Etiquette for Serving of Chinese Meals

In high-caste or Mandarin families, a servant has his place at the foot of the table, but he stands throughout the meal. -Image source, Pinterest

Considerable etiquette governs the manner of picking desired morsels from the main bowls, out of which all eat, using chopsticks. In high-caste or Mandarin families, a servant has his place at the foot of the table, but he stands throughout the meal.

It is his duty to serve at the table the portions from the main dishes to each individual, and to do what the host generally does for the other servants waiting on table take their orders from him, and he is really there as a sort of proxy for the host.– By Florence Austen Chase, 1929

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Bidding “Bon Voyage”

Should the gift be given on the boat, or would it be better to give it prior to their leaving?

Q. We are to bid “bon voyage” to friends who are leaving soon for Europe and I wish to know if a fancy box of chocolates, with a “bon voyage” card attached would be a suitable gift, as it is for ladies. Should the gift be given on the boat, or would it be better to give it prior to their leaving?

A. The box of chocolates would be quite all right for the parting gift. It may be given to the steward on the boat, with instructions to place it in their state room, or it may be given to them prior to their leaving, either of which would be correct. The former, perhaps, would afford the greater pleasure, since it would then be received after the excitement of saying “goodbyes” and leaving friends behind- and the surprise “done up in packages” in the state room would be more enjoy able.– By Florence Austin Chase, 1929

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Which Hand for Forks?

Where the course requires the use of the knife (the roast), the fork is held in the left hand while cutting, then the knife is laid on the plate...

Q. A friend and I, in discussing table etiquette, disputed about the correct use of the fork, when the knife is in use also. She considers the fork should always be taken by the right hand and I claim that, where the course requires the use of the knife, the fork should remain in the left hand. Of course, for salad, dessert, etc..., the fork is for the right hand. Kindly enlighten us.  

A. Where the course requires the use of the knife (the roast), the fork is held in the left hand while cutting, then the knife is laid on the plate, a little to the right, and the meat is eaten from the fork held in the right hand. — Florence Austin Chase, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1920s Dinner Party Manners

At dinner, host or guest, one can surely practice the little graces that represent good breeding. In offering the following suggestions, most of them will probably meet with inward exclamations of aggrieved protest from the readers, but yet they are the commonest errors and simplest corrections.
Photo source, Pinterest 

This is a busy world—too busy for the common courtesies at times. How often do we catch ourselves, after a real or fancied “break” in etiquette, hanging the full blame on the excuse of absent-mindedness. However, at dinner, host or guest, one can surely practice the little graces that represent good breeding. In offering the following suggestions, most of them will probably meet with inward exclamations of aggrieved protest from the readers, but yet they are the commonest errors and simplest corrections. Here are a few “don’ts”. 

• Do not sit with elbow on the table. 
• Do not toy with food or tuck the napkin under the chin or fold it when finishing eating in a public eating house. 
• Do not mash food with a fork or comment on food at a dinner party. 
• Do not stir liquids more than a second or two, and after using any of the silver for your food, knife or spoon, do not retain it in your hand, but lay it on the table. 
• Do not throw out elbows while eating and do not lounge slouchily in your chair. 
• Of course, following the party it is courteous to thank the hostess for her hospitality, but it is both awkward and unnecessary to repeat such to the host. 

It is one of the prettiest and most thoughtful of graces to rise when someone is taking leave of you, and in doing so lay the napkin on the table. As to the napkin itself, unfold just once when you take your place at table, and lay it lengthwise across your lap. If you expect to use it again, fold it when rising from your place after the meal. Sit erect at the table, keep your hands in your lap between courses and sit quietly. When eating use the fork with the right hand, and you may, without being accused of gluttony, partake of each course. Eat crackers broken in small bits, the same as bread, and the best table etiquette decries the habit of breaking crackers into the bowl when taking soup. 

When leaving the house after the party, it is correct to take leave of both host and hostess. Careful hostesses arrange chairs a slight distance from the table. It is more graceful and makes the matter of seating guests an easier affair. It is allowable to place the bread and butter on the plates except at dinners, when it should be passed as needed. Or a crisp dinner roll may be folded in the dinner napkin. The host should allow all guests to precede him from the dining room. The careful and thoughtful hostess will inform her guests, in an unobtrusive manner, whether or not the dinner is to be formal or the reverse. 

Since a dinner invitation is the highest compliment that can be paid a guest, it is the guest’s duty to repay the hostess by proper dressing for the occasion and assist in making things go smoothly. Whenever there is any doubt as to the best way to do a thing, it is wise to follow that which is the most natural, and that will almost invariably be proper etiquette. To be at ease is a great big step toward enjoying your own dinner, and making yourself agreeable to the company. Finally, when rising from your chair at table, leave it where it stands. This trifling data sounds absurdly simple, doesn’t it? Yet a review is bound to suggest some point or another that you may have forgotten.– Florence Austin Chase, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Table Etiquette Explained

“A visitor, who was sitting on the right of the host was seemingly very fond of the entree (mushroom timbales) and remarked that she preferred these lighter dishes to the more heavy roasts, whereupon the host asked the waitress to serve her with another timbale. The waitress, knowing there were no more in reserve, endeavored to appear as though she had forgotten the order. The man of the house, however, did not let the matter rest, but in rather a pompous fashion, again ordered the extra serving. He was much embarrassed when told that there were no more. The rule is a pretty safe one to follow, that as long as the mistress orders the meals and knows what is in the house, it is her prerogative to take the lead in such matters.” – Photo of a Mushroom Timbale from Pinterest

If the waitress is well trained, it is but rarely that she need be spoken to, as it is her affair to watch out if the water or butter or anything else is needed by anyone at the table. It is a pretty definite rule that no guest should ask the waitress for anything, but should address any such request to her hostess. An exception might be made to this rule in case such request would cause embarrassment; for instance, the waitress might have forgotten to place an extra knife or to pour any water; In this case it would then be all right to just whisper to the waitress as she passed near by rather than to call attention to the fact before the whole table. It is conceded that the mistress, not the man, of the house must give all commands and orders to the maid; otherwise, it might cause embarrassment, and misunderstanding. 

As an example, I recall an experience at a dinner at which X was a guest: A visitor, who was sitting on the right of the host was seemingly very fond of the entree (mushroom timbales) and remarked that she preferred these lighter dishes to the more heavy roasts, whereupon the host asked the waitress to serve her with another timbale. The waitress, knowing there were no more in reserve, endeavored to appear as though she had forgotten the order. The man of the house, however, did not let the matter rest, but in rather a pompous fashion, again ordered the extra serving. He was much embarrassed when told that there were no more. The rule is a pretty safe one to follow, that as long as the mistress orders the meals and knows what is in the house, it is her prerogative to take the lead in such matters. 

In houses where napkin rings are used, for family and house guests, napkins should be kept neat and folded and rolled into the ring at the end of the meal. It is usual for the guest at only one meal to place the napkin on the table without folding it. It is a nice custom for the waitress to stand back of and pull out the chair of the mistress of the house, but in some families where there are young sons it is well for them to be trained in this act of courtesy. If there is a woman guest, it is optional whether the waitress should do this or the host. I have been a frequent visitor in a charming home where there are five sons, and have been so interested in watching their little imitations of father’s table manners and small courtesies. Each son, in turn, was taught to pull out the chair for mother and render other small courtesies such as are the hall-mark of good home training. 

The boys and girls returning from boarding school are very apt to bring back with them table manners that are apparently necessary in dealing with a large group, one of them being the habit of holding the sugar bowl or salt-cellar in the hand while serving themselves. This should never be permitted in a private home, and this applies to any dish of any kind. Children away at school are very apt to be critical of the food they receive, and the habit often returns home with them. Any unfavorable comment on food at the table is, of course, not good form. Dinner table conversation should be interesting, avoiding any but the lightest discussion of serious subjects. If children are taught correct dinner table conversation and the simplest rules of table etiquette they, and their parents, will be saved many embarrassing moments. – By Florence Austin Chase, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette Explained

If salt is liked with celery or radishes, it should be placed on the bread and butter plate and the relish dipped in it as needed.– Photo source Instagram

There seems to be quite a difference of opinion as to the proper forms of etiquette for the table. Simplicity and the thing that seems easiest to do should be the guiding rule, but some customs have become fixed and are generally accepted in all civilized countries; therefore, it would seem wise to accept them, even though in some ways they may seem cumbersome. It is always correct to serve on the left of the diner because it is the only comfortable way for the right-handed person. It is the custom as well to remove dishes from the left side rather than from the right, which might seem easier. It has become so subconsciously grounded in everyone’s mind that the removing of plates is done always on the left side, that any divergence from this is bound to bring about collision with the right hand of the diner. 

The question is often asked how to remove fish bones and the pits of fruit from the mouth gracefully. It seems to me the most inconspicuous way is to push the bone or stone well forward with the tongue and gently remove it with the forefinger and thumb to the side of the plate. Prune pits and melon seeds naturally slip into the spoon held very close to the lips and are then placed noiselessly on the edge of the plate. The bread and butter plates are placed on the left of the large plate forward. If salt is liked with celery or radishes, it should be placed on the bread and butter plate and the relish dipped in it as needed. In case a salad is served with the main course, that is placed on the left also, but on a line with the larger plate. All beverages, are, of course, placed on the right. 

When the man of the house is doing the carving on the table and there is no maid to serve, it would seem easier to have the vegetables placed before the mistress. In many homes, the man of the house serves both meat and vegetables. This is, however, a matter of convenience and taste. If there is a maid and carving is done on the table, the hot plates are placed before the carver and the meat is served, the first going to the mistress of the house and the next to the guest of honor. When all the meat is served, the waitress will pass the vegetables, beginning with the hostess, the idea being that the hostess is the one who gives the signal to begin to eat. We used to be taught as children that it was bad form to begin eating the meat until all the vegetables were served, but this has been done away with by a good many people who prefer to eat their meat while it is hot rather than to wait until all the vegetables have been passed. But in all instances, the hostess gives the signal to begin to eat.  – By Florence Austin Chase, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia