Etiquette and View of Queen Charlotte

On the Queen Charlotte Ball

The ball has been running almost every year since 1780, when King George III first organized the Queen Charlotte’s Ball as a way to celebrate his wife’s birthday. 

The ceremony remained unchanged- with debutantes paying respects to a large iced cake at Buckingham Palace, overseen by the monarch- until 1958, when Prince Philip persuaded the Queen to stop receiving each year’s crop at Court.

Philip is said to have complained that the annual Ball, at which girls aged 17 and 18 were expected to meet their suitably-moneyed future husbands, was ‘bloody daft’. 

The Queen’s sister, Princess Margaret, was even more forthright, saying later ‘we had to put a stop to it . . . every tart in London was getting in!’ 

Since 1958 the ball was held sporadically at various exclusive venues in the capital to varying degrees of success before being relaunched in 2009 and held annually since, albeit without its royal seal of approval.  –From the Daily Mail, 2014

— Public domain image of Thomas Gainsborough‘s portrait of Queen Charlotte, from 1781

Queen Charlotte, Presence, and the Elegance of Being Remembered 

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History invites us to look closer. Etiquette teaches us to do so with grace.

There are people and moments in history which feel unexpectedly personal and intriguing. For me, England’s Queen Charlotte is one of the people.

As an Afro-Latina woman who once had the privilege of living in Germany, Queen Charlotte’s story resonates with me in a deeply personal way. Like many little girls, I grew up fascinated by queens, castles, and grand ballrooms. Years later, I found myself living in Germany, marrying a German man, and eventually discovering the remarkable story of a German-born queen whose legacy continues to inspire conversations about grace, etiquette, and representation. History suddenly felt much closer than I ever imagined.

There is also a rich historical conversation surrounding Queen Charlotte’s ancestry. For generations, historians have explored evidence suggesting she may have had African ancestry through her Portuguese royal lineage. While scholars continue to debate the extent of that ancestry, Queen Charlotte has become an enduring figure of representation for many Black communities around the world. As an Afro-Latina woman, I found myself looking beyond the portraits and royal titles to appreciate the possibility that history is often far more diverse than many of us were taught.

Yet what captivated me most wasn’t the historical debate. It was her presence. When I study portraits of Queen Charlotte, I don’t immediately notice the jewels. I notice her composure… Her posture…  Her quiet confidence.

There is nothing hurried about her expression. Nothing that suggests she was competing for attention. She simply occupied the room. And perhaps that’s where the etiquette comes into the picture.

In 1780, King George III established Queen Charlotte’s Birthday Ball in honor of his wife’s birthday. Although young women had been formally presented at court for generations, Queen Charlotte’s Ball elevated the tradition into Britain’s most celebrated annual debutante presentation. It became the social event of “the Season,” where invitations were coveted, presentations were rehearsed, and families dreamed of introducing their daughters into society. But what fascinates me most is not the grandeur of the ballroom. It is the purpose behind the ball. The evening wasn’t created for guests to outshine the Queen, but was created to honor her.

Imagine receiving an engraved invitation to St. James’s Palace. Every detail of your appearance, your entrance, your curtsy, your conversation, and even your dance reflected respect for the occasion. Etiquette wasn’t a performance; it was an expression of consideration for someone else. That lesson feels just as meaningful today.

Whether attending a wedding, celebrating a birthday, accepting a dinner invitation, or entering someone’s home, etiquette has never been about becoming the center of attention. It has always been about recognizing whose moment it is.

One historical detail stopped me in my tracks. While guests often arrived in elaborate court dress adorned with jewels and embroidery, Queen Charlotte herself was known for appearing with remarkable restraint. She didn’t need to compete with those who came to celebrate her. Her presence spoke before her clothing ever could. As someone who teaches etiquette, I find that lesson timeless.

Today, we often confuse elegance with being noticed. Queen Charlotte reminds us that true elegance is found in dignity, humility, and knowing when to let the occasion—not our ego—take center stage. Perhaps that’s why Queen Charlotte’s story continues to inspire me. Not simply because she was a Queen. Not simply because she was born in Germany. Not simply because many continue to celebrate her as a woman whose possible African ancestry has broadened conversations about representation in European history. But because she reminds us that grace never demands attention. It simply earns respect.

More than two centuries later, Queen Charlotte’s Birthday Ball still offers us one of etiquette’s greatest lessons: The guest’s job was never to compete with the Queen. It was to honor her. And perhaps that is the timeless beauty of etiquette. It teaches us that every room has a purpose, every celebration has a guest of honor, and every gracious person understands the difference. Because true etiquette has never been about being the most noticed person in the room.It has always been about knowing how to honor the moment—and the people within.

Meet our newest contributor, Eileen Copeland. Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for London Season

There are few of the British castles or country seats that are not able to house from forty to one hundred guests, with a separate apartment for each, and equal accommodations in the servants’ hall for guests’ servants. The service in all respects does not materially differ from that in our best-class, semi-private hotels; save that each occupant of the castle has the exclusive attention of his or her own servant, in addition to the general service of the castle, always on call at any hour of the day or night… Every gentleman brings his valet and every lady her maid, and often her own footman, unless an express request to the contrary has been made in the invitations. The visiting valet is assigned a room in the servants’ hall, and ladies’ maids are provided with separate rooms, usually en suite with their mistresses’ apartments.

LONDON’S SEASON

Round of Gaieties of the English Nobility

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THE GRAND DINNER PARTIES

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The Season Ends by Aristocracy Seeking the Spas of the Continent

LONDON, June 22.- English literature, or rather that portion comprised in English fiction, has certainly done injustice to British nobility in at least one respect. It has totally misinformed all of us who are plebian, and rather like remaining so, as to the every-day life of the British aristocracy.

Nobody loves this class. Nobody believes in its hereditary rights and privileges, save those clergy who hold “livings” under them and the other lackeys that serve them. Nobody has any manly sympathy whatever with its semi-regal pretensions and prerogatives. Nobody has the slightest confidence that a century hence any such class will continue to exist in Great Britain. And yet every one of us, notwithstanding our flouting and scoffing, has the keenest interest in glimpses of its members’ daily lives. 

Your British Lord really believes in himself. That is worth something to character, and builds up on the lines of equable living and true dignity with anybody. Your American lordero knows he is an accident, a pretender, an irritating social misfit. The former’s real pleasures are found in relaxation from social duties which centuries of custom have rendered obligatory. The latter’s pleasures are solely attainable through the arrogant and offensive insistence of endless recognition of his money power. The one is a splendid nation’s permanent excrescence. The other is another splendid nation’s first growth of fungus. Both are interesting studies. But the British Noble has rather the advantage from a scenic standpoint, because speaking in uncouth simile, he is the most ancient, best acknowledged, and the most picturesque bump on the national log.

Many of the British Nobility occupy their establishments the year round. These would scorn to do else. Their ethics are exclusively evolved from their fondest dreams to which they cling, that they are feudal lords. For such to reside in town would be to descend to the utter debasement of burghers. With a great majority the London season largely controls their residence and its period at castle, seat or hall, and elsewhere. The “season” is controlled by Parliament, the annual closing of which practically depends on sport. 

The aristocratic fashionable world is formed and its movements controlled almost exclusively by those connected with the Houses of the Lords and Commons; these comprising largely the nobility. In other words, the intangible, awful formulated thing known as the great fashionable world contering in London, is after all simply the country nobility and aristocracy congregated for a brief season in London. London does not make this fashionable world. Those of the country make it in London. Their town-houses, for the entree to which fashionable toadies will resort to inconceivable humiliations, are the merest temporary lodging-houses of hated city life. This exclusive class, not far exceeding a thousand heads of houses, practically own and derive the revenues from the entire landed possessions of Great Britain.

In the main, British castle life begins with the grouse shooting season in August, and lasts until the following May. With those “in the world” the period is much reduced. Many forsake the estates in February for the “first swim” in the metropolis. There is a delightful though quiet social period in London preceding Easter. But just immediately before Easter, Parliament adjourns, when back come the Lords and Ladies; or a trip to the Continent is taken. After Easter the full London tide sets in. The Park is thronged; Rotten Row is filled with magnificent horsewomen and gallants; luncheons, dinners, and balls are innumerable; and the Queen’s drawing-rooms command the Nobility’s presence. Then comes Whitsuntide, when Parliament again takes a short recess, and London is again deserted by the aristocracy. But all the Nobility of England, Scotland and Ireland that make any pretensions whatever to correct form are back in London by the latter part of May.

From this time late dinners and later balls follow in bewildering succession. The stifling air of Parliament and court is continually breathed. Fashionable events and affairs, originated by the aristocracy and to which the aristocracy are truly slaves, compel the limit of physical and financial endurance. Derby Day, for which Parliament always adjourns, is followed by commencement at Eaton, and these by the great cricket matches between Lords and Commons, Rugby, Harrow and Eaton, and Cambridge and Oxford. Then come the wonderful garden parties of Cheswick, the two great breakfasts of the Prince of Wales, and the distinguished parties by Earls, Dukes and Duchesses, followed by Ascot week, and the court balls and great balls and banquets of foreign embassies, with the splendid afternoon teas by the Queen in the gardens of Buckingham Palace; until the military fêtes and the last fête champêtre at Wimbledon have arrived; and the “done” and jaded aristocracy seek the the spas of the continent in atonement for their sins. The “season” is at an end. The guns of the titled sportsmen commence ringing in the north and the home-life at the castles of Britain begins.

Usually a large portion of the family plate, some pictures, and much bric-a-brac have done duty at the town house, during the “season.” Every other moveable article of value has been left at the castle under the housekeeper’s direct charge, and the general charge of the steward, agent or executor of the estate, who resides nearby. The housekeeper, and possibly a half-dozen under-servants have remained at the castle on “broad-wages,” that is, reduced wages, and a certain weekly allowance with which to provide their own food. They lead no life of ease under these circumstances. Every habitable portion of the place is inspected, dusted and aired daily. Every floor is waxed once each week. At stated intervals every piece of furniture is uncovered and attended to, the books in the library opened, dusted and aired, and the plate and cutlery kept in constant readiness for immediate use. For, while the probabilities are that milord and milady will remain absent during the entire season, they may return at any moment.

After arrival, two or more weeks are devoted to absolute rest and quiet family reunion. This period is the children’s heaven of the year. If they are young, and the governess and the tutor (often the village curate) have had them in hand during their parents’ absence in London, it is a season of genuine jollity and love-making between old and young. If they are along in years, the daughters are returned from the fashionable school where they are being “formed,” and the sons, covered over with foot-ball and cricket scars, dash down from Eaton and Harrow; and as simple and jolly a time all around is had at this castle home, as may ever be found in the well-ordered homes of our own country.

But directly this is over. Milord and lady are slaves to a social system which demands nearly every moment of their lives. The remaining seven months of home life is a ceaseless round of entertainment of titled and other guests. The selections of these guests is of course occasionally with a view to, and in the anticipation of, pleasure to be obtained from congenial society. As a rule it is merely in repayment of similar entertainment received in London and in all parts of the world, from the Shetland Islands to British India. Whether guests are invited for a day, a week, or a month, the invitations are for a period absolutely limited in duration, and no social law of the British aristocracy is more inviolate than this.

The etiquette of a reception of guests is most simple. Indeed there is less formality shown in the actual relation of host to guest in a British Nobleman's home than will be at any time confronted in the house of a Hoboken brewer or a Kansas City merchant in hogs. The first coachman, with the family close carriage, if rainy, and with the wagonette, if in fine weather, brings the titled guests from the station, traps following after with the luggage; and the groom with another carriage, attends to the guests’ servants. Milord’s valet and milady’s maid meet the arriving guests at the castle entrance and conduct them at once to the drawing-room, where the host and hostess receive and welcome them; but they are not delayed in being shown to their apartments. Meantime the housekeeper is attending to the guests’ servants. 

Every gentleman brings his valet and every lady her maid, and often her own footman, unless an express request to the contrary has been made in the invitations. The visiting valet is assigned a room in the servants’ hall, and ladies’ maids are provided with separate rooms, usually en suite with their mistresses’ apartments. There are few of the British castles or country seats that are not able to house from forty to one hundred guests, with a separate apartment for each, and equal accommodations in the servants’ hall for guests’ servants. The service in all respects does not materially differ from that in our best-class, semi-private hotels; save that each occupant of the castle has the exclusive attention of his or her own servant, in addition to the general service of the castle, always on call at any hour of the day or night.

Whatever number of guests may be found at any one time at these great establishments and except on special occasions they will not exceed a dozen or twenty – in provision for the cuisine, in complete staffs of servants, and in the number of servants employed, they are at all times, during the occupancy of milord and milady, or either, as well prepared for the entertainment of the highest as the least number. That is one of the penalties of being a Nobleman. But to illustrate details of the ordinary regime, we will suppose that a dozen or score of guests are already gathered at the castle and the invitations read for “a week.”

The usual hours for meals are: breakfast at 9 to 10; luncheon at 2; tea at 5; dinner at 8; and supper at from 11 o'clock until midnight. Whether guests have arrived before luncheon or before dinner, etiquette requires that all shall gather in the drawing-room for introductions. This is absolutely the first and last of formality among these tired people during their sojourn. Whatever the difference in rank, none whatever is thereafter recognized. The story-books do not put it in this way, but the fact remains. 

It is the unwritten and inviolable law of such occasions that, while mere distinction in rank, in form of address, is adhered to, for the time being the offensive distinction of precedence is wholly abolished. Socially and ethically while you are his Lordship’s guest you are neither his superior nor inferior. Otherwise you would not be there. Not only is this true, but there can be only two possible oссаsions for extreme dressing. Those are at dinner, where of late years everything savoring of full dress has been tabooed, and in the event of a ball being given to which neighboring Nobility are invited.

There is probably no other place in the world where a guest for a week is so much the master of his or her own inclinations. Etiquette and form make no demands whatever upon you. You are as free to follow your own whims, either for rest or activity, as though quartered in a glen-side cabin. Remain up all night, sleep all day, never appear at a meal save the first luncheon or dinner, and there is none to wonder, question or criticize. The entire motif of the hospitality of the British Nobility is, in short, the dignified but complete indulgence of the guest in rational activities, simple pleasures or complete rest. There are many sources of amusement There is certain to be one or more grand “meets,” where the ladies join in the exciting hunt across country to the music of the yelping hounds. Often the occupants of near castles join in these. Then there will be return sport of like nature, and delicious “hunt breakfasts” are given. 

For the gentlemen exclusively, there will perhaps be a “pheasant shoot” on the grounds, or the more sportsmanlike pleasure of grouse-shooting on the moors. The ladies often join in fishing parties to some distant stream, where lunch is served in the open wood beside some spring. Even when there is no riding after the hounds, the pleasant roads and lanes swarm with merry cavalcades of horsewomen and men, distant bits of scenery, castle ruins or historic abbeys being thus visited. The drives the finest in the world, and most brilliant intercourse is had between castle and castle. 

Within and without the great establishment itself there is always provision for almost every imaginable sport. Billiards and ten-pins are as great favorites with ladies as with gentlemen. There is always a superb cricket field. Frequently football matches are gotten up between the lordly old boys. The tennis-courts are nowhere excelled. Nearly every castle demesne has its well-stocked streams of trout and its reaches of natural or artificial lakes for sailing and rowing. But in every feature of all this high-class life at the British nobleman’s home, there is an utter absence of theatric show, so insufferable in the American Lord’s home. 

As before stated, save at dinner and at balls, you will find lordly frames almost exclusively hung with old clothes. Whatever is comfortable is in form. The baggy pajama for room-lounging; the ancient slipper, cap and jacket for the lawn, the lake and the tennis-court; the loosest and most ancient of toggery for the breakfast-table, and, among real noblemen, the most faded, spotted and ragged old pink jackets, for the “meet;” are the rule rather than the exception, despite those whose pens cannot but run riot in portrayal of British high life. 

The truth is that, despite the immense establishments, the great retinues, and the enormous general outlay as penance to rank and station, the real home-life of the British nobility is an accusative contrast, in all essentials to comfort and sterling entertainment, to the hot-house home life and grotesque social writhings of many of our own people of equal wealth. – Edgar L. Wakeman, Special Correspondence of the Mercury, 1891

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

U.S. Debutantes in England of 1932

The moment of glory will be the climax of weeks of excitement and preparation—hours spent at dressmakers, the trip from America, long lessons in Court etiquette and hours spent in a queue of limousines in the Mall awaiting their turn to enter the palace. 

LONDON, May 11 (AP). Twelve American women will stand for one brief moment before Britain’s King and Queen tonight and hear the softly spoken words of presentation to Royalty. They will then curtsey in solemn “Thank you” for the regal favor and depart, tired and perhaps wondering a bit, to their hotels. The moment of glory will be the climax of weeks of excitement and preparation—hours spent at dressmakers, the trip from America, long lessons in Court etiquette and hours spent in a queue of limousines in the Mall awaiting their turn to enter the palace. 

The American women who will meet King George and Queen Mary will be just individuals in a crowd of hundreds of presentees of all nations tonight and tomorrow night. They will receive no more Royal attention than the presentee of a minister of the smallest and most remote principality. The gathering of men, resplendent in decorations and knee breeches and women in their white gowns and crowned by ribbon bandeaux holding three spotless white plumes, make a never to be forgotten sight.— San Pedro News Pilot, 1932

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wealthy Americans Need Not Apply

The Prince of Wales is notoriously against the rich American who comes over to England with the idea of buying himself or herself into society. To his aunt, Princess Christian, he remarked not long ago, with reference to the latest comer: “Mrs. Potter Palmer? Mrs. Potter Palmer? Who is she?” –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
On Mrs. Potter Palmer, author Aline B. Saarinen wrote, “so fabulous were her jewels that a newspaper declared that when she appeared on the S.S. Kaiser Wilhelm der Grosse with a tiara of diamonds as large as lima beans, a corsage panned with diamonds, a sunburst as big as a baseball, a stomacher of diamonds and all the pearls around her neck, Alois Burgskeller of the Metropolitan Opera, who was singing at the ship’s concert, was stopped right in the middle of a high note.” – Above, Mrs. Potter Palmer, wealthy American socialite, businesswoman and philanthropist
– image source, Wikipedia 

Rich Americans to be Tabooed? 

Edward opposed to foreign inundation 

 Pushy bid for royal favor fails 

Anglo-American Residents Antagonistic to Increasing Stream That Tries to Break Down Barriers of Exclusiveness

Special Cable to The Herald — There is such a decided feeling in England against the constant influx of visitors that it is quite a question what will happen in following seasons. King Edward himself has openly expressed his opinion that too many Americans come to London with the intention of pushing into society, and for the last two or three years he has persistently refused to be introduced to any newcomers. It is notable that many of his best friends are Americans, among them, of course, being Consuelo, Duchess of Manchester; Mrs. Arthur Paget, Mrs. Townsend, the countess of Essex, as well as Mrs. Hall Walker, who is partly American, and in the old days he was very friendly with Mrs. Mackay and Mrs. Ronalds. Although he said to Mrs. Potter Palmer at Marblehead, “Why do you not come and settle down in England?” what was taken as a pressing invitation was not followed by any other attention except one to lunch with the royal party at Ascot. She was never invited to any great function and, although she took Egypt and the “White Ladye” with the express object of attracting to herself a royal visit and gave very pressing invitations to Consuelo, Duchess of Manchester, Mrs. Hall Walker, the Countess of Essex and other favorites, this last patent bid for royal favor was without any result.

The Prince of Wales is notoriously against the rich American who comes over to England with the idea of buying himself or herself into society. To his aunt, Princess Christian, he remarked not long ago, with reference to the latest comer: “Mrs. Potter Palmer? Mrs. Potter Palmer? Who is she?”Anglo-American residents are also much against these casual visitors who sometimes do them discredit. The young Duchess of Marlborough and Roxburghe, Lady Curzon, Mrs. George West and others much resent being classified with some other Americans who come over and try to push themselves into the inner circle. It is felt that the influence of Mr. and Mrs. Whitelaw Reid will make a great change. Mr. Reid is a man of great social experience and man of the world and a diplomat with a natural talent for Judging men and matters at their value. There is no doubt that presentations at court will not be so easily managed in the future as they have been in the past.

The most important American presentation at the court this year was that of Lady Bagot, whose debut was watched with the greatest interest by all the smart American set. Consuelo, Duchess of Manchester lent her all her jewels, so that she really made a gorgeous effect, and in the royal circle several inquiries were made as to who the new beautiful American peeress could be. Everyone is agreed that the sensational Americans in London this season have been Mrs. Crackenthorpe, Mrs. Townsend, Mrs. John Jacob Astor, Mrs. Shaw and Mrs. Nat Goodwin. Of the pronounced success of these five women there is no question. That Mrs. Astor should succeed was in the natural order of things. She has charmed every one by her beauty and smartness. She dresses beautifully, too. Mrs. Shaw was perhaps her most immediate rival, and when she stayed at her house in Portland place she was considered by many to outshine her handsome hostess. 

Mrs. Townsend made her success with the King a year or two ago, and she has in no wise lost her position, but they say that the only woman of whom Mrs. George Keppel is jealous is Mrs. Crackenthorpe, the handsome daughter of Gen. Daniel Sickles, who dances in the most fascinating manner the old Spanish dance in costume. Since she performed before the King and Queen. she has become so popular that she declares she will return again next year. It is ordered that both Mrs. Crackenthorpe and Mrs. Townsend should be the wives of Belgian diplomats. The success of Mrs. Nat Goodwin was partly due to Mrs. Newhouse, who championed her from the beginning, when people were inclined to look coldy at the beautiful actress. – Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Budget Debutante Etiquette

All of the Court gowns have many similar features. Unmarried young women must appear in white. The gown must have a train not less than two yards in length and must be cut moderately low in the neck, and the sleeves must be short. A veil similar to that worn by a bride must also form a part of the costume. A bouquet of flowers is also a compulsory feature...

The London Season... At Cut Rate Prices

One girl who was presented last year, boasted of having passed through the ordeal at a cost of less than $50! She managed it by hiring a gown and veil for $30, borrowing some jewels, paying $10 for a carriage and $10 for a bouquet of flowers. It is possible to do it for $175 without hiring or borrowing anything. A fair gown can be had for $125, the veils, slippers, gloves, etc., for $25 more, leaving $25 for the carriage and flowers. This, of course, is shaving matters dangerously close. Usually, the parents of a girl who is presented, give a reception at their hotel or home after the drawing room, and this has grown to be such a fixed custom, that the cost must be reckoned the same as the price of the Court gown. 

All of the Court gowns have many similar features. Unmarried young women must appear in white. The gown must have a train not less than two yards in length and must be cut moderately low in the neck, and the sleeves must be short. A veil similar to that worn by a bride must also form a part of the costume. A bouquet of flowers is also a compulsory feature, but aside from these, the young woman can allow her fancy to run as freely as her pocketbook will permit. It is the Lord Chamberlain who fixes all these rules, and his assistants see to it that they are rigorously adhered to. – London (UP),1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Court Presentation Etiquette

When her Majesty does not hold the drawing-rooms, she usually commands the Princess of Wales or one of her daughters to take her place, and all presentations are considered the same as to the Queen herself.  

Charm of the Presentation 

Probably the greatest charm of the presentation lies in the fuss made over the debutante by the debutante's friends. It is talked of weeks before and weeks after, and the day itself is one of long and delirious excitement. 

Immediately after leaving the palace, everyone drives to the photographer's to immortalize the gown. It is difficult to imagine how the photographers get through such a day, for not only have they so many appointments, but they are all for nearly the same hour. Nearly every woman who is presented issues invitations for what is known as a "drawing-room tea," and immediately after her return from the studio and a short turn in the park she stands for a couple of hours while her friends flock in to admire her gown, talk over the presentation and congratulate her. 

If at no other time in her life she is queen of the assemblage, she is this once, and she enjoys it as fully as only her feminine nature is capable of doing. How differently the men take their presentation to the Prince of Wales when he holds a levee. They drive unconcernedly through town in hansoms, their brilliant uniforms or Court dress standing out against the dark background of the cabs. At 2 o'clock the whole thing is over, and except for the flash of a helmet or the glitter of gold braid from a passing cab London, would not know that a levee was being held. 

The Queen, even when she holds a drawing-room in person, which is rarely more than twice during the season, does not remain for all the presentations, as her advancing years make the fatigue too great for her to bear. She may receive half of the list, but usually leaves the Palace about half-past four, for a drive in Hyde Park. This is one of the few occasions which the Londoners have for demonstrating their loyalty, for the Queen dislikes London intensely and spends as little time there as possible.

Hyde Park corner and the park are crowded with people on this afternoon, who are eager to catch a glimpse of her Majesty, and, while her reception is an enthusiastic one for the English to give, it must appear cold to those who are accustomed to the demonstrations some of the popular Continental sovereigns receive. This being the year of the Queen's eightieth birthday, the number of applicants to the Lord Chamberlain for presentation has been very large, especially for those drawing-rooms the Queen has held in person. 

When her Majesty does not hold the drawing-rooms, she usually commands the Princess of Wales or one of her daughters to take her place, and all presentations are considered the same as to the Queen herself.  —San Francisco Call, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Trying Etiquette for Debutantes

The Princess of Wales Receiving American Girls for the Queen, at the Queen's Drawing-Room

To Meet the Queen 

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How Our American Girls Are Presented

Among the many social functions found in London the one of special interest, to the feminine visitor at least, is in the Queen's drawing-room, and judging from the ever-increasing number of Americans presented at Court on these occasions, the approach of spring must be a signal for almost as much of a flutter on our side of the Atlantic as that which disturbs the peace of the English fireside. It creates a stir throughout the country, compared to which that almost national event in England, the spring cleaning, fades into insignificance. 

While from a social point of view, the drawing-rooms are great events, the chief benefit derived from them is the impetus they give to the trades of the dressmakers, the florists, caterers and photographers, and the Queen is largely influenced by this consideration in the number she holds during the season. Not content with tremblingly entering the presence of the sovereign once, a great many English women go through the ceremony a number of times, being re-presented “on their marriage,” “on their husband’s promotion,” etc... From ten in the morning until evening on a drawing-room day one meets carriages containing white gowned and plumed women rolling to and from Buckingham Palace. 

Every house from which some one is going to be presented is marked by a carpet extending from the front door to the carriage, each side of which is lined with open eyed and mouthed people waiting to see madame sail forth in all the glory of her presentation gown. There are numbers of country people who come to London just to get a glimpse of all the fuss and feathers and who, while the carriages wait in line, sometimes for hours, before reaching the palace, pass from carriage to carriage, peering in at the proud and happy occupants, who regard this as part of the performance. Even when the palace door is at last reached there another wait follows in the ante-room, but there at least one can admire or pick to pieces the gowns of the other women and exchange confidences about the conditions of one's nerves with one's friends. 

The most difficult time in connection with the presentation, is the management of the Court train, and even after the drilling which every one goes through before the eventful day, one must feel some misgivings at the last moment. One is inclined to ask if the time, worry and expense which a presentation entails are worth the very few moments of the actual ceremony. 

One is announced, enters, bows to the Queen and other royalties, advances to kiss the Queen's hand, and backs out. It is generally conceded that those few moments are very trying ones, and many amusing stories are told, though of course the most amusing ones are attributed to Americans. 

One is to the effect that an American of great freshness and beauty made so pleasing an impression on the Queen that her Majesty impulsively leaned forward and kissed her. Our compatriot, either from surprise or ignorance of Court etiquette, returned the salute with great gusto! Another American girl in an agony of nervousness, seeing the Queen's hand extended, instead of kissing it, shook it and murmured confusedly, “How do you do?”  — San Francisco Call, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for a Vanderbilt Debutante

“In England, the court circle governs society. Its recognition makes a gentleman or lady out of nobody.”

Throne Room in Buckingham Palace Presentation Day – Where the Money Counts – Getting Into Swell American Society via London

Titled Bankrupts Who Sell Their Court Influence for Round Sums —  Brief Views of Royalty!

From London, May 1896 — This is the particular season of the year when the young American girl whose papa and mamma take her abroad every spring, hopes to acquire the transcendent social distinction of being presented at Court. It gives her something to talk about for the rest of her life, and like an heirloom, she can hand it down to future generations of her family as a badge of greatness.

It means much to an English woman to be presented at court, but to an American it can be scarcely any material value. In England, the Court circle governs society. Its recognition makes a gentleman or lady out of nobody. A Court presentation is an open sesame to society and everything that implies. Naturally it is sought after with great diligence, particularly by people who know that they must overcome mountainous obstacles to reach the acme of their ambition.

London is filled with a class of influential sharks who make a fat income during the season by piloting rich folks into the throne room at Buckingham Palace. It is a sad but true fact that many Americans have permitted themselves to be bitten by these rascals, for the mere pleasure of rubbing shoulders with Royalty for a minute or two and seeing a room full of Princes, Princesses, Dukes and people of lesser titles in gala array.

It is a gorgeous show, and it is generally thought to be worth the price of admission. Even if someone need not be feted for obtaining the rare cards of admission, the function cannot be suitably attended at a cost of much less than one thousand dollars. There are innumerable rules of Court etiquette which must be complied with, and each rule means the expenditure of a goodly some. 
                                                   

“The most notable American presented this spring was the young Duchess of Marlborough, but she did not appear as an American, but as an English Duchess.”

If the presentation function were established for the benefit of the London shopkeepers, it would serve the purpose nobly, as it stimulates trade to a surprisingly healthy degree. The Queen as yet, has not presided at any of the drawing rooms this season, her place generally being taken by the Princess of Wales.

A Notable Presentation


The most notable American presented this spring was the young Duchess of Marlborough, but she did not appear as an American, but as an English Duchess. Socially her position is one of considerable importance, and she's entitled by right to appear at the drawing rooms as often as she pleases. Her influence is also sufficiently great to secure cards of admission for any of her eligible in New York friends, but unfortunately the one whom she would most like to present is debarred by an edict which is seldom waived. This refers to her mother, Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont, who was divorced from the Duchess' father, W. K. Vanderbilt. One of the few divorced women ever admitted to the Royal presence is the Marchioness of Blandford who is divorced from the late Duke of Marlborough. It was she who presented her daughter-in-law, the young Duchess, at Court.
                                           

Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont, mother of Consuelo Vanderbilt, was barred from cards of admission to London's elite drawing rooms, by an edict which is seldom waived, due to her divorce.

It is a well known bit of gossip that has lived for more than three years that an American millionaire paid $10,000 to an influential, but bankrupt leader of society, for drawing room cards for his wife and two daughters. This man had for many years endeavored to enter the fashionable set of New York and had probably spent $100,000.00 in lavish entertainments in an effort to draw the right people to his house. But on reaching home after the presentation of his family, he discovered that it had open the long closed doors. He has never regretted the $10,000, but sees who fixes all these rules, and his assistants see to it that they are rigorously adhered to.


A Powerful Official


All applications for cards are made to the same gentleman. Such applications are invariably accompanied by an endorsement of some person of note and prominence, otherwise they are ignored. Extreme care is taken that no one whose character is at all doubtful is admitted. The most difficult thing to perform is to leave the Royal presence by backing out of the room. A twelve foot train impedes graceful progress. Usually this part of the program is rehearsed several times before the presentation is made. Everything else is in stereotyped form and is of such simple character that few people commit blunders. 

The name is announced, and on entering the drawing room the newcomer makes a bow. She sees a number of ladies standing under a canopy, and group around them sees man in fanciful Court costume.The person presenting the visitor walks up to where the Queen is standing, and after bowing, low kisses her hand. Her protégé does precisely the same thing, and then the two back out of the room as gracefully as they can. That ends the function as far as they are concerned. There is no conversation and no loitering about in the drawing room. Only the elect are permitted those privileges.—The Los Angeles Herald, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: More London Season of 1957

A"glamorous guest" from Sweden, above, Mrs Nina Wessel, wife of the Duchess of Bedford's, Danish half-brother, Hugo, attended one of the many balls and functions in 1957. The Queen Charlotte Ball was introduced by King George III in 1780 as a way to celebrate his wife’s birthday. The ball used to see the daughters of some of society's most prestigious families make their social debut. Historically the event was to help the ladies find a suitable husband. The tables alone, at the 2014 Queen Charlotte Ball, started at $2500.00

The Debuts Are Wonderful But Wearing

For English debutantes the round of parties, sporting events and charity flower shows is a grueling but unforgettable three-month grind. There is nothing haphazard about the organization of their time: their mothers met over at luncheon and tea months ahead and planned everything. (Asked if she were going to Henley, one debutante consulted her schedule and said, "I suppose so. What is it?")

A "Tiny Tea Party" given by Miss Tiarks, breaks the tedium and gives friends a chance to rest.

Four and five nights a week there are impressive but exhausting balls like the one at ancient Rockingham Castle.

There the 450 guests of Sir Michael Culme-Seymour arrived about 11 o'clock, consumed champagne (which the debutantes call "poo") and danced until dawn. The round of balls is so tiring that many girls set aside a week for rest just before their own debuts.

The languid look of the socially proper English blade is another hallmark of the season, and some debutantes do complain about seeing the same young men night after night. But the girls insist being a debutante is the greatest fun in the world.

The season is much less fun for the hard-pressed parents, mothers who worry about invitations to events such as the Queen's garden parties and fathers who must pay the bills. "I don't know why we try to do this season anymore," said Mrs. David Lycett Green, mother of Julia Williamson. "Most of us can hardly pay our taxes. But it was done for me and it was a wonderful experience."

The debuts may be wonderful, but these Scottish socialites look either gloomy or bored to tears. –LIFE Magazine, August, 1957

The Etiquette of a Dance

"The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance; he should take notice of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room, or wall-flowers, as the familiar expression is, and should see that they are invited to dance. He must do this wholly unperceived, in order not to wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate ladies. Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with a person thus recommended to their notice. Ladies who dance much, ought to be very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance. In giving the hand for ladies' chain or any figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and accompany it with a polite inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance, the gentleman reconducts the lady to her place, bows and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also curtsies in silence, smiling with a gracious air. In these assemblies, we ought to conduct ourselves with reserve and politeness towards all present, although they may be unknown to us." From the Ladies' and Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette 1883

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the “London Season”

In 1957, LIFE Magazine readers were taken on "an intimate tour of this rich and various pageant, a magnificent relic of old world society." LIFE Magazine, August 5, 1957

"An elegant old society shows off its granduer... "

The Duke of Bedford's step-daughter, 18 year old Lorna Lyle, danced with Hon. Charles E. Cecil, at her debut in 1957

On the Queen Charlotte Ball

The ball has been running almost every year since 1780, when King George III first organised the Queen Charlotte’s Ball as a way to celebrate his wife’s birthday. 

The ceremony remained unchanged- with debutantes paying respects to a large iced cake at Buckingham Palace, overseen by the monarch- until 1958, when Prince Philip persuaded the Queen to stop receiving each year’s crop at Court.

Philip is said to have complained that the annual Ball, at which girls aged 17 and 18 were expected to meet their suitably-moneyed future husbands, was ‘bloody daft’. 

The Queen’s sister, Princess Margaret, was even more forthright, saying later ‘we had to put a stop to it . . . every tart in London was getting in!’ 

Since 1958 the ball was held sporadically at various exclusive venues in the capital to varying degrees of success before being relaunched in 2009 and held annually since, albeit without its royal seal of approval.  –From the Daily Mail, 2014

Henrietta Tiarks, a banker's daughter, was called by some London papers, the "Deb of the Year" in 1957

For a dozen generations, in and out of wars and austerity, the traditional elegance of British society has been concentrated in a unique institution known as the London season. The season, roughly embracing the months of May, June and July, is the time of debutantes: first their formal presentation at court, then the brilliant world of their coming-out parties.

But the season is even more than this, for it encompasses a series of splendor social functions possible only in England. These gorgeous affairs are climaxed by the Queen's garden party at Buckingham Palace and by the Royal Ascot race meeting, where it is a social must for everybody who is anybody to be bidden to the royal enclosure - or even to that social holy of holies, the Queen's lawn. Other hallowed events include the royal regatta at Henley on the Thames and the Eton- Harrow match at Lord's Cricket Ground.

This year the season has been even more brilliant -and more costly - than any with in recent memory. Well over 100 young ladies like the Duke of Bedford's stepdaughter, are being launched at debut parties costing an average of $4,000 each. In these times of inflation and ruinous taxes such openhanded spending is an expensive privilege reserved for Britain's wealthiest view, and even they must make hard sacrifices to preserve the tradition. - LIFE Magazine

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Formal Afternoon Teas

      An ornate tea server 

These are very successful as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense and few exactions, and are given with many purposes: to introduce young women into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a number of her friends, to honor some woman of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which cards have been issued, naming set date. Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion to keep back the onlookers, and should receive a small fee for his services. At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.



CARDS
Each guest should leave a card in the tray in the hall. A woman may leave the cards of the men of her family who have been unable to attend. Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

DAUGHTERS
The daughters who have passed the debutante age usually stand for an hour beside their mother to receive the guests, and afterward mingle with the guests to help to make the function a success.

A comedic look at the “London Season” in 1870 ~ The “London Season” is synonymous with tradition, and both British and international codes of conduct in social, corporate entertainment and business environments. It actually began over two hundred years ago, and started out as a series of events, enjoyed only by members of the aristocracy. 

DEBUTANTE

When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion. The host and the men all wear the regulation afternoon dress. Women wear costumes appropriate to the afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving, provided they do not come at the opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them. On entering the room, the women precede the men. After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those receiving with her, the guests move into the middle of the room. Guests go the dining-room when they wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.

If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. In the dining-room the men, assisted by the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST
Except when a newly married couple give a house-warming or a reception, the host does not stand beside his wife, but spends the time in making introductions, and doing his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

HOSTESS
The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door, ready to receive each guest as announced. The hostess shakes hands with each guest, and introduces them to those receiving with her. Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS
The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS
The hostess should introduce her guests to those receiving with her.

INVITATIONS
Engraved invitations are sent a week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger. They are usually issued in the name of the hostess only, though they may be issued in the name of both husband and wife. In place of the visiting-card, an "At Home" card may be used, or cards specially engraved for the purpose. When cards are sent to a married couple, the cards are addressed to both husband and wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING
It is not necessary to accept or decline these invitations, as the guest accepts by his presence. If unable to do so, he should send by mail or messenger a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during the ceremony. When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one present at the function, she can leave cards for the rest of the family.

MEN
Both the host and men wear the regulation afternoon dress, consisting of the long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather shoes complete the costume. The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases --remembering that he must offer his ungloved, right hand to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS

Guests on being presented to the hostess should shake hands. If guest takes leave of hostess, they should shake hands. If the hostess is surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN
Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, even though their names may be announced upon entering. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided for the purpose, or give them to the servant at the door. Women wear a costume appropriate for the afternoon, and keep their hats and gloves on.

From “The Book of Good Manners,” by W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia