Using Mysterious Manners for Effect

In the modern era, would one portray one’s self as an “Influencer”? — Many women are mysterious. Indeed, I have met more mysterious women than mysterious men. The mysterious woman is often small, but her hats are large, plumed like a hearse and generally black as night. Pale is her face and languid her manner. She tries to look consumptive and succeeds surprisingly often. As a rule, she has little to say, but says it in such an awful manner, that it takes on a fictitious importance and for the moment appears to be impressive. — Photo ITV/Carnival Films

Mysterious People Assume Importance 

and “Secretive Air” for Effect

Many people assume certain manners as they assume certain clothes and change these manners more seldom than they change their clothes. Some think it ingratiating to be perky. Others think it more graceful to be drooping and melancholy, to gaze wistfully, walk mournfully and sit as if before the baked meats of a funeral feast. But of all the people who indulge in travesty, I think I get most amusement out of the mysterious people. Bated, forever bated, is the breath of the mysterious person. Directly he comes into the room you are conscious of the presence of the unutterable and know that it will speedily be uttered into your most private ear. 

When he speaks to you he “takes you aside,” so that none other may know that he is telling you that the weather is damp and that there is a touch of influenza about. As he discusses with you such dreadful subjects as the price of hobnailed boots, the fluctuations of stocks and the economies of the administration his head approaches yours, his lips pout secretively, his eyes glance round warily to make sure that no one is within earshot to betray him and you, the gallows is surely in his memory. He wishes to avoid it; he wishes—kindly wishes—to save you from it also. Meet him halfway, it is such fun to do that. He responds sensitively to the slightest mysterious encouragement and thinks he is impressing you and that you believe him to be a strange and remarkable personage and that you will go away and say: “Glad I met John Smith. Interesting man. Not every day you come across a man like that.” 

Many women are mysterious. Indeed, I have met more mysterious women than mysterious men. The mysterious woman is often small, but her hats are large, plumed like a hearse and generally black as night. Pale is her face and languid her manner. She tries to look consumptive and succeeds surprisingly often. As a rule, she has little to say, but says it in such an awful manner, that it takes on a fictitious importance and for the moment appears to be impressive. Think over your acquaintances and friends. Are not some of them mysterious, and are not they highly considered? Are are not they called “interesting” on that account? There are many spurious beings in the social world, yet few things are more spurious than that reputation for being interesting which is gained by the mysterious manner. And half of the world at least is tricked, for everyday perkiness is called brilliance, mystery wisdom, assurance greatness and the puppet in the mask a giant in the sunshine. - Robert Lichens in Chicago Tribune, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Faux

From the 1935 film of the same name, the social-climbing “Alice Adams,” is doing whatever it takes to promote an appearance of grace, wealth and a lofty social standing to woo the handsome young man, who somehow finds her fascinating. Hiring a maid to serve at their ill-thought out dinner party, and tossing out French bon-mots while putting on airs, Alice’s facade-building is thrown into overdrive with the help of her mother and from the fear she’ll be exposed as a fraud. The charming Arthur Russell, seems to be aware of what’s going on, but only has second thoughts when Alice’s family, including her shady brother, can no longer continue on with the charade.

In 1938, someone had good manners confused with rules promoted by those who talked and wrote about “Best People” and “Best Society” 

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Our Artificial Life

We boast of our modern civilization, and in many respects, it is very wonderful. But it is also cluttered up by a lot of flubdub which reflects no credit upon the courage or intelligence of the average mortal. Out of deference to innumerable foolish customs, conventions and caprices, our lives are largely artificial and restricted. We must make ourselves uncomfortable in ridiculous clothing; we must become identified with enterprises in which we have no interest; we must pretend to enjoy things we loathe; we must submit to being bored stiff by tiresome people; we must bow to the decrees of self-constituted dictators in matters of etiquette or be classed as barbarians. 

Our actions are largely governed by inhibitions. Many of them trivial and without any bearing upon true character or morality, but nevertheless considered binding upon all who would appear civilized. Were these rules and regulations established by leaders possessed of superior morals or intellect, they might be observed with better grace. But if such were the case, the rules would probably be quite different from what they are. In the eyes of some of our arbiters, it appears that a breach of table manners is a more heinous offense than a violation of the moral code, to wear out-of-date clothing is more reprehensible than defrauding a creditor. But most of us lack the courage to rebel, because we must be regular and standardized if we would be classed among the “best people.” – LaHabra Valley Star, 1938

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia