Etiquette of Veggies, Sweets, Etc…

As regards sweets, compôtes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so. Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork. As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties.

When large potatoes are served in their skins a salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them.

When asparagus first comes into season it is often given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either.

In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork.

Seakale also is given in the second course when first in season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.

Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.

It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well-bred men.

Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel; but at dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes.

Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use.

As regards sweets, compôtes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so.

Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork.

As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties.— From “Manners and Rules of Good Society, or Solecisms to be Avoided, by a Member of the Aristocracy,” 1918

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cheese Course Etiquette

Antique flatware and serving ware for cheeses and butter, including a large Stilton scoop with a “French ivory” handle – The technical reason for not cutting off the nose or as the French call it, the point of the Brie or any soft cheese in a wheel shape, is so that every part of the cheese can be savoured. With a wedge piece cut from the centre of the cheese one can taste the squidgy soft centre, the firmer “shoulder” and the soft rind. But the real reason is so that other guests may also enjoy the soft squidgy centre too, not just one person who by hogging the nose behaves with selfish disregard for the other guests.

The great debate of when to serve cheese baffles many a hostess. Before pudding or after? The French do it before the British tend to do it after. Now a days it is quite usual to see cheese and pudding on the table at the same time. If the side plate and knife are cleared after the main course and the cutlery at the top of the place setting also has a knife you can use this for cheese along with a clean plate and a finger bowl, which should be brought to the table for those who want cheese and dessert (dessert being fruit and sweetmeats) apart from grand dinners*, I think most people today leave the side plates and knives and use them for cheese. * Grand dinners don’t tend to have a cheese course – they might have a savoury.

One never knows just how much notice our children take of what we say until the situation arises. I well remember my eldest daughter, who would have been around 9 or 10, reprimanding her Granny who knew only too well NOT to cut the “nose” or “point” of the Brie off! (It is also my experience that the better bred the person the less likely they are to stick to convention; the rules surely don’t apply to them!) Of course, Granny just continued eating and smiling and a litany of why and how from my daughter followed once Granny had gone.

The technical reason for not cutting off the nose or as the French call it, the point of the Brie or any soft cheese in a wheel shape, is so that every part of the cheese can be savoured. With a wedge piece cut from the centre of the cheese one can taste the squidgy soft centre, the firmer “shoulder” and the soft rind. But the real reason is so that other guests may also enjoy the soft squidgy centre too, not just one person who by hogging the nose behaves with selfish disregard for the other guests. Rant over!

Building a cheese board to compliment the menu is a matter of personal taste and I would suggest you speak with your cheese monger who will be able to guide you. I tend to serve Brie, a mature cheddar, a local cheese, and a blue cheese with crisp Bath Oliver biscuits. Butter is another trap waiting for the unsuspecting hostess – it would be very welcome but may be frowned upon by some. I serve celery in a celery vase. Tip: always peel the bottom of the celery, no one likes the tough stringy bits and leave the leaves intact. 

Dates or figs in season, walnuts and quince cheese are popular additions. If I serve grapes, I put them in a grape basket and always lay the grape shears alongside – silver grape shears or scissors are fun to collect and if you are stuck at what to get for Christmas keep a keen eye out, you can never have too many. I have a mahogany cheese coaster that I confess I use for fruit and flowers as a truckle of Stilton would run to the maggoty stage at any other time of year other than Christmas when we do have a small truckle. 

Beautiful Stilton scoops can also be collected and should be used with a truckle of Stilton. Please don’t pour Port into the Stilton. If you do serve Port the etiquette is for the decanter to be placed in front of the host then the host serves the man (or woman) on his right, serves himself then passes it to his left. Port always moves to the left. If the Port gets “stuck” it is the host’s job to ask the person closest to the decanter if he knows the Bishop of Norwich? Which is code for pass the port!– From The Cheese Course, by Amy Willcock copyright 2023 reproduced with permission only

Author Amy Willcock is our newest contributor. Amy was the Best in Show Winner for the Etiquette Community in our 2nd Annual Etiquipedia Place Setting Competition. She is most well known for her books on AGA Stove cooking. Her books, "The Aga Bible," "Aga Cooking," "Aga Seasons," "Amy Willcock's Aga Baking," "Amy Willcock's Aga Know-How,"" At Home with Amy Willcock," and "B&B Know-How” are available on Amazon.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia