Party Perfect Manners

Do not “play” with table favors or table decorations unless they are meant to be touched or played with.

Manners for Place Cards, Seating Arrangements, & other Party Topics

Hosts and Hostesses work hard to make sure their parties, special celebrations, weddings and wedding receptions are fun for everyone involved. In order not to ruin a special event or party there are rules that must be followed. Here are the most important:

• If there is a seating chart or seating arrangement, you must not complain about where you are asked to sit.
• You must be polite to everyone, not just your own friends and family.
• You must never move or switch place cards. People spend a lot of time planning where they would like their guests to sit. You may not know why someone has placed you in a particular seat. Do not ask why you are being asked to sit there. It is possible someone's feelings will get hurt if the host or hostess explains their reasons to you.
• Do not “play” with table favors or table decorations unless they are meant to be touched or played with.
• Do not grab at balloons or anything else decorative that might interest you. Balloons are for the enjoyment of everyone attending, not just you.
• Do not pick at the food before it is meant to be served. This is especially important for wedding cakes. Usually, the Bride and Groom are photographed cutting their cake. The photos would not look very nice if young guests have already had their fingers in the frosting.
• Try not to be an “attention hog.” Let the “Guest of Honor,” be the center of attention.
• If you happen to be the Guest of Honor, be gracious and make an effort to talk with each person at your party or celebration. It is impolite to exclude others when they have been invited to celebrate you.

Contributor Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.  She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. Along with teaching and giving talks on old flatware, she was an etiquette consultant for the first 2 seasons of the HBO – Julian Fellowes’ series, “The Gilded Age”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Polite Thanksgiving Guest - 12 Tips

Your cellphone should be set aside for face to face communication with others and taking occasional photos. Keep your phone out of sight unless it’s needed. If you get a personal call, step into another room or go outside to take the call.

Twelve Tips for Being a Welcome Thanksgiving Guest

1. Don’t enter a home asking for the television remote, video controller or the wifi password. You’re there to visit and socialize. Instead, greet your host &/or hostess and thank them for having you. 
2. Holidays already bring unexpected surprises. Never show up with an “extra” guest or friend in tow unless you’ve politely discussed the matter with your host/s.
3. If you are “bringing a dish,” and you know the host’s or hostess’s taste in tableware, bringing an actual dish with your food as a hostess gift is a thoughtful touch. Ex: Your sister collects old, blue and white transferware. You spot unique bowls she’d love online and on sale. Pick a pretty style for her to keep and bring your famous cranberry sauce in it, ready to serve. 
4. If you aren’t already helping out in the kitchen, ask what you can do to assist. Many hosts & hostesses don’t want help in the kitchen, but may need help in making sure guests’ glasses are on coasters, guests’ coats are hung up or that children aren’t underfoot. Some hosts and hostesses need help with setting the table. Offer to make yourself useful.
5. If your hosts have the big game on, parade or holiday marathon, go ahead and watch. Just don’t ignore others or let it monopolize your attention.
6. Your cellphone should be set aside for face to face communication with others and taking occasional photos. Keep your phone out of sight unless it’s needed. If you get a personal call, step into another room or go outside to take the call.
7. Ask where you should sit at the table, unless your host instructs you to, “sit anywhere.” If there are place cards, sit where the host/s have placed you. It is the rudest of gusts who will rearrange place cards at someone else’s table.
8. Never criticize the food or how it’s prepared. If you don’t care for something, simply pass on the dish, or pass it on to the next guest without comment.
9. Keep political opinions and other hot topics out of your conversation. Regardless of your passions or opinions, seasonal get-togethers are not the time for division, especially in someone else’s home.
10. Don’t expect to take home leftovers, even if it’s the norm in your family or circle. Food prices have skyrocketed the past few years and some families have started asking guests to chip in on the cost of the meal. Leftovers may only be up for grabs if you’ve contributed monetarily to the meal. 
11. Holidays can be a lonely time for people, even those attending large gatherings. Be polite and try to chat with anyone who looks like they need some kindness sent their way.
12. Don’t overstay your welcome and always thank your hosts when you leave.

Contributor Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.  She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. Along with teaching and giving talks on old flatware, she is an etiquette consultant for the HBO – Julian Fellowes’ series, “The Gilded Age”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Tent-Style Place Cards vs Flat

 

Place cards are used for seating arrangements and should never be tampered with if you want to be invited back. Hosts/Hostesses go to a lot of trouble and time to make sure the seating arrangements are proper and that everyone's tastes and feelings are accommodated. Sit where a place card has been set for you (the one with your name on it) and mingle with others you didn't sit with afterward.

Dear Maura:

What is the proper way to include a placecard at a formal table? Where is it placed? Is the name only written on one side of a “tent- style” card, or both sides? — K.E., Ontario

Dear K.E.:

The correct usage of place cards deals solely with the intent of the usage. If you are hosting an affair with people who do not know one another, tent-style cards are a wonderful way of letting one know which place at the table is his. Tent-style cards with a name written on both sides allows others at the table to not have to fumble to remember the names of those sitting nearby them.

Both sides of the card should have the name on them and the card should be placed above the place setting in clear view of other diners.

If your meal is a get-together of friends or family who all know one another, flat place cards can be placed at each setting, on the charger, service plate or place plate to signify where one is to sit. Tent cards can also be used.

And by no means should place-cards ever be removed or rearranged by guests. Protocol and etiquette dictate that certain people be seated at certain places. Hosts and hostesses going to the trouble of following the rules in those situations are to be commended. A guest should never take it upon himself to “improve” the seating arrangement. — By Maura Graber for Inland Empire Magazine, 1993

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia