palate to the subtleties of the liquid. – By Mimi Sheraton, New York Times News Service, 1979

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More 1930’s Etiquette Advice

Her etiquette sense makes dining out with her a pleasure... More etiquette advice from the 1930’s

Good Table Manners Bring Dinner Dates

Mary’s manners fit her like a glove. So smooth, so easy. Her etiquette sense makes dining out with her a pleasure. She waits gracefully poised by the table until Frank pushes her chair in place. When seated she lays her napkin in one or two folds across her lap, scans the menu and indicates her preference to Frank. She breaks small pieces from her roll, does not gnaw it. Drinks bouillon from its cup after sipping a spoonful or two. If she’s unfortunate to get a fishbone in her mouth, she removes it inconspicuously with her fingers—not behind her napkin. — S.A. Journal, 1937

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bad Manners Show Poor Breeding

      

Letty is wrecking her chance to get into the smart crowd she admires with all of her etiquette blunders!

Bad Manners at Table Betray Poor Breeding

Here's Letty—wrecking her chance to get into the smart crowd she admires. Etiquette blunders — such as spreading jam over a whole slice of bread— betray her lack of breeding. She doesn’t know that well-bred people break off, butter and spread with jam, one morsel at a time. 

She smothers her fish in tartar sauce. The deft way is to dab a little sauce with the fork on each bite of fish. She spoons up all her bouillon, not knowing it’s proper to drink it straight from the cup, after sipping with a spoon to see if it’s cool enough. Avoid these telltale blunders. — Santa Ana Journal, 1936

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Learn Manners No One Criticizes

Don’t laugh because Dot stuffs iced cake into her mouth with her fingers. She's to be pitied!

Learn Table Manners No One Can Criticize

Don't laugh at Dot– the girl who stuffs iced cake into her mouth with her fingers. She's to be pitied. For, until she learns better manners, the people she longs to know will just ignore her. What hostess wants to take a chance on a girl who doesn't know layer cake should be eaten with a fork even at simple buffet parties?

If you invited her to dinner she’d probably drink her soup from the tip instead of from the side of her spoon. She'd put the salt for her celery on the table-cloth instead of on her plate. As for tricky foods! Dot would never know that you eat artichokes by pulling off a leaf at a time. And canapés would bewilder her! It's so easy to be correct once you know.– Santa Ana Journal, 1937

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Mustache Guards

“To abandon the mustache is almost out of the question. Inasmuch as that appendage is highly ornamental to the masculine visage, making many a homely man good looking and contributing pulchritude even to the most beautiful specimens in pantaloons.” — This patent for a mustache guard by T. Ferry was as applied for in 1900. Several other types are shown below.

Mustache Guards for the Gilded Age

If nature had contemplated soup she would never have provided man with a mustache. That civilized man cannot live without dining is undeniable, and a good dinner is almost necessarily introduced by soup. But the average male human being whose upper lip is unshaven finds it very difficult to eat his potage in a neat and well bred manner.

To abandon the mustache is almost out of the question. Inasmuch as that appendage is highly ornamental to the masculine visage, making many a homely man good looking and contributing pulchritude even to the most beautiful specimens in pantaloons.

The problem has furnished inspiration to a number of inventors, who during the past few years have applied for patents on “mustache guards” of various kinds. All of them are ingenious, and, taken together, they show that a vast amount of earnest thought has been expended in the effort to produce a contrivance that will give happiness to the man with the hirsute lip by enabling him to eat his soup gracefully and comfortably.

Latest of the Inventors in this line is T. Ferry of Wilmington, Del., who only a couple of weeks ago took out a patent on a mustache guard for which one advantage claimed is that it may be “easily carried in the vest pocket.” It is a sort of comb arrangement, and, holding itself in place by a pair of springs at the sides, keeps the hairy ornament up and out of the way of the mouth. — J. A. Moore of Cambridgeport, Mass., 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Noiseless Spoon for Soup

“The ‘muffler’ which has been applied to the spoon is simply a ‘lid’ that covers one half the surface of the bowl, a slit being provided at the edge through which the liquid enters the mouth of the user...” — So it was basically a “mustache spoon” with a different name? Yes!

A spoon that permits the most careless person to eat soup without noise has been invented by a St.Louis man. The inventor claims that a person using this spoon cannot make a noise, even if he feels inclined to do so. The “muffler” which has been applied to the spoon is simply a “lid” that covers one half the surface of the bowl, a slit being provided at the edge through which the liquid enters the mouth of the user. 

The device is somewhat like the old fashioned “mustache cups.” In the results obtained, and is recommended to men with heavy mustaches for use with all manner of liquids taken with a spoon. A spoon with a wider silt or aperture is to be made for use with soups other than the “clear’’ or “strained” varieties.— Los Angeles Herald, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soup in a Mustachioed Gilded Age

“It seems from these extracts to be the rule of highly-cultured nations, that no one should speak while he is eating soup, and, considering the modern mustache, it may be a very appropriate police regulation.” — Three “Mustache Spoon” designs from the Gilded Age for eating soup, including one for left-handed dining. Many of these spoons were also occasionally marketed as “Noiseless Soup Spoons.” During the period there was great focus on silently keeping a gentleman’s mustache free of foods and liquids. 

—Photo source Etiquipedia’s private library 

There are some dinner rules in high fashion we may not all know. For instance, in the new novel, “Aristocracy,” this passage occurs: “‘I dare say you'll find England very different from America, Mr Allen,’ Lady Oaktorrington (pronounced ottor) says after the removal of the soup, during which course not a word had been spoken at table.” 

And how it is in France one may gather from Guy de Maupassant’s novel, “Belami,” in which this occurs: “The servant announced: ‘Madame is served.’ then they adjourned to the dining room. Duray found himself seated between Mme. de Marelle and her daughter. *** No one spoke while eating the soup.” This looks like it is by design. 

It seems from these extracts to be the rule of highly-cultured nations, that no one should speak while he is eating soup, and, considering the modern mustache, it may be a very appropriate police regulation. But we must not too quickly jump at conclusions. We all know that sometimes at American dinner parties, in the matter of early conversation, one finds himself, as it were, silently “in the soup.” - Louisville Courier Journal, 1890

Patented “Mustache Holders” and lifters of the era were also sold to those who worried about appearances while dining. As popular as mustaches were at the time, the mustache spoons, along with cups and other mustache-themed items sold very well, even if their patented designs looked downright ridiculous when sent to the patent office to great, unintended comic effect. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soup Etiquette Tips

Sherry is the first wine offered at dinner, and then usually with a soup that contains Sherry in the preparation. Sherry should never be offered with cream of chicken soup or vichyssoise, but with turtle or black-bean soup, for instance. Clear soups are often served in a shallow bowl rather than a cup. When the level of soup is so low that you must lift the bowl to avoid scraping the bottom, lift the near edge with your left hand and tip the bowl away from you. Then spoon the soup away from you.

When soup is served for a luncheon or dinner, Emily Post’s “Etiquette” offers the following advice:

• Soup should be the first of six courses. It should be followed by fish, the entree, salad, dessert and coffee. Six is the maximum number of courses for even the most elaborate dinner; and for an informal luncheon, two or three courses are sufficient— soup, entree and dessert.
• Soup at a luncheon is served in two-handled cups. The soup is eaten with a teaspoon, or the cup may be picked up and the soup may be sipped, if it has sufficiently cooled. A clear soup is usually served.
• Sherry is the first wine offered at dinner, and then usually with a soup that contains Sherry in the preparation. Sherry should never be offered with cream of chicken soup or vichyssoise, but with turtle or black-bean soup, for instance.
• Clear soups are often served in a shallow bowl rather than a cup. When the level of soup is so low that you must lift the bowl to avoid scraping the bottom, lift the near edge with your left hand and tip the bowl away from you. Then spoon the soup away from you.
• Both soup cups and soup bowls should be served with a saucer or plate beneath them. The spoon, when not in use or when the soup is finished, is laid on the saucer underneath.

Amy Vanderbilt, in the “Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette,” says: 

• Soup should always be kept flowing in the opposite direction from one’s lap. The soup spoon should be filled from its far side, and soup then poured gently into the mouth with its near side.
• Vanderbilt says that if dumplings, vegetables, mushrooms or other garnishes are floating on top, eat these first by using the spoon, before the liquid part of the soup is drunk. If noodles are at the bottom of the bowl, spoon them up before consuming the liquid.
• If you take a large spoonful of extremely hot soup, don’t spit it out, concludes Vanderbilt. Instead, take a quick drink of water to cool your mouth. If you have burned your mouth, an exception may be made to the rule against drinking with food already in your mouth.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A 1916 Lesson in Table Manners

Left to Right : Correct way to hold the soup spoon, How to hold the knife and fork for cutting food, Position of fork when carrying food to the mouth, Holding the cup — the spoon in the proper place

A Requested Lesson in Table Manners

Every newspaper editor often finds this kind of a query in the mail; 

Dear Editor—My early training in etiquette was much neglected. Now I have made a fortune, travel considerably and am often embarrassed by my ignorance about table manners. Will you aid me? — Signed “WORRIED”

 Table manners are, of course, for the home table all of the year around, but it is at the holiday season when dinner engagements are most numerous, that a great many persons require a little extra preparedness.

The experienced hostess will see that forks and spoons are placed in the order in which they are to be used. If the dinner is of many courses, the appropriate silver is laid with each course. Soup should be dipped away, never toward the individual. If clear soup is served in cups, a small round bowled spoon is used, or the boullllon may be sipped from the cup. 

The knife should never be held in the left hand, but the fork may be transferred to the right hand. The English way of keeping the fork in the left hand is the present fashion among very fastidious society folk. At the end of the course the knife and fork should be placed side by side with the tips in the middle of the plate and the handles resting on its edge. — By Biddy Bye, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Soup

For Continental or American Dining, the spoon is dipped away from those dining, then brought to mouth level, and the soup sipped from the side of the spoon bowls. — “Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point.”

In how to serve and eat a dinner, a writer in the “Congregationalist” says of the first course at dinner; Never refuse soup, and never ask for a second helping. “He was such a fellow, now, as would ask for more soup at dinner,” was the condensed criticism passed upon some one by a famous English exquisite; and really it is more comprehensive than would appear on the surface, since one person at the table may keep all others waiting if he asked for a second dish of soup. 

If you wish for more salt, and have an individual cellar and no spoon, do not take the salt in your thumb and fingers; and do not after taking it on the end of your knife, perform upon the knife with your fork or spoon a tattoo. Shake the salt from your knife silently at all times; but do not take the trouble to shake it all over your plate of soup, as if it were solid, when one stir-about is all sufficient to season it to its remotest corner. At all times be sure to keep your fork out of your salt-cellar. 

Never crumble bread into your soup, and do not butter the bread you eat with it. Do not perform a circle all round the plate at every spoonful. Dip from the middle of the plate, and do not tip it to get the last drop. Be careful not to make the least sound with your lips in eating soup, or anything else; the clatter of knives and forks and dishes, and the sound of scraping, are not to be tolerated among refined people. 

Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point. — The Morning Union, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Serving Soup and Etiquette Advice

When soup is served as the first course, the soup spoon will be the first utensil on the far right of the place setting. If soup is to be the second course, a small utensil (appetizer fork, caviar spoon or spreader, individual asparagus tongs) for the first course will usually be located to the right of the soup spoon. At an informal lunch setting, soup may be served and eaten alongside another type of food, like a salad or a sandwich. 

A Kindhearted Waiter – Helpful? 

Or giving unsolicited advice? 

Etiquipedia says he was trying to be helpful, and she most gracious.

A surprising experience was that of a lady who received a bit of advice on table etiquette. She is sufficiently free from vanity to tell the story herself. She says: I know that I am not a person of impressive appearance. I am inclined to be short and stout and to dress plainly. Still, I had hoped that I had an air of acquaintance with polite society. But now I shall be more modest than ever in my idea of the impression I make upon strangers. 

At my first meal at the hotel where I passed last summer, I was pleased with the face of my waiter, it was radiant with kindliness and good nature. I began my dinner with soup and fish. As the waiter set them in front of me, he glanced at the persons of fashionable appearance who were my neighbors at table. His kind heart was suddenly struck with the fear that I might make an unfortunate impression on them. He bent down and whispered in my ear: “Eat your soup first.” – Press Democrat, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Mustache Etiquette and Facial Fads

“There is no worthier accomplishment for a man with a moustache than to take soup in an inoffensive manner… and by no means should the moustache be used to strain the soup.” –Cornelia Dobbs’ 1908 book, Guide to Manners

Is Clean Shaven Man Losing His Popularity? – Smooth Face Fad Growing in Disfavor Abroad —————————————————

London Women Admit That They Prefer to Be Kissed by Wearers of a Mustache — “Dear Man” With Mustache and a Tickle Popular

LONDON, July. 7.— Is woman’s admiration for the man with the clean shaven face waning? Many men and women In London say it is, and a revival of the mustache is promised. A well-known woman writer of fiction confesses to liking the mustache. She says: “To speak quite truthfully, I do not like beards; upon that point I am firm. But whether a mustache is or is not an ornament, I am not quite certain. Men in pictures and men on the stage look best with clean shaven faces and I like my hero in fiction to possess clear-cut features, a hairless chin and an unshaven lip. If he were described as plump and bearded I should detest him. But a mustached husband I could ask for half a dozen hats at a time, whereas the stern set mouth of the clean shaven one, pursed up to utter a rigid ‘No,’ before my words were fairly uttered, would, I am certain, terrorize me into meekly suggesting one.

“I asked my dearest girl friend to arbitrate upon this important question and her ready reply leads me to fancy that she favors the mustache. Says she: “‘A dear man almost kissed me once. It was in Aunt Gwendolyn's conservatory and if Aunt G. had not at that moment seen fit to whisk out of the drawing-room almost into our united arms. I should have been able to state with decision whether I prefer the kisses of the smooth lipped man, or those of one of the mustached persuasion. The brushing of this man’s mustache upon my cheek I thought distinctly pleasant; it seemed to promise something different from the ordinary experience.

‘Kipling somewhere says, or makes a young girl say: “To be kissed by a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.” I think, so far as my experience has gone, that I am in agreement with this opinion. After all, you see, one does not expect a man's kiss to be just like a woman’s. Army men, I opine, owe some of the popularity they enjoy among my sex to the mustaches they wear. Who would not rather be taken out on the river by a young lieutenant than a briefless barrister, whose academic honors are too deeply written on his hairless face? The young lieutenant is a figure of romance, with all the charm and virility of the grown up, though still juvenile, cavalier, whereas the boy barrister is an absurd example, an old head on young shoulders, weighed down with responsibilities and cares.

“But when a man has left the golden age of extreme youth, then, I fancy, he looks handsomer and younger unshaven. That is because so many men wear mustuches for their health’s sake, when they are over 60, ugly, grizzled, straggly mustaches, which they declare filter the air, or keep them from catching cold (a frequent excuse for that abomination, the long beard), or do something else wise, but not picturesque; perchance conceal a weak mouth or unbeautiful teeth, or lessen the apparent measurement of an over important nose.” – Special Cable to The Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Ceremonial Observances of Society

Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking.

It is quite a mistake to suppose that the ceremonial observances of society are merely a set of edicts arbitrarily established by the capricious tyrant, Fashion, for the government only of her slavish subjects. Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking. The laws of the one are indeed, like those of the other, founded upon the usage of the refined few, but there is no better reason why these should enjoy a monopoly of good manners than of good grammar. 

There are many, however, who seem to think that social ceremonies are so many frivolous afiectations by which the wealthy or fashionable strive to raise themselves to a factious elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. It is an unfortunate thing for general culture when the many acquire such a prejudice against the few that in their aversion to their pretentious superiority they reject their real excellence. 

The small class of the rich and refined have time to cultivate the elegancies of life; and although, in the excess of their leisure, they superadded a variety of frivolous ceremonies, their example in what is practically useful should be followed. Wesley used to say, when advocating the adaptation of the music of the opera and theatre to the sacred songs of the Church, that he did not know why the devil should have all the best tunes. We may ask, with equal reason, why Fashion should have all the good manners, and elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. 

It would be easy to show that many ceremonious observances which appear at first sight frivolous are founded upon a solid basis of common sense. Consider, for example, that rule of the dinner-table, "Do not ask twice for soup," This appears at first sight both silly and arbitrary. It is, however, a very sensible ordinance, and is to be justified by the laws of health, and the general comfort and convenience. The soup, being a fluid substance, can easily be absorbed in small quantities, and, thus taken, is a good reason for ceremony, and preparative for the solidities of the dinner. 

If, however, the stomach is deluged with it, the appetite and digestion become weakened, and there is neither the inclination to eat nor the power to digest the more substantial food essential to the due nutrition of the body. As for the convenience or comfort of the single-plate rule, no one can deny it who has ever looked upon an array of hungry guests whose eager appetite for the coming roast has been forced to an impatient delay by some social monster capable of asking twice for soup. The cook in the meantime is, of course, thrown out in his calculations, and the dish, when it does come at last, is either spoiled by overcooking, or cold from being withdrawn so long from the fire. The guests thus are not only tried in temper by a protracted expectation, but balked of their anticipated enjoyment.

The advantage of not putting the knife in the mouth will be obvious, we suppose, to all who are conscious that the one can cut and the other is capable of being cut. There is an excellent chemical reason for that other table rule which forbids the use of a knife of steel with the fish, the ordinary sauces of which combine with the metal, and produce a composition neither wholesome nor appetizing.

A sampling from Bazaar's "Book of Decorum"

More Victorian Era Dining Etiquette

“Modern cookery is of such a high degree of excellence, modern table-implements so luxurious and varied, that elegant enjoyment and graceful ease may reasonably ‘be expected of those who gather round a well-appointed table.’”

One of the fundamental rules for graceful carriage is, keep your elbows at your sides, and this rule should dominate the movement of the arms while at table. Its workings are felt rather than seen, but they are nevertheless evident in the graceful methods of those who understand the difference between dining elegantly and merely consuming food.

Modern cookery is of such a high degree of excellence, modern table-implements so luxurious and varied, that elegant enjoyment and graceful ease may reasonably “be expected of those who gather round a well-appointed table.” Even if the general verdict falls a little short of this, the standard is sure to grow toward it. It cannot be otherwise where the desire for improvement exists, and it would be false to assume that there are not many who feel the need and seek the means of improvement. Progress is more quickly noticeable in city than in country life for many reasons, first among them being the necessity for quick and ready adaptation to rapidly moving events.

Although the four-pronged silver fork was in use upon the continent of Europe in the first decade of the present century, it is noticeable that the use of the knife in carrying food to the mouth is by no means obsolete among some of the most advanced of the European nations. One can easily draw a mental picture in which the dogmatists of etiquette a half century ago are seated about a tempting board, all eating with their knives, but using them daintily ; and the retrospect need not go back of the times of those whose manners at table, as well as elsewhere, are defined as models of elegance. 

Since then the steel fork has been banished, the knife subjugated and the spoon subdued. The reason for all this is commonly supposed to be the danger of cutting the lips with the knife, but such danger is very slight, unless one be persistently stupid in handling it. It is much more sensible to assume that mankind was not slow to perceive the more agreeable sensation of putting to the lips the delicate tines of a fork, which were close enough to convey all except liquid edibles with comfort and convenience.
   
Then, too, there are many varieties of food which deteriorate from even the slightest contact with steel, a metal still much in use for knives. There is, however, an inclination to force the use of the fork to the point of affectation, and excess in this direction is quite as deplorable as the indiscriminate use of the knife. The proper use of any table implement at a table where one is a guest is no different from what it would be at the most informal meal, except as it may be influenced by the special preparation of an edible.

In seating one’s self at table a comfortable posture is not incompatible with a dignified attitude. The shoulders should not be thrown back too far, nor should they drop forward. It is the latter pose which produces the inclination of the arms suggestive of the " all elbows" idea which some people give of themselves.

“Of course, the right hand is most frequently used, because it is the best trained for such service; but those who believe it to be an oversight not to train both hands to do our bidding with equal skill are not slaves to the dictum of never raising the fork with the left hand, nor is it supposable that in such a minor matter personal opinion should cause one to relinquish a carefully considered habit or adopt a new one. Etiquette only advises that, if the fork is used in the left hand, it be carried to the mouth with the tines pointing downward.” ~Beautifully stylized oyster forks with one lobster claw fork from a silver catalog

When oysters on the shell are served, at the beginning of a dinner, oyster forks are provided, and in eating such shell-fish the right or left hand may be employed to carry them to the mouth. Of course, the right hand is most frequently used, because it is the best trained for such service; but those who believe it to be an oversight not to train both hands to do our bidding with equal skill are not slaves to the dictum of never raising the fork with the left hand, nor is it supposable that in such a minor matter personal opinion should cause one to relinquish a carefully considered habit or adopt a new one. Etiquette only advises that, if the fork is used in the left hand, it be carried to the mouth with the tines pointing downward. This applies to its use with all kinds of food and to all varieties of forks, but is emphasized here in its application to the oyster fork, because there are many people for whom the smallest blue-points lose their relish if the eyes are forced to rest upon them as they approach the mouth.

Rolls used to be placed in one's napkin, prior to seating the guests, on each guest's plate.

The bread or dinner roll is removed from the napkin on which it is found and placed at the left side, but aside from doing this and placing the napkin the diner does not interfere with the arrangement of the cover until the servant removes the plate. Fingering the glasses, etc., is evidence of a vacuous state of mind.

The servant, if well trained, omits no one in passing such condiments as the various dishes call for, or in replenishing anything of which a first supply may not suffice; consequently, a gentleman's duties in this respect are light, but, trivial as they may be, he should not neglect them.

Even though decanted wines be placed upon the table and the attendant be only a maid, do not offer any kind to a lady until she has finished her soup and do not undertake to assume the duties of the butler, if there be one, in this respect. It is one thing to see that a lady is provided for, and quite another to perform the service in such a way that it interferes with pre-arranged plans.

Soup should be lifted with an outward motion of the spoon and taken from the side of the spoon when possible, and the impossible instances are very rare. A man with a heavy moustache may be excused if he deviates somewhat from this rule, but not until after he has acquired the dexterity necessary to raise his spoon with the end toward him without thrusting his elbow out or making the movement of his arm conspicuous. Such skill can be cultivated, but not so easily as the movement of lifting the spoon sidewise to the mouth. It ought to be unnecessary to add that soup should be taken noiselessly. If the variety served is not agreeable to the palate, let it remain until the servant is ready to remove it.    

An elegant presentation for soup.

It is not good form to refuse soup, even if you do not care for it, it being an easy matter to take up the time of this course with conversation. Indeed, when dinner is served a la Russe, that is, each course placed separately before the diners, it is not judicious to refuse any course unless the list is very long and a menu from which to select is provided. Superabundance in this direction, and the use of the cards as well, are, however, neither fashionable nor refined. No one is obliged to partake of a dish placed before him, and ladies especially are excusable from partaking of richly made dishes and highly seasoned compounds. They may sip their wine and partake of the bread or dinner roll, and if they desire more of this satisfying and healthful food they are entitled to express their desire at the most formal dinner. Their escorts should see that they are provided, and this can best be done by attracting the attention of the waiter in an unostentatious manner. A New Yorker, whose appearance at any dinner, private or public, gives it the cachet of success, and whose delightfully entertaining qualities are recognized both here and abroad, when asked how he preserved his digestion and kept his head clear under pressure of attendance at so many social dinners and formal banquets, replied, "By avoiding made dishes and eating bread while others are partaking of them, and by taking only one variety of wine."

As each course is ended, readiness to have your plate removed may be expressed by placing the knife and fork across it, with the handles to the right, and when the next plate is placed before you, if the knife and fork to be used for the succeeding course be upon it, remove them deftly to the table, placing them at the right side without touching the plate, even though it be the one from which you are to eat.

“Etiquette only advises that, if the fork is used in the left hand, it be carried to the mouth with the tines pointing downward.”

In the use of the knife and fork, daintiness should be cultivated without impairing or interfering with the proper function of either implement. Some varieties of fish do not require the use of the knife, the fork and a piece of bread being sufficient. Others, notably those having many small bones, cannot be properly managed without one, and a small silver knife accompanies their service. Both knife and fork should be held with the handles resting in the palms of the hands when cutting or separating food, but in carrying food to the mouth the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm, as conveying it in that position gives the effect commonly expressed as “shoveling” the food into the mouth. 

A firm hold upon both knife and fork does not necessitate gripping them as if they were endowed with the ability to fly. It is inelegant to appear busy with both knife and fork all the time. Such foods as require special preparation upon the plate may be prepared neatly and quickly before beginning to eat them, and while it is not desirable to cut one's portion of roast in small bits, as for a child, it may be divided into morsels as wanted without appearing to be incessantly sawing upon it. Whoever is given to "loading up'' a fork or holding upon it a quantity of food pending its deposit in the mouth, had best dine by himself until such gaucheries are overcome.

Eating and drinking at the same time are reprehensible for more than one good reason; but the fact that the practice is contrary to good manners condemns it sufficiently in the minds of the well-bred. Hurry, the bane of our epoch and the foe of self-possession, has implanted the tendency to do everything in the shortest possible time, and the habit of hurrying clings after the necessity has sped. There should be no evidence of haste at a dinner-party, and even the suggestion of it should be guarded against. 

The napkin should be touched to the lips in the interval between partaking of greasy food and drinking; otherwise the rim of the glass will not be inviting to look upon. In eating or drinking, the fork, spoon, glass, or cup is carried to the mouth, but not beyond the lips. Throwing the head far back, thrusting the spoon or fork far into the mouth, turning the bowl of the spoon over in the mouth, draining the glass, emptying it at a single draught, or reversing it so that the stem is inverted, are not merely sins against the social gods — they are coarse and repulsive habits, which should be cured as speedily as possible.

“Crumbing” the table before dessert

It was a pleasing and proper acknowledgment when an invitation to one's table signified the most sacred form of social hospitality, but though an invitation to dine still suggests a desire for some degree of social intimacy, the giving of dinners has grown to be more of a formality since that time.

No more nonsensical statement could be made than that everything eatable should be carried to the lips with a fork. The spoon is the proper medium for conveying many varieties of semi-liquid foods; but methods of preparing certain foods differ according to locality, and to this difference is attributable much of the misunderstanding existing between the use of the fork and spoon. Tomatoes cooked without anything to absorb their liquid contain but little pulp which can be eaten with a spoon, but the delicious manner of thus preparing them, which prevails throughout New England, more than counterbalances the satisfaction that the remnant of solid matter conveyed to the mouth upon a fork would bestow; and those to whom the preparation is agreeable would merely proclaim themselves ridiculously automatic in their ideas by attempting to eat them without the aid of a spoon. On the other hand the same vegetable, prepared so that but little moisture remains, is as easily lifted upon the fork as mashed potato. We have made an every-day selection to illustrate this point, but the rule applies as practically to the daintiest viand that rejoices in a French name, and should be as faithfully adhered to at the table of a king as at the humblest board.

Many people, believing it bad manners to ask for anything not provided by their hosts, inconvenience themselves by refraining from asking for anything which the table equipment does not include. There is, however, no reason why a spoon or any similar implement should not be asked for, if needed; but never on any account should a person signal conspicuously to the waiter nor address him as " waiter." In a restaurant you may ask the usher to send a waiter to you if the service is slow or the attendant negligent, but not even in this public place does a well-bred man call out “waiter,” and he who commits such a blunder beneath a private roof might as well hope for future canonization as for present social success.

Primus, a dinner party pre-supposes enjoyment of the viands; secundus, it does not require that a guest shall express his pleasure by waving his napkin, gesticulating with his knife, fork, or spoon, or talking while his mouth is full of food. Fleeting as is time, there is enough of it for all things, and when conversation is in order, let eating be suspended. Exciting topics may be banished without excluding those which have an exhilarating interest. – By Eliza Lavin, 1889

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institure of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soup Etiquette for Mustaches, Beards

"There is no worthier accomplishment for a man with a moustache than to take soup in an inoffensive manner… and by no means should the moustache be used to strain the soup." Cornelia Dobbs’ 1908 "Guide to Manners"

Example of a U.K. made, all silver moustache spoon, c 1880s ~ English author and poet, Rudyard Kipling once wrote of a woman who had complained that being kissed by a man who'd not wax his mustache was like "eating an egg without salt".

Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, mustaches were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era.

Russian Tzar Nikolas II

                                                 

A few weeks before he was elected President, Lincoln received a letter from Grace Bedell, an 11-year-old girl from Westfield, New York, who urged him to grow a beard to help him get elected, to improve his appearance. In Lincoln's response of October 19, he gave no promises, but a month later allowed his beard to grow. By the time Lincoln left his Illinois home to start his inaugural journey to Washington, D.C., he wore a full beard. The trip took him by rail through New York state, stopping briefly in Westfield on February 16. Once at the train station, he called into the crowd for Grace. A small boy, mounted on a post, with his mouth and eyes both wide open, cried out, "there she is, Mr. Lincoln," pointing to a beautiful girl, with black eyes, who was blushing all over her fair face. The President left the car, and the crowd making way for him, he reached her, and gave her several hearty kisses, and amid the yells of delight from the excited crowd, he bade her good-bye. From news accounts of February 20, 1861

U.S. President Grover Cleveland

A British "Improved" Moustache Spoon, in 1879, by T.P. Lomas

Great Britain's King Edward VII

U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt

In the late 1800s and early 1900s, dining etiquette dictated that one have the correct utensils and other accoutrements at the dining table to be fashionable.  Men with food in their mustaches were not fashionable in the least, so spoons and guards were invented for them. 

Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, along with beards, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, they were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era. In following "beard etiquette," don't trim your beard too closely to your face. Do not allow it to move wildly down your neck either. Find the style that suits you best by asking those who you are closest to and whose opinions you trust.
         

A beard softener patented in 1918 ~ "The beard should be carefully and frequently washed, well trimmed, and well combed, and the hair and whiskers kept scrupulously clean by the help of clean, stiff hair-brushes, and soap and warm water. The style of the beard should be adapted to the form of the face; but any affectation in the cut of the beard and whiskers is very objectionable, and augurs unmitigated vanity in the wearer. Long hair is never indulged in except by painters and fiddlers. The moustache should be worn neat, and not overlarge." From Frost's By-Laws of American Society

Though mustaches and beards have made comebacks over the years, everything for mustaches except for mustache cups, seemed to fall out of favor until the 1970s.  Still, the inventions to hold a man's mustache up while he ate or drank, and their explanations, or descriptions, never fail to amuse.

"The object of my invention is twofold this first, to provide a detachable and easily applied protector for the moustache in the shape of a tubular case, in which it may be enclosed, that's keeping the ends and tips out of the mouth while eating; second, to so construct the said protector as to render it useful when properly applied for the purpose of training the moustache in an upward direction towards the ears, thereby imparting to the face a gay and pleasant expression." Inventor, V. M. Law

Soup Etiquette

"Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache is better for the health." ~Salvador Dali

“Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.” John H. Young , “Our Deportment” 1879

“It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. The reason for not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner-party is, because by doing so you keep three parts of the company staring at you whilst waiting for the second course, which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing constitutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, and is consequently often done.

"It will consequently be seen that the user of my adjuster may conveniently at mealtime drink tea or soup or other similar beverages without having his mustache dripping and looking very disgusting as it is very common with gentlemen burdened with excessive growth of hair on the upper lip." J.J. McCallum 

You will sip your soup as quietly as possible from the side of the spoon, and you, of course, will not commit the vulgarity of blowing in it, or trying to cool it, after it is in your mouth, by drawing in an unusual quantity of air, for by so doing you would be sure to annoy, if you did not turn the stomach of the lady or gentleman next to you. 

Be careful and do not touch either your knife or your fork until after you have finished eating your soup. Leave your spoon in your soup plate, that the servant may remove them.”Arthur Martine, from “Martine's Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness” 1866

“Never blow your soup if it is too hot, but wait until it cools. Never raise your plate to your lips, but eat with your spoon.”

Cecil B. Hartley “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness"

“In taking any liquid either from a spoon or drinking vessel, no noise must ever be made.” Emily Post, 1922

Reed and Barton reissued these left-handed and right-handed mustache spoons for men in the 1970s, when mustaches made a comeback.

“Push your soup spoon from the front of the bowl away from you to catch a mouthful. Bring this to your mouth and tip the soup in from the side of the spoon; don't try eating with your spoon at 90 degrees to your mouth. Don't suck or slurp. Tilt the bowl away from you in order to get the last few spoonfuls. Put your spoon down while you break off pieces of bread. Leave your spoon in the bowl, not on the side plate, when you have finished." Debrett's

The earliest U.S. patented mustache spoon ~ "The cover by covering the greater portion of the bowl what is being brought to the mouth, obviates all liability of spilling the soup, medicine, or other liquid, and furthermore, prevents the mustache, when such as worn by the person using the spoon, from coming in contact with and being soiled by the contents of the spoon, such contents being passed into the mouth through the space or opening at 'b', at the outer and or side portion of the bowl."

An 1879 Mustache "Cup and Glass" ~ "The cinema villain essentially needs a mustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan."~ Mel Brooks

“Thick soup served in a soup dish is eaten with the soup spoon. If you want to get the last bit of it, there is no impropriety in tipping the dish away from you in order to collect it at the edge. Indeed you are paying a subtle compliment to your hostess by this demonstrating how good it is. Drink thin soups and bouillons served in cups, as you would tea or coffee, ;but if there are vegetables or noodles left in the bottom, eat them with the spoon, rather than struggle unattractively to make them slide from the cup into your mouth." Book of Common Sense Etiquette, 1962 

“The Handled Soup or Bouillon Cup. Soup or bouillon served in a handled cup or even in a small cup-size bowl (Oriental fashion) is drunk. If there are dumplings or decorative vegetables or other garnish floating on top, these may be lifted out first with the spoon before the soup is drunk. Noodles or other things which may be in the bottom of the cup are spooned up after the liquid has been drunk. How to hold cups. A handled cup is held with the index finger through the handle, the thumb just above it to support the grip, and the second finger below the handle for added security. The little finger should follow the curve of the other fingers and not be elevated affectedly. It is incorrect to cradle the cup in one's fingers if it has a handle. This is done only when the cup is of Oriental style without handles." Amy Vanderbilt

By far, the "Moustache Guard," shown above, is a personal favorite of ours ~ "To all whom it may concern: Be at known that I, Virgil A Gates, of Charleston in the County of Kanawha in the state of West Virginia, have invented a new and improved device for holding the mustache out of the way in eating or drinking, which is fully described in the following specification in which I call a 'Mustache Shield.' Every gentleman who wears a moustache must have experienced the great inconvenience it causes in eating and drinking, especially in eating soups and other kinds of food of similar consistency."

Above, an 1877 mustache cover for cups.  below, a traditional porcelain mustache cup with a sterling mustache comb.

Thanks to our contributors Demita Usher of “Social Graces and Savoir Faire,” Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, and Antoinette of “Etiquette Facts”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia