Etiquette for 2025, from 1938

“What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences? It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.”  – This applies equally to vain and conceited young women, as well!

Modern Etiquette

Q. Is it good manners for a guest to comment on the food served in a friend’s home?
A. Yes, provided she can say how delicious it is, or praise some particular dish that she knows her hostess takes pride in. It is of course very rude for a guest to say, “I have never cared for salads,” or, “I do not like lemon pie.”

Q. What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences?
A. It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.

Q. How does a caller dispose of wraps?
A. A woman retains her wrap, hat and gloves: a man leaves his overcoat, hat and gloves in the hall.

– By Roberta Lee, Calexico Chronicle, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

On Charm Not “Being Enough”

Planning one’s appropriate weekend getaway clothing to pack is one of many subjects covered in etiquette and charm school books of the 1950’s and 1960’s

On one’s charm and manners– Four points to round off the whole

1. GROOMING, MAKE-UP AND HAIR-DOS. 

Never be casual about personal grooming, however casual the outfit and the occasion. The fashion model photographed in sports wear has paid as much attention to her make-up, hair-do, accessories and general tidiness as if she were wearing full evening dress. Nevertheless, for casual occasions, keep in mind that anything elaborate will be out of place.

2. HATS. 

If you belong to the hatless brigade, this is all right up to a point. More and more women wear less and less hats-and this is an accepted trend, but a hat for a church service, or for a wedding, is still considered a 'must'.

3. SPECIAL CEREMONIES, ACCEPTING AWARDS, ETC…

Find out well ahead everything to do with your part, particularly about the moment of receiving a prize or an award. Are you to curtsy, bob, or just shake hands? Will there be a platform to negotiate? Get information ahead about suitable outfits, especially as to whether you should, or should not, wear hat and gloves. Your preparation in all these little matters, your 'visualization' ahead of the event, will help to ensure your confidence in what, after all, is likely to be a conspicuous moment in your life.

4. GIVE AND TAKE. 

Of course you expect to enjoy yourself enormously during all your leisure activities. If by now you have trained yourself to be observant, I hope that you would be quick to spot the odd person who may look a little out of things-and that you would feel it your job to do something about her or him. – From “Charm is Not Enough,” by Mary Young, 1965

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and The Lover's Secretary

                                              

“The significance of the varied wearing and handling of the sombrero” is actually the etiquette and significance of any hat. The word “sombrero” translates to “hat” in English. “Cachucha” is the Spanish word for “cap,” as in “baseball” or “trucker’s cap.” “Gorro” is also a Spanish word for “hat.”

The “Lover’s Secretary”

or

“Mexican Lover” Guide 

There is on sale everywhere, and in universal use, a cheaply printed little pamphlet entitled “El Secretario de los Amantes.” It is the guide and handbook of lovers. It contains the language of flowers, the significance of the varied wearing and handling of the sombrero, the language of fan, the language of fruits, the meanings of the varied use of the handkerchief, emblems in designating the hours of day and night in making appointments, the use of the numerals in cipher writing, several short chapters on the conduct of a love affair, and the deaf mute alphabet for one hand. This literary gem seems to be more studied than any other in the republic. —Napa Weekly, 1888

This 19th century etiquette book from a Mexico is filled with numerous chapters denoting the languages of colors, fruits, flowers, handkerchiefs, hats, etc..., as well as a handy code for sending secret messages to a lover.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Cockades

Prince Charles Edward Stuart wearing a cockade – A cockade was pinned on both the side of a man's tricorne or ‘cocked hat,’ or on his lapel. Women could also wear it on their hat or in their hair. In pre-revolutionary France, the cockade of the Bourbon Dynasty was all white. In Great Britain, supporters of a Jacobite restoration wore white cockades, while the recently established Hanoverian Monarchy used a black cockade. In the 18th and 19th centuries, coloured cockades were worn throughout Europe, to show the allegiance of their wearers to some political faction, their rank, or as part of a servant's livery. Military uniforms used cockades as well.

Origins and Etiquette of “Cockade” Under Inquiry 

The origin of the cockade is still under investigation in the columns of the Justice of the Peace. 

A correspondent cites the Clarendon Press Dictionary, which gives “Cockade” : A corruption of cockard, a. F. cockarde, derivation of Coc-Cock according to Littre, so called from the cock's comb. But the first appearance of the word is in Rabelais, in the phrase ‘bonnet a la coquarde,’ explained by Cotgrave (1611) as a ‘Spanish cap, or fashion of bonnet, used by the most substantial men of yore; also any bonnet or cap worn proudly, or peartly on the one side.’ 

Here, coquarde appears to be the feminine of coquard: adj. ‘foolishly proud, saucy... malapert, as such a malapert cockscomb’ as a ribbon, knot of ribbons, rosette, or the like, worn in the hat as a badge of office or party, or as part of a livery dress. The cockade worn in the hat by coachmen and livery servants of persons serving under the Crown, is a rosette of black leather, originally a distinctive badge of the House of Hanover, as the white cockade was of the House of  Stuart and its adherents.” 

Then follows a reference to the use of the word at various dates from 1160 to 1846. It is worn, as all know, by livery servants of persons serving under the Crown, but not necessarily all such persons, and the particular persons so serving must be ascertained by long established custom. No doubt many persons, for some obscure reason not easily understood, unless they be “foolishly proud, saucy, or malapert,” now and again assume the badge whom “etiquette” does not acknowledge as entitled to the privilege. – San Francisco Call, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Era Dress Etiquette

Flowers and frills are out of place in an office or about the streets in the morning. A tailored coat and skirt, with a plain hat and a neat shirt blouse always look well and convey the impression that you are a good woman of business.

The Etiquette of Dress

“I DON'T know what to put on for this occasion. I wish I knew what the other people will be wearing!” says many a puzzled girl as she overhauls her wardrobe with a view to making herself look as nice as possible for some social or business event. 

For dinner at a private house it is correct to wear evening dress, unless your hostess has given you a hint to the contrary. Perhaps she has said in her invitation, “Don’t dress,” and in that case you will wear a pretty, light blouse, or a dainty afternoon frock. But if she has said nothing, you should wear evening dress and gloves, unless you happen to know that the dinner is quite a family matter, in which case the gloves may be dispensed with. 

For a theater or concert, you should wear a stylish gown, cut high or low, as you wish, an evening cloak, gloves and no hat. Hats are occasionally worn in theaters, but unless they are very elaborate ones, they do not look well, and in any case they are apt to prove troublesome. The same costume is correct for a bridge party, an evening “at home” or a dinner at a restaurant. 

For a dance, wear the prettiest low-necked evening dress that you possess, with jewels or flowers. For a wedding an up-to-date afternoon toilette, with a long skirt and a pretty hat, is the correct thing. The same costume is correct for an afternoon “at home,” an afternoon bridge party or a garden party. For a call, a nice walking suit looks best. A rather elaborate coat and skirt, with a stylish hat and a dainty blouse, is always safe to choose. When paying a first call be particular about your dress or your hostess, who does not know you, is likely to think that you regard her as unworthy of consideration. 

For a morning call or business interview let all your dress be as neat and plain as possible. Flowers and frills are out of place in an office or about the streets in the morning. A tailored coat and skirt, with a plain hat and a neat shirt blouse always look well and convey the impression that you are a good woman of business. — Los Angeles Herald, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Women's Hat Etiquette

The Fair Hat —  Etiquette has not yet asked ladies to tip those dainty little creations, all lace and feathers, nor yet the towering flower gardens that are the bane of our theaters. The hat that girls tip is a special headgear, warranted to be put on and taken off easily, and to stand wear and tear. 

Ladies Now Tipping Hats

**************

It is the fashion now for girls to tip their hats by way of salutation. The New York damsels were the first who had the courage to expose their precious bangs to tbe elements whenever they met a friend, then the Chicago girls followed their example, but the fashion was started on the Pacific coast, and the hats that are worn to be tipped by ladies, are the invention of a San Francisco firm and Los Angeles milliners are now busy trimming them for the many purchasers.

Etiquette has not yet asked ladies to tip those dainty little creations, all lace and feathers, nor yet the towering flower gardens that are the bane of our theaters. The hat that girls tip is a special headgear, warranted to be put on and taken off easily, and to stand wear and tear. It was patented by a San Francisco firm, so that for once we can claim the glory of having dictated fashion to the effete east. Untrimmed, the hat looks a sort of cross between a cook's cap, dyed black  and a man-of-wars-man's hat. It is only when examined conscientiously that its entire originality is discovered. 

Upon a circular band of straw, an inch and a half in depth, is posed a plate of fine chip straw about 10 inches in diameter. The front of the band is pleasingly ornamented with a strong peak of glased leather, which can be firmly grasped and used to raise the hat, without any injury to the entire construction. The hat has quite a rakish appearance when trimmed. This is usually done by encircling the band of straw with ribbon and velvet and gracefully tilting up one side of the brim, with flowers or a plume of feathers. It is called “The Fair Hat,” and predominates at the World's Fair. 

The hats are in two styles, trimmed and plain, and are so arranged, that they may be doffed at will. As yet they are new in Los Angeles, but before many days days it is safe to predict they will be seen in great numbers along the public thoroughfares. It will now be the proper thing when a young lady meets a gentleman friend to return his “doff.” Several of the society girls are practicing in private that they may perform the feat in public with proper grace. — Los Angeles Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Korean Hat Etiquette

It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. 

KOREA — LAND OF QUEER HATS

Odd Custom That Still Prevails That Only Married Men Must Wear Headgear

In Korea, the period of mourning for a parent or grandparent is three years. For the Empress, the mourning period extended over five years. When abroad, the mourner is expected to go with his head bent down, and to draw his hat as far as possible over his face. Where the white gauze hat wasn’t available, the etiquette of mourning was observed by wearing the black one with a great patch of white paper pasted over the crown. 

The gauze and horsehair hats ordinarily worn are tied under the chin by means of ribbons or stripes of cloth. The Korean gentleman is extremely particular about this. It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. In Korea until a man marries, never mind how old he is, he is looked upon as a boy, and entitled only to the boy's privileges. The two chief privileges denied him are the arranging of his hair in the top-knot and the wearing of a hat. 

While he is a "boy” he must wear his hair in a plait hanging down his back, and go bare-headed even on the streets. But as early marriages prevail in Korea, and there are numerous hoys at the beginning of their teens who have become husbands, it is seldom that a grown man bare-headed is seen on the streets in Korea. 

It is considered in accord with Korean etiquette for men to wear their hats in the house. A missionary tells how each Sunday, during the hour of worship, he looks out over a forest of hats, ‘‘horsehair coronets, mourning caps, mushroom, bowl, and umbrella shapes,” all on the heads of the male members of the congregation; for in Korea, except in rare cases, the women are hatless. — Sausalito News, 1924

🎩Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Women's Hats

When Women Should Remove Their Hats 

It may obscure her own view! “If there is any doubt about a hat obscuring someone's view at the theater, the movies, or a meeting, a woman should remove it promptly.”

In the country, when hats are worn at all by women, they may be removed with coats if desired. It is usual at house Christenings, weddings, and funerals to treat the house, for the occasion, as if it were a house of worship and for women to keep their hats on. This, however, is not technically necessary, either for guests or for the woman of the household. 

At garden parties or garden weddings it is purely a matter of preference whether a woman, who has been shown to a cloak room first, decides to remove her hat or leave it on as an important part of her costume. 

In town at formal receptions, teas, luncheons, and meetings women guests usually keep hats on if they have worn them. However, except perhaps at the home of an elderly and very conservative woman, on such an occasion the lack of a hat would not be in any way remarked these days. 

In fact, even at formal luncheons the modern hostess often suggests that guests leave their hats with their coats, if they wish. Certainly if most of the women at such an affair are hatless, one or two women who cling to the older convention in the matter will seem inelastic, to say the least. 

Hats worn with dinner suits or dinner dresses are intended to remain in place throughout the evening and are usually tiny enough not to obstruct the view of those behind one in the theater. If there is any doubt about a hat obscuring someone's view at the theater, the movies, or a meeting, a woman should remove it promptly. If she's asked to remove it by someone having difficulty seeing beyond her, she should do it immediately with murmured apologies. – From Amy Vanderbilt's 1952 "Complete Book of Etiquette"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. Etiquette for Elevators or Lifts

Art deco design of the Empire State Building elevator door.

"When a man passes a lady on a staircase, in the corridor of a hotel, in the elevator of a private apartment house, or in the public rooms of a hotel, he lifts his hat although she may be a stranger. This rule does not prevail on the staircases and in the corridors of office buildings, with the exception, perhaps, of banks and such offices as people of wealth frequent; for a new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." From Edith Ordwy's "Etiquette of To-Day" 1918

"A new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." Dr. Meredith Grey is lost in the hospital.

"Authorities are divided on the subject of elevator etiquette, some denouncing in round terms the man who is so rude as to keep his hat on in an elevator where there are ladies; arguing that the elevator is a "little room," an "interior," not a thoroughfare. Others are equally emphatic in asserting that the elevator is a thoroughfare, merely; and that hats are not to be removed, except under the same conditions that would call for their removal in the street – as the greeting of acquaintances, or the exchange of civilities. 

The good sense of this view is apparent. A hat held in the hand in a crowded elevator is sure to be in the way, and liable to be crushed. A gentleman who wishes to compromise between stolid ignoring of the ladies who are strangers, and superfluous recognition of their presence, may lift his hat and replace it immediately, when a lady enters the elevator, or when he enters an elevator where ladies already are. Such a courtesy differs from a greeting in this: a stranger offering this elevator civility does not look at the lady, nor does he bend his head; and his lifted hat is an impersonal tribute to the sex. 

A lady makes no response to such a courtesy; yet there is in her general bearing a subtle something, hard to describe, but which every gentleman will readily recognize, that shows whether or not she observes and appreciates his little act of deference. The atmosphere of good manners may be as invisible as the air about us; but we know when we are breathing it." From "Etiquette" by Agnes H. Morton, 1919

"A gentleman takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house. This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man's hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting himself to be crowded too near to them." From "Etiquette" Emily Post, 1922

Original lift door from Selfridge's in London.

"In one of the oldest banks in New York each boy who enters is given a few days' intensive training by a gentleman chosen for the purpose. The instructor stresses the fundamentals of character and, above all things, going in front of a person when there is room to go around him, not pushing into an elevator ahead of every common sense. Courtesy is rarely discussed as a separate quality but simple instructions are given about not one else, not speaking to a man at a desk until he has signified that he is ready, and about sustaining quiet and orderly behavior everywhere. The atmosphere in the bank is the kind that encourages gentlemanly conduct and the new boys either fall in with it or else get out and go somewhere else." From The Book of Business Etiquette 1922, Author Unknown

Is he expecting a dollar or a quarter?

On Tipping the "Elevator Starter"
"A long-time guest in a hotel usually tips the elevator starter fifty cents or more on leaving if he has been helpful and another quarter or more to elevator men who have served him. A resident in a hotel tips the elevator men regularly serving him a dollar a month approximately and remembers the starter, too, at regular intervals." From 1957's "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette"

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia