Old Scottish Marriage Customs

On Gretna Green and “Red Hot Marriages” : Runaway marriages were once a staple of English fiction. Readers of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” will remember how distressed the Bennets were to find that Lydia, their flighty daughter, had not gone to Gretna Green with militia officer George Wickham, but much more socially disastrous for the family, was living with the scoundrel in London! 

Historically couples married in the ancient tradition of a 
'handfasting' ceremony, or 'marriage by declaration,' which was law in Scotland until as recently as 1940.  This simple ceremony enabled couples to marry by declaring in front of two witnesses their wish to be husband and wife, then and they were legally bound. Gretna Green became famous for these ceremonies following the 1754 Marriage Act, which outlawed clandestine marriages in England. Lord Hardwicke, the English law lord who introduced this law, was determined to quash the desires of young couples from becoming husband and wife through this 'quickie' ceremony.

Scotland was famous for its distinctive marriage arrangements, which owed much to pre-Reformation canon law, and were based on principles of mutual consent rather than religious ceremony. Both 'regular' and 'irregular' marriages were recognised by the law. A 'regular' church marriage, requiring marriage banns to be read in the church some weeks in advance, was the usual practice, and from 1834 'priests and ministers not of the established church' were also allowed to conduct legal marriage ceremonies. In Scotland, regular marriages did not have to take place within a church building; indeed, they were more likely to take place in private homes. Even so, at first sight, Scotland's system seemed more religious in practice than England's, because civil ceremonies in a register office were not possible until after an Act of Parliament in 1939.

But Scotland's fame for distinctive marriage practices stemmed from 'irregular' marriages. There were three ways of forming a legal marriage without banns or a minister being present.

1. A couple were legally married if they declared themselves to be so in front of witnesses, regardless of whether this was followed by a sexual connection. Marriage contracted in this way without witnesses was also legal, but much harder to prove in court unless there was other evidence, such as letters that confirmed what the couple had done.
2. A promise of marriage, followed by a sexual relationship, was regarded as a legal marriage - but this had to be backed up by some kind of proof, such as a written promise of marriage, or an oath sworn before witnesses.
3. Marriages 'by habit and repute' were also legal if a couple usually presented themselves in public as husband and wife, even if no formal declaration of marriage was made.

Irregular marriages were frowned on by law and the churches, and couples who admitted to them were fined, but they had the same inheritance rights as regularly married couples, and their children were legitimate. Although the Church of Scotland did not approve of irregular marriages, it tolerated them because it feared that if the law did not recognize such relationships, the couple would end up 'living in sin.' The system was believed to protect women from unscrupulous men who might seduce them with promises of marriage or fake wedding ceremonies. After registration was introduced, an irregular marriage could be registered if the couple presented themselves before a sheriff or magistrate, were 'convicted' as parties to an irregular marriage, and paid a fine. Some found it quicker and cheaper to have their irregular marriage entered in the schedules by the registrar under sheriff's warrant than to go through the expense of banns and a regular marriage ceremony. Marriages established in court by a Decree of Declarator could also be registered, on production to the registrar of an extract of the Decree and payment of £1, but this was not common. In fact, irregular marriages notified to the registrar were infrequent in Scotland in the mid-nineteenth century, and fewer than 100 per year took place between 1855 and 1870. After that, the numbers rose steadily, and then rapidly in the early twentieth century, until they accounted for over 12% of all Scottish marriages in the registers in 1914. They remained at this level until the Second World War. 

Contrary to the national myth, most took place not on the Scottish border, but in the larger towns. This may have been due to a decline in the influence of the churches, or to the relative cheapness of 'irregular' marriages, but it also reflected the growing number of divorces. Since many churches would not remarry a divorced person, and civil marriage was not possible in Scotland, couples in this position had no alternative but to marry by sheriff's warrant. Although so-called 'irregular' marriage by sheriff's warrant technically attracted a 'fine' until the law was changed in 1916, it was becoming a more frequent legal alternative to a church ceremony. In 1939, marriage registered by sheriff's warrant ended, and it was possible, as in England, to marry by a civil ceremony in the registrar's office. Legal textbooks described all types of marriage outside the churches as 'irregular' until the early twentieth century, but, given the rise in numbers of marriage through sheriff's warrant, the public no longer saw anything irregular in the proceedings.-  An excerpt from the University of Glasgow

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Scottish Courtship

 “In the lower grades of society it may be supposed that courtship is equally delightful, but appearances are decidedly against it. There is nothing approaching restraint in the code of etiquette here.” 

 Pictured above–– “Married for the Money” from Belgravia Magazine. 

In Scotland it is difficult for a man to draw the line between courtship and a connubial condition. That which in the Englishman is but a flirtation would become in the Scotchman rank matrimony. Most people in Scotland are married, but they are not aware of the fact, as Monsier Jourdain did not know that he had been talking prose all his life; the distinction is drawn when they do so become aware, and then the marriage is avowed. In Wales, courtship takes a material form — among the humbler classes at least — and resolves itself into what we call romping. 

In England there are different ways of doing the same thing. When Lady Clara Vere de Vere was a pretender in her own rank of life (and she has not always trifled with the “foolish yeoman” of Tennyson's poem), the arrangements between the pair were conducted with reference to a certain degree of etiquette; but etiquette does not rule entirety, and the Lady Claras have the same tendencies to make tbe most of the situation us ladies and gentlemen who are not quite her equals in rank. She is not restrained to the same extent she would be in France; and it is hard if in the course of walks, drives and dances, croquet, cantering, exhibition-seeing, picnicking, and all the various incidents of town and country life, the pair do not manage to meet some seven days in the week, and to give the chaperone now and then the go-by. 

In the lower grades of society it may be supposed that courtship is equally delightful, but appearances are decidedly against it. There is nothing approaching restraint in the code of etiquette here. When Miss Jemima Higgs  has “her young man,” and he is on such terms with her family as not to be turned out of doors, he may go to the house and take her out whenever he pleases, and no one dreams of interfering. Jemima is probably a presentable style of girl — girls of her class are far more so than they were, and especially dress better than they did, albeit in rather an exaggerated style — but her betrothed is decidedly rough. See him when he comes to take her out to walk in Battersea or Victoria Park, or it may be to go by the steamer to Greenwich, he is far from being on a par with her, either in manners or attire, especially if the latter be his holiday costume. 

He is tolerably sure, too, to have a pipe or a cigar in his mouth ; for this appendage, among certain classes of young men, seems to be considered a necessary part of fall dress. His talk is sad slang, and not over-refined. The girl goes off gaily with him, but one cannot help wondering at her taste, and the question inevitably occurs — what do they talk when they are alone? She has read a few novels, and picked up a certain vocabulary of sentiment ; but he cannot have an idea on this head, and his range of subjects must be a very narrow one— very different from the world of beautiful fancies open to Lady Clara Vere de Vere and the young “lord lover” who pays his homage at her shrine. It is not to be supposed that humble station and want of culture prevent people from loving as deeply as our aristocratic friends. 

The late Robert Brough, in a poetical version of a tale from Boccaccio, writes very prettily of a pair of lovers who sat together saving nothing, but simply “engaged in loving,” which, the writer adds, “is quite an occupation, I assure you in its way.” Jemima and “her young man,” doubtless bring all their tender instincts toward the “occupation” in question ; but it is sad to think she will express her regret at having to sit opposite him in the bus on their way home, and that when his words take an affectionate form they will connect her with the description of “old gal.” 

However, I am here writing of miserable cockneys. Village courtships must be very different affairs, or poets would not have glorified them as they have done, from the earliest period to the present time. I have my suspicions that rustic lovers are not always Damons and Philises ; but they are not likely to be without a certain rural simplicity, and are at least free from the slang of the town. The saddest kind of courtships must be those of couples who do not care about one another. It is easy enough to make people believe you love them less than you do, but very difficult to make them believe you love them more.— Belgravia, 1874

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia