Mid 20th C. Dinner Pary Etiquette

Two couples throw a dinner party and you attended… are you obliged to invite each of them to a dinner in return, even though you only know one of the couples?

 

 

Q. When two couples throw a large dinner party and you and your husband are included, are you obliged to invite each of them to dinner, even though you only know the one couple? L. G., Detroit, Mich. 

A. Yes. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you are obliged to extend hospitality to them in return. As a general rule, it's always better to extend an unnecessary invitation than to not extend a necessary one. When in doubt, invite.- By Maureen Eleva Reardon, 1974

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Mid 20th C. Correspondence Etiquette

Amy Vanderbilt was one of the most successful authorities on etiquette of the 20th century. Her books were published in many countries and languages, including the book above in Lithuanian.

Dear Miss Vanderbilt: Have times changed so much that “cordially” is now accepted as good form for the closing of a letter? In a 1938 edition of Emily Post's book I find the following: “Cordially” was coined no doubt to fill this need (an expression to fit sentiment more friendly than “sincerely” and less intimate than “affectionately”) but its condescension puts it in the category of all other offenses of pretentiousness, and in New York at least it is not used by people of best taste.

I continue to receive notes. signed “cordially,” which I do not appreciate. The latest is a thank-you note from a bride, which means a young person is condescending to a much older person. Perhaps a comment in your column would help. D. F., Baltimore

ETIQUETTE changes. I can assure you that in the best New York society the closing. “Cordially” is very frequently seen and is not considered in the least condescending. It is a little more friendly than “Sincerely” and has a little more swing than “Very truly yours” or even “Yours truly.” I use it under almost all circumstances in business and social correspondence, although of course in the latter I use affectionate terms as well.

Dear Miss Vanderbilt: In sending a social letter to a retired Admiral (rear or vice) is it necessary to use the prefix in social address? If you don't know whether an Admiral is vice or rear, is it tactful to give him the higher office (vice) in writing and will just Admiral do for social correspondence?

In listing such officers on club stationery, etc…, do you use the title followed by U.S.N. (Ret.) or merely Ret.? The “Ret.” is not used in the telephone book, but perhaps they don't use the prefix either. G. F., Philadelphia.

IN YOUR first question, it is not necessary to use the prefix in social address. On your second question, use the higher title. For social corre- spondence, Admiral will do without a prefix of any kind. The form to use on your last question is U.S.N. (Ret.). In a telephone listing, although the Ret. is not used, the prefix is. – By Amy Vanderbilt, United Feature Syndicate Inc., 1967

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Home Sewing

DON’T annoy the neighbors by running your sewing machine when others might be asleep. The newest model machines make very little noise, so you can safely sew without disturbing anyone. But if you have an old model machine, don’t use it in early hours if it’s old and noisy.

Sewing Etiquette Can Come Apart Easily

If you are one of the more than 50 million women who sew at home how is your home sewing etiquette? You may stitch up a dress in jig time, but does your temper come unzipped while you're doing it?

The company's home economist. Herthe Holt, offers these DO's and DON'Ts in a survey preview:

1. DON'T be a copycat. When you see a friend wearing a dress you like, don't copy it. There are plenty of patterns for new dresses. suits, coats. Try some of the newer ones and she may copy you.

2. DON'T fish for compliments when you wear the beautiful new outfit you made. You'll get them anvwav. Wait, then you can say those magic words. "Thanks, I made it myself." On the other hand. do accept compliments graciously. "I'm so glad you like it." sounds a lot better than "Oh, it's just a little thing I whipped up myself."

3. DON'T clutter the house with your home sewing projects. Plan out a neat work space for sewing and keep your sewing area organized. Have a foldaway area if you live in limited space. Set aside a sewing room if you're lucky enough to afford it.

4. DON'T annoy the neighbors by running your sewing machine when others might be asleep. The newest model machines make very little noise, so you can safely sew without disturbing anyone. But if you have an old model machine, don't use it in early hours if it's old and noisy.

5. DON'T give amateur lessons in home sewing. If a friend asks you to teach her how to sew, be realistic.

Among the DO'S:

1. DO remember that if your friend's ready-to-wear outfit cost double the amount that it might have cost you to stitch it up at home, you may lose a friend if you say so especially if you say so in front of the friend's husband. Many a domestic free- for-all has been caused by just such a chance remark.

2. DO be polite if the telephone rings in the middle of a sewing project. If you budget your sewing time (easy, an hour a day), the sewing project will wait a few minutes. The friendship you lose may not.

3. DO use your own sewing machine, vour own home sewing equipment. Borrowing can make you unpopular. Just remember that if your best friend has a sewing machine, she has it because she needs it. So rent one, buy one don't borrow one. 

4. DO invite friends in to visit while you're sewing. You don't have to be a home-sewing hermit to do a good job. Serve coffee. chat. It makes your sewing go faster. Besides, you may get some help.

5. DO give an occasional gift that you sewed yourself - and say so.– AP Newsfeatures, 1966 

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“New Etiquette” or Relaxed Etiquette?

The New Etiquette is shown at work in the breakfast setting above.–There appears to be a misunderstanding over the etiquette for formal multi-course meal entertaining and a million dollars. There is no such thing as “millionaire manners,” nor is there “high society” or “high class” etiquette. It is all simply knowing your etiquette and using your good manners.

 

Spare Your Hostess! 

...that will make it fun for everyone

DO YOU TRY to live in 1951 and keep up 1891 table etiquette? Are you still trying to entertain the way Grandma did? Still trotting out all the family silver and china, the fussy meals and the millionaire manners?

But suppose you don’t have Grandma’s leisure or “a girl to come in and help.” Do you end up, after the company is gone, leaning on the kitchen sink and shuddering at the thought of guests?

Well, there’s a new and smart way out. It's called the New Etiquette. Based sensibly on the fact that few 1951 homes have maids, it sees to it that the hostess enjoys her own parties.

The main requirements are the New Style Hostess (or Host) and the New Style Guest. Both should cut down work.

The keynotes are (1) dishes that can be thrown away, instead of cleaned, (2) food that needs less silverware, (3) table arrangements that let guests share with the serving, and (4) clean-up co-operation that lets all join in and have fun.

The New Etiquette is shown at work in the breakfast setting above. Please note that (1) Except for the coffee cups (without saucers), it uses new, non-tasting. plastic-lined paper plates and cups. (2) All food is presented in original containers, or in the cooking utensils. (3) All foods are grouped conveniently. (4) The paper napkins and easily sponged plastic cloth need not be laundered. Hosts and guests are on their own. Wash-up time will be a matter of seconds, not minutes.

Once you get the idea, the New Etiquette is simplicity itself. Here are some important pointers:

LUNCH, DINNER:

• Think of your menu in terms of the easiest service, with the main course served in one unit. Stews or casseroles are ideal. 
• Roasts, steaks, and chops can be served on the same platter as the vegetables. 
• Avoid putting silverware where it is not needed. With a little planning, the 82 pieces of silver and china often used to serve four people can be cut to 35. 
• If you have one, carry everything in on a tea-wagon.

COCKTAIL PARTIES:

• Don't make the canapés, or beyond the first round, mix the drinks yourself. 
• Arrange the makings for canapés. Let guests help themselves. 
• Bring liquor, ice, mixes, bar tools into the living room. 

PICNICS: 

• Let the guests dream up, and make, their own sandwiches.
• Take bread, butter, meats, cheeses, hard-boiled eggs, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery and lettuce.

MANNERS FOR GUESTS: 

• Especially on weekends, remember that your hosts are not your servants. Make your own bed. 
• Pitch in and help with the rest of the work. They'll be glad to have you back!

MANNERS FOR HOSTS: 

• If you expect guests to help with the work, keep it to a minimum and make it easy. 
• For clean-up after meals, label your kitchen shelves so that they'll know where things belong.– By Russell Wright for Oakland Tribune, 1951

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Cigar Smoking Etiquette

The gilded age was a time of beautiful and functional designs. Fifty-six years after this cigar tray was designed, women were doing their best to relegate the smoking of cigars to areas in which they approved, and the worried Cigar Institute of America had undertaken a campaign to placate the ladies. “It patriotically denies that a cigar stinks up clothing or a living room-smoke ring for smoke ring -any more than cigarets. But it gives these etiquette tips to cigar smokers who want to keep the little woman happy.”

Men Smoking More Cigars in Spite of Gals’ Protests

NEW YORK. (AP) - The cigar is sending up smoke signals of prosperity - amid some feminine cries of complaint. Last year 15,500,000 smokers in the United States did away with about 6,500,000,000 cigars. This June almost 430,000,000 cigars were released to the trade, 11 percent more than a year ago. But these figures bring small cheer to many women who persist in the strange delusion that a man who smokes cigars probably also takes opium and eats small children on the half shell.

Why? The cigar is as American as the hotdog. Since Christopher Columbus in 1492 saw his first native contentedly puffing away on a stogie, the cigar has enabled the poor man to feel like a king – and the king to feel as much at ease as the commoner. Yet the cigar smoker today is the victim of a widespread female conspiracy against him. If he lights up his Colorado Claro in an airplane, the stewardess flutters up like an angry butterfly. “Cigaret smoking only!” she says, ferrying away the offending hunk of weed. And the airline never refunds either the cigar or the price of a new one.

You stoke up in a friend’s house and what often happens? His wife throws open the windows, ties back the curtains, turns the fan on you and sits glaring with a baleful eye until you rub out the poor old cigar. My own wife for some years now has been trying to get me to join the C.A.A. - Cigar Addicts Anonymous. It does no good for me to remind her that she thinks Clark Gable packs terrific he-man glamour, and Gable smokes cigars.
“If you are going to try to compare yourself with Clark Gable,”says Frances, “let's start from scratch.”

Nor does it influence wives to point out that the Duke of Windsor, who did give up a kingdom for love, didn't forsake the fragrance of a good Havana. Why bother to cite other famous cigar lovers Winston Churchill or American Presidents like Grover Cleveland, Calvin Coolidge Theodore Roosevelt?

Wives just don't care. Can you calm their ire by reminding them that the American public rewarded Gen. Ulysses S. Grant with 11,000 cigars for capturing Fort Donelson? No, you can't. Remembering what happened to the fine old lost art of tobacco chewing, the worried Cigar Institute of America has undertaken a campaign to placate the ladies.

It patriotically denies that a cigar stinks up clothing or a living room-smoke ring for smoke ring -any more than cigarets. But it gives these etiquette tips to cigar smokers who want to keep the little woman happy:

• Look before you flick - for an ash on the tray is worth two on the vest. 
• Puff a good cigar gently. Laying a smoke screen may easily turn the puff that pleases into the cloud that chokes.
• Please no butts. A collection of unsightly butts parked promiscuously around the house will antagonize the most angelic wife.
• Don't chew the cigar or talk with a Perfecto clamped in the mouth. Cut the cigar with a sharp blade; don't bite off and spit out the end. And light it with a match that has burned off the sulphur. It helps keep the aroma.

There you are, men. Now light up - and watch your wife’s face beam in tender pride and understanding. To keep her happy there is one more thing you can do. Swallow the smoke. – By Hal Boyle, 1948

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Etiquette and Decor Advice 1940

Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

Good Taste

The picture on its walls will either make or mar your living room. If its general motif is to be gay or modern, do not adorn it with religious pictures. Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

For modernistic rooms, select modernistic pictures. For pictures with simple subjects - farm landscapes, peasants, etc… - select only simple frames. Court scenes or pictures of royalty in regal regalia look best in elaborate frames.

Where walls are light, pictures should be light and vice versa. Tall, narrow pictures and wide horizontal spaces require broad pictures. Hang the picture dominating your room so that its center of interest is at the level of your eye, if you are of average height.

Readers’ Questions Answered

Dear Miss Markel: As a recent bride, I am wondering how I should sign “thank you” notes and other letters John and Mary Smith or Mary and John Smith; also how should I sign my name- Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith?-M. S.


Answer- “Thank you” notes for wedding gifts should be signed by the bride, but in the body of the letter some reference should be made to the groom, thus: “John and I are simply thrilled with the lovely candlesticks you sent us.” When you sign your joint signatures, “Mary and John” is better. Your signature should be Mary Smith, omitting “Mrs.” You should, however, be addressed “Mrs. John Smith” and not “Mrs. Mary.”– Francine Markel, 1940

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BBQ Etiquette for 1968

According to Elizabeth Post in 1968, fine “meals carefully planned, well-prepared, and attractively served are an essential element of etiquette.”

Barbecuing Out of Doors 

Fine meals carefully planned, well-prepared, and attractively served are an essential element of etiquette. Those of you who plan to give outdoor parties, barbecues or picnics this summer would do well to chock your knowledge in the following quiz, and to get some suggestions to make your menus better.

1. The best choice of meat for a barbecue is a big thick steak. True or False?

2. Only dishes that can be prepared on the grill are correct for a barbecue. True or False?

3. Lamb or beef “kabobs” should be prepared in advance. True or False?

4. Corn on the cob may be cooked on the grill as well as boiled. True or False?

5. Hamburgers and hot dogs are not considered “fancy” enough for adult picnics. True or False?

6. Anyone can easily prepare a clambake. True or False? 

7. A keg of beer is a good way of serving a beverage at a cook-out. True or False?

8. Potatoes must be cooked in the kitchen and brought out when the barbecue is ready. True or False?

The correct answers contain some hints for you:

1. False. Steak is the most "common” choice, but there are many equally good or better. Try kabobs, spareribs swordfish, lamb steak, or whole stuffed bass or bluefish for variety. 

2. False. Vegetable or potato casseroles may be cooked in the kitchen and taken out when the meat is ready —or kept warm near the edge of the grill. 

3. True. The actual cooking is quick and easy but the preparation of the ingredients takes some time. Some hostesses put the various items out in bowls and let the guests olad their own skewers. Messy, but fun for an informal group. 

4. True. But it must be well wrapped in foil or it will char. Some people leave the husks on instead, but I find this risky. 

5. False. “Doctored up” with cheese, herbs and seasoning, they can be real gourmet fare. 

6. False. Except for the variety prepared in a huge pot, a clambake is an all-day affair for the bakemaster. The pit must be dug and lined with rocks and the fire kept going in it for at least four hours. 

7. True. But always have soft drinks available, too. Coffee, cither iced or hot, is almost a “must.” 

8. False. Potatoes, like com on the cob, may be wrapped in foil and cooked in the coals or one the grill. – By Elizabeth Post in the Herald, 1968

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Kitchen Appliance Aids in Etiquette

Etiquette experts say it’s rude to wash dishes while guests are still present. Let the machine do the work for you.

Electric Dishwasher Aid to Etiquette

Etiquette experts say it’s rude to wash dishes while guests are still present. Clear the table, scrape and stack the dishes if you must, but don't wash them until guests have left, even if the sight of dirty pots and pans, dishes and glassware piled in the kitchen is almost unbearable.

Party manners can be remodeled, along with the kitchen, if an automatic electric dishwasher is installed. It will be the hostess’ answer to the dinner guest dilemma. She can put the pots and pans in the dishwasher before sitting down at the table. They'll be done automatically during dinner, ready to be put away so dinner dishes can go right from the table into the dishwasher.– National City– Star News, 1960

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Etiquette of Words

 "Etiquette" is not what so many people think a set of restrictions and rules, often hypocritical, boring and useless. It is a code of behavior, an approach to pleasant relationships with other people, based on consideration and kindness. Neither should manners be false or restrictive. They are "guideposts on the road to good taste"- a way of doing something which has been proved to be most attractive and most practical over many years. – Image from the 1970 book, “Did I Do That?” By Dorothy Laux 

Watch Your Language – 

Keep it Up-to-Date

There are many words whose meanings are frequently misinterpreted, and some are words which are often associated with etiquette. I have selected a few that often appear misused in letters from my readers. My definitions are not necessarily those found in the dictionary, but they describe the connotation of the word from the point of view of good usage and good taste. 

Look at each word and then read my definition to see whether you have been using it in the best way, according to etiquette.

1. Formal. Formal should not be used as a noun meaning either an evening gown or an elaborate dance. It is a synonym for ceremonial, and an adjective meaning an extreme degree of correct- ness.

2. Party. Party should not be used to refer to one person, except in legal usage. It is not correct, for example, to say "Who was the party with you the other night?" A party is a social gathering, or a group of associated people, such as a political party.

3. Lady. All women are not ladies. The definition does not depend on the wealth or the social background of the woman, but to distinguish: "A lady is a woman with a good memory, always remembers others and never forgets herself."

4. Gentleman. Again, all men are not gentlemen. Το deserve the latter definition a man "may be in shirtsleeves actually, but he never gets into shirtsleeves mentally."

5. Etiquette. "Etiquette" is not what so many people think a set of restrictions and rules, often hypocritical, boring and useless. It is a code of behavior, an approach to pleasant relationships with other people, based on consideration and kindness.

6. Manners. Neither should manners be false or restrictive. They are "guideposts on the road to good taste"- a way of doing something which has been proved to be most attractive and most practical over many years.

7. Junior. Every boy who is named after an older relative is not necessarily a Junior. Only a boy whose name is identical to his father's is entitled to be Junior. Boys named after uncles or grandfather, are second, third, etc…

8. Home. Not to be confused with house, which is a solid, physical structure. Home conveys the spirit and the personality of the house. It is literally "where the heart is." – By Elizabeth Post in the Highland Park News-Herald & Journal, 1970

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Mid 20th C. Smoking Etiquette

Hostesses who do not smoke should provide ashtrays for their guests. True or False?

Doing the Right Thing… To smoke? Or not to smoke?

In spite of public awareness of the dangers of excessive smoking, hundreds of thousands of Americans continue to enjoy their cigarettes, their pipes, and their cigars.

On the other hand, there are an equal number or more people who not only do not smoke themselves, but object strenuously to the habit of others. With some it is a physical reaction to the smoke, with others it is a moral question, and others simply dislike the smell and the mess it creates.

To keep peace between the two camps there are definite rules which should be observed. If you are a smoker, the following quiz may point out some of your faults to you. If you are not, the questions and answers may help you have more tolerance toward those who do enjoy smoking.

1. “No smoking” signs apply only to cigarettes.

True or False?

A. False. They mean no smoking at all, and that includes pipes and cigars.

2. If there are no ashtrays on a formal dinner table, you may use the edge of your plate. True or False?

A. False. If there are no ashtrays, it means that the hostess prefers that you do not smoke until after the meal, or until ashtrays and cigarettes are placed on the table.

3. Cigar smokers should ask permission to smoke at a party where there are ladies present. True or False?

A. True. Cigar smoke is repugnant to many, and actually sickening to some people.

4. A smoker should never light his cigarette without offering one to those nearest him. True or False?

A. True. He need not, however, offer smokes to everyone in a group or at a large table.

5. People sitting on a patio or in a garden may throw their cigarette stubs onto the lawn or terrace. 

True or False?

A. False. This was all right before the days of filter tips, but these tips do not burn up and can make an unsightly mess of the garden.

6. Spectators at sports events may smoke whether their neighbors do or not. True or False?

A. True. But they should hold their cigarettes in such a way that the smoke does not drift into anyone’s face.

7. It is permissible to smoke in the area behind the seats in a legitimate theater. True or False?

A. False. Smoking is not permitted in any part of the theater proper. Wait until you reach the outer lobby or sidewalk.

8. A man should light a woman’s cigarette for her. 

True or False?

A. True, if he is close by. He need not get up or cross a room to do so. Women who smoke should carry their own lighters or matches.

9. It is never correct to smoke on the dance floor. 

True or False?

A. True. It is not only unattractive, but dangerous.

10. Hostesses who do not smoke should provide ashtrays for their guests. True or False?

A. True. A hostess’ first consideration is to make her guests comfortable, and unless smoke is physically harmful to someone present, she should tolerate the fact that some will want to smoke. – By Elizabeth L. Post of the Emily Post Institute, 1969

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor or the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Baby Shower Gift Etiquette

Vintage birth announcement card from 1957

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: It seems the new trend at bridal showers. is not to open the gifts. They are merely accepted and put aside. I think is is poor etiquette. Don't you? — Edith

DEAR EDITH: I could imagine nothing more tense than an evening spent glaring at a pile of beautifully wrapped gifts which the guests are not permitted to see opened I adore showers almost more than any other type party, but would certainly lose my enthusiasm after one of these. Personally, I've never heard of the fad, or trend, and certainly hope it passes very quickly. 

The whole object of a shower has always been the expressions of joy when the honored guest opened her gifts. This is the highlight of the party. Do your best to discourage the unopened-gifts trend. I'll back you up. – Dorothy Dix, Dorothy Dix is a Trademark registered in the U. S. Patent Office by The Bell Syndicate, Inc., 1956

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Retro Tipping Etiquette from 1963

I don’t think that good or bad service can he measured in percentage points. The actual word ‘tip’ (which is not found in the dictionary, per se) means ‘to insure promptness.’ If this is the case then it should actually he given prior to ordering. 

To Insure Promptness...

“It has been asked of me on several occasions, ‘What about tipping? How much? To whom? etc...’ This is one area in which I do not allow myself to be influenced by any rule book on etiquette. I think a tip is a very personal thing, and should be entirely up to the individual. I don’t think that good or bad service can be measured in percentage points. The actual word ‘tip’ (which is not found in the dictionary, per se) means ‘to insure promptness.’ If this is the case, then it should actually be given prior to ordering. 

It always gives me a great deal of satisfaction to leave a good tip, but I leave one based entirely upon service rendered. What ever your conviction is on this matter, I think that it depends completely upon your own feelings. But one thing I would like to point out, if the service is good, and you are pleased with your dining experience, then the tip should be a good one. Remember, a waiter depends on this income as part of his wages, and for the most part, they are a great bunch of fellows.” —By Al Morgan, “Morgan on the Move,” 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bridal Shower Gift Etiquette

Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer was an American “Agony Aunt” who wrote under the pen name, “Dorothy Dix.” A forerunner of today’s advice columnists, Dix was America’s highest paid and most widely read female journalist when she died in 1951. Her advice was syndicated in newspapers around the world, with an estimated audience of 60 million readers. Along with her column, she campaigned for woman suffrage.
— Public domain image

Dear Dorothy Dix:  

It seems the new trend at bridal showers is not to open the gifts. They are merely accepted and put aside. I think is is poor etiquette. Don’t you? 

 — Edith 

Dear Edith:  

I could imagine nothing more tense than an evening spent glaring at a pile of beautifully wrapped gifts which the guests are not permitted to see opened. I adore showers almost more than any other type party, but would certainly lose my enthusiasm after one of these. Personally, I’ve never heard of the fad, or trend, and certainly hope it passes very quickly. The whole object of a shower has always been the expressions of joy when the honored guest opened her gifts. This is the highlight of the party. Do your best to discourage the unopened-gifts trend. I’ll back you up. 

— Dorothy Dix, 1950

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Jekyll and Hyde Manners

Please, no crooked or extended pinky fingers! – One mark of the unpolished man is his obvious eagerness to appear polished. Never is it more noticeable than at a formal dinner. Hoisting a teacup, he crooks his little finger. Instead of wiping his mouth with a napkin, he purses his lips and “pat-pats” them.

  Exposing the Unpolished Man

One mark of the polished man is that he doesn’t knock himself out being polished. He may have committed a dozen etiquette books to memory but doesn’t flaunt the fact. He’s casual and unaffected. His good manners seem to flow spontaneously from innate good taste, breeding and a flair for the appropriate. He doesn't wear his savoir-faire on his sleeve. 

One mark of the unpolished man is his obvious eagerness to appear polished. Never is it more noticeable than at a formal dinner. Hoisting a teacup, he crooks his little finger. Instead of wiping his mouth with a napkin, he purses his lips and “pat-pats” them. He makes a big fuss over which fork to use and finally, when told to copy his hostess, bugs this lady by scrutinizing her every move. Determined to please, he dislpleases his hostess. Before embarrassing his hostess by reporting a smudge on his spoon, he –charitably and conspicuously – cleans it with his napkin. He makes a great to-do about transferring his fork from left to right hand after cutting his meat, unaware that Europeans have been eating with their left hands for centuries and disdain the American's clumsy crisscross method. 

The unpolished man frequently has two sets of table manners – dowdy ones for home, and “Sunday-go-to-meeting ones” for company. This is doubly unfortunate. First, schizophrenic table manners fool no one. Secondly, the owner slights his taste buds. Frequently, he is practicing an etiquette that went out years ago, if it ever existed. He will risk ptomaine, for example, rather than remove suspect food from his mouth. He will eat cold filet rather than begin eating before all 40 guests are served. And finally, before reaching a few inches for a vegetable, he will inconvenience his neighbor to pass it or forego a second serving. 

But endeavoring to be Mr. Hyde at one’s own table and Dr. Jekyll at everyone else’s, may have even cruder consequences. They involve a man’s family. His wife, seeing him in both roles, silently, or perhaps not so silently, deplores the hypocrisy of it all. And his children, rarely privileged to see his good company manners, have no alternative but to copy his bad at-home ones.

Q and A on P’s and Q’s 
(Q) "Is it wrong to cut salad with a knife?" N.R. 
(A) It used to be, but expediency and the advent of the head-lettuce salad have made a fossil of this particular taboo. If you don't need a knife, naturally don't use one. But if you need one and a salad knife isn't provided, don't hesitate to use your table knife. – By Don Goodwin, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Holiday Card Etiquette

When you're addressing a Christmas card to a business acquaintance, it’s best if you send the card to the office. When there is also a social relationship, the card can go to the home. 

Who’s Name Where?

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) When a Christmas card is from the entire family, father's name should come first, then mother’s, and finally the children, listed in order of their age, according to an authority from Hallmark Cards. When you're addressing a Christmas card to a business acquaintance, it’s best if you send the card to the office. When there is also a social relationship, the card can go to the home. – LaHabra Star News, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Basic Holiday Party Manners

Always try to be a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!) - Photo source, Pinterest

Q. This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit some social error and not even know it. Are there any definite party going rules one could learn for insurance ?  

A. There probably are as many rules as there are parties, but here are three tips which provide a general rule of thumb: 

• Always try to be helpful, cooperative about any special party plans, and a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!)  
• Be as thoughtful about the family and their home as you would want people to be about your own. 
• Express your thanks for a good time and leave promptly when the party is over. These guideposts should make you the most popular guest of the season. – Junior Miss Etiquette Advice by Miss Deb, November 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Male Polish and Etiquette

Smooth off the rough edges with “Male Polish”– the gateway to good manners.

“New Do’s/Don'ts Feature”

for 1956

How do you introduce VIP's? When do you shake hands with a woman? What's the fastest way to win a friend? Lose a friend? Make a speech? How do you propose marriage, remember names, write love letters, make a speech, give the brush-off, interview for a job? These and many other questions on etiquette will be answered in The Sun and Telegram's new feature, “Male Polish,” appearing for the first time in the Men's section, Saturday evening and Monday morning, Nov. 10, 12. “Male Polish” will provide readers with do's and don'ts for all types of social occasions, plus the necessary points of finesse at work and in the home.

Written by Don Goodwin, “Male Polish” is a weekly illustrated feature that shows in a photograph just how a social boner was made and then explains how it should be corrected. Other similar blunders are discussed in detail, including methods of anticipating and side-stepping them in the future. Readers will find a question box for their personal inquiries dealing with etiquette. Special consideration will be given to “Proper Dress,” “Table Manners,” “Office Etiquette.” Dating, going steady, escort manners, and business gifts are other important concerns for Sun and Telegraph readers. Smooth off the rough edges with “Male Polish,” the gateway to good manners, starting next week. – San Bernardino Sun, 1956

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Wedding Expense Etiquette

Who pays for couples’ big days? A noted bridal consultant, aided by the women's feature staff of the New York Herald Tribune prepared a “complete book of engagement and wedding etiquette” back in 1959.

Expert Helps Decide Which Are ‘His’ - ‘Her’ Expenses

NEW YORK (UPI) An arbitrator has turned up to draw the lines of responsibility for a wedding. Barbara Wilson, noted bridal consultant, aided by the women's feature staff of the New York Herald Tribune has prepared a “complete book of engagement and wedding etiquette.” In it, the division of responsibilities is clearly outlined as follows: 

The Bride’s Side 

• Provide the bridegroom’s ring, if it is a double-ring ceremony. 
• Provide the bride’s linen, lingerie clothes and luggage. 
• Order, address, stamp and mail wedding invitations and announcements and provide a stationery trousseau. 
• Plan the entire wedding ceremony from the fee for the organist to pew ribbons. 
• Provide all transportation for the entire wedding party on the day of the ceremony. 
• Plan and finance the reception down to parking facilii ties and a canopy over the door. 
• Select and finance bridal ‘attendants’ outfits. 
• Arrange for photographs, newspaper publicity, wedding books and accommodations for out-of-town guests of the bride. 
• Register the bride's name and patterns with china, silver and crystal stores and buy gifts for bridegroom and attendants 
• Bride's parents also arrange for gift for the newlyweds. 

Bridegroom’s Suite 

• Provide the bride’s engagement and wedding rings. 
• Provide bridegroom’s clothes and luggage and clothes worn by his attendants at ceremony. 
• Buy bridal bouquet, going away corsage and corsages for the two mothers, which have been selected by the bride, and boutonnieres for the best man, ushers and both fathers. 
• Arrange for accessories, such as ties, gloves and spats, for best man, ushers and both fathers. 
• Provide gifts for bride, best man and ushers. 
• Pay for the marriage license, the minister and accommodations for bridegroom's out-of-town guests. 
• Give a bachelor dinner and a rehearsal dinner. 
• Make all honeymoon arrangements and foot the bill for the wedding trip. — Madera Tribune, 1959

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Charming Swans and Wendy Ward

A book sold in conjunction at the Montgomery Ward department store’s “Wendy Ward School of Charm,” was full of advice which covered posture, social graces and even dating.- “Most people aren’t their natural selves. Rather, they are an accumulation of habits and affectations picked up through life. Inside, they’re different. Do you want to learn to be the real you instead of a phony?” - The Wendy Ward School of Charm

Wendy Ward’s Program Makes Them Into Swans

Expected to be one of the most popular services of the new Montgomery Wards Fullerton store is the Wendy Ward charm and glamour grooming program, left. One of the aims of the program is to be the teenage girls’ friend with its glamourizing sessions of six-week, 12 hour program in basic good grooming geared especialy for 12 to 19 year old girls. Tuition is $10. 

All classes will be held after school and on Saturdays in the 150 - seat Wendy Ward auditorium. Classes will be conducted by a professional model. The auditorium is also available to local community groups on reservation. Along with this glamour course, Wards plans to expand its fashion department to encompass a new couture collection especially created for the store. – La Habra Star, 1966

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Junior Miss Etiquette of 1964

“This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit sonic social error and not even know it....” 

Dear Miss Deb...

For answers to your questions on dating, etiquette and beauty 

Q. My dates and I have no trouble with conversation until that agonizing good night scene at the door. I could die as I shift from one foot to the other and stammer, “ . . guess I’ll he seeing you” for the millionth time. How can I develop a graceful exit technique?

A. By planning ahead just as you did in getting ready for the date. Locate your keys, express your feeling about the good time you had, make the small talk on the way to the door. Let him unlock and open the door for you. Don’t linger. Say your final “wonderful time-good night,” and allow your smile to float back briefly as you disappear behind the closing door. If you work it right, he may be disappointed, but not offended! 

Q. This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit sonic social error and not even know it. Are there any definite party going rules I could learn for insurance?

A. There probably are as many rules as there are parties, but here arc three tips which provide a general rule of thumb. Always try to be helpful, cooperative about any special party plans, and a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!) Be as thoughtful about the family and their home as you would want people to be about your own. Express your thanks for a good time and leave promptly when the party is over. These guideposts should make you the most popular guest of the season.

Q. Older people make me self-conscious. I always feel they are critical of me because of all the talk about wild teenagers. Should I just avoid them whenever possible?

A. The sooner you learn to deal casually and respectfully with older adults the better. They will be coming into your life more and more as you go away to school or out into the job market. Begin by relaxing and being as natural as possible. Remember, adults like to be put at their ease, too. Just as you don't like to be considered a “wild teenager,” adults don't like to be thought of as “has-beens” or “critical old fuddy-duddies.” Try to listen for the likenesses between you instead of the differences.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia