Etiquette?: “But this is California!“

                    

There is a  Disneyland and Disney Resort Etiquette  list, requiring appropriate attire to be worn for the Disney Parks. You can find a copy here: 

Disneyland and Disney Resort Etiquette

An early souvenir photograph from the Submarine ride, of two couples enjoying an afternoon at Disneyland, in the late 1950's. — image source, Etiquipedia private library.

“There isn't a separate etiquette book for California. We're part of the human race, too…”

Every time I have devoted this space to scholarly remarks about tourists, I have been brought under fire via the US Mail. Great literary violence has been heaped upon my head by members of the sunglasses and flowing shirt tail set.

The latest episode was different in only one respect. If you will recall, a few weeks ago I remarked about hideous appearance of so-called sports who travel to Catalina Island. As usual, many of my fans here at the paper stuck their heads inside the door to give me Bronx cheers and other forms of invective, but this time the mail brought a pleasant departure.

A charming lady named Grace Seiger Walton took the time to write a letter and say that she agreed with my viewpoint. I'd like to share parts of her letter with you today.

"My husband and I had just returned from four days over there across the channel and were just fascinated by the variety of 'sport' attract. My good spouse took a sport coat (and wore it) in spite of the fact that I kept warning him that he would look like a freak to the rest of the visitors. So you see - your article brought us much mirth and we immediately remembered the couple coming into the little bar at the St. Catherine in their swim suits. Boy times have changed over there!"

MRS. WALTON continued: "But my real purpose in writing is to mention if you think the people in Avalon look like a bunch of ill-dressed clowns you obviously have not been to Disneyland lately!

"That by far is the most complete array of sartorial disgust that I have ever seen gathered in one community. It would take a ream of paper to comment on the combinations we saw over there last week. But, one couple (dames) fat-ish, forty-ish, giddy-ish - dressed in short-shorts with more showing than Sally Rand ever let show beyond her fans." You are correct in your assumption, dear lady, that I have not been

to Disneyland yet.

Knott's Berry Farm several times. The most recent trip was a few weeks ago when my wife and I went there for dinner with our two small nieces.

“DON’T MOW YOUR LAWN!
Forget it! It’ll only need cutting again next week.
Instead, bring your family to Disneyland
now. You’ll have fun, and so will they!” —
So reads a newspaper advertisement for Disneyland from 1958. It features a cantankerous looking Donald Duck, and was placed in the paper next to this very article. Presumably, Disneyland wanted you to visit, but just not wearing the same clothes you were going to mow the lawn in! 

Something for the Boys:

Ol' Ted Finds Ally in Tourist Battle

All I can say is that I KNOW what you MEAN! I haven't seen such a collection in years.

It seems to me that the management at Knott's used to frown on women frequenting the establishment while attired in shorts -but those days evidently are gone forever. Women of all shapes and sizes stroll the area, showing much more skin than sense. And the men? Well, most of them look like in they've just been rescued from a sinking at sea!

We ate in the big dining room-where they serve the chicken dinners and I am forced to admit that the state of dress of most of the patrons reminded me of pictures I have seen of meal time at Devil's Island!

I REALIZE that by saying this I am making myself a target for more jibes by the dirty-fingernail-and-uncut-hair set, but I can't understand how people with an ounce of pride in their make- up will be seen in public in such ratty attire.

I'm all for comfort. I don't think you have to wear a business suit for a visit to Disneyland or Knott's or Catalina. There are clothes made expressly for such trips they are called sport clothes. There's nothing wrong with them, they look wonderful under these circumstances. And most bona-fide sport outfits include a coat for men!

This isn't a quirk on my part - it's just common decency, good manners.

"But this is California!" the alibi artists will wail. To which I reply, "So WHAT?" There isn't a separate etiquette book for California. We're part of the human race, too. And I stand by my guns - I don't care WHO a man is, if he isn't dressed neatly, I know WHAT he is… he's a SLOB! — By Ted Krec, for the Long Beach Independent, 1958

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1904 “Courtesy Day” Gathering

Burke says: “Good manners are of more importance than law, for upon them the law depends.” — Courtesy actually is contagious… Try spreading some around and see for yourself!

HOSPITALITY A FINE ART

A Paper by Mrs. Alice Colburn at the “Courtesy Day" Gathering Tuesday

Ninth Ward Mothers’ Club Welcomes Representatives of Federated Clubs at Second Congregational Church - Notes of the Session

“Courtesy Day,” which was inaugurated Tuesday afternoon at the Second Congregational church, by the Ninth ward Mothers’ society, and participated in by all the Federated clubs, was a most enjoyable affair, and proved conclusively that club women know how to co-operate - cordially and heartily - in all things which tend to mutual helpfulness.

The church was beautifully decorated in white and green. The officers of the Federation and presidents of the several clubs, occupied the platform with Mrs. Sechrist, President of the Ninth Ward Mothers’ society, In the chair. Mrs. Evans opened the program with instrumental music. Mrs. Sechrist led in the Lord’s prayer, after which she welcomed the guests most cordially, and in a happy fashion, Mrs. Carey responded for the Federation. Mrs. Langworthy tendered the greetings of the San Diego club: Mrs. Hubbs for the Sherman Heights Mothers’ club; Mrs. Johnson for Pacific Beach: Mrs. Slocum the National City Mothers’ society: Miss Hale the Channing club, and Miss Thompson the Shakespeare club.

A delightful song was then sung by Mrs. N. E. Van Haren. Miss Hale tendered the greeting of the East school teachers, and Mrs. Crawford followed with a recitation of one of Browning’s poems, given, with much expression. Mrs. Comfort, Vice President of the Federation, was then called for, and though she said she “didn't belong anywhere,” she made a very bright, happy speech. Mrs. Gates, whom the club is always glad to have with it, sang a beautiful song, and graciously responded to an encore. 

A FINE ART

Mrs. Alice Colburn read the paper of the afternoon, “Hospitality as a Fine Art.” She said that the man who made the first map of the earth’s surface had a comparatively easy task, for he was not obliged to respect the prejudices or the land marks of his predecessors. But the last maker of atlases has a very different work; not an island or a cape can he omit, and yet he is supposed to create a new work. There is much the same difficulty in trying to write a new discourse on so old a theme as pleasant words and agreeable manners. We live in an age of good breeding, an atmosphere of kindly courtesy and tactful manners. We are preeminently freedom loving people. 

“In America there is no person, or set of persons, who has a right to dictate to us as to our social conduct. But there exists no difference of opinion as to the genral principles on which good manners are founded. In European countries it is the privilege of the court to lay down the laws which govern all, social etiquette. To be loved is the desire of all to be respected, honored and successful, is the universal ambition. We strive for the acquisition of wealth, social distinction, and when we have so attained and sum It all up, the real enjoyment lies in the kindly courtesies and words which have been bestowed upon us. Contentment and love are the two important factors which bring happiness. 

“Burke says: ‘Good manners are of more importance than law, for upon them the law depends.’  Emerson says ‘manners are the revealers of secrets, the betrayers of any disproportionments in mind and character.’ The bond between host and guest has at all times been considered of a peculiar, even sacred, character. In ancient Rome hospitality was a matter of religion, and a violation of its duties was thought to provoke the wrath of the gods. A stranger was guarded from harm during his stay, and upon leaving was presented with gifts, and a love token was broken between them. 

“The customs of the Italians were similar to those of the Greeks. The Englishmen’s views are different; love of liberty and a fondness for domestic life are the strongest traits of the Briton. He therefore places his home and surroundings at the disposal of his guest, that he may employ his time as best suits him until the dinner hour, when he is expected to contribute his share to the general enjoyment. The hospitality of the Jews is so sacred, so picturesque in detail, that we involuntarily accord it our mutual respect. The French value most highly the conversational powers, and consider the mere supplying of food and drink as inferior hospitality.

"We Americans are as active and energetic in hospitality and in other things, and are apt to weary our guests with too many amusements, and a surplus of entertainment. Kindly words, cordiality and politeness, should govern the home, and the guest should be made to feel that he or she belongs there for the time being. One of the most striking changes in our manners is to be found in the surrender of the scepter of hospitality to the hands of woman. The host has become of little importance. 

“A truly hospitable woman does not keep too strict a credit account with society. It is said that country people are the most hospitable, and we go to the country because we are tired of the town, and wish for rest and quiet- and something genuine. Entertainment is an art which requires much study.

“One who can readily adapt herself to her surroundings is much to be envied. The guest is equally responsible with her hostess for the enjoyment of her visit, and should be responsive and show appreciation of all efforts made to entertain her. Time was when it was considered ill-bred to praise any of our hostess belongings - pictures, the artistic setting of a room, pretty china, etc…. But we have become more sensible; tactful, sincere praise and words of appreciation bring happiness, 

“Someone has said: ‘Womanhood is more than minatory power, law or wealth, no race can rise higher than the quality and character of its women. Years of training may be ruined by the lack of right influence and encouragement.’

“The question is asked, ‘Is society of any use to mankind?’ If we use it simply from a selfish motive, we can hardly expect to be benefitted, but if we go into it with the true desire to do and get all, the good we can, it will be truly helpful. It is evident that good, must predominate, or society with its rules, its petty laws, its great warm life, would long since have faded into nothing.”

NO DISCUSSION 

This most enjoyable paper was listened to with intense interest. There was room though for discussion. Mrs. Langworthy was called upon to answer numerous questions, and give much information concerning the coming biennial, which many club women are anticipating. A social hour, with light refreshments, followed, and the guests voted the first “courtesy day” a decided success. — The San Diego Daily Union, 1904

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Changes to Official Etiquette in Capital

 … a new law of etiquette lately decreed by Mrs. Gov. Stanford, with the concurrence of the wives of various officials of that city. It is that Mrs. Stanford will expect the first call from ladies visiting Sacramento. This law has become a matter of necessity. – Public domain image of Mrs. Leland (Jane) Stanford, wife of Governor Leland Stanford, 8th governor of California. The Stanfords founded Stanford University in California.

A new Point of Official Etiquette

Made necessary during the American Civil War

Ladies will be interested to understand a new law of etiquette lately decreed by Mrs. Gov. Stanford, with the concurrence of the wives of various officials of that city. It is that Mrs. Stanford will expect the first call from ladies visiting Sacramento. This law has become a matter of necessity. 

Many wives of the members of the Legislature come to the Capital to spend a few days, and the Governor’s wife would like to call upon them, but she does not know when they are in the city, or where they stop; and thus she is subject to the suspicion of intending a slight, when really she is anxious to treat all respectable people with respect and to contribute as much as possible to the pleasure of ladies visiting her town.

By giving notice that she expects the first call, she protects herself from the suspicion of offense, and enables ladies, whom she would never see under any other method, to call and make her acquaintance. This rule is new in Sacramento, but it is well established in other places of authority.

At Washington, the President’s wife, the wives of Cabinet officers, of Senators and Congressmen expect the first call in order of their rank, which is carried so far that a Senator’s daughter must make the first call on a Senator’s wife, and a Senator’s unmarried daughter must make the first call on a Senator’s married daughter and so forth, without regard to priority of arrival in the city. – The Times Gazette, March 1863

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

National Guard Battles Bad Manners

Then things grew warm, for if there is one thing that Captain Sullivan prides himself on it is his ability to behave as a gentleman, and as for his table etiquette- well, he just simply defies any one to prove that he is not on to the very latest wrinkles. Of course the captain’s friends have implicit faith in him and stand ready to back him against Ward McAllister if necessary, but then Adjutant Delaney’s have not, and they are making every possible use of Colonel Barry's insinuations. – Public domain image of the California National Guard logo

LACK OF MANNERS

Why a Captain May Not Be a Major

THIRD REGIMENT TROUBLES

One Officer Insinuates That Another May Eat Pie With a Knife

To be a member of the National Guard and not to be mixed up in some sort of internal row is considered the greatest kind of a disgrace just now.

First the Light Battery privates became mixed up with their superiors; then the boys over in Oakland took a hand in the affair and began to call each other choice and pet names and now a big dark war cloud is hovering over the Third Regiment.

It is over an election that the Third Regiment folks seem fated to quarrel.

The Legislature at the last session, perhaps with the purpose in view of providing additional attractions to the feminine eye during the summer encampments, created the office of junior major in each regiment in the State.

When the time came for the filling of the office in the Third Regiment two persons appeared up as aspirants for it.

One was William M. Sullivan, at present captain of Company D, and the other William P. Delaney, the present adjutant.

Immediately the officers took sides, and when a count of noses was made it was found that the Sullivan end was the stronger.

Then Colonel Barry waxed wroth. The colonel is a supporter of Delaney and it grieved him to learn that a majority of his subordinate officers was not in sympathy with him.

It was during Colonel Barry's angry moments that the great trouble started.

“Elect this fellow Sullivan major of my regiment,” exclaimed the colonel. “No, never while I have a thing to do with it,” and then in a quiet way he proceeded to make known his objections to the “fellow Sullivan.”

Among them were insinuations that “D” company’s captain was a bit short on manners. That he knew but little of table etiquette, and that were he to gain the coveted office the regiment, could never again shine socially.

Now had Colonel Barry made his remarks in the presence of his own friends only, or, better still, to himself in the secrecy of his boudoir, all might have gone well. But then he didn't. He made them in the presence of a number of people among whom were a few of Sullivan’s friends, and they of course immediately carried the tale to him.

Then things grew warm, for if there is one thing that Captain Sullivan prides himself on it is his ability to behave as a gentleman, and as for his table etiquette- well, he just simply defies any one to prove that he is not on to the very latest wrinkles. Of course the captain’s friends have implicit faith in him and stand ready to back him against Ward McAllister if necessary, but then Adjutant Delaney's have not, and they are making every possible use of Colonel Barry’s insinuations.

They recite the adjutant’s many acts of gallantry; tell of his dancing ability, the graceful manner in which he acts at table and of his captivating manners while in the company of the fair sex, and in the most sarcastic manner they inquire what Sullivan has to say for himself.

Then Sullivan’s friends take a turn at talking. They begin by denying all the charges against their man, and they take a shy at his opponent, but all this talk is doing little to solve the much-mooted question, and among the disinterested a doubt still exists as to whether Captain Sullivan be a man overburdened with good manners, or if he be one who eats pie with a knife, uses a napkin for a facecloth and wears his hat in a parlor, or Colonel Barry be a little hasty.

It has been found necessary to postpone the election in order to solve the knotty question, - San Francisco Call, 1893

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and the Lady of Charm

She may be high in the sky, but not “high society.” The terms “high class” and “high society” are two terms that should be stricken from good social conversation, for they mean absolutely nothing of any value. Class divisions are frowned upon in most civilized societies and etiquette authorities like Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners), the late-Amy Vanderbilt, and the late-Letitia Baldrige, all recommended these terms not be used if one wishes to appear well-educated and correct in their conversational etiquette.
However, a new batch of online “influencers,” or people who believe they wield influence upon others, continue to use these incorrect terms, along with the more nuanced “elevated looks” or “elegance coaching” in an effort to pad their pockets and handbags. If you are a regular reader of Etiquipedia, please do your research and leave the lofty sounding, yet ridiculous and pretentious terminology to those who are influenced and sold more easily. There are plenty of those people around.

LADY OF CHARM

Jet Age Etiquette ... Isn't “High Society”

HOLLYWOOD– The jet age has brought many changes to our lives – one of the most interesting is the change in etiquette. And keeping up with jet age etiquette often separates the girls from the ladies!

From the questions my students ask, I feel certain many women still feel being a lady means you come from a wealthy family, have a good social position and generally are part of “high society.” Nothing could be less true.

Being a lady means you are always considerate of those around you and try to make them comfortable in any situation. These principles, of course, are the basis of good manners now in Southern California and around the world.

The first step in learning how to express your consideration and interest in others is to invest in a good up-to- the-minute etiquette book. There are many in any book store (we use Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette at my school).

DON'T TRY to read an etiquette book cover-to-cover in one sitting. Leaf through and become familiar with its contents and keep it to consult whenever you are in doubt about what's right.

Here are a few quick etiquette tips to keep in mind: When you receive an invitation always respond in like fashion. In other words, if you receive a formal, printed invitation to a wedding you should reply with a formal handwritten note. (Check your etiquette book for style.)

IF YOU ARE invited to dine with friends during telephone conversation reply with a phone call. Also, if an invitation, say to a shower, gives only a phone number for reply then the right thing to do is call. If an address is given then write whether you'll attend or not.

It is still in the best of taste for a gentleman to open all doors including car doors, hold lady's chair, help her off with her wrap, and give her order to a waiter.

I CAN JUST hear you say, “tell that to the men.” I have. They say the modern woman doesn't give them a chance to be gallant. She hops out of a car before he has time to walk around, she rushes through doors, etc…

I think men have a good point. If you feel foolish waiting for your escort to walk around the car look through your purse or powder your nose. Remember, you must encourage men to be gentlemen. And please show some appreciation for their efforts. Always thank a man for his courtesies. If you act like a lady you'll be treated as one.

Good manners speak loud and clear. They tell of your rearing and of your interest in making this world a more gracious place to live. Make sure your manners tell the right things about you. – By Caroline Leonetti, 1963

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

University Parking Etiquette Humor

Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets. – “Davis is the ultimate college town. It’s green, laid back and friendly. You can walk or bike from the main campus to the main street in a few blocks. College students fill up the tables at nearby restaurants and coffee shops with their laptops, homework and friends. The town of Davis helps our students thrive. - From ucdavis.edu”

Now that the rainy season seems to have returned for a few last swats at University of California at Davis's population, more students will be driving to school and more of them will have to use good manners in parking their cars.

No, Emily Post was never a “valet girl,” so she probably never gave car courtesy the slightest thought. However, if she were to park her car on the UCD campus between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (if she's not provided with a space), she would realize the need for parking lot etiquette.

The following tidbits should serve as a reminder to show the courtesy and consideration you need to keep from dampening your spirits and the spirits of others when the rain starts to fall.

Entering the parking lot:

• It is always better to avoid confrontation with other cars by getting to the parking lot early, say, 5 a.m. Don't think this will necessarily get you to class on time. Remember the time-tested thesis: the more time you have, the more likely you are to be late.
• If you must use public parking, make sure you have two quarters ready to put in the machine. Try to avoid getting a day pass after you've already parked.

Looking for a space:

• If you're in front of a few cars, be aware of those cars behind you. Keep the line moving unless you're waiting for a car to vacate a space.
• If you're behind a car or a couple of cars, be patient. There’s no reason to risk an accident by hurrying. Besides, you didn't want to get to that lecture anyway.
• Always give a potential parking space to the car that gets there first.
• If you must use that kind of language, kindly roll up your window.

Parking your car:

• Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets.
• If you have a small car, don't park between two large cars if you can help it. You can't imagine the frustration potential parkers have when they find at the last minute that their “space” has been occupied.
• Once you’ve parked, make sure your lights are turned off. This not only prevents your battery from running down, it also prevents you from passing the problem on to good citizens.
• If you notice a car with its lights on, try to locate the driver. Leaving a note on the windshield doesn't seem to work. If you open the car door to turn off the lights, please lock the door for the driver and do not take the tape machine as a “reward” for a good deed.
• Take everything you need out of your car. Don't return to a full parking lot only to get this “one little thing” out of your car. Once you've taken everything you need, leave the parking lot immediately.

Notes in general:

• Don't cross a crowded parking lot unless you are going to get your car out of that lot. It is impolite to jangle your keys as you cross the lot just to see how many cars follow you. It’s a fun game, to be sure, but if you play it, beware of cars who devise a little game of their own.
• In case you're not leaving, inform all the cars behind you.
• Other rules that you might have in mind should reflect the common courtesy and common sense as the ones above (cue music). Following these rules will make parking during the rainy season less frustrating for everybody.

Although parking lot etiquette is a serious subject, this article isn't meant to be excessively scolding or accusing— leave that to the letters to the editor. Let's leave our little discussion with a joke, shall we? How many Californians does it take to park a car? None. They can't find their space. — By D. Chatfield for California Aggie, 1984

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A 1951 Plea to Mend Manners

Early disposable picnic and camping utensils were wisely made from wood, not plastic. Wood remains a smart, natural choice over plastic, for the picnicking and camping world’s disposable dining implements, even 70 years after this article was written.

A resolution which many Californians might make, if the comments of the custodians of our state and national parks and of our highway authorities are any guide, is to mend their outdoor manners.

As our seashore, mountain and forest vacation areas fill up with some of the vastly augmented population which has poured into California during the past decade, it becomes more than ever necessary to pick up bottles, cans, paper and other litter and “leave a clean camp” for the next fellow.

At recent meetings where the 1951 vacation season was reviewed, speakers reported that, if anything, worse manners instead of better were on display during the past year. All agreed that unless manners are mended use of the park and recreation areas will become more disagreeable, may have to be curtailed.

Some authorities go so far as to wash their hands of the present generation and say the only hope of improvement is to inculcate good outdoor manners in the rising generation. But whether anything better can be expected from youngsters whose parents set them a horrible example in scattering picnic lunch and camp refuse far and wide, is debatable.

A little consideration and almost negligible effort is all that is required to do your bit in this regard. It is the decent, sporting thing to do and it is essential in a crowded world. Let's all review our conduct and if necessary resolve to mend our outdoor manners in 1952. -Regional News Service, San Francisco, December, 1951

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners of a Pea Eating Champ

Move over, Nathan’s! It wasn’t those New York famous hot dogs which were being eaten competitively in the early 20th century. Bad manners were also on display, with a twist (or should I say, ‘a slit’?) in this competition. In 1929, on the West Coast, one Ruth Keller was the winner of a competition of eating peas with a knife! The knives all had a special slit down the middle to help speed things along. 

 

Why Peas Leave Pod

Why they leave their plate via the knife route was demonstrated by Ruth Keller, who is the champion of California when it comes to consuming the little vegetables with only a knife as a weapon. She won the state title in competition with other girls.– A. P. photo.

Girl Proves Champion at Eating Peas With Knife

LA CRESCENTA, Dec. 28.– Eating peas with a knife, like drinking coffee with a spoon in the cup, is admittedly poor table manners. But because Ruth Keller of this town excelled at the first-named social ban, she is wearing a medal today as the fastest green pea eater in California. In competition with other pretty maidens, Miss Keller sat down to a festive board here recently with a huge bowl of the elusive little vegetables in front of her, and only a knife as a weapon. Everybody started off at a given signal. 

A safety pea knife with a slit down the middle, as advertised in the late 1920’s 

The only advantage possessed by the contestants over the ordinary individual who likes his peas on a knife, was that the blades used by the girls had a slit down the center. The theory of this stroke of mechanical genius, displayed by one of the contest managers, was that the peas would stick in the slit and slide down easier into the mouth. Miss Keller consumed her peas in amazingly short time. True, they skipped and staggered and skidded about on the knife, but even the most unruly pea finally succumbed to the girl's sense of balance and followed its more tractable predecessors, until all had disappeared. - Oakland Tribune, 1929

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Resort Etiquette of Jewish Society

They laugh to scorn the indolence and apathy of the average Summer visitor, wage war on hammocks, on darkened rooms, stiff table etiquette, and dissipate with their bright smiles the hyper sensitiveness of time-honored invalidism. They ride, they walk, they talk, they row, they swim. They revel in athletic sports; they even climb the tall trees which have stood ward over the valley since the memory of the earliest settler. Nothing is too sacred for their daring approaches.– Image from KQED.org and a 2014 documentary telling the colorful story of how San Francisco became Jews’ American Jerusalem

SUMMER IN SAN RAFAEL

A California Resort After the Newport Style

Jewish Society

Of late years San Rafael has been growing in favor with the Jewish people of San Francisco. This class of citizens constituting an important percentage of our population, is second to none in the city in respectability, education and progressive tendencies. Their presence as a preponderating element in any community insures a respectful observance of the law, thriving homes, educational facilities and a hearty interest in local improvements. 

The Jews who spend the Summer months in San Rafael, are like the permanent residents, a bright, intelligent class, many of whom annually resort thither with a view of establishing a permanent residence. The are in variably accompanied by their chidren, a healthy, handsome set of little people, and parents and children together take more genuine comfort in their Summer's outing than any other class of visitors to San Rafael.

It savors ill of enterprise of the little town, that although in possession of a population of more than 3,000 people, it boasts no public library. Tradition relates that at one time in years gone by, an effort was made to establish a library in the place, and a small number of books, a mere nucleus of a collection, invited the public patronage. But the good people of San Rafael, destitute neither of culture nor of literary taste, were too indolent to put forth the necessary exertion to borrow books, and allowed the undertaking to languish for lack of support. 

A scheme is now under way to meet this crying need, and ere long the Summer visitors will be spared the tedium of life fifteen miles from a bookstore or a library, or relieved from the tiresome alternative of making a long trip cityward to exchange the volumes pro cured from San Francisco associations. To the energetic spirit of the late J.O. Eldridge belongs the entire credit of putting the scheme for a public library in motion, but the work is being ably carried on by his co-workers, Mrs. Stratton, T. B. Morris and Dr. Miller, liberally seconded by wealthy residents of the place.

The Coming Generation

It behoves the conservative visitors of San Rafael to enjoy while they may the quiet and the seclusion, the laziness and inactivity of life in this dainty Summer resort, for the day is swiftly approaching when the existing condition of affairs will be overturned. The young feminine population who are coming to the front are a bright and winsome class, with a fine disregard of conventional laws, an inborn zest for excitement, and little disposition to revere the traditions of their ancestors. The barriers of dignity and reserve behind which their elders are entrenched, fall away at the touch of their iconoclastic fingers.

They laugh to scorn the indolence and apathy of the average Summer visitor, wage war on hammocks, on darkened rooms, stiff table etiquette, and dissipate with their bright smiles the hyper sensitiveness of time-honored invalidism. They ride, they walk, they talk, they row, they swim. They revel in athletic sports; they even climb the tall trees which have stood ward over the valley since the memory of the earliest settler. Nothing is too sacred for their daring approaches. The lazy exile from the city, trying to cultivate a state of chronic lassitude, finds no comfort in their atmosphere. Many among them, including the Misses Forbes, Miss Kittle, Miss Boardman, the Misses Otis, Miss Sears, Miss Walker, Miss Stearns, Miss Harney, Miss McAllister, the Misses Tompkins and the Misses Watt, are graceful and accomplished horsewomen. 

To show the enterprise of these young people, it may be mentioned that on the 30th of May, a score or more among them, chaperoned by two married ladies, formed a riding party, and, equipped with all the essentials for a mountain trip, started out for a three days' jaunt among the hills, making Olema the first night, proceeding to Bear Valley the day after, and returning home by way of Bolinas the next day. This small undertaking is but a slight earnest of their capabilities for energetic exercise. 

Romping, daring, mocking, dragging their unhappy victims to the top of Mt. Tamalpais to view the glorious panorama spread out before him, taking long jaunts through forest and valley, tramping to the waterside, driving spirited horses, the stimulus of their example is working a revolution in the valley. Abetted by the insidious influences of a library, there is no telling where the progressional movement will end; and the only salvation open for the conservative resident is to flee to Ross Valley, where the friendly mountains, the moat and drawbridge of the bay, the happy limitations of the locality, offer a stern and impregnable protection against the onslaughts of the mischievous, meddling outside world.– Daily Alta, 1885

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Confusing Etiquette with Manners

It is a pity that the word “manners” should be confused, as it often is, with the less essential term, “etiquette.” Manners are the same the world over, while etiquette is simply a cloak which may vary according to time and place. The world is so over-stocked with so-called “books of etiquette,” all loaded with “don’ts” that no human being is likely to do, and “do’s” that are equally ridiculous, that one wearies of the word, but manners are as necessary as when, long ago, it was written “manners maketh man.”

Women’s Gym Dance Class at Buell Hall, 1901— Photo source, Pinterest 

From “The Week in San Jose Society”

The hop given on Friday evening at Library Hall was the opening one of the series given by the Misses Lewis during each season. These hops originated with the idea of giving the pupils of the dancing classes an opportunity to practice their newly learned steps with other dancers, and, in mingling with others, gain the ease and grace of manners that comes in no other way. 

It is a pity that the word “manners” should be confused, as it often is, with the less essential term, “etiquette.” Manners are the same the world over, while etiquette is simply a cloak which may vary according to time and place. The world is so over-stocked with so-called “books of etiquette,” all loaded with “don’ts” that no human being is likely to do, and “do’s” that are equally ridiculous, that one wearies of the word, but manners are as necessary as when, long ago, it was written “manners maketh man.” 

Good manners consist of a ready acknowledgment of the rights of others, a readiness to concede in the way of kindness, a cheerful readiness and evident pleasure in fulfilling all the little duties of social intercourse— pleasure in the pleasure of others. Of course, the birthplace of this teaching must be the home, but the practical application must be elsewhere, where the mingling with others is on a larger scale than the home circle affords, and where the intercourse is of a more formal nature. 

Athletics have done a great deal toward bringing young people together in a wholesome band of comradeship, but the question now is to counteract the effect of too much equality. Longfellow, in one of his poems, tells of a statue on three sides of which is the inscription “Behold,” while on the fourth side is written the warning “Be not too bold,” so, while we preach athletics we must at the same time guard against the evils they bring in their train.

Not long ago, a well known San Jose woman, who has devoted her life to the training of young people, complained of what she called “foot-ball manners.” It is, indeed, deplorable if the rosy cheeks and strong physique of this generation must be bought with a sacrifice of courtesy and chivalry. It is here that the dancing school steps in; a strong counteracting influence, where, while their bodies are acquiring grace and motion the minds of the boys and girls are being imbued with that grace of thought which wins for them the title of gentle-men and gentle-women. — San Jose Mercury News, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early Frisco Cocktail Route Etiquette

It is not barroom etiquette to lounge, any more than it is to order drinks without first depositing your money on the polished mahogany ... Barroom etiquette is a strong influence; so strong that none seems too poor to do it reverence. That is why when one of a party of six, stands for the drinks, the other five make it a point of honor to reciprocate on the spot. That is why men drink before dinner, drink hard spirits that leave them with little or no palate for the finer flavors of wine. 

It is, we believe, the famous historian, Froude, who, when asked what was the best thing he had discovered in California, answered, “the cocktail.” This seductive admixture of spirits, bitters, oil of lime and ice was invented and named in California. San Francisco was the first to have the cocktail, the first to name its line of popular saloons “the cocktail route,” and San Francisco has a lot to answer for. Out of a simple, fascinating drink we have made what may be termed without extravagance a national vice—the vice of drinking before, instead, or with meals; the pernicious habit of “walking the line” from saloon to saloon and with artificial sociability working up an artificial habit—by which term, we mean the drinking of mixed and unmixed spirits before meals—bids fair to demoralize the backbone and stomach of the country. 

The cocktail route is a greater menace to San Francisco than to Chinatown. For it works its evil among the best classes in the community. Business men, professional men, gamblers and idlers are alike the victims of its spell. In a cafe or in a club men gather, and, incidentally drink. But the drinking is incidental, in a club or cafe the members and patrons are seated, they talk, they smoke or drink as little or as much as they desire —but they are not there for the sole purpose of drinking, and the “reciprocity” crime of everybody’s treating is not thought of. In a saloon, men flock only to drink. The waistcoat of the average man about town is prematurely shiny from rubbing against the bar rail. You have no business standing up against a bar unless you keep the barkeeper and the cash register busy. Drinks are handed out as any other merchandise; a bar will accommodate only a limited number of persons, and lounging at it is not encouraged. It is not barroom etiquette to lounge, any more than it is to order drinks without first depositing your money on the polished mahogany. 

Barroom etiquette is a strong influence; so strong that none seems too poor to do it reverence. That is why when one of a party of six, stands for the drinks, the other five make it a point of honor to reciprocate on the spot. That is why men drink before dinner, drink hard spirits that leave them with little or no palate for the finer flavors of wine. That is why there is so much drunkenness. We do not refer to the occasional debauch, but to the regular afternoon jag of the genteel kind. Day in and day out it is the same old round of liquor along the cocktail route. Some men stand it and pickle to a rosy old age; others get to love drink for drink’s sake alone and flop by the wayside. We are not talking morality or temperance, but just plain common sense. The American, the San Franciscan especially, is the most foolish, inartistic drinker on earth. He does not know how to use the liquid delights of life. He is a hog. Here we are living in a country of wine; year by year our vintages have improved until already California can take her place among the famous wine producing places of the world—and how many Californians know the first thing about good wine? Too few. Too few. We drink whisky, whisky, whisky, whisky, and at the wrong time. And all on account of the cocktail route.—San Francisco News Letter, 1900

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Adding Manners to Curriculum

Study periods will be set aside for “manners.” Just as mathematics is divided into its several fundamentals, so has the new study been classified. 

Manners to be Studied —

Pupils in Los Angeles High School will be Taught Politeness

There has been an important addition to the curriculum of the Los Angeles High School. Study periods will be set aside for “manners.” Just as mathematics is divided into its several fundamentals, so has the new study been classified. The faculty committee that has had charge of arranging the classification in general reported these divisions: 

“The Value of Good Manners.” “Suggestions for the School.” “Suggestions for the Street and Street Car,” “Suggestions for the Home and Society.”  

Minor classifications are:

“Good Manners and Democracy,” “Good Manners a Social Debt,” “Good Manners a Business Asset,” “Good Manners vs. Artificial Manners.”— The Weekly Calistogian, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Morals and Manners in Schools

A series of recommendations for improvement of California’s school system will be presented to the next legislature. Among the recommendations were: Definite instruction should be given in “morals and manners.” There should be more health supervision in rural schools. 

A series of recommendations for improvement of California’s school system will be presented to the next legislature. The suggestions were made by the California Commission for the Study of Educational Problems. Among the recommendations were: Definite instruction should be given in “morals and manners.” There should be more health supervision in rural schools. Correspondence schools should be licensed by the federal government. There should be more emphasis on the fundamentals—reading, writing, spelling, arithmetic, geography and the correct use of English. 

The law relating to instruction in the evil effects of narcotics and alcohol should be given more attention. State printing of basic elementary texts should be continued but a revised method of selecting high school texts should be adopted. The part time school law should be amended to provide for part time classes in every district where fifteen or more children between 16 and 18 years of age, who have not graduated frim high school, want to work. Part time education should be compulsory for those without the equivalent of a tenth grade education but optional for others. — Lompoc Journal, 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia